A story about a man that have lost everything and tries to move on. Will he become like water and adapt to the situation? Or the better question is, will Equestria adapt to him?
My name is Martin Patric Olin Holm. (fancy name eh?)..... Well, you didn't choose your name either! Anyway. I'm a simple man. I can live without tv, computer-hell! I could live without electricity! But there is one person I can't live without..... Did I lose her? No. Did she lose me? Well.... Sort of. Now I'm stuck in a weird place filled with creatures from my nightmares, and I have to go back to her. "Be like water making its way through cracks" Oh yes. I'm going to make my way through this crack alright.
Dear princess Celestia. I have done all the tests on this “creature” twice now… it shows that this creature in question possesses an intelligent mind, however, it hasn’t shown any ability of verbally communication yet. But it does understand what I am saying and it understands my requests and performs them without any hesitation. I have yet to figure out its natural diet. It does however like apples and pancakes, but not both at the same time. But don’t worry. I´ll have my friend Fluttershy taking a look on “it”. If there is somepony who can figure out what it eats, it’s her. But I have some bad news. This creature is 100% immune towards any kind of magic that he has physical contact with. It walks through my force shields like it walks through air. And I can’t levitate him no matter what. And it even likes it when I send a shock spell towards him. It has not shown any magical abilities other than absorbing the magic that I create before it. But don’t worry! I will run down more tests on it and make a new report before this week is over, hopefully filled with new information about him and his species.
-Your faithful student Twilight Sparkle
She sighs as she rolls up the scroll and hands it towards her green number one assistant. “Oh lighten up twilight” spikes says as he burns up the scroll with his fire, sending the message to princess Celestia. “It’s not your fault that you can’t give Celestia more information than you already have”
Twilight groans irritated as they both walked up the stairs heading towards their bedroom.
“It’s not about the quantity in the letter spike! There is so much I can learn from it but it won’t speak to us! I know that it can because it understand my requests and shows intelligent responses towards it! There is of course a possibly that it is mute, but it won’t even communicate with us by paper and quills…
“Maybe it doesn’t know how to write or it may not use the same letters as us...”
“That is also a possibility… but it does however know how to count and it even uses the same numbers as we do”
“Maybe it’s just a coincidence” spike said as he laid down in his basket.
“There is no such thing as coincidence, spike...”
Twilight was just about to lie down in her bed when she remembers something important.
“Hey spike? Can you go down to the cellar and turn on the AC? “It” likes it chilly for some reason.”
“Do I really have to? “It” kind of freaks me out when I’m alone with that thing…”
“Spike, we have been through this thousand times now. It. Cant. Hurt. You! Even if it wanted to, it wouldn’t be able to reach you through the 3.9 inches of pure, strong, glass!”
“Fiiine” he said as he got of his basket and walked down towards the basement door. He stopped before it and gulped. “It´s ok… he can’t harm you” the poor little dragon tried to convince himself as he slowly opened the door.”
The stairway down was pitch-black. Spike tried to listen if “it” was awake, but no sounds reached him. He walked down the stairs slowly as he tried to keep his heart rate in check.
“It can’t hurt you, it can’t hurt you, it can’t hurt you!”
He started to sweat as he reached down to the last few steps. He turned on the lights. The basement was rather large; it was more of a laboratory really. Filled with machines, chemistry containers and what not. But at the opposite wall, inside a glass prison, was the thing that caused poor spikes unrest.
Lucky for spike, it was asleep. The glass prison wasn’t that big but big enough for it to fully stand up and swings his arms around. And it is at least 5 feet tall!
Spike walked slowly towards the AC switch besides the glass prison. He made sure to keep his eye on the creature as he flipped the switch on. The AC started up with a small buzzing sound. But besides that, nothing happened.
Spike sighted in relief as he now knew that he didn’t have to spend another minute in this room. He turned around and walked back towards the power switch but just as he laid his claw on the switch he heard a knocking sound behind him… it knocked three times. Spike didn’t turn around at first but when those three knocks were heard once more he slowly faced the glass prison and saw what he feared he would see.
The creature was standing behind the glass wall; pointing at Spike… the poor dragon froze on the spot. Not knowing what to do as he just stood there staring at the creatures blue green eyes. The creature was so bizarre to the dragon. It looked like a monkey but the only fur he had was on his head… like a mane! But monkeys don’t have manes! And his arms… long and so… naked… only skin just as his… claws? They weren’t that big as they were the first day they found it in their backyard…
Spike noticed that the creature stopped pointing at him… It just stood there staring at him. “ Eeeemm…. H-hi the-“ Spike wasn’t able to end his sentence as the creature all of the sudden started to hit the glass wall as it made a disturbing scream towards spike. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!!!!” spike screamed as he ran as fast as he could upstairs and headed up to his room to get twilight. “TWILIGHT!!! TWILIGHT!!!” “Hmm?” twilight yawned as she tried to figure out who needed her attention. Just then spike ran inside, screaming for his dear life as he hides under Twilights bed. “W-What the-? S-Spike?! What happened?!”
“T-T-T-T-The creature i-i-i-it screamed a-and started t-trying to b-break out!” “WHAT?!?!” Twilight yelled out loud as she jumped out of her bed and quickly galloped down to the basement. As she reached the basement floor she looked over to the glass prison… finding nothing but a sleeping… thing. Just then spike entered the basement floor as well to see what Twilight found out, but was greeted with an irritated glare from Twilight.
“I thought you said that it was on a rampage or something”
“H-H-He did!! I swear! He started to hit on the glass wall a-and he was screaming l-like he wanted to… b-break out or something! He-“
They both heard that the creature woke up and looked at them with a tired expression, like if he was rudely interrupted from his beauty sleep. It looked at the clock on the opposite wall then back to the two “warders” with an annoyed look on his face.
“I-I´m sorry for interrupting your sleep but… my assistance here told me that you were trying to break out. Is that true?”
The creature looked at her with a blank face. It looked at the bed then back at Twilight while raising an eyebrow
“I-I see... I’m sorry for accusing you for such act… we will leave you alone now” she turned around and walked up towards the stair, giving spike an irritated expression.
“ Spike, turn of the light, will you?”
“Y-yes twilight”
Poor spike watched as he saw twilight exit the basement and headed towards her bedroom. He glanced back at the glass prison and found the creature chuckling while giving spike an amused grin.
“You and I are gonna have so. Much. Fun together”
Spike froze… it talked… Spike quickly turned off the light and ran upstairs.
“TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!” he ran into their bedroom but was once again greeted by an annoyed Twilight.
“What now?!” she groaned irritated
“It talked! It talked!!!”
“Yeah and it was on a rampage just minutes ago”
“B-But it is true! He really talk-“
“Enough spike! Go back to bed, we´ll talk about this tomorrow”
Spike was about to contradicting her but relies that it would be in vain so he slowly walked back to his basket and lay down.
“Good night Spike.”
“Good night Twilight…”
And with that they traveled to the land of dreams, or Luna’s domains if you prefer. But down in the basement, was a monkey looking creature lying on its bed looking up at the ceiling. Behind those glass walls, in the bed, was a human called Martin.
I couldn’t sleep. The buzzing sounds from the AC kept me awake, it’s the first time it does, really. I never had any problem sleeping with the AC on before. I looked at the watch on the opposite wall once more… 3: am… great, six more hours until twilight will perform more “tests” on me. And when I say “tests” I mean ALL kinds of tests, blood tests, intelligence tests, physical tests and so on. But there was one test that I refused to do…
Talking.
Why? You may ask. Because it’s fucking hilarious! There is one thing you should know about me and it’s that I LOVE to mess with people… err, ponies in this case… and dragons. Ever since that day twilight saw that I had the intelligent that matched their own she started to light up like the candles on Christmas day.
Now that I think about it… she must’ve keeping the local knowledge of my existence to a minimum, if not non-existence. Because;
1. She does all this kinds of tests on me, which points out that her kind is not familiar with my species, which also points out that I might be in a different planet or I found a some kind of underground world that has been isolated from my world completely, now, the underground theory can only be confirmed if I see the sun or not…
2. It have accrued a few times that someone tries to contact Twilight during my… tests… which resulted in her being nervous and sometimes even freaks out…
3. During these weeks I have been here I have only met Twilight and Spike. I bet that if more knew about me I would’ve seen a lot more of those horses… or ponies… they look more like ponies… ponies it is. Horses freaks me out anyway.
I looked at the clock once more… 10 minutes past three… do I really think that fast? Hell, it felt like an eternity.
I wonder if someone noticed that I disappeared… my family… my girlfriend… oh my god… Veronica… I gotta find a way back home.
That does it, no more fooling around! Tomorrow… I will speak to Twilight. And she will tell me where I am and how I got here… I hope…
Celestias sun rose over the horizon and warmed everything under its glory. Its warm sunshine found its way through our favorite librarians window and brought light and warm to her room. Twilight slowly opened her eyes but closed them fast due to the brightness, but she quickly adjusted her eyesight and once again tried to take a look around her room. Everything was normal. She did however notice that her number one assistance was no longer in his basket or his “bed”, if you prefer. She gave a loud yawn before slowly getting of her bed. As she did so she took the time to glance at her alarm clock on the bedside table.
“8: am… enough time for breakfast before preparing the creature for his appointment with Fluttershy… I really gotta find out a name for that thing… “Creature” doesn’t sound that friendly…”
She gave another loudly yawn before she headed towards the stair. As she walked down the stairs she felt a sweet aroma fill her nostrils. It smelled like pancakes.
She entered her kitchen only to find spike standing at the stove, making some glorious pancakes… have I mentioned that I love pancakes?
“Good morning Spike! That smells lovely!”
“Oh good morning Twilight! Thanks, I made some hay-pancakes for you too. This regular once is for the creature down there.”
“Why thank you Spike, that was very kind of you… hey listen… I’m sorry for snapping at you like that yesterday…”
Spike was just done with his last patch of pancakes as he served at the table. “Don’t Worry about it Twi, but I wasn’t lying about anything I said yesterday! It DID try to break out and it DID speak to me!”
Twilight took as seat at the table and started to eat her breakfast. “But it was asleep when I was down there” she said between her bites on those glorious pancakes
“It faked it! It’s playing with me! And I know that because he said; “We are going to have so much fun together” just when you left the basement!”
Twilight stopped eating her pancakes and stared at Spike for a few seconds.
“P-Pinkie promise? Do you Pinkie promise that it SPOKE?!”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” spike said while looking into twilights eyes. Twilight kept on staring at Spike for a few seconds before all of a sudden galloped as fast as she could down to the basement. Leaving her precious pancakes all alone… As she reached the basement floor she turned the lights on and walked up to my glass prison and knocked on the glass wall.
It took a while before I even reacted to the knocking but after a few seconds filled with irritating knocks I slowly turned around in my bed and faced the unicorn. We kept on staring at each other for a while before Twilight broke the silent.
“You can speak, can’t you?”
I didn’t say a word but kept on glaring at her… I was waiting for the right moment to utter my first words in weeks.
“Spike told me everything… This might not mean anything for you but he pinkie promised! That is a sacred commitment here in Ponyville. S-so if you have something to say I advise you to say it now.”
I still kept on glaring at her… but after a few seconds I rose up and took a sitting position and opened my moth to sa-
“Ohmygoshohmygosh, it’s gonna speak! Wait! Don’t say anything yet! S-Stay right there!”
And with that she ran upstairs with a speed I did not think she was capable of… and just as fast as she left, she came back with a shit load of paper and with enough of ink and quires to write down the whole history of everything, seconds by seconds.
“Ok… you can speak now” she said with glee.
I noticed that Spike also joined this event… ok this is it… I took a deep breath; the tension in that room was thicker than my schools strawberry jam. Their eyes expanded with expectation. Today… a possibly alien would communicate with Twilight sparkle…
“Vad vill du att jag ska säga?” ((What do you want me to say?))
Did I forget to mention that I am Swedish?
The room became quiet as a graveyard…. “W-what? I-I’m sorry I… I did not catch that”
“Jodå du hörde vad jag sa, du förstod bara inte vad jag sa betydde.” ((oh yes, you heard what I said, you just don’t know what I said meant))
Twilight turned to spike.
“Are you sure that he spoke in Equestrian?!”
“Y-yes I’m am 100 % sure!!“
I looked at Spike. “Din mamma är en ödla och din pappa är en fet katt” ((Your mother is a lizard and your father is a fat cat)) I looked back to Twilight.
“Och din mamma är en narval och din pappa är en häst” ((And your mother is a narwhal and your father is a horse))
They just looked at me in disbelief as I tried my very best not to laugh. But of course it only lasted a few seconds as I burst out in laughter, you should’ve seen their faces! Pure gold I say, pure gold!! I am serious; I laughed so hard that that my sides hurt.
Twilight and Spike just kept on looking confused while I was latterly lying on the floor, laughing my heart out. But of course, everything good has its end so after half a minute I slowly got up and once again sat down on my bed. I cleared my throat and decided to be serious now.
“No but seriously, what do you want to know?”
The room became quiet once again… this was getting old…
“W-what are you? A-and why are you here?” twilight said while readying her quire.
“I am a human. Homo sapiens in Latin. And I am here by the order of the intergalactic S.I.O.L.F. which stands for Super Intelligent Organic Life Form. And I am here to invite you to our consul.”
They were speechless… spike looked up to Twilight and Twilight kept on staring at me in what looks like shock and pure happiness.
“R-Really?! Y-you are here to… invite me to a consul filled with intergalactic geniuses?!?!“
“Hell no! I have no fucking clue why I am here! I hoped you knew!”
If you had a camera with a 100 FPS then you could slowly see every, single, little bit of joy running out of her open mouth.
