We've all made mistakes, screwed up, did bad things... But your sins cannot compare to mine. I cannot help who or what I am, all I can do is live out my life and watch her from afar.
"Nick, why? Why me?" "I-I...Jesus, I don't know! I was just so alone and you were there and you-you didn't run from me. You stayed and helped me. It would only make sense for me to...I'm sorry please don't hate me."
Nick was a bitter man. Keyword was bitter. He isn't dead, no far from it, he is alive and well in Equestria. After atypical night of drinking alone at the bar, Nick buys and old man dinner and well... things went downhill from there. Waking up in a library, he finds himself surrounded by....Ponies? Nick tries to adjust to his new life but lets just say not everything goes his way. The following is a tale of anger, sorrow, compassion and hate. And it all boils down to one thing; "Please don't hate me."
The bar was clouded and rowdy, not unusually so for a Friday night. Through the haze of smoke groups of people- whether they be friends, lovers or couples-littered the small place, with their attention glued to the baseball game on the television. Every now and then the rowdy bunch would moan in exasperation as their team lost the ball or cheer when the team scored. All of that was lost to Nick though. The young man sat in the corner, dressed in a simple black suit- the jacket of which was gently resting on the back of his chair- a camel crush cigarette in one hand and a Budweiser in the other. If one were to look into the corner, they would see a man of at least 23 years, with a chocolate complexion and keen hazel eyes that seemed far too old for his youthful face.
Sneering at the happy people he bitterly took a hearty draft from his bottle. All these fucking people. Sitting here happy and cheering, thinking that they are the center of the universe... How... Human. Curling his lips in disgust at the taste of his drink, he sighed heavily. "But at least they are happy.'
Grabbing his black coat and scarf and donning his trilby, he finished the last bit of his drink. Taking in the scene one last time the lone man walked out of the seedy bar, though not before adding a liberal tip to the jar, after all a gentleman always tips, and onto the street. Shivering slightly at the cool spring night he lit up another cigarette and began to slowly trudge back to his home. Nick hated walking, it free'd up his mind to think, and Nick hated to think. He had too many thoughts in his mind, like voices in a crowded room, each one bouncing off the walls and colliding with the others in a chorus of madness...
Nick stopped as he felt a chill run up his spine, like someone, nay something was watching him. Turning slowly he saw a homeless man sitting on a bench not five feet behind him, examining him with jaundiced eyes. "May I help you sir?" Nicks voice was quiet and level, not betraying the sense of litost he felt.
"Indeed you may, my good sir," the homeless man stated, his accent sounding a bit English. "I was wondering if you could spare a fiver for a poor old man?"
"I can do you one better sir, how about a nice hot meal and a fifty?" Mother always said to help those who cannot help themselves.
"THat would be greatly apricaited young man. May I ask your name?"
"Nick, sir. Nichols D. Torrigan." Putting a hand out, Nick helped the older man to his feet, whilst he groaned about his knees.
"I'm too old for this," the man mumbled quietly, dusting off his bum. "Anyway, shall we?"
"So, erm , what's your name?" Nick asked quietly, whilst dodging chunks of bacon.
Wiping his mouth on his napkin the man looked Nick in the eyes, causing him to start when he saw the mans pupils were red and one was slightly larger than the other. "I go by many names. Abaddon, Beelzebub, Loki, Typhon, the list goes on and on... But you kind sir, may call me Discord."
Oh, great he's nuts. Nick though tiredly. Why are they always crazy?
With that the man smiled and Nick saw that one of his incisors was beyond normal length, almost fang like... "And one again I must thank you for this meal," Discord said, gently stroking his salt and pepper beard. "It has been far too long since I have had such a," he screwed his mouth up and audibly swallowed before finishing his sentence, "kindness done for me."
"You all right there?"
"Quite fine, well other than the voices in my head telling me not to fear the reaper, whatever that means. But this isn't about me," he said, completely ignoring the look of pure confusion on the young mans face and grinning in jest. "Tell me, why did you look so glum while you were walking?"
"I-I really don't wish to talk about it," Nick confessed, gently scratching the back of his head, before looking Discord in the eyes.
"You should, it will help to get it off your chest..." His voice was smother than water slipping down a glass pane, and had a hypnotizing quality to it.
