Plots
The Plot Device
Twilight Sparkle was simply walking through Ponyville on a seemingly normal day.
The typical birds and insects went about their usual business, flying and buzzing rather quietly through the average sky. Not too sunny, not too grey. Twilight smiled glumly while walking at quite a moderate pace, as if not quite upset by the day, but not exactly happy about it either. It was just one of those days where nothing happened. Twilight sighed, hoping the extra air she exhaled would somehow make something inexplicable happen, but nothing did, as per usual. She sighed again. Maybe this time.
According to ponies in the know, there had been reports of several strange sightings going on for the last couple of days. All sorts of odd things had surfaced, such as the ground collapsing beneath several ponies. Fortunately, they had survived, but it had been something of an earth-shattering experience for them all. That was only one event among many; weird events had occurred all across Equestria. Not Ponyville, however, much to Twilight’s disappointment. With another sigh, her eyes wandered around the town.
Pinkie Pie was leaning on the wall of Sugarcube Corner, gazing up into the unchanging sky. Even she looked bored, and that was a rarity in itself. Twilight gasped. A rarity? On this day? “Pinkie!” Twilight cried, breaking the endless silence in Ponyville. She ran up to the unmoving pony, almost shivering with anticipation. “Hello, Pinkie! How's your day going?”
Pinkie merely remained in the same position, looking into the sky and not uttering a single word. “Pinkie?” Twilight tried again, waving a hoof in front of her face. A snore escaped the mare's lips. “Fantastic,” Twilight said, her eyebrows lowering as far as they could go. “Pinkie, you're the only mare I know who has their eyes open when she's asleep.” In response, Pinkie snored again.
It was probably best to cut her losses and move along. Silence returned to the dreary town of Ponyville. Twilight walked past Rarity's boutique, and then back to Sugarcube Corner. Much to her dissatisfaction, the way back was exactly the same as the way there. Pinkie Pie was still very much asleep, even though Twilight had only been gone for a couple of minutes. It was funny; she had never seen Pinkie sleep before, but it had to happen on the most boring day of days.
“H-help! Oh, Celestia, help me!” a familiar voice cried. Twilight looked up; the sound had come from above. She could see Rainbow Dash flying through the sky at an alarming speed. Beads of sweat were falling from her reddened face. Behind her, a menacing cloud followed her. Twilight gasped. On closer inspection, it looked like a normal cloud, but it was matching her speed. Dash was obviously having trouble staying ahead of it. Strange. Twilight grinned. It was strange.
“Dash! Come down here! I can...” Twilight stopped mid-sentence. A horrible thought entered her mind. Dash had always pranked her. It could all be a trick, lulling her into a false sense of security before she pounced on her with fits of laughter. Twilight shook her head. She didn’t want that again, not after last time. The thought made her shudder. As Dash soared through the air with her cries, she looked away, not even giving her the attention she desperately craved.
“Uh... h-hi!” said a voice from behind. Twilight turned to meet a familiar-looking earth pony. His mane, which was of the deepest of blues, was clean and well-trimmed. The colt's coat was pure white, and looked as tidy as his mane and tail. Obviously, he had quite a high opinion of his appearance, but Twilight wasn't one to judge. His eyes, though hidden behind a pair of fashionable spectacles, were the lightest hue of green she'd ever seen. That wasn't to say that she hadn't seen them before, however.
“Blue Streak?” Twilight asked. “Is it really you?”
He grinned. “You remember me!”
“Of course I do!” Twilight said, returning the smile. “How could I ever forget you?”
“Oh, I don't know,” he said. “Good to see you again, Twi!”
“You, too!” Twilight exclaimed. She looked him up and down. “Gosh, you've really grown up since college, haven't you?”
Blue Streak blushed. “I don't know about that either... but how are things with you? You look healthy. And, for once, not surrounded with books!”
“Well, I own a library now, so I'm still surrounded with words,” she said with a giggle.
He rolled his eyes. “I can't say I'm surprised. You always did love your books.”
“Always have and always will,” Twilight confirmed with a solemn nod. “That's enough about me, though. What brings you to Ponyville on this... rather normal day?”