“W-what?” was the only word that came out of the confused unicorn “I said that I have no clue why and how I got here… and yes, I am sorry for getting you excited about being smart enough to join an intergalactic smart-ass group . I don’t say that you aren’t smart enough! I was just messing with you two that’s all… but now I am telling you the honest of truths; I don’t know how I got here, WHY I got here, heck, I don’t even know where I am right now…”
“Y-you are in Ponyville… w-we told you that the first day you got here” spike said
“Ponyville… which is in..?”
“Equestria” Twilight finished for spike.
“…. Yeah… I am definitely far from home if I’m in a shit hole called “Equestria”… no offense.”
Twilight rolled her eyes while writing down some notes on her papers.
“That reminds me, how long have I been here?”
“Two weeks” twilight said while once again writing down some notes on her papers.
“Only two weeks? Well I’ll be damned! Felt like a lot more if you ask me but then again, time is relevant”
“Yes… yes it is. So you have no idea how you got here, human?”
“Twilight please, Call me Martin” I said with a small smile.
Twilight smiled back to me after she wrote down more information about me.
“Martin it is then, can you please tell us where you are from!?”
I was just about to tell her when a loud rumbling noise game from my stomach. I started to blush a little but regained my manliness quickly.
“Let’s make a deal shall we? You let me out of here, give me breakfast and a shower and I’ll tell you everything you want to know ok?”
Spike and Twilight looked nervously at each other.
“W-wait here” Twilight said while lifting up spike with her telekinesis and walked up with him upstairs. She walked inside the kitchen and dropped him down on the floor.
“Whatshouldwedowhatshouldwedo!? Can we just trust him like that?! What if he is dangerous!? What if I let him out and he starts to go berserk?! There’s nothing I can do! Magic won’t work on him and he looks strong so I don’t think brute force will work either! Oh what should I do!?!?!?”
Spike rose up and dusted of his scale.
“I don’t know Twi… maybe we should keep the human there until Celestia’s visit… if there’s somepony who can make that decision, than it’s her.”
Twilight thought a about that idea for a few seconds while walking around in a circle inside the kitchen.
“Ok… we are going to give him breakfast…. Obviously. And I might have a way to give him the shower he requested but… I don’t know… not letting him out for another two weeks?! Do you think he will understand why we are keeping him inside there without offending him or something?”
“Well… only one way to find out I guess…”
Just then. a knocking sound came from the door. twilights pupils shrunk to the sizes of peas.
"Oh no.. I forgot about Fluttershy!" Twilight said in panic as she walked in circles around the kitchen while trying to think out a solution for her problem.
"W-what's the problem Twi? you invited her so she could take a look at it, remember?!"
"I asked her to take a look at a probably instinct or a new found ANIMAL! Now that we know that it can talk and think like us, well... you know Fluttershy, she would be terrified! And she may out of her hysteria tell the whole Ponyville about it! And we got instructions from Celestia herself to keep its presence a top secret!"
"Then why don't we just tell her about its ability to speak before letting her visiting it?" Spike said as he raised a eyebrow.
Twilight freezes on the spot and processed what spike just said and ended with a facehoof.
"I'm telling you Twilight, you over think things too often"
Twilight groaned irritated as she walked to the door. a light purple aura surrounded it as it neatly opened and reveled a yellow Pegasus with pink mane.
"Oh. h-hey Twilight. I came to look at the creature you found two weeks ago... I-I'm not too early am I?
Twilight noticed that fluttershy was carrying a small back pack on her back. (duh)
"Of course not" Twilight said with a friendly smile "In fact, you are just in time. Please come in"
Twilight took a step away from the door to let the adorable Pegasus inside. as Fluttershy walked inside she noticed that there were three plates with pancakes on the table, one half eaten by Twilight.
"I-is somepony else here for a visit?" Fluttershy asked with a trace of fear in her voice. afraid that she would have to associate with somepony new.
"no, one of those plates is for the creature I mentioned" Twilight said with a nervous smile
"a-a animal who eats pancakes? oh my, I have never seen a animal eating pancakes before... is it big? is it a mammal? does it look dangerous?"
"I...I don't think it's dangerous, a-and its over 5 feet tall. A-and I don't know..."
"oh... s-sorry for getting carried away there..." Fluttershy said as she hide behind her mane.
"I-its ok, really. I'm just as excited as you are right now but.... there's something you should know about this creature..."
"Give me a shower and food and I'll talk, by the way, can you guys let me out? HURR DURR HURDUR! Seriously Martin?! You really thought that was a good idea? I sure as hell wouldn't let an alien out just because he wanted to!"
I groaned irritated as I buried my face in my hands.
"Ok... All I need to do is to gain their trust. A negotiation won't work, that's for sure..."
I removed my hands from my face and started to look around. Have I already been inside this damn libratory for two weeks? Everything is blurry in my head... Can't remember the first week at all...
"Not good... My memory is not known for its faithfulness, but missing a whole week isn't a good sign."
I started to inspect the glass walls. It must be at least 4 inches thick, so hitting it and/or kicking it won't work. And I know that for a fact because I punched the glass as hard as I could when I was scaring spike. What? I wanted it to look real! What fascinates me though is that my hands were just fine afterwards... No blood, no broken bones no nothing.
Ok. So breaking the glass is not an option. And digging a hole is just stupid... Then there's only two options left.
I can either wait until one of them walks in here and hold whoever enters hostage. Twilight won't be a problem due to my magic immunity. But how about Spike? Can he breath fire like in those fairytales? Can't say for sure due to the fact that I have never seen him breathing fire before. Would his fire count as magic or just regular chemical oxidation by flammable material exposed by heat? I don't know if I want to take that risk finding out... so should I-
My train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of hoofs going down the stairs. It was now or never...
I turned to the stairs, preparing myself for my judgement. I saw Twilight and Spike walking down the stairs and I was just about to say something but quickly forgot my words when I saw... A Pegasus? A Pegasus with yellow fur and pink mane. This must be that... what's her name now again? Fluttercup? Butterfly? no... it was something with F.... Flutterfly? yeah, something like that.
"M-Martin was it?" Twilight said nervously as she and the rest of the trio stopped in front of the glass wall. Well... except for Flutterball who was hiding behind her friends... hehe, they should call her FlutterSHY! HAH!
"That is correct. And this must be your friend ms...?"
Spike and Twilight looked at Fluttercry and gave her a nod that showed that it was safe to introduce herself. She didn't move at all... She just hid behind her mane and said something in a voice so quiet that not even a dog could hear.
"My name is Fluttershy..."
"I'm terribly sorry, but I didn't catch that."
"I'm...Fluttershy"
"Look, I know that I look... Weird. But I promise that I am not gonna bite you ok?" I gave her friendly smile as I tried my best not to look like a monster in her eyes. Which seems to work! Due to the fact that she smiled back! Awesome! One step closer to being trusted... I hope.
"M-my name is.... Fluttershy"
Oh...
"What a wonderful name" I said while once again giving her a friendly smile.
"T-thank you m-Mr. Martin... Y-your name is p-pretty nice too..." She said while yet again hiding behind her mane... I must confess... This is the absolutely, most adorable little creature I have seen! She beats little kittens on my "Aaaw" scale with light years! Scratch my plan on holding them hostage. I could not possibly harm a single straw of hair from her head! Or mane or whatever it's called.
"So, why are you here my dear?"
"I-I came here to c-check on your health status..."
"Sooo you are a doctor then?"
"N-not really I... I take care of animals..."
The room fell quiet...
Seriously? A VET?! Twilight sparkle, asked a VET to check my current health status?! Well... Now that I think about it... If this is truly a world filled with magical unicorns and dragons then I supposed that the lack of regular doctors is quite understandable... But still.
"So let me guess... You are experienced with monkeys?"
"I-I'm experienced with almost every kind of animal here in Equestria. S-so yes, I-I'm familiar with monkeys anatomy"
Inset the audio of a crying baby here >> " " Because that is how I feel right now.
"Even though I am thankful for knowing that you guys are caring about my health status, I must decline your offer about this matter."
"W-why? She won't harm you!" Twilight said with a confused expression.
"It's not about the fact that she will or will not hurt me, it's about my awareness that the one who is gonna examine me is a veterinary, which will make me feel quite uncomfortable"
"Look, I couldn't send you to a real doctor for a reason! I can't risk you being seen by somepony-"
"You mean someONE?" I interrupted Twilight. She wasn't amused to say the least.
Twilight cleared her throat "No, The correct term IS somePONY" she said matter-of-factly.
"Look, I may not be the best student in my English class but I am quite sure its someONE not somePONY"
"I can assure you Mr. Martin that the correct term is somePONY, I have literally hundreds if not even thousands of books that can confirm that my statement is correct on this matter. And it's called Equestrian, not English"
Ok... I am being lectured in English by an know-it-all unicorn with the mad scientist complex.
"Yeah? And I have two sources that tells me that your books are wrong "
"And what, pray tell, are those sources?"
And with that I flipped the bird at her... With both hands. The fun thing about this is that they have no idea what I am doing! They just stand there, glaring at me in confusion.
"I-I am terrible sorry but that doesn't seem logical at all... How can your claws prove me wrong?"
"Those are fingers my dear, and just let it sink in a little bit... Almost done... Aaaaand there." I stopped flipping them of and smiled gently at them, I'm telling you, that felt quite satisfying.
"What was that all about?" Spike asked confused.
"Oh don't worry about it, lad. You are too young to know anyway. So please, Twilight, continue."
Once again Twilight began her speech with clearing her throat "As I was saying, we can't just let you go, and risk you being seen by somePONY. You may not know this Martin but your... Visual structure is quite terrifying to say the least."
"Lustigt, det var det jag sa om din mamma." (Funny, that's what I said about your mother)
"What was that?"
"I just said that I understand your point of view." Twilight was pleased by my words.
"Good! T-then do you understand why we can't let you out after our princess Celestia have come to a conclusion?" and once again, the room fell quiet
And after a few seconds of awkward silence I cleared my throat.
"And when will this princess of yours having this royal visiting?"
Ok, now I'm getting pissed for real.
"I-in another two weeks..." Twilight said sheepishly
As a mighty, respectable human being once said; "AW HELL NAW!"
"So correct me if I'm wrong, you. Want me. To stay here. In this glass prison with just enough room for me to take a shit in, for two whole weeks more. Is that it?"
"M-m-maybe we c-can make y-your room bigger?" Fluttershy said as she tried to make this scenario less tense than it has to be.
"Or maybe you can at least let me have this WHOLE room for myself?"
"Sorry Martin but... That's too risky... What if you are just trying to break out and starts to hurt other ponies?"
"Aw common Twilight! Believe me, if I wanted to hurt you all then I would've done it already! Common cut me some slack will yah? Hell, this is even against my human rights!"
"H-human rights? twilight said nervously.
"Yeah, Human rights, as a human being I have right for at least one hour of physical activity and one shower per day! You, my good lady, are treating me worse than how my people treats criminals!"
Those words struck Twilight, Spike and Fluttershy Hard. You can tell by the way they their ears go flat and their sad expressions. Expect for Spike... He has no ears... He just looked sad.
"I-I'm sorry Martin... I-I did not know..." Twilight started to look down at the floor and looked like she had committed a tipple baby seal homicide... Great... Now I start to feel guilty too, and don't make me even start to describe how Fluttershy looks... I'm telling you man, I would drop dead by the cuteness after writing down three words and you all would die after reading half of it.
"H-hey, don't sweat it ok? Its not yours faults that you guys didn't know, I was the one who closed my B-hole for two weeks didn't I?"
They still looked guilty, but at least they stopped breaking my heart with their unbelievable cute frowns...
"S-so you are not mad at us?" Twilight said while looking a little bit confused and hopeful.
"Of course not! As I said, it's my fault that I did not tell you guys sooner." they started to brighten up "But now that you all know about it, it wouldn't be more than fair to let me out of here, don't you guys think?"
Come on, come on, come on! Let me out of here!
"I-I'm sorry Martin but... I-I can't let you out of this basement, as I said it's an order I received from our princess herself... I can however expand your room if you wish, and I may have a solution to the shower problem, but I simply cannot let you out... I-I hope you understand, my hoofs are tied here."
"So I have to wait here until your beloved princess pays a visit?"
"I'm afraid so..."
"And she won't be here after another two weeks?
"Y-yes..."
Son of a....
"B-but I need fresh air! And sunshine, it provides me with vitamin D! I need the D!
Ok that came out wrong... I have a girlfriend... Not that its wrong liking the D I'm just saying that I... that I don't.
"D-don't worry, the air ventilation above you provides you with fresh air 24/7. And we do have some vitamin Supplement that we can give you. Only temporarily of course."
I looked up and saw no ventilation system at all... unless... magic!
"Well alright then, if there's nothing we can do about it then there's nothing else to do then wait." I said cheerfully which got the ponies and the dragon off guard.
"W-wait, so you agree to wait another two weeks? Spike said surprised.
"Yes I do. As Twilight said, her hoofs are tied here so there's nothing left to do then wait. An order is still an order at the end."
"I want you to know Martin that this brings me no joy having you imprisoned like this... but I promise that if you behave and show our princess that you are a kind soul then you will be out of here before you know It. Twilight said with a warm smile
"Thank you Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy and Spike for being reasonable and showing me that you all care for my well being. Even though I am not in need for a vet, I appreciate your concerns." I said with a small bow
"N-no need to thank us at all, thank you for being so cooperative and honest to us. We appreciate that a lot" Twilight said with her own bow, which made the other two follow suit.
I gave them all a mild smile and a small nod.
