The Second Hardest Thing I've Had To Do
Okay.... Where to start.
A Capella is the second hardest thing I've ever had to do. You have to make sure you're on cue. You have to make sure you're in tune. You have to make sure you're not forgetting words. This means two things. You're relying on three other people, and three other people are relying on you. So, you know, don't screw up. No pressure right?
Don't get me wrong, it's an absolute blast. It's my calling, and I'm damn good at it, but there's a little moment of horror just before every performance.
You and three other ponies are about to go up and sing in one voice.
Don't. Screw. Up.
But like I said, it's only the second hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The hardest thing? That one's a little more complicated.
Me and Big Mac were backstage prepping for a show we had in about five minutes. Mac's our base. Since we're the lower tones we usually practice our chords together.
He was probably my best friend on the Ponytones. He didn't talk much, but you got the feeling he really was listening. He had a MUCH harder job then I did. His voice was the heartbeat of the whole performance. If he couldn't sing, then we would have to go back to Zecora, cause another allergic- You know what, that's a long story, I probably shouldn't get into that...
We had been keeping a perfect harmony, when somepony came backstage.
"Oh this is just wonderful!" Rarity was our soprano, and the ring leader of our little group. "We have an absolutely packed house, over three hundred ponies here to see us, and our lead on this performance is missing in action!"
"She's never missed a performance before," I said. "She'll be here."
"Eeyup," Mac helpfully chimed in.
"Oh, You don't know Torch Song like I do," Rarity shot back. "I went to school with the filly! She was always late for class! Late on her homework, late for just about everything. Sometimes I wonder why I ever put her on the group to begin with!"
"Because I'm the best damn alto in town," came a voice from behind her.
I'm... I'm not going to bother to describe Torch. I'll just end up going on and on. She was perfection in every sense of the word. At least in my eyes. She could be a little brash. She sometimes could be to much for me to handle.
But sweet Celestia... No one has ever cheered me up faster than Torch Song. Before or since.
I was in a bad place when we first met, and she saved me. She's the reason I sang. She's the reason I'll keep singing.
Rarity paced right up to her, "And where have you been?"
"I got here didn't I?" Torch replied.
I looked at my watch. "With a good fifteen minutes to spare. It's almost like our good soprano was freaking out over nothing."
"Eeyup."
"Well," Rarity let out an awkward laugh. "Perhaps I was overreacting."
"You? Never." That made Torch laugh, which brightened my day up immensely.
"Well I'm here now," Torch chimed in. "We should get in one more practice and then head out there."
"Quite right," Rarity said as we gathered together. "Big McIntosh, If you would."
Mac gave us a beat, and we began our chorus.
We killed that night. It was one of our best performances we've ever had. A truly astounding song, headed up by a truly astounding pony.
And I wasn't the only one to notice.
After the show we were approached by a rotund stallion in a suit that would have blinded you if you had seen it. I could see Rarity fighting back the urge to vomit.
"Children, my name is Berry Gourd," he began, puffing up his chest. "I run the Maretown record company in Manehattan."
I looked over at Torch, she couldn't breathe. This was the label that signed Sapphire Shores. It was always her dream to get signed by this label. I thought she was going to have a heart attack when Gourd went on.
"Little lady," the record exec turned to Torch Song. "I want to say that your singing tonight could have been the best I've heard in quite some time. I take pride in my ability to see potential. I'd like you to come up to Manehattan tomorrow, talk to my people about makin' a quick demo, whaddya say?"
"Ulmph," was the only sound Torch could make.
"Perfect!" Gourd said cheerfully. "I'll make the arrangements! Be on the train tomorrow, and come to this address." Gourd handed Torch a card.
Before every performance there's a moment of pure panic. Afterwards there is a moment of pure triumph.
I will always hate Berry Gourd for taking away my triumph, and mixing it with more panic.
I had one more night. Just a couple more hours, and then it was likely I would never see Torch Song again.
I offered to help her pack, but she declined.
She was on top of the world. She had been talking about it nonstop since Berry left. Every second of it was killing me.
It's not like she didn't deserve this. Out of all of us, she had the best voice. But...
I still hadn't said anything. Why should I have? It could only screw things up. We had been friends for to long. If I told her how I felt and she declined, we would lose something that had kept me alive these past few years.
Everypony else had left, and we were alone. Just her and me. Every fiber in my body was saying Say something you idiot!! but I just blanked.
"Hey, Tapper," Torch called to me.
I turned to look at her.
"Thank you," she gave me a smile and my heart started to race.
"I'm sure you'll be fine packing on your own," I tried to joke. "No need to thank me like I'm trying to throw myself in front of a bullet."
"No," Torch giggled. "That's not what I mean and you know it. I just mean thank you for being there. Whenever I start to think that I'm not enough, there you are with that goofy grin. It really makes the entire day a little brighter."
I smiled back. "I'm just returning a favor."
Torch and I looked at each other for quite a while. My brain screaming Tell her, you absolute moron!! but i stayed silent.
Torch finally broke the pause. "I... I should get home."
"Yeah," my heart sank. I finally worked up the courage. "Torch? I-"
It was too late. She had left. I was alone.
Or so I thought.