"Yo-your eyes. The-the-the pupils, they're..." Nicks words were lost as he watched the older mans pupils, one would shrink and the other would grow, and they alternated between actions in a semi-fast rhythmic fashion, going along with Nicks heartbeat.
"Yes, yes I know, the eyes, now tell me what you were thinking about!" He ordered quietly.
"Humanity." Nick answered ins a low monotone voice. "I was thinking about the human race, how I loathe it how I wish it was gone. How I wish I could be somewhere else, be someone else to escape this hellish drag that I call my life. How I think i am insane. Do you know the definition of Insanity? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And that's what I do, I work a nine to five job as a dishwasher, I live alone, have no interests and hate the world, all because I am alone in it. I'm a bitter old man in a young mans body." Nick laughed slightly and without emotion. "I just wish I was somewhere else. I wish I could relate to living beings better than I can now... I-I just want to have somewhere that I can go and be greeted as a friend, to have someone I can talk to, someone to sleep beside me at night... I just don't want to be alone anymore..." Tears were running down the mans face, the only emotion on his otherwise blank visage.
"Don't want to be alone anymore?" The old man smiled bitterly and nodded. "I feel your pain. As a man who was once in your position I can understand that." Snapping his fingers Nick slumped over snoring. "Sweet dreams, Nick Torrigan, for when you wake your life will never be the same." Standing the man snapped again, and the ragged clothes he was wearing reformed into a brown suit with a yellow button up with the top button unopened and a red tie loosely hanging around his neck. Slicking back his now clean hair, the god of chaos grinned and put a twenty on the table and slipped a card into Nicks pocket.
Discord Chimera Lord of Chaos Welcome to your new life Nick Torrigan, Don't let this one fall through like before. Lord Discord, master of unbalance
Twilight awoke to a loud crash, emanating from the center of her home, along with a stallions voice swearing. Eyes wide, the young unicorn crept out of bed and over to her assistants basket.
"Spike, Spike wake up! There is somepony in the library!" She said in a panicked voice. "Spike!" The lavender and emerald drake groaned and rolled over, mumbling about a spoon. Moaning in exasperation Twilight crept out of the room and down the stairs, in search of the pony. Reaching the large center room of the library, she tiptoed around the edge of the room before her eyes caught site of a large biped creature wearing a hat.
It turned and looked at her with an odd look on its short muzzle. "Aw, look at you, all fuzzy and purple!" It-he- said in a voice one would only use when talking to animals or babies. "Wait, ponies arent purple...Your owner must be a real dick. Speaking of owners, where is yours? I need to find out where I am."
"That wouldn't be wise."
The creatures small eyes widened and its mouth popped open. "Mhm.... Yeah no, I'm way too hung over for this shit." Turning the biped walked out of the center room, heading towards the door.
"Wait," Twilight called, her voice tinged with curiosity. "Who and what are you?"
The creature turned and looked at twilight with a smile. "Nick Torrigan, human, heavy drinker and part time gentleman at your service," he said whipping off his hat and bowing.
"Ugh, my head..." Nick sat up slowly, one hand on his head. Blinking blearily the human looked around trying to discern his location. Giving up after a moment, he tried to stand, only to fall over and whack his knee on a small chair. "Goddamn son of a bi- augh!" Groaning he clutched his knee and rocked back and forth for a moment. Who the devil builds a chair so freggin pointy?! Getting to his feet, the human limped over to his fallen hat and donned it. "Time to find out where I am, and if I wound up being brought here by a woman or," he shuddered at the thought, "a man."
A quiet clopping noise garnered his attention. Turning he saw a small horse that was died purple. The first thing he noticed were its eyes, they were massive, almost to the point of being ludicrous, almost. Crouching down Nick stared at the lavender ponies expressive eyes and smiled. "Aww look at you, all fuzzy and purple! Wait, ponies are not purple. Your owner must be a real dick. Speaking of owners, where is yours? I need to find out where I am."
"That wouldnt be wise," it said. Well not and it, a she.
It talked. That purple pony talked. I-i...Nope. "Mhm.... Yeah no, I'm way too hung over for this shit." Standing up Nick proceeded to walk towards the door, but was stopped byt the ponys voice once more.
"Wait...Who and what are you?"
Grinning her turned and bowed, twisting off his hat with a flourish. "Nick Torrigan, human, heavy drinker and part time gentleman. Also, pretty hungover."