"A-are you sure that you don't want me to examine you Mr. Martin? O-only if you want to that is..." Fluttershy said quietly.
"It is not necessary my dear. I'm fine."
"O-ok then" and once again she started to hide behind her main. She is currently my favourite pony. Just sayin'.
"I'm sorry for being rude here, but I am rather hungry" I looked at the clock and saw that it showed 10:30. "Oh time does fly when you are having fun, don't you agree spike?"
"I.... I guess..." Spike said while rubbing his neck.
"D-don't worry, Breakfast is on its way" Twilight said with a smile.
"Splendid! What's on the menu if I may ask?"
"Well, we made some pancakes... W-what kind of food do you eat by the way?"
Even Fluttershy started to show the same amount of interest as Twilight... Ok Martin, time to play smooth.
"We humans lives on fruits and vegetables. But we also LOVE pastry."
Yeah I lied! But think about it, I am really close to gain their trust and I don't want to screw everything up by scaring the shit out of them by telling that I also eat meat!
"So your kind is vegetarians?" Fluttershy asked suspiciously.
"Why yes we are, why the suspicious gaze upon me?"
Oh god, please don't...
"Then why does your teeth's show that you are capable of eating meat?"
Think Martin THINK!
"Oh you mean this?" I said while pointing at my sharpest pair of teeth's "It's just our defence mechanism. When we are threatened with our life's, we start to fight back and biting includes in this defensives act."
"Oh... I-I see" Fluttershy said sheepishly.
MOTHER FUCKING SCORE!
"But as I said, you have nothing to fear, I have never bitten someone befo-"
"SomePONY" twilight cough
".... SomePONY before, and I have planned not to ever bite anyPONY either"
"T-that's good to hear" Twilight said "But now that we know what you eat, your menu will contain more variations than just Pancakes and apples"
"Sounds promising"
The room fell quiet once more. But once again Twilight broke it by clearing her throat.
"I guess we should prepare your breakfast then"
"But I already made pancakes for him!" Spike said while crossing his small arms.
"Yes I know Spike, but they are probably cold by now"
"Just throw it in the microwave, I don't mind"
I sure hope that they are advanced enough to have microwave ovens. All the other machines in this basement points out that they aren't THAT far behind in technology.
"You poor little thing, you must be very hungry..." Fluttershy said with a baby voice.... seriously?
"Well yeah... kind of."
"Then we should hurry" Fluttershy said while nodding to the others. They nodded back and started to walk towards the basement stairs.
"The breakfast will be done in two minutes" Twilight said while going up the stairs
"Thanks" I said while watching the trio leave the basement.
I looked up at the ceiling, looking for the ventilating hatch.
"I am sorry Twilight, but I sure as hell won't stay here for two more weeks."
"If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves."
Twilight Sparkle kicked in the door to the hospital entry and began to gallop past the receptionist without saying a word to the fellow pony behind the desk . Adrenaline was flowing in her veins as she was galloping through the hospital corridors as she was trying to find her friends. She galloped past several rooms when she finally saw two royal guards in golden armor, leaving a room at the end of the hall and stood guard.
One of the guards noticed Twilight running up to them and informed his partner that the elements of magic was approaching.
“W-what happened?! Is Spike ok?! W-what happened to-” Twilights questions were interrupted by a unicorn doctor who poked his head out of the door the guards were guarding.
“Oh, Miss Sparkle! Please come in!”
The guards took a step aside to let the upset unicorn in
As Twilight Sparkle walked inside the room she noticed that there were two beds in that very room. But both were covered by their curtains. Whoever that was in those beds, they were either sleeping or unconscious.
The room wasn't that big. Big enough for two beds and it was rather colourful too. Blue walls and a green ceiling. Not so sure if those colours match though…
“I-I came as fast as I heard! W-where is Spike? H-he’s not hurt is he?!”
“Oh not at all miss sparkle, Spike just got a bump at the back of his head. Nothing serious at all but your friends here got more than a bump I’m afraid” The doctor said while motioned at the beds.
“W-what happened?!” Twilight was now getting more anxious now when she knows that her friends may be in danger.
“Apparently they fell from the top of your tree house miss Sparkle. Several eyewitnesses said that this… Unfamiliar creature tried to push your friend down from the roof but she managed to bring it down with her.”
“W-why would he try to do such thing?! A-and how….” Twilight stopped her sentence before she gave away that the creature was locked up in her basement just two and a half hours ago.
“That I cannot tell. That is also the reason why the guards are here. When it wakes up, will be escorted to Canterlot and once he is there it will be interrogated by the Princess herself. That’s what I have heard.”
“WHAT?! W-why haven't I been informed by this?!”
“Please stay calm miss Sparkle, Spike did mentioned that he had an important letter to you. So you will receive it as soon as Spike is back after his minor treatment.”
“O-oh… T-thank you for informing me.”
“Don't mention it Miss Sparkle.”
Twilight was now a little bit at ease now that she knew what was happening. She looked over to one of the beds and sighted.
“H-how is she really? I-is she gonna be ok?”
“I can safely say that she will recover problem free, she got a minor concussion thanks to the fall but we did however noticed a blue eye and a few brushes, which tell us that a fight took place before the accident.”
“They fought each other!?”
“We can’t say for sure. But if this creature however DID try to push the poor mare from the top of your tree house then it wouldn’t surprise me that it attacked her first.”
The room fell quiet. While Twilight tried to let this new found information to sink in. He seemed so nice and friendly when she left. Could it really be so that he is a monster after all?
“C-can I see her, Doctor?”
“She is asleep, so don’t expect a conversation with her”
The doctors said while his horn lit up with a light yellow aura which covered the curtain at the bed to the left. The curtain was moved aside, revealing a orange mare with blond mane and three red apples as a cutie mark.
“HOLD ON! DON’T LET GO! I screamed as I was hanging on the edge on the top of the treehouse with only one hand. The other hand was busy holding the orange pony’s front hoof.
“AHM TRYIN’!” She yelled back as she did her best not to lose her grip of my hand.
This wasn't good. I could not pull us up together and I was about to lose my grip on the board that was currently the only reason why we weren't falling for our deaths yet. Either I let go of the pony or we both fall down.
“YOU DON'T KNOW ANY MAGIC DO YOU?!” I yelled out loud to the heavy orange pony.
“DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT I HAVE A HORN MISTER?!”
“YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A SMART ASS ABOUT IT!”
I noticed that it was just matter of seconds before my grip would loosen. Adrenaline started to kick in and the time itself started to slow down. The only thing that was keeping us up now was four of my fingers, and they were slipping away from the board. I built up all my strength and swung the orange pony as high as I could in the hope that she would be able to reach the board herself
But she didn’t.
She missed it with only inches.
Now I knew what I had to do. As the ponies momentum was wearing down, I placed my arm around her waist, pulled her to my embrace and as I saw my other hand letting go of the board. I made sure that the pony was safe in my embrace as I faced my back towards the ground.
“This is gonna hurt….” I said as I closed my eyes. The feeling of helplessness was actually terrifying. I could feel the air collide with my back and arms as it made my hair flutter erratically. I crashed through some branches but I was not able to express my pain as the crashes left me breathless and made it impossible to gain it back. The sound of the pony screaming in fear filled my world as we continued to fall towards the ground. But then…
everything became quiet… And I couldn’t feel a thing.
-----------------------------------------HALF AN HOUR EARLIER--------------------------------------------
“Fucking hell *groan* this shit looks so fucking easy in the movies! *groan* A-almost there! J-just a little bit longer!”
I know what you are thinking but no…. Just…. No.
I was climbing through the Ventilation system…Vertically. As you could've guest, the ventilation system from the basement had to go UP at some point, but at the moment it felt like UP was the only direction it was going.
But I am not surprised by this though. I could tell that this was a basement from the start which must mean that this may not just be a house but a building too! It does make sense due to the fact that I AM an alien to them am I not? Think about this, if you found a alien you wouldn't just keep him in your basement now wouldn't you?
If you would then I am sorry to say that you are not the kind of person that would have survived in a horror movie. Just sayin’.
I kept on climbing until I came up to a cross way with three ways to go. UP LEFT FORWARD
“Ok lets see… I was facing the door while I started to climb so technically it leads out of the basement. I can’t risk taking a direct way out of this place because I have no idea how the place outside looks like. I might get caught as fast as I exit the vent…”
I gave a big sigh, and thought about my options. Going back and wait another two weeks is not even on the map! Fuck those ponies and their princess! If they really thought that they could keep me imprisoned like a fucking animal then they are greatly mistaken.
“I can just sneak around this place, studying the surroundings until someONE shows up. I’ll then hide somewhere, probably in a closet or something. They will then notice my escape and panic, and while they are panicking and searching for me outside I’ll escape from the back door or from a window. I. AM. BRILLIANT!”
And now you guys are wondering, why the fuck am I talking out loud inside a ventilation system when I am clearly trying to be stealthy? Let me inform you that I overheard Twilight talking to spike about going out for a while and she wants him to go out and buy some quills or some shit like that. I highly doubt that Fluttershy is still here. So when I heard them leaving I started to search the ventilation hatch. And after a few minutes of searching I finally found it.
All I had to do was to place my hands on the ceiling and hope that I touched the right spot. So I jumped around for a while until I finally touched the right place, revealing the hatch. So I just flipped my bed so its long side was pointing up and climbed on top of it and screwed loose the screws.
And how did I do that you may ask? Well, I used the knife they gave me for my pancakes. The fork was rather useless but the knife did the trick. How stupid can that pony be?! First she tells me that there is an air ventilation above my head and now she gave me the proper tools to break out? Either she is stupider than she looks or… Or maybe… It was a trap.
“Eh screw it. I’ll go forward and take the situation as it may come.”
Said and done. I started now to crawl towards the basement exit and hoped that I would end up somewhere pleasant. As I crawled toward the unknown, I noticed that I was getting close to another hatch. When I got to the hatch I started to look down, trying to see where I was going.
But all I could see was a kitchen table with three chairs… Could be more but the hatch didn’t have many peak-holes so to say. So I decided to keep on crawling forward. But just as I was over the hatch…
I could feel the hatch gave in and I started to fall down towards the table.
I hit the hard wooden table with a crash. The table in question broke down as I crashed right through it. My back started to hurt like hell and I was groaning in pain as I turned around, trying to both see if someone heard me and find something to help me up.
“Not so fast there partner!” someone said as I could feel both my hands and legs getting tied together really fast. I was so dizzy after the crash that I didn’t even notice the person or whatever it was that was tying me up.
My eyes were blurry as I looked around, trying to find out what was going on. When finally my vision got back to its former glory I noticed a orange pony with blond mane talking to Spike… wait. Spike?!
“What… The fuck is going… On?” I said with a groan.
“Trying to break out again I see?” Spike said with a smug as he walked up to me. He didn’t look scared at all now, probably because I was tied up this time.
“I thought… That you were outside…” My head was getting clearer now. My hands and both my feet were tied together like they tie up a calf in rodeo. Which doesn't surprise me at all due to the fact that the orange pony was wearing a typical cowboy hat and had a thicker western accent than Clint Eastwood.
“Twilight knew that you were going to try to escape, so she made sure that you would overhear our “plans” so you would think that we are not here.”
Outsmarted by a pony… Yay.
“Where is Twilight then?” This ain't good. This stealth mission just transformed into a fast pacing escape mission. I have to find a way out quickly.
“Twi’ went to sugarcube corner to buy some cupcakes. While Spike and i here got instructed to stay here and see if you actually would be so gosh darned foolish to escape through the ventilation system”
“Charming, but how did you two figure out that I would go here of all places?!”
“Dude, you talked to yourself for at least ten minutes in there! Anypony could’ve figure it out where you were” Spike said while giving me that god forsaken smug. That’s it! I don’t care if he is just a child, he will be the first one to be introduced to my fist.
Ok, I found out a way to get me out of this mess. Its risky and downright silly but hey, I’m ready to go all in.
“Yeah, yeah, congratulations to you two for actually caught the infamous Martin Patric Olin Holm. But would the cowgirl be so kind to get me a glass of water? All this defeat gives a man a thirst.”
“Ah guess ah can give you a glass of water, but no funny business you hear me?”
“Where would you get such an idea from?”
The cowgirl rolled her eyes as she turned around and walked towards the sink to get me some water. Far away enough to let me to do what I was gonna do.
“Say spike”
“What?” he said while looking down at me, the fact that he was just a foot away from me makes this a lot easier.
“Is that really a red gemstone?”
Spike actually looked behind him to see what I was talking about! I took my chance and grabbed his foot and quickly turned myself around which made him lose his balance and fell down on his back. I quickly turned myself around again so I could hit him on his stomach. It resulted in him breathing out a big green flame. Big enough to cover both my hands and my legs! When the green flame was gone so was the rope! Thank you magical immunity!
I quickly got myself up and grabbed Spikes arm and pulled him towards me. I turned him around and placed my left arm around his throat and covered his mouth with my right hand.
“Hush now quiet now, Just play along and nothing bad will happen ok?” I said to spike as I awaited the orange pony.
“What in tarnation is going on- SPIKE?! Let him go you monster!” The orange one said as she now found out what the riff raff was about.
“Oh don’t you worry partner, I will leave this poor gecko alone as long as you let me go”
“H-how did you get out of the rope?!”
“You can thank your friend here, without his magical flames of shitness I wouldn’t be standing here right now”
“Just let him go!”
“How about this; you show me a way out without getting seen by your ugly kind and I’ll let Spikey Wikey here go”
“No”
"Excuse me?"