"My shop," Rarity called from behind the curtain. "Now."
When we got there Big Mac was waiting for us, looking out of his element to say the least.
Rarity wheeled on her. "Why exactly haven't you told that filly you love her yet?!"
I was stunned. "Is it that obvious?"
"Eeyup," said Mac.
I pinched my forehead. "I've tried, alright? I've tried a thousand times, but every time I try I think of what would happened if she says no. Then it becomes awkward and then we stop talking altogether. I'm pretty sure that would kill me."
"She's leaving tomorrow!" Rarity shot back. "What's the worst that could happen, you never speak to her again? That may happen regardless! And if you don't say something then you will regret it."
"That's not the worst case scenario anymore," I said.
"Then what is?"
"If she said yes!" I was starting to shout at her. She didn't deserve that. "So what am I supposed to ask her to do, hold back her lifelong dream for me?! It may not happen right away but she'll begin to regret that! Regret me! And yes, I would rather be a fond memory than a constant regret!"
This did the impossible. It shut Rarity up.
I was seething. I whipped my anger to Big Mac. "Well? Any wisdom to depart to this situation, or are we just going to get another 'Eeyup'?"
Big Mac looked up at me. "I think you're givin' yourself too much credit."
My jaw dropped. That couldn't have been a complete sentence.
"You're sayin' you love this girl, but it's like ya hardly know her," Mac continued. "You've worked with her long enough to know that nopony ever held Torch Song back from nothin'. She'll have her career with or without you. I don't think anything could stop her. You bein' in her life ain't gonna change that. You're not strong enough, Toe Tapper, nopony is."
I stalled. Mac had a point. I think if Celestia passed down a law banning music, Torch would still sing.
But my mind was made up. "I'll see her off." I said weakly. "But I won't... can't tell her."
I met her at her house. She had a suitcase packed for the trip. We walked to the station together. She bought a ticket to Manehattan.
And then there she was, waiting in front of the train.
"Thanks for dropping me off," Torch said. "Oh, and tell Rarity-"
That's when I knew that I had to say something.
I've performed for politicians. I've performed for royalty. One time I had to sing a DRAGON to sleep (long story.)
But putting myself out there for that one pony.... That's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. No stage fright in the world could top the feeling before the performance I was about to give.
"I love you," I blurted out.
She just looked at me. Mouth agape.
"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I had to say something. I couldn't just let you leave. I've wanted to tell you for over a year but I couldn't say anything. I didn't want to make things awkward. But now you're leaving, and I can't just let you go without saying anything. I love you, Torch. I think I always have, and even though I may never see you again, I always will."
There was a void of white silence that seemed to last a Millennium.
Then she started laughing her flank off. Bad sign.
Then she kissed me square on the mouth. Very good sign.
She held her forehead against mine. "I was going to say 'Tell Rarity I should be back for next weeks meeting.'..."
I felt like the world's happiest idiot. "I am so confused..."
"Manehattan is about a half hour away by train," she went on. "What made you think I was leaving Ponyville for good?"
"Uh..." I thought for a moment. It didn't actually make any sense did it? She had only packed one suitcase. She was only recording a demo. And you could make the commute daily. Ponies DID. So why did I think she was leaving for good? "Well.... Rarity..."
She put her hoof around my neck. "Hmm. Rarity blowing things out of proportion... an uncommon occurrence."
I blushed hard. I felt like an absolute moron.
"In any case, I'm glad she did," she closed her eyes. "Honestly, it took you long enough."
I took a little offense at that. "You could have said something!"
"You're the guy!" she shot back. "You make the first move, everypony knows that!"
I laughed. "You're right."
"No," she looked me right in the eyes. "You're right. I could have said something. I should have said something."
She held me a little closer, and I wish I could preserve this moment in amber. "I love you Tapper."
There is a moment of horror before every performance, and a moment of triumph right after.
Never had I felt more victorious than in that moment. Nothing could touch me. I was ten feet tall.
The only thing I could say in response to that was, "I'll tell Rarity you'll be back in a week."
"Nope," she said, brushing some dust off my shoulder. "We'll write her. You need to go get a ticket. The train's leaving in five minutes."
"You want me to come with you?" I couldn't believe it.
"Yeah," Torch said frankly. "I need you there. You and that goofy grin. I came here convinced I was going to blow it, but with you there, I have a feeling it's going to be okay."
I gave her the goofy grin she needed. "I'll go get a ticket."
She smiled and stepped toward the train. Then she smacked her head and turned around. "Damn," she said. "Mr. Gourd only reserved one hotel room..."
My heart sank.
She shrugged, "Guess you'll just have to bunk with me." She gave a sly wink and hopped on the train.
I think I may have knocked over an old filly on the way to the ticket line. I wasn't really paying attention
That was about a year ago.
We live together now, and I'm in a similar position.
I've saved up the money. It took me three months but I have the bits. I've been telling you all this because I needed some way to work up the guts to do it. I needed to remind myself how this all started so I know that I'm ready to take the next step.
Reliving this with you has told me something. If I don't take the leap with torch, I won't do it with anypony else.
She's the reason I sang. She's the reason I'll always sing.
I'll see you guys later, I have a ring to buy.