Chapter 1
Rainbow Dash always had a soft spot for a cute crazy haired girl named Pinkie Pie. He would hang out with her often, but he never really felt anything for her before she started having feelings for Fluttershy. That day, when Pinkie Pie confessed her feelings, Rainbow felt his heart tear slightly for the first time.
“Rainbow, I have something to confess…” she said. “I think I may have a crush on Flutters.”
Looking into her deep blue eyes, he didn’t know how to feel. He always knew Pinkie wasn’t as straight as she said she was, but he was secretly hoping that when she realized, she would see that in him. He hadn’t told her about his gender yet, so she still saw him as a woman. He didn’t even know what he was, but he sure as hell wasn’t a girl. But it didn’t matter if he told her or not anymore- it wouldn’t change that she didn’t like him.
“I mean, they’re just so cute! I don’t know how to explain it… just seeing them makes my heart leap into my throat. I’ve never had this feeling before.”
Rainbow smiled. “Thats good! So you think you might be pansexual?”
Pinkie smiled. “I guess I am.”
“Listen, Pinkie, I wanted to tell you something, too. Well, more of ask you something.”
Pinkie cocked her head to the side with a questioning look. “Yeah?”
“I wanted to ask if you… could call me a ‘he’,” Rainbow said. “I mean, like, I always felt kind of awkward hearing ‘she’.”
“Oh! So, you think you may be trans?”
“Not exactly… I feel like a boy, yes, but I also feel like something else. I don’t exactly know what it is. But I just wanted to tell you-”
“Demiboy!” Pinkie exclaimed, pointing her finger up and raising her eyebrows.
“Huh?”
“I’ve heard of what you’re going through!” Pinkie smiled, continuing, “I was reading up on gender when Fluttershy came out as agender, and I found an identity called demiboy/demigirl. Basically, you’re partly a boy or girl, but you’re also something else.”
Rainbow Dash smiled. He liked the sound of that- demiboy. “Thanks, Pinkie! You’re great.”
“Well, it’s my job to make my friends happy!”
Upon hearing “friends”, Rainbow’s heightened mood dropped again. Sometimes he liked to imagine him and Pinkie as something more, but whenever she described them as “friends” he was yanked back into a reality where he didn’t have what he always felt he wanted since the day he met her. She looked beautiful- her hair was curled perfectly, bouncy and a vibrant pink. Her smile told him she was confident, happy. He knew he had to talk to her.
He did. She was excited to see a new girl in town, and she freaked out when she saw him.
“Oh, I have to throw you a welcome party!” she had said. Rainbow didn’t exactly know if he wanted one, but he got one. She dragged him to Sugarcube Corner, grabbing his hand and declaring that he had to come with her. Her hand felt soft in his. He could feel every groove in her skin, the warmth of her body, just by holding her hand. It lit a fire in his heart. A fire he didn’t even know existed until Pinkie snuffed it out by saying she was interested in someone else.
When he went home the night after Pinkie confessed, he dug out a piece of underwear he bought a few months ago but never used. Before he put it on, he made his way to the bathroom and cut his hair to the top of his ear, a little piece in the front long enough to rest on his cheek bone. He went back into his room, took off his bra and put on the binder.
Looking at himself in the mirror, he finally felt like himself.
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Rainbow Dash took a sip of his coffee and nodded as Pinkie talked about her feelings for Fluttershy. As they sat at a table in Sugarcube Corner, she rambled on about cute moments that Rainbow could tell were imagined. But he didn’t say anything.
“I… I don’t know how describe how they make me feel.” Pinkie said. She paused and locked eyes with Rainbow. “I think I love them.”
Rainbow wanted to scream. His chest tightened and he couldn’t breath. For a moment, he wished he could just disappear from existence.
“Rainbow, is that you?” Fluttershy approached, wearing a cute lime green dress. “I couldn’t recognize you with your haircut! It looks great.”
They smiled lightly. Rainbow heard a tiny squeak from Pinkie.
“Thanks, Flutters. You look quite good yourself.”
“Well, anyway, I’m actually here to talk to Pinkie. I was wondering if you could help throw a party for Angel’s birthday.”
“I, uh… y-yeah, sure!” Pinkie smiled forcefully, looking very nervous. Fluttershy didn’t seem to notice. They just smiled, said thank you, and left the shop.
“Oh my CELESTIA, I can’t believe this is happening!” Pinkie looked like she was about to blast off into the cosmos. Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but smile because she looked so adorable. “Do you think I should say something to them while we plan? Like, maybe ask them out on a date?”
“Uhh… sure.” Rainbow wanted to say no, but he couldn’t give a reasonable excuse as to why not.
As much as he liked Pinkie, he felt he couldn’t keep her from this.
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Rainbow hurried to the door when he heard a knock. He wondered who could possibly be at the door at 10pm. When he opened the door, he saw Pinkie Pie standing there, wearing a cute fluffy pink dress. She wore bright pink lipstick to match, but her eyes and cheeks were stained with smudged mascara and tears.
“They don’t l-like m-m-me,” she stuttered, trying to withhold her sobs.
Bringing her inside, Rainbow let her sit at his dining room table with a box of tissues as he made her her favorite drink- a margarita. He put down the drink in front of her and sat across from her with a bottle of beer.
“So… are you okay?” It was a dumb question, but he didn’t know what to say.
“I don’t know,” Pinkie said, taking a sip of her drink. “I told them… I said ‘I really like you’ and they… they looked at me and said they liked Twilight. I wanted to tell them that Twilight is straight as a flagpole but… I couldn’t. I looked in their eyes and I just… I didn’t want to ruin it for them.”
Rainbow Dash nodded. “Well, um… I’m sure it’ll… I’m sure it’ll be okay.”
Pinkie smiled solemnly, another tear running down her cheek, stopping above her top lip. Rainbow leaned forward and wiped it away with his thumb, smudging her lipstick across the skin above her lip.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to smudge that.”
Pinkie giggled. “It’s fine, I already look like shit anyway.”
They both laughed, and looked at each other. Rainbow didn’t know what Pinkie was feeling, but he could see the gears turning in her pupils. The look in her eyes- it was tender, almost romantic.
“Rainbow… I think I…” Pinkie paused, looking down and Rainbow’s hands, which were wrapped around his beer bottle. “I think I may… have someone else in mind…”
Rainbow cocked his head in confusion. Pinkie got up and walked over to Rainbow, but paused in front of him. He couldn’t read her face, but he could feel his heartbeat quicken when she grabbed his hand. She looked him in the eyes and asked him to dance.
“W-what?” Rainbow said.
Pinkie, still holding his hand, lifted him from his chair and brought him into his living room, where she started a slow song on the stereo. Rainbow noticed how he could still feel every groove in her skin, still feel the warmth of her body in the palm of her hands.
She turned around and directed his hands to her hips, wrapping her arms around his neck. He stared at her lips, so soft and puffy like cotton candy. He wondered how they would feel on his lips. He imagined they would feel like how cotton candy dissolves in your mouth, imagined that they would taste like fresh water.
He didn’t realize that he wasn’t imagining this until she pulled back. She had a faint smile on her face, her eyes filled with life.
He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he could help but ask, “What about Fluttershy?”
Her smile faded, and instead of answering, she just leaned forward and kissed him again. He ran his hands through her hair as they fell back onto the couch. Running her hands down his chest, she whispered against his lips, “That binder seems to be working pretty well.” He chuckled and placed his hands back on her hips, pulling her closer.
She pulled back, saying, “I want you so bad.”