“Ah said: no. Ah won't let you get away and ah won't let you hurt Spike”
“Quite an ambitious goal you got there blondie, but let me inform you that I WILL do what it takes to get out of here. Breaking a few skulls is a small price to pay for such a sweet possession as freedom”
I am lying of course. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but they don't know that, now do they?
“Ahm not born yesterday fella’. Both you and ah know that you are in a bad position here. You can’t walk outside the front door. And you can’t walk past me. And if you as much crack a scale on Spikes head ah will make you regret everything you have done."
She was right, there’s not much I can do here. I can however take her down I think. This is not my first time being in a brawl and it won't be the last. But I would hate to harm a colorful talking pony if I didn’t have to.
“Aren’t you a smart one” I said as I was starting to back away from the pony and got myself and Spike at the front door. The orange one was of course following us but kept a safe distance, waiting for a chance to save her friend.
She didn’t answer me so I took my time to look around the room. I noticed that there was a stair at the other side of the room… If I get this right, I may be able to get up and jump out of a window before the orange one gets close to me. The fact that she have hoofs and not feet gives me an advantage when it comes to stairs running… I hope.
“You are right… There’s no point in creating a scene in vain…” and with that I loosen my grip on Spike. He broke himself free and was just about to run to his friend, but then I did something I am not proud of.
“I’m sorry Spike” He didn’t have time to react before I slammed my fist at the back of his head as hard as I could. The poor dragon fell forward as a lifeless doll as I took off and ran towards the stairs
“SPIKE!!”
The orange one ran to her friend and tried to wake him up. She saw that he was knocked out completely. A grimace filled with anger and pure rage formed on her face. She looked towards the stairs and saw that I was halfway up and was close to Twilights bedroom
“OH NO YOU DONT!” she yelled as she ran towards the stairs and headed towards me. I misjudged her speed. She was at least twice as fast as me and was getting close to me already. I started to panic and continued to run up the stairs and not entering the bedroom as I was planning to do. I was getting close to the top floor when I felt something bite me in my left leg. I fell down in pain and turned around quickly to see that the fricking pony was actually biting my leg! By pure reflexes I delivered a well placed punch on the mare’s left eyes and once she was letting my leg go I kicked her on her chest with my good foot.
She fell down the stairs and stopped in front of Twilights bedroom. But I didn’t waste time checking if she was ok so I kept on walking up the stairs. Now that my left leg was not in the shape it used to be, it slowed my walking down. But I eventually found my way to the top of the building. And I could not believe my eyes.
“Its… A tree house?!”
I was stunned as I stood there at the top of the tree house. Sure, I could see a lot of strange houses but I was right now standing on a small circle made of boards and a fence around me with a telescope besides me ON TOP OF A TREE! WHICH WAS ALSO A HOUSE!
But I quickly pulled my shit together and started to look around for a way out. But I couldn’t find any. I could jump down however, but at my condition it wouldn’t be a smart move. My back was hurting like fuck and my leg started to bleed thanks to the pony. All I could do now was to turn around and…
I didn’t have time to react as I felt someone tackle me from behind. I spun around in midair so that my back hit the fence. The impact made the fence leave a nasty cracky noise that notified me it was at its breaking point.
I saw how the orange pony, now with a blue eye and without a hat, was running up to me and quickly turned around and kicked her back legs at me. I quickly grabbed them but it didn’t do much as my hands and her hoofs slammed into my chest which sent me backwards once more. But this time couldn’t the fence take the pressure. It broke as I collide with it. What the mare didn’t count with was that I was miraculously still holding her left hoof with an iron hand. She got dragged with me as I was falling of the small platform. Luckily I got time enough to grab the edge of the boarded platform with my left hand. I saw that the orange one was hanging on her both front hoofs as well but she was about to lose her grip any second now.
“H-hold on!” I yelled as I was trying to get up myself so I could help that fool. But I noticed that there was no time for that as I saw her letting the board go.
I quickly reached out my hand and caught her front hoof just as she was about to fall down. Now we were both hanging for our life.
“Don’t let go!” The orange one yelled to me with a hint of panic in her voice.
“I won’t! Don't move too much or I’ll lose my grip!”
“Why are you helping me?! You tried to break out and was not afraid to crack some scull-”
“I LIED!” I yelled out loud. “I don’t want to hurt anybody! But you bloody bunch of piss didn’t give me much choice!”
I could feel that my grip was getting weaker and weaker every second.
What happens next? You already know that.
I could feel the air collide with my back and arms as it made my hair flutter erratically. I crashed through some branches but I was not able to express my pain as the crashes left me breathless and made it impossible to gain it back. The sound of the pony screaming in fear filled my world as we continued to fall towards the ground. But then…
everything became quiet… And I couldn’t feel a thing.
"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless like water"
I was walking through the streets of Eskilstuna. A city somewhere in central Sweden. The snow was falling gently from the sky and laid graciously on the ground. The sight of fresh snow always puts a smile on my face. Too bad that it will soon be just as gray and dark as the sky above me thanks to the exhaust gas from the frickin´ cars.
That’s the downside when it comes to living in a bigger city. When I was a kid and lived in the countryside of this god forgotten country, I never had to worry about black snow at all. Heck, black snow was just something that existed on the road. Now… It feels like there’s no such thing as white, pure snow.
The air was so light that it felt heavy and my breaths were visible due to the temperature difference. Thankfully I was carrying a thick winter jacket in black and a grey beanie. My heavy winter boots were covered in snow that got stuck during my walk through the City centrum. I wasn’t doing nor looking for something special, I just wanted to take a walk.
There weren’t many people outside today thankfully. I like walking alone in the dark, it feels so… Calm and… and… lonely.
I crossed the road to get to the other side when I heard a car coming at me in full speed. Without looking I increased my speed which made the car to miss me by inches. It didn’t stop however but just kept on driving like an idiot while honking.
“JÄVLA IDIOT!” (Fucking idiot)
I yelled to the driver as I saw it driving away and made a left turn and disappeared behind some buildings.
“Helvete! Fick du körkortet från ett flingpaket?” (Fuck! Did you get your driving license from a cereal box?)
I said to no one in particular. So i gave another sigh and kept on going home.
walked for another fifteen minutes and ended up in front of a small corner store. A rather big and bald man was standing outside the shop wearing a thick winter jacket and stood there with his cellphone on his right hand and a cigarette on the other. He’s from… Iran I think… No it was Israel!
“Hey! Martin where have you been?!” The large man said as he noticed me walking by.
“Hi Reuven! Oh nothing I was just buying a Fanta down at the supermarket”
“Martin, Martin. When will you learn that the price is better here! And its only twenty meter away from your apartment!”
“I’ll learn that it’s cheaper here when you learn how to tell me the price in Swedish you lazy bum!”
“Who are you calling a lazy bum you little brat? At least I have a job, what are you doing, huh?”
“Studying to become a successful man. Not that you would understand or anything” I said while giving him a small grin
“That’s right boy, keep on studying and you might end up like my cousin Leron!”
“Didn’t he die by an overdose?”
“It turns out that drugs were cheaper than taking a student loan”
“Were they cheaper than the cocaine you’re selling?” My grin grew bigger as I started to walk to my apartment.
“Oh go to hell with you and your family” He said laughing while flipping me the bird.
I didn’t look back but waved back at him as I said “I’ll keep a seat warm for you until you arrive too!” Loud enough for him to hear.
He’s Alright that Reuven. But how he managed to live here for 5 years without learning even the simplest of words in Swedish is beyond my understanding. Thankfully he can speak English good enough to be understood.
I stopped at my apartment port and dialed in the number code and went up two floors. I stopped at the door that said “Veronica Carlsson” and took out my key to unlock the door, but I couldn’t find them.
“Åh kommigen!” (Oh common!)
I stopped searching for the keys and rang the doorbell instead.
“Snälla säg att du är fortfarande hemma…” (Please tell me that you are still home)
“He’s waking up doctor!” A feminine voice filled my black void as I started to slightly move and tried to find something to help me sit up. But such thing was not at reach so I slowly opened my eyes.
The room was too bright for my recently newly awaken mind and eyes so I quickly shut them close and tried again.
What I found was nothing I wanted to see as the first thing in the morning. Before me was five white guards in golden armor, pointing their spears at me. I also saw that someone left the room. Probably the girl I just heard a second ago.
“You are under arrest for assault and attempted murder to one of Equestrias citizens. You are going to be escorted to our rulers, princess Celestia and Luna for a interrogation. You have the right to remain silent as everything you say can be used against you at the court of law.” One of the guards said while bringing their spears closer to me. Judging by the smoothness in his little speech he must be a veteran in this profession.
“...... Is it an interrogation or a trial?” I said as I did my best not to show any fear.
“It will start with an interrogation, what will happen next is up to the princesses.”
Thank god! That means that I still have a chance to get out of this mess… Wait, did that fucking blond pony sell me out?! After saving her life?! Aw hell no!
“The doctor have given us permission to take you to Canterlot right now due to your fast recovery, you should however take it slow for a while. Do you understand?”
“Clear as water. Just one question though.”
“What?”
“Where are my clothes?” I just found out that my clothes were missing. I was literally laying there bare naked in front of the guards with nothing but a blanket over me.
“Clothing is not mandatory. We must however-”
“I don’t think you understand you slow fuck. I, as you can see, am not covered in fur as you are. I can easily get a cold if I am not protected from the cold air.”
“It’s 30 degrees celsius outside Mr.” one of the guards said.
“But there’s another thing. I don’t want others to stare AT MY FUCKING BOLLOCKS YOU TWAT!” I yelled at their general directions while I was showing them my naked body just to prove my point.
They all took a step back at my sudden move. They did however get a clear picture of what I was talking about as I once again covered myself with the blanket. One of the guards whispered something to his fellow guard beside him and walked out of the room.
“You are going to get back your belongings right now, we have however taken possession of any dangerous objects that you was carrying.
“What “objects”? I haven't even carried a bloody coin in past two weeks!”
“We found a knife and…. Wait! Have you been here for two weeks?” One of the guards asked while giving a concern look to his fellow co workers. His voice sounded rather… Pitched. How old is this lad? Seriously, did Celestia and Luna send pups to fetch me?!
“Ask Twilight, I have been spending fourteen fucking days in her bloody basement”
They were just about to ask something once again but was interrupted by a guard that came in with my clothes balancing on his wing. That was actually pretty neat of him to balancing everything with one wing only… Hey, I ain’t even mad! That’s is quite impressive.
The guard placed my clothes at the end of my bed. I slowly sat up but noticed that the guards took a defencive pose as i reached for the clothes. It was about now that i notice how small these ponies are in comparison to me! Small and small, they were reaching up to the beginning of my chest area but still!
I didn’t pay any attention to them anymore as I started to dress up. It wasn’t the most fashionable piece of clothing but it did the job. A pair of blue jeans and a green hoodie…. Beautiful.
Now that I got fabulous again I got of the bed and did a stretch. “So… Take me where you need to take me.”
“We will” said the veteran. “But before we do so. Do you require anything to eat or drink at the moment? The trip will take two hours at least.”
I thought about it for a few seconds but decided that the food could wait even though I was quite hungry. I can’t rest until I’ll ask Celestia if there’s a way back home. Twilight did tell me about their extremely powerful princess that even could raise the sun… Now that is just bollock, but right now I can't be picky about realism. I AM being arrested by ponies am I not?
And with that they lead me out of the door but just as I was outside that hospital room there was something that worried me…. It was dead silent. Seriously, not a single soul was around!
Two of the five guards walked past me and stopped before me. “Okay boys, let's get this over with. If he tries to do something funny you have my permission to do what it takes to bring him down” The one to the right said. I guess I found out who the leader of this sad bunch of lads is.
“What, no handcuffs?” I said while raising an eyebrow.
“I don’t think that will be necessary. My boys here are special trained to eliminate possible threats like you. So be a good colt and don’t give us a reason to put you down” The leader said while giving me an ice cold gaze.
I lifted up my hands defensively. “Oi! why does everybody think that I only mess things up?! I’ll behave.”
“It’s everyPONY not everyBODY. Go back to school and stay there would you? Now MOVE!” The youngest one of them said as he moved his spear with his wing closer to my back.
I started to walk and they followed suite, trying my best not to hit that squeaky fuck right at his Adam’s apple.
As we walked down the corridor I noticed a cart right outside one of the hospital rooms in front of me. It was carrying food and refreshments for the hospitalized pony inside I suspect. And there I saw it, a knife along with a fork and a glass of apple juice… If I time this right….
We got closer and closer to the cart and I actually started to become nervous. If this fails then I'm in big trouble. But if I succeed however, I’ll get something useful to defend myself with if its needed to.
Just when we were just a few feet away from the cart I launched at it and tipped it over as both I and the cart fell to the ground. I got lucky enough to catch the knife before it touched the ground and placed it in my pocket as the glass fell down to the floor and sending out shreds and apple juice all over the clean hospital floor.
The two guards before me quickly turned around and pointed their spears at me but quickly lowered them down in confusion as they saw both the floor and me covered in apple juice.
I quickly got up and leaned against the wall, covering the knife by covering the pocket with the green hoodie.
“W-WHAT THE HELL MAN!?” I yelled out as i turned around and faced the youngest one. “The fuck did you push me for you sick fuck?”
“I-I did no such thing! You just jumpe-” “Why, in the actual name of fuckington would I do that?! Look at my clothes! Covered in bloody apple juice!”
“Don’t lie to us you freak! I was beside him the whole time and he didn’t lay a hoof on you!” Said the co worker at the young one’s left. The other one was just nodding.
“Oh! So you helped him you bloody cu-”
“ENOUGH!” The leader yelled. “We’ll get you a new set of clothes when we arrive. The princesses are waiting and you don’t want them in a bad mood before your trial, Understood?”
