- Member Since 6th May, 2014
- offline last seen 42 minutes ago
LightOfTriumph
Good authors too, who once knew better words, Now only use four-letter words writing prose. Anything goes. 
LightOfTriumph
Joined 6th May, 2014 ·
Offline
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This was absolutely perfect!
I wasn't sure exactly what to expect when you started ranting so much about how this was your first shipfic and all, but let me tell you, you got potential!
I REALY loved this sweet little story with this sweet little couple! Like and fav. For you!
4449930 No problem! Glad you enjoyed it!
This so good that it make me all warm and fuzzy inside.Simple yet awesome.
As a guy who like to read romance, this is a good quality story.
Kudos for your first shipic(and hope it wont be the last).
4450040 The way these reviews are going maybe not...
Hey check out my main project while you're here! it's more my comfort zone.
I totally feel for Toe Tapper. My crush is graduating on Friday, and tomorrow is the last time I'll see him before that.
4450169 Say something! It's better to try than wonder! (Sort of the point of the story.)
4450181 I know, I know.
No. No. I will sit there beside you and make you write more, dammit. I am not letting someone with such potential throw it all away!
4450252 Maybe.... MAYBE I'll write a sequel.
MAYBE. Let me finish The Alicorn King's Glare (which you should be reading) and I'll consider it.
I'm an action guy! There's a little shipping fuel in my other fic too!
4449991
4450273 Good boy.
4450277
4450275 MAYBE.
Now go read my action fic.
It's bass, not base.
That was great. There need to be more Ponytone stories.
4450284
Fiiiine, I'll go read it!
4450555
Their is a reason I chose this shipping!
That was very, very good. I never thought anyone would write about these two, or at least make it memorable, but you seemed to prove me wrong.
Bic Mac is always that voice of reason. That is, whenever he doesn't just say 'eeyup'.
4460809 Glad to hear, thanks for the fav!
You taught me their names. I'd never bothered to learn them before, just calling him 'Music Star' because of his cutie mark.
And: "I think I may have knocked over an old filly on the way to the ticket line. I wasn't really paying attention."
Great read. Thanks for putting it up.
4466449 Glad you like it, and thanks for the fav!
Like you, I am more of an adventure or slice of life writer and I can understand stepping out of your comfort zone to write things a little different. But I will be honest and say you have done a marvelous job with this story. While personally, I do not care for the first person perspective it was really well done here. You perhaps could not obtain the emotion you were going for with the third person limited or the third person omniscient, well done sir.
As you said, being a new writer, feedback is a welcomed thing.
Cheers!
4490633
Thanks for that! By popular demand I wrote a sequel story. Give it a look if you're curious.
4490643 Already done so. I will move on to your adventure story afterwards.
This deserves more attention than it's gotten so far.
You done good.
(Though, personally, I wouldn't directly address the reader like you do -- I think it tends to break the immersion.)
)
(Oh, and the section breaks need some work; one of them is too long, and wraps around to the next line... and both of them could benefit from being inside [ center ] tags.
4575099 Well? Can you trust me to handle the first chapter of your fic? I'm not sure when I can do it, I'm kinda swamped at the moment. But can we talk?
4575113
It's a collab, it belongs to everyone, no matter who came up with the idea.
Yep, I think I can trust you to.
And don't call it mine!
That was a really good read!
I'll have to read the sequal when I'm done reading something else.
Even though I knew how it turned out (silly me, I read 'Reprise' first
) I still loved it! 
Name of Story: Up-Tempo
All of this review is based off my opinion and my way of writing. I hope it will be helpful. Feel free to pm me if you have concerns about what I've written here OR would like me to take a second look OR would like me to focus on something else that didn't catch my attention the first time.
Or you could respond to this comment.
~Technical/Style Concerns~
I found that your story was very quick and fast with both the writing and the plot. Normally, I'd say to someone writing like this to slow their roll and expand on these short lines but this story does not need that. I find that it has the right mix between exposition and pacing for this type of writing and it really doesn't need anything added. It's good for what the story is.
Also, I am not a grammar enthusiast and in this case, nothing's really caught my eye that you need to change.
~Story Flow~
Well... It's a nice, fluffy romance fic of Toe Tapper with a fire lit under his rear to get confessing to the lovely alto Torch before she heads off.
I'm going to admit that the plot isn't anything original but it has a nice honest feel to it that makes this story a good short read. Had the story been longer than the 2,536 words, I'd might have gotten annoyed with the thin writing and might have told you to slow down and layer some of those sentences into paragraphs.
~Final Thoughts~
A very decent fic with a believable if a little predictable romance between two background ponies. If there is a person in doubt of reading, let me tell you that it is definitely worth the 15 minutes.
I'm not exactly the biggest [Romance] fan out there, though I have seemed to dabble into reading it more and more recently. That said, I rather enjoyed this story. It held just the right amount of appeal for me.