"Twilight Sparkle, unicorn, and Celestias student."
"Uni-what now?" Nick asked, scratching his ear. "It sounded like you said unicorn."
"I did, see," she said, parting her fuzzy bangs to show an elegant purple spiral horn. Twilight bit her lip for a moment before gesturing to the kitchen. "W-would you like some coffee? That always helps me when I wake up form drinking."
Sucking on his cheek Nick considered it for a moment before shrugging. "That would be highly appreciated." Following the lavender mare to the kitchen, Nick sat in one of the chairs and removed his suit jacket and hat. He watched entranced as items began to float around her head. "OK, that is quite the trick, care to explain?"
"Oh, this? It's just a simple levitation spell, so basic that even most unicorn foals can do it." Her tone was informal but also kind of condescending.
"Cool. So lets stop the awkward before it starts. I come in peace blah, blah, blah. Take me to your leader. Standard universal pleasantries and whatnot." Nick was going through his pockets as he spoke, trying to find his smokes.
"That's actually not a bad idea. Let me send a letter to the princess."
"Wait, wait, wait. You sound like you actually know the leader."
"It's more than know her. She's basically a second mother to me." Her voice was cheerful, though she had to raise it to be heard over the loud rustling caused by her search for a stack of paper.
Nicks face grew pale and he felt all the heat drain out of his body. The lone cigarette tumbled from nerveless fingers onto the floor. "Second mother? Fuck me sideways.."
"Is that how your species mates? Tell me how long does a single session of copulation withing your species take?" The purple unicorn was sitting on her haunches, a pair of spectacles were perched on her nose. "Tell me how old are you?"
"Erm. What. No. I have no idea what the hell is about to happen to me and all you want to know about is the sexual habits of humans? Damn. The nerdy ones are always the freakiest."
"Freaky? Excuse me for wanting to document the habits of a previously undiscovered sentient life form." Twilights muzzle scrunched up in the most adorable scowl that Nick had ever seen.
Nick sat in the stone room, amazed that something like this was conjured out of nothing. Pulling a smoke out of his pocket he lit it and proceeded to take a drag off of it. What did I do to deserve this crap?
"Would you mind putting that out? Tobacco smoke stains my coat." Celestia stated quietly causing him to choke and cough.
"Holy shit," he gasped. "You scared the mess out of me." After fulfilling her request, Nick looked the large pony in the eyes. "So, let me guess, 'what are you doing here, why are you here, are you going to harm my people , blahdy blah blah.'"
Celestias eyes narrowed as she stared at this creature who was brave enough or stupid enough to antagonize her. "In a nutshell yes," she replied tight lipped.
Nick put his foot on the edge of the table and began gently rocking his chair. "Hell, all I know is I went out drinking last night and bought some old guy dinner," he said, digging around in his jacket pockets. "Aha, he even gave me this," he finished pulling out the card discord gave him. "Lord Discord, chimera? Yeah that old bastard was off his rocker I-" Nick was cut off when Celestia grabbed him with her magic and pinned him to the wall none too gently.
"What did you promise him? DID YOU HELP HIM GET FREE?!"
Inhaling deeply Nick looked towards the large pony- or rather horse. "Listen here sugar tits." Probably not the best thing to say. "I don't give two flying fucks about this bastard. All I know is I bought the piece of shit a meal and woke up here. Plain and simple. Now let me go ya you four legged snowball."
Celestias face grew redder and redder as Nick continued to talk and by the end of his small rant her eye was twitching. "Excuse me?"
"I said. Let. Me. Go. I don't give a rats ass about who your are or," after a quick glance upward. "Whom you rule. Royal blood spills just as well as commoner blood. Now, do not get me wrong, but I will treat you with respect as soon as you treat me with some."
"Are you kidding me? After all of that blatant disrespect, you think that I'm going to even let you live?" Her face had gone from flushed back to a slightly lighter shade.
Nick looked at her and smiled before tacking the previously lit cigarette out and relighting it. "Well," he said taking a drag. "Not really. I'm like ninety-five percent sure that this is caused by alcohol poisoning or I'm in a coma after getting struck by a cab after stepping down off the curb. But for right now I'm going to go with the five percent that says that this is all real." He smiled at her before poking her muzzle.