“Oh fuck you ma-”
“Understood!?” The leaders voice became just as venomous as my school cafeterias ‘homemade’ meatballs.
“...Understood capt’n” I said in a defeated voice. The leader gave me a small nod and with that we started to walk down the corridor once again. I glanced back to the young lad and gave him a death stare and he tried to give me an equal gaze but failed miserably. I looked back to the end of the hall and smiled.
I was sitting in a… Wagon of some sort…. Except it was flying! Driven by nothing but two white Pegasuses...Pegasi?... Pegasuses in golden armor…. Why are they all white?! And how do they all look alike? AND HOW CAN TWO FRICKIN’ PONIES CARRY A WHOLE WAGON FILLED WITH THREE PONIES AND ME ON THE SAME GO!?!?!?
Calm down Martin… Just keep it cool… You’ll get your answers answered soon enough.
I must say that I did a good job not to freak out verbally and visually… But inside, I was scared half to death. I have a mix of claustrophobia and a fear of heights. Don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid of heights and I am not claustrophobic. It’s just that I can’t handle being inside a small area and being high up at the same time. So yeah… I can ride a rollercoaster without problem but i can’t ride on the Ferris wheel… My brain is fucked up.
I was looking forward and tried my best not to look out of the window. I noticed that one of the guards was quite amused by my fear due to the fact that he was glancing at me more than once with a smirk.
“What?” I said, glaring back at him with an annoyed voice. “I’m glad that even a sadistic freak like yourself have something to fear” I was taken aback by those words. Not because it was hurting my feelings, but the fact that the one who said it sounded very feminine. It was about now I noticed that this pony in question looked more… how to say it? Smoother than the other two. Now that I think about it… Did I really give out the signal about my fear that clearly?!
I started to chuckle mildly “A sadistic freak? Is that how you guys see me as?” The guards didn’t stop glaring at me… I think that means ‘yes’.
“What have you guys heard about me?” Time to see if that Western wannabe is telling shit or not.
“That you knocked out a baby dragon and tried to kill the element of honesty when she tried to save her friend from you” the gal replied angrily
“Did she tell you guys this herself?”
“No” Said the guard beside me “Thanks to you she got transferred into Canterlot royal hospital!”
“And that’s… Bad?”
The wagon became quiet as the grave itself. That until the gal broke the silence
“I hope that Celestia banish you to the sun at the same moment she lays her eyes on your disgusting figure”
“I can’t shake of that tiny little tingling sensation back in my head that you dislike me for some reason”
The gal exhaled through her nostrils in quite a rough manner and turned her head and faced the window… Eeeyup, she dislikes me alot.
And with that little chit chat over I decided to take a look throughout the window, and boy was that stupid. I quickly turned my head and faced the floor instead, trying not to freak out too much.
The wagon landed smoothly on the ground. And when I say smoothly I mean ‘so smooth that you barely felt it smooth’! I noticed that the guards weren’t moving at all though.
“So… Have we arrived or what?” I said while raising an eyebrow.
They didn’t answer so I took the liberty to take a look out of the window. And just as I was able to see anything, a white flash blended me and I quickly covered my eyes with my hands as I looked away from the window. I could hear the guards mildly laughter filling my ears as I uncovered my eyes and looked around with watery eyes.
“F-fucking hell!” I tried to wipe away the tears but they did not stop appearing… Aww fucking hell, now a big bloody spot is covering my vision! Hate those bloody bastards!
“Not a fan of the camera are you?” One of the guards said as he held back his snickering as well as he could.
“It doesn't surprise me at all. He’s so ugly that mirrors would crack! Why would a camera be any different?” The female guard said, and I was just about to reply when the door to the wagon swung opened and filled the seats with white blinding light. I covered my eyes quickly; several flashing sounds were heard as what seemed like billions of voices yelling out their questions.
But it didn’t take long as a voice calling out: “That’s enough!”, “Out of the way!” and the flashing lights started to die out but did not stop completely. I then heard that the guards that had accompanied me through this bloody trip started to stand up… so I did the same. And with that we all started to walk out of the wagon.
And what I saw baffled me. Not the fact that what seemed like hundreds of ponies trying to take pictures and asking questions of all sorts. What baffled me was the most beautiful castle I have ever seen. Right before me was a tall, white castle. If I was ten years old again I would’ve pissed myself by cheer happiness.
A sharp object was pressed against my back and I placed my hands in my pockets and started to walk towards the stairs, not giving a fuck about the ponies all around me. But I could not stop looking at the big castle wall. It was so beautiful.
“HALT!” A stern voice filled my ears and I lost focus on the castle and started to look at the source of the voice. It was another guard, an unicorn one but in a little fancier armor but just a little bit.
And without a warning a green aura was surrounding me so I started to hold my knife tighter in fear that I had to use it.
The glowing aura disappeared and the guard yelled out: “He’s clear! Bring him in!”. I was just about to walk in when the, oh so annoying, lad to a guard pointed out that I am immune to magic. But his boss didn’t seem to listen as he motioned to me that I should hurry the fuck up… So I did. Just as I entered the castle the shut close right behind me and before me stood, let me see… 2,4 , 6, 8 ,10 1- 15 guards, pointing their spears at me….. Why are they only carrying spears!?! What’s wrong with good old fashioned swords?! But then again, how would they even wielding it?
One of the guards took a step forward and cleared his throat.
“We shall lead you to the interrogation room, where you will be asked a certain amount of questions by the rulers of Equestria, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. And we want you to answer them all with honesty. And no joking around and being a class clown. Do you understand?”
“Sir, yes, Sir” I replied
“Good. Now before doing so, you, as a living creature with feelings and consciousness matched to our own you may ask for a final wish before the interrogation starts.”
Well I say, fancy that!
“There’s only one thing I wish.”
“And that is?”
“I want to talk to the princesses and the princesses only” I said with as straight a face I could muster.
“W-what are you talking about? The original idea of this interrogation WAS that yo-”
“Don’t try to talk shit with me. You think I was born yesterday? I want to talk to the princesses in PRIVATE! I don’t want any of you twats spying around and observing me and/or writing down anything that is said behind those walls. Do you understand?”
“... I’ll make sure that the princesses receives your wish”
“Thank you” I said as i witnessed him teleported away… He just bloody disappeared just like that!
I tried to keep my cool though as the guards started to surround me and lead me towards the great halls of this magnificent castle… That is if it wasn’t for a certain lad that stormed in and headed to us. The guard and I stopped on the spot and turned to the young guard who looked nervous as hell.
“What’s the meaning of this!?” one of the guards spat out as the young one came closer.
“We need to check that thing again!” The young one said which resulted in many eyebrows to raise… even my own actually.
“And why is that? Don’t you trust in your generals decision?”
“I-It’s not that! T-this creature is immune to magic!”
Every guard around me started to laugh at those words. I on the other hand started to become nervous. I underestimated that pup…
“Yes we are all aware of that! That’s why our captain did an metal detector spell AROUND HIM you fool!”
“B-But he is sti-”
“I KNOW WHAT HE IS, BOY!” the guard raised his voice in an irritated manner. “But last time I checked, metal is NOT immune to magic, now is it?”
“N-no sir bu-”
“Then don’t waste our time boy! Now back to your post or I’ll make sure that you won’t even guard school fillies when I'm done with you!”
“S-sorry s-sir! I-I will go now!” And with that he ran off.
“Kids these days” I said to the irritated guard. “You give them a book about stars and they’ll act like they know everything about space”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself” the guard muttered. “Now move along! We’re wasting enough sunlight as it is.” And thus, we began to walk down the corridors once again. I was indeed relieved that the old fool had a hybris bigger than his own ego, otherwise I would be in BIG trouble.
Everything good has its end, they all say. The good things haven’t even started yet on my part! I swear, if I have to walk up another case of stairs once more someone will end up with a cactus up their anuses. But it seemed that heaven gave me an annoyed smile to me because we finally stopped at a small black, iron door.
“Now in with you. The princesses will arrive shortly” The grumpy guard said as he opened the black, iron door and motioned that I should pick up the pace. So I did.
As I entered the rather small, dark room with only a chair and a table in the center, I couldn’t shake of the unfunny feeling that I’m in deep shit.
So I did the only thing I could possibly do… I sat down and waited…. And I waited…. And I waited…. And I wa- yeah you get the idea.
But just then, when I was just about to fall asleep by pure boredom the door opened. And in walked a rather big pure white horse… Oh god… Why did you create a horse with both wings AND a horn?! And why do I keep asking you stuff? I don’t even believe in you!
The white horse (shudder) closed the door behind her and walked up to the table before me. A coffee cup was floating right next to her in a yellow aura. She placed the cup in front of me and looked me in the eyes.
“Thirsty?” She asked in the most soothing voice that only a caring mother could manage to pull of… Now I hate her even more.
“Why yes thank you” I said as I reached for the cup and took a look what was inside. Looks like its apple juice…. Are you serious?
“I promise you that it’s not poisoned” The princess said with a hint of humor in her voice.
“And I should trust you because…?” I asked as I placed the cup back to the table
“Unlike you, I keep my promises.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“You told Twilight that you would wait for my arrival, and look where that promise went.”
“Big talk from a, as we call it at home, a false description”
“What do you mean by ‘false description’?” She asked as her voice became more and more serious and less playful.
“You look like an angel but acts like a devil”
“Excuse me?” I could hear that she was no longer amused by this conversation.
“Here you are saying that I am a filthy liar when your actions morality are even matching my own”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“Yes I am. Your guards told me that I had right for one last wish before starting this conversation with you. And do you remember what my wish was?”
“You wanted to talk to me and my sister in private. No documentation whatsoever.”
“Then tell me ‘princess’. Why are they watching us now?”
Right that moment Celestia gave me the goddamn best pokerface I have ever seen!
“I can assure you that nopony is watching us, nor documenting anything”
“Then explain this to me: You order your guards to place me here. Without handcuffs or any security measures whatsoever and then you walk in to this very room, without any concerns that I might be waiting for a chance to hit you in the head with this chair.” I started to rocking the chair to point out that I was fully capable of moving it. “There are no windows here either, so you could not possibly check before you walked in.”
The princess just kept on giving me that damn pokerface. She knows how it’s done I give her that.
“Martin… I can assure you that nopony I-”
Before she could finish those words I stood up and slammed the knives sharp side down right on the table in front of her. The cup fell over and spilled out every drop of juice and at exactly that moment four unicorn guards teleported in from each corner and levitated their spears towards me. It didn’t matter though, I knew I won this one and so did Celestia.
“Nopony is watching us you say?” I said with a smirk on my face as I slowly sat down on my chair, not giving a flying fuck about the levitating spears that is currently surrounding me.
The princess did not answer at first but kept on looking at me with her glorious pokerface… I have to learn how to do that.
I noticed that one of the spears were too close to the side of my head for my liking, so I just lifted up my finger and gave it a lightly tap on the cold and sharp iron side. As I expected, the unicorn lost the control of the spear as it lifelessly fell to the ground.
The guard quickly picked it up again with his telekinesis abilities and aimed it once again at me. But this time not as close as before.
Celestia gave out a big sigh before motioned to the guards that they shall leave us alone… Well that’s what I think she did anyway due to the fact that they all teleported away… with my knife of course.
“Where did you get that knife from? I made it clear to the guards and Shining armor that you have to go through a metal detection spell before entering my castle.” Celestia asked me with a serious tone. I could see in her eyes that play time was over. No more good cop I do believe.
“I took it from a food cart or some shit like that back at the hospital, and apparently I’m not just immune to magic but everything I touch gets the same attribute.”
“Then how come that I got this from spike?” A rather long rope appeared on the table before us both… It was the rope that the blond pony used to tie me up! Now that I am thinking about it… Why didn’t the rope become magic immune as well?
I took a few seconds just staring at the rope as I tried to come up with a reason how I managed to get free from it… I WAS touching it so it shouldn’t have left my wrists/calves.
“I… I am sorry princess… I am not so sure myself. You see, There’s no magic where I am from! Heck, I never knew that I was immune before Twilight found out about it two weeks ago.”
The Solar princess kept on looking at me, trying to figure out if I was lying or not I do believe.
“Now that you mentioned it… Where are you from? And how did you get here? According to Twilight you came here using a teleportation spell of some sort.”
I placed my hands over my face and started to rub it slowly as I tried to collect my memories… All I could remember was…. Veronica…. My appar- OUR apartment. I was… Sad? Angry? I can’t remember…
“I am from a planet called…. Earth or Terra if you want…. But I can’t remember how I got here. I was having a walk I think, I needed to do something but I can’t remember what… I’m sorry princess but I can’t tell.”
Celestia gave out another big sigh as a document full with paper on it appeared beside her. She opened it up and started to go through them one by one as silence fell upon this bloody room once more.
“So….” I said to break the silence. “Where is your sister, Luna was it? I thought that I was supposed to be interrogated by BOTH the royal highnesses.”
Celestia, of course, did not answer me but just kept on looking through the soddin’ papers. What a grumpy gal, that one…
“Still mad about the Knife incidence?”
And once again, no soddin’ answer. I gave a sigh of my own and kept on waiting for grumpy Mcgrumpyson to read through her papers. And after a few minutes of awkward awaitenings something happened!
“So…” Celestia started of. “According to this papers you are a… herbivores. Is that correct?”
Hoo boy… Time to tell her highness that I lied right up to her scientist pony’s face. Great.
“Yeah about that…” I didn’t get enough time to tell the truth before Celestia started to write something down and ask another question.
“So your teeth are NOT a defence mechanism?”
“Yes and no. They ar-” And once again she started to write something down and asked another fucking question.
“Is it so that your kind is called ‘Humans’ and your name is ‘Martin’?”
“Yes, that is corr-”
“Well at least you were honest in two things” That bitch stated as she wrote something down… God I hate her.
“One last question before I leave you to the hoofs of my guards is: Why did you try to throw Applejack, known as the element of honesty, out of Twilights roof?”
I quickly stood up and slammed my hands down the table and looked into Celestias eyes. She, of course, still had her pokerface on and didn't even flinch an inch…. Hey that rhymes!
“I. Did. NOT. Throw her out of the roof. I INFACT tried to save her bloody life!”
“Is that so?” Celestia said as an eyebrow started to rise up. “Because according to several eyewitnesses, they saw you trying to throw her down the roof but luckily got you down with her.”
“I don’t know if your so called ‘eyewitnesses’ are blind or just stupid, but I did no such hideous thing. If there was someone who-”
“It’s called somePONY, but go on” I swear to fucking God, Allah, Odin, Zeus, pikachu, whoever is in charge, that I’ll give her a fucking high five. Into her face. With a chair, if she interrupted me one. More. Goddamn. Time.
“... As I said, if there was anyONE who tried to throw someONE out of the roof it was HER!”
“You want me to believe that the element of honesty tried to throw YOU out of the roof?”
“Well… ‘Throw’ may not be the correct term, but she did try to kick me out of the roof! I luckily got hold of her as she kicked me which made us both hanging for our lives”
“So you two were ‘hanging for your lives’ as you stated, but how did you ‘save her life’ then?”
“...I made sure that she landed softly.”
“And you want me to believe that you would commit such selfless act?”
Ok, now she is pissing me off.
“I see what you are doing there. You don’t want to believe me. You want to see me as a heartless psychopath.”
“And why, pray tell, do I want to see you as such?”
“Because it would make your job much easier” Celestia did not say a word after that… I think I got something here.
“You don’t want to believe me because if you did, then you had to play the fifty/fifty game. If you did believe me then you could endanger everyONE out there if you let me go. So right now you are doing everything you can to stay untrusting towards me, that’s why you kept on interrupting me when I tried to explain why I lied to your… ponies”
The eyebrow started to sink back to its original position as she just kept on looking at me in disbelief.
“I have to agree that you doesn't make it easier for me to trust you. You have assaulted two of my subjects and straight up lied to my most faithful student.”
Huh… So twilight is her student? In what? Pokerface training?
“Does it ever have accrued to you that there MIGHT have been a reason why I did the things I did?”
Those words got the solar princess thinking big time! I love moments like these!
“I have dealt with many monsters in my days Martin. And do you think they had a valid reason to create chaos and harm innocent creatures?”
I slowly sat down on my chair once more, never losing my sight on the princess's physiognomy… ehm… Face.
“Let me tell you the story of a creature trapped in a prison made of glass. And whose wardens gave him nothing to eat more than pancakes and apples. He could however just speak up, tell them that he needed to eat or do something else. But he was too amused by their pathetic attempts to make him talk. So technically, it was his fault that he got nothing but pancakes and apples.”
The princess just rolled her eyes and kept on listening.
“But then he was told a story by his wardens. A story about a smart and fair leader whose only purpose was to make the lives of those who lives under her wings better. And that made the glass prisoner think. He started to think that maybe he should speak to the smart and fair leader due to what he will say might scare her subjects. It took him a week however to make up his mind and to decided to speak. And when he did so he had to play out some white lies so he wouldn’t scare his wardens. But after doing so he got told that the fair and smart leader had no interest in meeting the creature after another two bloody weeks and that upset him greatly.”
Without a warning I jumped up to the table and sat down cross-legged and stared into the princess’s eyes. This time she almost backed away a step but controlled herself in time to stay where she stood.
“So was he going to stay put like a bloody dog waiting for his master to beat him up? Oh nonono he was not. So he escaped. Unfortunately it didn’t go as he planned thus he had to hurt a poor little dragon and hit a pony who only wanted to protect her friend. And that hurt the creature more than anyone could see.”
I leaned closer to the princess and whispered to her.
“Do you know what it feels like being far, far, far away from home without any friends nor family by your side? Do you know what it feels like being accused for being a heartless monster when all you wanted was to go home?”
“Nopony forced you to act like you did” she said back to me.
“Monsters are never born, they are created."
“What do you mean by that?” The princess asked with annoyance in her voice.
“Maybe you should ask your sister.” Those words struck the princess hard. She started to back away a few steps but I went off the table and walked up to her. “I do believe you never answered my questions. Do you know what it feels like being transformed into something that others have created?” The princess had now her hind against the door. And I walked up to her even closer and stopped only inches away from her.
“Do you?” The princess now hung her head in shame but no words were said. She didn’t have to say anything either. I knew that I won this round.
The solar goddess was just about to say something but was stopped by me as I lifted up my hand and signed her; ‘dont talk’.
“Before you say anything… I’m starving. Go get me a sandwich or something would yah?
The darkness started to fade away as a certain orange pony started to come back to the land of living. She slowly opened up her eyes and was greeted by a rather pink equine only inches away from her face.
“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh, She’s awake!” The pink pony burst out as she hugged her recently healed friend.
Apple jack was just about to inform the hyperactive pinkie that she could not breathe but was interrupted by the very same pony who caused the lack of oxygen.
“PINKIE!” The Western pony yelled out to stop the madness that occurred.
“Yes, Applejack?” She asked innocently.
“Ah can’t breathe”
“Oopsie” Pinkie said as she let go of her friend and happily jumps of the bed.
“W-where am ah anyway?” The cowgirls started to look around in hope to figure out where she was. But got an answer rather quickly by her friend.
“You’re in the hospital wing in Canterlot, silly”
“Why in tarnation am ah here? And where is the creature?”
“The princess is having an interrogation with him as we speak! You are here so we could blast him with the elements of harmony as soon as you have woken up, and now you have! So justice can now finally prevail! DUH!” Pinkie said as it was the obvious thing in the frickin’ world.
"WHAT?!" Applejack exclamed as she jumped of the bed and approached her pink friend. "We can't do that to him! He saved mah life!!"
“He did?”
“Yes he DID! Ah was hanging for mah life on top of Twi’s roof and he could’ve let me fall and save himself! But he did not!”
“He didn’t?”
“.......Yah are doing that again!”
“I do?”
“Yes! You are just askin’ me a question every time I’m telling you something important!”
“I am?”
Apple jack exhaled in an irritated fashion as she facehoofed. “Where are the rest of the girls?” Apple jack asked as she and pinkie started to walk towards the exit of the hospital wing.
“They are down at the cafe and taking something to bite. They are gonna be super excited when they see you healthy as a sea cucumber!”
“Ah beg you’ pardon?”
“Healthy as a sea cucumber!” Pinkie said as her smile became even bigger… Is that even possible?
“Ah don’t get it”
“Have you ever seen a sick sea cucumber?”
“....Can’t say that ah have…”
“See?” Pinkie started to bounce up and down as they headed down to the stairs towards the cafe.
“Whatever should we do with this foul beast my dearest sister?” The princess of the night asked her beloved co-ruler as they looked out over their land from a balcony. It was not much long until Luna had to perform her duty which involved raising the moon.
“I wished that I knew, Luna. I don’t trust him a bit but there’s something about him that makes me feel… Sorry for him.” Celestia said as she looked over to Luna.
“How could you possibly feel sorry for such creature? He has committed several acts of assaults and top of that he threatened your life with a knife!”
“There’s no denial in that he assaulted two of my subjects, but I think that he never wanted to use the knife against me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because if he truly wanted to hurt me with it, he would have done it earlier and not slamming it on the table as he did… He just wanted to prove that we were actually documenting our conversation.”
“He is resourceful and know how to improvise, we give him that. But that only proves that he cannot be trusted!” “But you should have seen his eyes. He just want to go home and those eyes of his just screamed for help!”
“He fooled Twilight, Fluttershy AND Spike in believing that he was harmless. If Miss Twilight didn’t stay on the safer side and asked Applejack to guard him… Who knows what he could have done!”
“But his ey-”
“He has proven being a convincing actor as well, sister!” Luna spat out as she stomped her hoof on the concrete floor. Silence fell over the balcony as Celestia once again looked over the landscape. The sunlight were giving her land a shower of warm, delightful light, but not for much longer as the lunar princess took off and started to raise the moon with her magic.
As the moon was settled she slowly flew down to the balcony and joined her sister once more.
“What should we do?” Celestia asked.
“We think that… We should help him to reach his home. His kind and behaviour does not belong here in Equestria.”
“But we cannot let him wander off as we try to find his home… Should we..?”
“Maybe we should.” Luna said in a serious tone. “He may not like it but he will at least have a chance to find home, does he not?”
Celestia gave out a big sigh as she closed her eyes lightly, thinking about the option. After a few moments of intense thinking she came to a conclusion.
“Maybe it would be for the best to… Lock him in, for a reasonable amount of time of course.”
Luna gave her a nod as she gained herself some height.
“Do so dear sister. We must however continue our duty and bring the stars to life.” And with that she took off with an amazing speed up to the big blue. Celestia however turned around and walked towards the balconies exit, where two royal guards stood at attention as the princess approached.
She stopped before one of them. “Go and bring twenty of all kinds of guards. Pegasi, Unicorns and Earth ponies. Tonight, we will lock the monster behind bars.”
"If you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle."
My apartment door opened up, revealing a rather short brunette girl. She was wearing nothing but a towel, which covered both her upper and lower section.
Her chocolate brown eyes was narrowed as she gazed at me with a hint of annoyance
“Hur tusan lyckas du med att glömma dina nycklar varje gång du ska ut?” (How the hell do you keep forgetting your keys every time you go out?)
I just shrugged at her as she took a step to the side so that I could enter our apartment. She closed the door after me as I took of my winter jacket and pulled of my shoes and walked over to the living room to greet my pet bird Jackie. That poor thing was sitting all alone on his favorite stick in a rather small cage besides the tv. He is a splendor rosella, a beautiful bird with the base colour red. But his wings and back was framed with all kinds of majestatic colours. Cyan blue, light green and orange. And under his beak was a spot of white. He was indeed a sight to behold.
“Hey Jackie!” I called out to him cheerfully. He did not however answer me as he used to. He just sat there on his favorite stick and looked down to the bottom of the cage.
I gave a sad sigh as I sat down beside the cage.
“Ja jag vet… Det känns ensamt när han inte är här längre.” (Yeah I know… It feels lonely now that he aint here anymore.)
I said to him with a hint of sadness in my voice.
“Vad sa killen vid djuraffären om Jack? Visste han vad som var för fel på han?” (What did the guy at the pet shop say about Jack? Did he know what was wrong with him?) Veronica asked as she walked up to me and gave me a hug from behind. My back started to become soaked with water from Veronicas towel but I did not pay any heed about it.
“Nej… Han blev lika chockad som jag när jag berättade om Jack… Det var troligtvis en någon form av en hjärtattack…” (No ... He was just as shocked when I told him about Jack ... It was probably a some kind of a heart attack …)
Jack was my other pet bird. He was the same kind of bird as Jackie but he was a little bit more withdrawn than Jackie was. He did sadly enough past away after just a few days after I got him. The sad thing about it was that Jack was Jackies partner for a whole year. And that means a lot for a bird like them.
“Men vi måste väl få en ny? Plus, när kommer deras riktiga bur att komma in?” (But we must surely get a new one? Plus, when will their proper cage get in stock?) Veronica asked as she let me go and started to go back to our room, probably about to dress up.
“Han sa att vi skulle få en ny praktrnosella… Men jag funderar på att ta in en annan art… Och han sa att buren skulle nog komma in nästa vecka.” (He said we would get a new splendor rosella ... But I'm thinking about to bring in another species ... And he said that the cage would probably come in next weekend.)
I said over my shoulder so that she could hear me. I stood up and started to inspect the cage. This cage was as, I mentioned earlier, a rather small one. But not small enough to be called animal cruelty.
“Bra med mat, rent vatten och ren bur i allmänhet.” (Good amount of food, clean water and clean cages in general.) I said to myself with a small smile. At least Jackie here had a proper home.
“That does not change the fact that the dreadful monster hurt my Spikie wikey!” A certain snow white coated unicorn mare stated as she was taking another sip from her glass of water/vodka/martini- I don’t know.
“Ah know that! But we can’t ignore the fact that he saved mah life!” The western pony protested.
“But that doesn't make any sense! Why would he save your life when you clearly heard him stating that he was not afraid to kill you off if he didn’t get what he wanted!” Said Twilight
“Ah think that it was just empty threats, Twi’.... Ah think that he was just scared.”
“I still don’t think that we should let him out! Scared or not, no freak hurts my friends and gets away with it!” The cyan coloured mare named Rainbow Dash protested as she slammed her hoof on the table.
A yellow pony with pink mane jumped up in the air with an “eeeee” and curled up into a yellow/pink fluffy ball of cuteness when she landed on the cold hard cafe floor.
“I agree with Rainbow on this one” Said Rarity. “He may have been scared but that does not give him the rights to hurt anypony. And Twilight here was ready to make some changes for this beast, but was he greatful?”
“Grateful!? How would ya’ll feel after being trapped behind a glass wall for two whole weeks?! And the way you describe it Twi’, it sounded like he could only stand up or laying down on his bed!”
“B-but I was willing AND preparing to expand it!” Twilight said as she tried to defend herself.
“But do you really think that would be enough?” Pinkie pie asked. “I don’t know about you guys but I would go CREEEEAAZY if I was imprisoned like that!”
“But would you hurt other ponies in order to break free?” Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Dunno” Pinkie simply answered as shrugged. “It depends if those who keeps me imprisoned is a bunch of meanie pants or not”
Silence fell over the table. It was about now that Twilight noticed that they were the only ones who was in this cafe except for two guards a few tables away who was eating their supper with a healthy appetite.
“What do you think about this darling?” Rarity asked Fluttershy. “You have been quiet throughout this whole conversation.”
“Like always” Rainbow stated as she rolled her eyes.
O-oh I… I-I think that….we should give him a chance.”
“What?!” Both Twilight and rainbow bursted out.
“I-I’m sorry….”
“D-don’t be sorry, darling but…. WHY would we give him a chance?”
“B-because I-I believe that he is… A nice… Human, we just have to give him a chance.”
“A nice human?” Rainbow asked. “He knocked out spike and kicked AJ down the stairs! Yeah he saved her life, so what?! For all we know he may have planned to gain our trust so that he could takes us out when we lower our guards down!”
“I-I don’t think that he would do such thing.”
“How do you know?” Twilight asked.
“B-because his eyes…”
And once again silence fell upon the table.
“Whatever do you mean, dear?”
“W-when I first met my friend, Mr. bear, he accidently fell down from a cliff and broke one of his hind leg... And that made him… Scared and very aggressive. I-it was difficult to treat him but when I finally managed to patch him up he became the sweetest teddy bear there is!”
Rainbow dash gave out an irritated groan as she facedhoofed. “We are not talking about an animal from everfree here, shy! We are talking about an alien who obviously have no trouble hurting ponies!”
“B-but you’re wrong! very wrong! I-I don’t think that he likes to hurt anypony!”
“Again, Fluttershy. There’s no evidence that he is a peaceful human!”
“Yes there is!” Applejack bursted out and made everypony around the table to turn their heads to her.
“And that is…?” Rarity asked.
“Think ‘about it! He is all alone in a unknown planet without any friends or family by his side! Say, Rainbow. Wouldn’t you do everything in your power to break free and find a way home?”
“I… I guess.” The athlete answered while lowering her head.
“Don’t get me wrong now. Ah don’t think that what he did was acceptable in any way, but ah do however believe that he deserves another chance”
“When you put it like that…” Twilight said. Now everypony around the table was lowering their heads.
Rainbow dash was just about to say something when a deep voice filled the cafe. The six girls turned their heads towards the entry and saw a royal guard calling his fellow guards a few tables away from them.
“HEY, YOU TWO! Princess Celestia have ordered us to meet up at the interrogation room!”
“W-What? Why!?” One of the guards replied.
“I don’t know for sure! But there are a few who says that we are gonna arrest the creature and bring him down to the dungeon!”
“We’re on our way!” And with that the guards abandoned their supper and rushed towards their destination.
The girls however took a few seconds to process the information about the event that is about to occur. Then they all looked at each other and then they all started to run to the interrogation room as fast as they could.
“What the actual fuck is this shit?! For fuck sake, I thought that I was rather clear when it came to NO CRUNCHES!” I cried to no one in particular as I opened up my sandwich and looked through the layer after layer of lettuce and… Flowers? “No butter either? What kind of sick fucks are they?” I mumbled to myself as I removed the flowers. Truth to be told, they were actually kinda beautiful… The flowers that is. White petal and a yellow Center, What was those called again? Eh, who cares? They are pretty, nuff said.
Once I was done with the removing of biologic forms that possessed photosynthesis abilities, I started to stack them up in a pile. I counted up to five of them and looked through my sandwich in case I missed one. And nope, five it was. I gave a sigh before I started to take a bite of the lettuce filled abomination called ‘sandwich’.
And as I expected… Dry as fuck and just as tasteless. But it was still a rather nice change from pancakes and apples 24/7. And yes, I pulled of the crunches because it seemed that I am the only one who is competent enough to accomplish such task.
I was halfway through my sandwich when the door burst open, and in walked three earthpony guards. I got a little surprised at that display but I think I did not give out such signals.
“Oh finally! I asked for an actual sandwich without crunches! How in the royal fuck did you all mess tha-”
I did not finish my sentence before the guards aimed their spears dangerously close to my face.
“...On second thoughts though… I think that I’ll take the sandwich as it is….”
“You’re under arrest by the orders of our ruler princess Celestia.”
“...Yeah I HAVE been under arrest by that bitch for quite a while now”
The guard was not amused by my response and therefore brought his spear very, very close to my throat. I could actually feel the cold and sharp metal pressing at my adams apple.
“Silence you scum! You’re gonna follow us to the dungeon peacefully or we WILL use force”
Everything became silent for a few seconds.
“Can I at least finish my sandwich?” This got resulted with another pair of spears pressing against my throat. I lifted up my hands defensively and slowly rose up from the chair. The spears was of course following my throat until I was fully standing up.
“Now move!” one of the guards demanded. And I did what they so nicely asked me to do. If they were unicorns I would have an easier fight on my hands but I may be able to lose them in the many corridors this castle haaaaaaave… Forgot what I just said because just at the moment I opened the door I was greeted with at least 60 guards waiting outside for me.
“Well… GG I guess.” I sighed to myself as I stopped moving right outside the door. And that resulted in me being poked on my back with those bloody spears.
“Did we tell you too stop? Keep moving you criminal scum!” And so I did. I started to walk down the mighty hall of guards as they started to walk along with me. Even a few pegasuses…. Pegasi? eh who cares, Pegasuses were flying above me, but they were not pointing any spears at me but something much worse. It looked like some kind of blades that was covering their wings. So they basically created a weapon that needed their strongest and most flexible parts of their body in order to use it? Maybe they are not a bunch of picnic addicted lunatics after all.
However, the guards guided me through some corridors and impressive rooms and some less impressive stairs. But alas, we came to a stop. It was odd though because we were standing in the middle of a corridor with no windows or doors, that I can understand because I must be deep down inside this castle. But that does not answer my question why we stopped.
But little did I know that my question soon would be answered as I heard some voices behind me. A bunch of feminine voices I do believe, I did not however turn around because I had no clue if the guards would approve that so I just stood still until I heard…
“Let us through! This is all a misunderstanding!”
I swear that I have heard that voice before….
“He is not a monster! He’s just misunderstood”
If I only got a clue of who it could be….
“I’m terrible sorry miss sparkle. But this is a direct order from princess Celestia herself. If you want to release this creature from his custody you must speak to her.”
…...Nope. Still blank.
“What?! But why can’t we just bring him back to Celestia so we can convince her?!”
“It doesn’t work that way Miss sparkle. Celestia is in the throne room, speaking with your brother. Meantime we have to secure him inside the dungeon as Celestia ordered us to do in the first place.”
First she plan to keep me beside a small glass box for 4 weeks, then she keeps me inside an interrogation room for several hours…. And now she want me to shake bars?
“D-don’t worry Martin! We will get you out of this mess, I promise!”
What a nice soul… If I only knew who it was. Gotta thank her later though because I heard a pair of hoofs galloping away.
“Just because you’re lucky enough to have the elements of harmony on your side doesn't mean that you’re free to stand here for the rest of the night. Keep moving.”
I have been in this dark cell for a while now. I can’t really tell how long I have been here though, the darkness has its way to erase all senses of concept of time. It is possible that I have been here for only two hours but it feels like an eternity.
I was leaning against the wall on my “bed” and looked behind the metallic bar door. The only light source was a pair of torches whose flames were dancing around in a hypnotic way.
“Good thing that they are swaying like that. That means that there is a draft somewhere around. Maybe a way out?” I thought to myself as I stood up and stretched.
“I’ll give them two breakfasts before I set my escape plan in motion. And this time I won’t play nice…. Please, whoever you are, that were supposed to get me out, do it before I’ll do anything we all regret.”
I woke up by a someone hitting the iron bars continuously. I looked over to the exit of my beloved abode and saw a unicorn guard with a baton like object levitating besides him.
“You have a visitor” The guard simply stated as he took a step to the side and a quite a familiar lavender colored unicorn got in my sight.
“How does it come that whenever I see you, there's a wall between us?”
Twilight rolled her eyes as her horn started to glow her signature color and so did the bar door, but it lost its glowing aura as soon as it was fully opened.
“Was it unlocked all along?” I thought to myself. But I did not care for long because I am finally free!!
“We are gonna have a conversation with princess Celestia and princess Luna. And if we’re lucky you might be set free tonight!” Twilight exclaimed with glee. But I can’t say that I was bursting with joy, knowing that I have to spend more time inside the same room with that fucktard called princess.
“Not for being a stick in the mud, but why the instant revision on the princess’s part?”
“I wouldn’t call it ‘instant’. It took a little while to truly convince the princesses to set you free but we managed!”
I know that I should explode with pure happiness but I can’t get out that nagging feeling back in my head that I want to highfive the princess in the face with a chair. And if Twilight here is speaking the truth, then such action have to wait…Unfortunately.
“So what’s the catch?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
Twilight did not answer me at first but kept on looking at me as if she was trying to think up something to say.
“Well, y-you see…” She started off. “That’s why we are gonna have a ‘conversation’ with Celestia and Luna… So we can come up with terms and conditions in exchange for your freedom.”
“What are we waiting for?!” I said as I quickly stood up, walked past Twilight and headed down the dark corridor.
“W-wait for me!” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As we were walking up the stairs I noticed that something were missing.
“Where’s the guards?” I asked as I looked around.
“Oh I made sure that that kind of assistance wouldn’t be necessary” Twilight stated happily.
“Cool, Cool.” I simply responded as we reached the top of the stairs and headed down one of the many white corridors in this castle. “So, how many are gonna participate in our, hopefully, friendly and non violent verbal discussion about my freedom and my way back home?”
“You, me, princess Celestia, Luna and five of my friends”
“Ah, is it those five friends that you mentioned the first week we met?” I asked as I looked down to Twilight.
“Yes they are, so you WERE listening to what I said to you?”
“Of course I did, just because I didn’t answer you doesn't mean that I wasn’t listening.”
“About that, WHY did you go mute those two weeks anyway? It made my research a lot complicated than it had to be.” Twilight stated with a hint of irritation in her voice.
“To be 100% honest with you, I did it just to get on your nerves.” That made Twilight staring at me with an expression that said: ‘Are you bucking seriouse?!’ “But I soon realized that it was a waste of time so I decided to talk to y’all, which resulted as a fruitless act so I esc- you know what happened next.”
“I see…” Silence did its part as we walked down the corridor and made a right turn, and what do you know? More corridors.
“Where’s Spike by the way?” That question looked like it came out of the blue for Twilight, because it took a few seconds for her to answer me.
“H-he is still in ponyville to look after the library. Why?”
“I just wanted to apologise for what I did to him. I can’t say that knocking a baby dragon belongs on my wall of pride.” Knowing that I have harmed a mere child bring sadness into my heart. And I think that Twilight noticed it because she walked closer to me and gave me a friendly smile.
“I’m glad that you regret what you did. It proves that you are not a monster.”
“I guess” I sighed as we now turned right and stopped before two gigantic doors.
“Now.” Twilight started as she stopped in front of me and looked up to me. “Behind these doors are the throne room. In there we’re gonna come up with terms and conditions in exchange for your freedom and a ticket home, so can you PLEASE behave?! I have heard about your stunts in the interrogation room.” Twilight pleaded. Seriously, why does everyone think that I am all trouble?
“Yeah, Yeah. Let’s get it over with.” I said as I walked past Twilight and pushed one of the doors. What I didn’t foresee was as soon as the door was half opened a pink equine appeared from nowhere only inches away from my face. That sudden appearance made me take a few steps back and waving my arms in random directions as I yelled kid friendly curses on my native language.
“HelloI’mPinkiePie!” The pink devil introduced herself as she bounced towards me. I, as manly as I am, Started to back away from her while continuously called her all sorts of kid friendly names in Swedish. It did not last for long because she, somehow, managed to appear behind me and gave me a hug.
“You talk funny! And you don’t look like a monster, more like a mutated monkey!”
“I-I beg you pardon!?” I asked as I lost my footing and started to havering towards the doors. And as you expected I crashed through the doors and my face became best friend with the floor, and somehow the pink devil managed to stay on my back as we both was gliding towards the center of the room.
“P-Pinkie! Twilight called out as she started to run to us.
“That was super duper fun! Again! Again!” The pink fucktard exclaimed as she was jumping up and down on my back.
“G-get of him! C-can’t you see that you’re hurting him?!” It was about now that pinkie pie looked down and noticed that I was not moving. She quickly jumped off me and started to shake my body.
“I-Im sorry! I-I didn’t mean to hurt you, are you ok?!” I just gave her a groan as an answer. My nose were pulsing. I hope she didn’t break it, it’s my favorite nose after all.
“Pinkie! What in tarnation did you do!?” A familiar voice filled my ears as I started to turn around so I saw the ceiling. The sound of hoof beats also echoed in the room. And soon enough six pony heads appeared above me.
“A-are you ok darling?” The white one asked.
“Don’t strangle the pink one, don’t strangle the pink one. For the love of God, don’t strangle the pink one. This is your only chance for freedom in a peaceful manner, so don’t you fucking blow it!” I screamed to myself inside my head. You may think that I am too harsh on the poor little #&¤” /@#€ but I have spend more time isolated than a human being should have, I’m hungry as fuck because no one in this damn castle seems to know how to make A PROPER SANDWICH! And now… a pink pony made me have a nice acquaintance with the cold, hard floor. Needless to say, I am pissed…
“I am…. Ok…..” I started off. “Can someone hel-”
“SomePONY” Twilight coughed. And that ladies and gentlemen made my right eye twitch. That last statement was the last drop, and they bloody knew it because they started to take a few steps back.
“.............. Twilight….. My dear. Everything has its own time and place, you know… And being a smartass does not, I repeat, does NOT fit in here.”
“S-sorry” Twilight said weakly. I’m telling you, it took everything I had in me to hold in all the rage and frustration that wanted to break free so, so, so badly. All I could do was to take a few deep breaths and count to ten.
“I’m sorry everyone… I have been through some difficult times, that’s all.” I said as I started to sit up and check if my nose was ok. And thankfully it was, infact, I wasn’t even bleeding!
“Oh, there is no need to apologies darling.” The white one started. “Just look at you! you look like a mess!”
“Spend two weeks imprisoned without a shower, then spill apple juice over your clothes and be captured again. After that see how fresh YOU look” I said as I started to stand up. “By the way, where is the princesses? I want to get this over with so that I can take a shower and have something GOOD to eat”
“Then thou shalt be pleased to hear that we have arrived, creature.” A powerful voice appeared behind me. I slowly turned around and saw a dark alicorn whose wings were expanded in a rather majestic way. But boy does she talk weird or what?
"If you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot"
“P-princess Luna!” Twilight said as she bowed deeply along with her five friends. I of course didn’t move a finger.
“Miss Sparkle.” Princess Luna said and returned the gesture with a nod as she walked up to me with her wings still spread out in a majestic manner… What a show of.
“Thou must be the fearsome alien our dear sister has spoken of” she pointed out as she inspected me from top to toe.
“No, you must be thinking about the OTHER fearsome alien over there” I replied sarcastically as I pointed to an empty part of the throne room.
“Is this how your kind shows gratitude towards those who agree on letting thou out?” Luna was now just an arms reach away from me. She did not however stop moving but started to walk around me. Probably to inspect me some more because I could feel her eyes staring at me as she walked around me in a circle.
“Nah we usually beat the living shit out of those who unfairly send us to the dungeons in the first place. But I think you’d appreciate sarcasm more.”
“Thou have some nerves, speaking to a princess in such way” She said as she now stopped before me and once again looked me in the eyes. Her face became stern as her eyes tried to pierce through mine. But I was not afraid of her. If I survived the pink devil then I won’t let the princess of the night fill my mind with fear.
“And you got some nerves judging me without even knowing my name, Princess.”
“We do know that your name is Martin.”
“Great, you judged me even though you only knew my name. I don’t know much about ponies, but that’s low, even for human standards.”
“Thou are correct on that point. But we don’t know much about your race, but lying, knocking out a baby dragon and kicking down said dragons friend from a case of stairs, are viewed in a lower state for us ponies.” I became quiet after that. What was there to say anyway? She’s right. What I did was low and unacceptable. “But even though thee committed such crimes” Luna continued as her face softened up a little. “Thou, unselfishly, took the fall in order to save our dear Applejack. What changed your violent behaviour?”
“Well… If I did let her die, who would bite my leg whenever I do something stupid again?” A chuckle was heard from blondi. At least she got humor.
“Thou are a fascinating persona. We give you that. What worries us though is that thee have proven thyself to be an excellent actor.”
“I had to learn how to be deceptive” I simply answered her.
"That would be the very reason why we do not trust thee." Luna walked past me and headed towards the six ponies behind me. I gave out a tired sigh and walked towards the big ass window and inspected the kingdom that was before me. The sun was beaming with warm and cozy warmness over both me and the population in the big city. I closed my eyes and let the sunshine shower over me. I must say that the warmth of the sun was exactly what I needed after being underground for a while.
I then opened up my eyes and started to do what I intended to do in the first place. To inspect the city, and I must say that I was rather impressed with what I saw. Even though they are a bunch of colorful ponies with tattoos on their asses they are not so very different from humans when it comes to constructions of buildings... "note to self" I thought. "Ask them about the meaning of their tattoos... And why they are placed on their arses...."
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" A voice suddenly popped up beside me as I winched and quickly looked at the source of the voice.
"Oh I'm sorry! I didn't mean to surprise you." It was Twilight, and she looked rather happy for some reason. I didn't answer but looked around and saw that the princess was gone…
"Where's the old dictionary? I thought that we were supposed to work out an agreement here." Twilights smile faded away and gave me a rather stern look.
"Don't talk about her in that way." Her voice was just as serious as her face. "Yes, she may talk differently. But you may remember that I and my friends here, not long ago freed her from nightmare moon after a thousand years of absolute solitude. You of all, should be understanding. And the princess and I came to an agreement to let you at least take a shower and eat something before we talk about anything."
I don't know how, but that mare just made me feel a little bit guilty…That’s quite impressive.
"Sorry..." I sighed out as I turned to the window again. A sigh from Twilight was also heard. "It's ok." Twilight began. "I know that you feel... Alone and perhaps a little bit scared but... If we all put down the battle axe for now we will both get along quicker and maybe find a way to your home planet." I closed my eyes for a second and inhaled and exhaled deeply. I then turned to Twilight and looked down at her with a weak smile.
"Yeah... I guess you're right" “Of course she’s right, stupid. The era of aggressiveness have passed. Time to be a little bit more friendly, I guess” I thought to myself as I witnessed Twilights smile returning. “Oh, before we get cleaned up, let me introduce you to my friends!” Twilight beamed as she walked over to her friends. Truth be told, I was starting to get nervous. I mean, I literally kicked one of them down a pair of stairs!
“Martin, let me introduce you to my best friends. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie (Pink devil) and Fluttershy and Applejack as you already know.” They all said their ‘hello’s’ and I returned a, more or less awkward greeting back….. While keeping an eye on that bouncing pink one…. I don’t trust her one bit.
“Now listen here, you big ape!” I was caught off guard as the cyan pegasus was right up my face. Her wings was gently flapping as her face was, by the looks of it, trying to murder mine. “My friends are willing to give yah a new chance, and so do I. But remember that I’m keeping an eye on you. If you so much harm a hair from my friends manes I will buck your-”
“Rainbow Dash! Ah think that he got the picture. Now let him breath for once, will yah?” Applejack promptly interrupted Rainbow as she walked up to my side and faced Rainbow Dash.
“I-It’s ok, really. She’s just trying to protect you guys.” I said cheaply as I scratched the back of my neck….. I really need to take a bath. My hair feels greasy as butter.
“I’m quite sure that we won’t have any more trouble with Mr. Martin again, Rainbow Dash. Don’t you agree?” Rarity asked in a polite manner as she looked over to me.
“I’m not here to cause trouble, scout honor.” I simply promised and placed my left hand on my chest and the right one up in the air.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! Is that a human version of a pinkie promise!” Pinkie pie jumped up and down repeatedly and gave me a big, creepy smile.
“Yeah… Sure, whatever you say….” When a pony say ‘Pinkie promise’ It must be something else than the regular pinkie promise, because last time I checked they do not have a fucking pinkie finger!
“Now, now. Let’s not beat around the bush too much. This poor human have a serious need of a bath. I can even smell him from here. No offence of course.”
“Non taken, and I do agree with you Rarity. So where are we going?
“First of all, we are going to escort you to one of the royal guest rooms, where you can clean yourself up. We don’t have any clothes in your size...or shape, so you are going to have to leave them to be cleaned while you are taking your bath. Does that sound good for you? I’ve heard from the royal guards that you do not appreciate the thought of going somewhere without your clothes” “No, I don’t like the thought to go out naked, thank you”
“Let’s get this over with! I’m starting to get hungry so let’s show him the room already!” The rainbow coloured pegasus complained as he crossed her front hoof in an irritated manner.
“You’re hungry?! Last time I ate something was yesterday's satan's little sandwich of failed potential!” I thought to myself. I didn’t want to stay here any longer so I stayed quiet and looked over to the door.
Twilight gave out an irritated sigh as she turned to the door. “Well then, shall we?”
And with that we all started to walk out of the throne room and walked down the endless corridors that this castle had. But this time there were guards around, but they didn’t stop us or anything. Which was nice really, I’m getting tired of having a spear aimed at my general direction all the time.
We were all quiet. No one dared to start a conversation. It was like when you sit beside a stranger on the buss. You either just look out at the window or just keep looking right ahead. It all changed when we passed by a big mirror. What I saw made me stop right on the spot and the ponies noticed my lack of movement and turned around.
“Is something the matter?” Rarity asked with a concerned voice. I did not answer as I kept looking at my own reflection. My dark brown, greasy hair was so long that it reached the top of my back. My pile was long enough to cover my right green/blue eye. I had also grown a beard and a mustache…. Not the glorious, Viking kind of facial hair. It was a mix of a normal looking one and the kind early teenagers gets.
I started to chuckle. Soon it evolved to a small laughter
“No wonder why you guys are scared of me! I look like an ape with a chromosome problem!” I started to laugh harder and soon enough Pinkie Pie and even Rainbow Dash joined in.
“D-don’t be so hard on yourself” Rarity said, she tried not to laugh but it was obvious that she was close to laugher herself.
“Y-you are not… That scary….” Fluttershy said behind her mane. No sign of humor or anything.
“Anyway, jokes aside. Is there any chance that I can borrow a razor? I’m quite sure that I will look less intimidating without all this facial hair.”
“Do you humans often shave it off?” Twilight asked while giving me a quizzical look. “Yeah, some do. Why?”
“N-Nothing. Just a harmless question. And I think that we can fix that.”
“Splendid, splendid” I said as I kept on going and so did they. It didn’t take long before we finally arrived at our destination. The ponies stopped at the front of the door and looked over to me.
“Ok, this is the room. Just place your clothes on the bed and they will hopefully be cleaned in an hour or so. After that we will have our “meeting” With the princesses while you can have something to eat.” I like that Twilight more and more. She is the kind of perso- eh… Pony that get things done.
I gave her a nod as I walked over to the door and opened it. “Thank you for everything Twilight. And thank you all for understanding.” That was the last thing I said before closing the door, I didn’t even let them answer back.
The corridor fell silent while the girls looked at each other.
“Now what?” Apple Jack asked as she looked at Twilight.
“Now we wait.” She looked down the corridor and saw two guards walking towards them. As they arrived they gave them all a nod. “Are the pegasi guards in their positions?” Twilight asked one of the guards.
“They are outside of his window as we speak. He won’t go anywhere where we can’t follow.”
“Splendid. You can now go and tell the maiden that his clothes are ready for pick up. Oh, and ask her if she can bring a razor too.” Twilight asked the other guard who gave back a nod.
“Of course Ms. Sparkle.” He then turned around and walked away.
I woke up to the sound of the alarm on my cell phone. I groaned in annoyance as I slowly turned around and turned it off. Now I’m stuck in my heavenly soft bed of awesomeness and couldn’t find the strength to stand up. The smell of hay filled my nose and the sounds of happy guinea pigs filled my delicate ears. I looked down to the other side of my room and saw the cage to my girlfriends little babies. I looked to my left and saw Veronica sleeping like an angel beside me. She started to turn around and faced the wall when my alarm set off.
“Ingen skola idag? lyckost” (No school today? Lucky you) I gave her a quick kiss on her neck and went of the bed and dressed myself up. I walked out to the living room and headed to the big bird cage that had finally arrived and so did the new family member! I stopped before it and crouch down so that I could open the side of the cage. Jackie woke up and started to fly to the other side of the cage.
“Godmorgon Jackie! Sovit gott?” (Good morning Jackie! Slept well?) I asked the beautiful red splendid rosella as I grabbed the water bowl. He did not answer back, of course.
“Men vart är din rumskamrat?” ("But where is your roommate?") I got my question answered as a green kakariki landed on my arm which I was grabbing the food bowl with. He started to chipper happily and jumped and flew around the cage like a speedy gonzales on crack.
“Där är du James! Sovit gott?” (There you are James, slept well?)
James on the other hand loved to answer my question. This little fellow liked to talk, even to himself. I could hear how Veronica started to turn around in the bed. 3….2…..1…..
“Jag stör mig som fan på James! Kan inte han hålla käft?!” (James is bothering me like hell! Can’t he just shut up?!)
“Och du vill fortfarande ha barn va?” (And you still want to have kids huh?) I replied back as a smug was forming on my face. I took the bowls to the kitchen and cleaned them off.
“Ett barn skulle vara värd skriket! Men inte fågelfan!” (A child would be worth the screams! But not that damn bird!)
I started to laugh as I dried filled the bowls with water and food and walked back to the cage.
“lyssna inte på den gamla haggan. Du är värd- (Don’t listen to that old witch. You’re wort-)
“Vad sa du nu?” (What did you say?)
I quickly placed the bowls where they should be and ran back to my bedroom where my irritated love of my life was glaring at me. I didn’t stop running however and jumped towards Veronica and did a body slam right on top of her. She exhaled roughly and gave me a death stare as she gasped for air.
“Maaaartiiin! Du är för tung!” (Maaaaartiiiiiin, you’re too heavy!)
“Det sa du inte igår kväll” (That’s not what you said last night) I gave her a wink and she just rolled her eyes as she placed her arms around my neck.
“Inget skola idag?” (No school today?)
She shook her head. “nä, och jag planerade till och med att ha en sovmorgon, men dina jävla fåglar väkte mig!” (“No, and I were planning to take a sleep in, but your damn birds woke me up!)
“Jag vet!” I said with a big grin. “Dom är underbara!” (I know! They are wonderful!)
I gave her a couple of kisses before my pocket started to vibrate. I picked up my phone and checked the message I got.
“Är det Mattias?” Veronica asked and looked out at the window. (Is it Mattias?)
As I checked my messages a screen appeared that said:
Från Mattias: Jag är här :P (From Mattias: I’m here :P )