“Well, uh, I'm not too sure,” Blue Streak said, scratching the back of his neck.
“Oh, come on.”
Blue Streak shrugged. “A little bird told me you were now living here, so I thought I'd pay you a visit. Just to catch up,” he added quickly.
“That's it?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow.
The colt looked away. “Not exactly,” he admitted.
“Oh? Care to elaborate?” she asked, knowing the answer already.
“It's more than that, I think. In fact, I think you know that, too,” Blue Streak said, looking deep into her eyes.
Twilight returned the gaze, watching his green eyes focus on her own. “Is that so?”
He stroked her neck gently with a hoof, exactly as he had done in college. Twilight remembered those days. The good, ol' days, when stuff happened, and no one cared. She closed her eyes as Blue Streak caressed her neck, the memories flooding into her mind. All those nights they had shared. The mornings after. Twilight giggled, feeling exactly like the pony she had been many years ago. “I think it is,” he whispered softly into her ears, stroking her mane.
Blue Streak brought Twilight closer, nuzzling her neck with great affection. She could feel his warm breath on her fur, to which she gasped breathlessly. He planted small kisses down her neck, making her shiver with glee. As memory served, rather fondly at that, he always had been a great kisser. He pulled away, looking into her purple eyes once more, before diving back in with his mouth. Twilight was merely inches away, and she moved forward to meet his lips with her own—
“Holy mackerel!” Pinkie shouted from behind. Twilight jumped out of her fur. She pulled away from Blue Streak immediately, an angry frown on her face.
“Pinkie!” Twilight yelled. “What is it? Of course, you had to wake up at this precise moment! Why, if I didn't—”
“No, really!” Pinkie yelled. “Look! Mackerel!” She turned Twilight's head up to the sky.
“Pinkie! What are you—”
“Shush! Just look!”
She had to squint, but Pinkie was right. There were fish falling from the sky. At quite an alarming rate, too. In fact, they nearly blotted out the sun. “Dash did say it wasn't going to rain today,” Pinkie said. “It did seem quite... fishy.” She laughed heartily as Twilight's eyes went wide. Twilight could only glare at the giggling mare — words escaped her when it came to Pinkie.
“How can you stay calm when fish are falling from the sky, Pinkie?”
“Well,” Blue Streak mumbled, “the weather broadcasters are always wrong,”
Twilight turned to face him again, her mouth wide open. She was speechless. “Wha... What?” she asked, bemused.
“Good one!” Pinkie said.
“How are you not surprised, either?” Twilight cried. “Fish are raining from the sky, and I'm the only one gawking at them? Does this seem like a normal day to you? I don't know how it rains wherever you live, but it certainly doesn't usually rain fish here!” Silence fell upon the three. Blue Streak blushed furiously, but looked up into the sky in an attempt to hide his shame. Twilight followed his gaze to watch the fish slowly descend from the sky. She didn't know what to do.
“As you know, Twilight,” Pinkie said, breaking the silence, “there's a time and... plaice for everything.” Both Blue Streak and Pinkie giggled like little fillies. Twilight slapped a hoof to her face. In fact, the colt was laughing even harder than Pinkie, which made a change.
“I can't believe you two,” Twilight said through gritted teeth.
“Would you say that you've... haddock enough?” Blue Streak tried, much to Pinkie's satisfaction.
Twilight could only groan in despair. “Just stop.”
Pinkie put on an expression of mock horror. “Oh, look, Pinkie! Oh, my cod! I'm floundered! Fish are raining from the sky, and all you're doing is making puns. Stop having fun! Right now!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, tutting. “I do not sound like that.”
“Well, I don't know about you, Pinkie,” Blue Streak said, “but I'm hooked!”
“Grow up!” Twilight shouted “The pair of you! Just scale back on the fish puns, and let me think!” She was red in the face as she told them, thoroughly annoyed with their nonchalant attitudes. The pair of giggling idiots stopped for a second, but then Pinkie smirked. It seemed as if it was contagious, as Blue Streak also started grinning like a moron. Twilight tried to ignore them. Happy thoughts, she said in her mind. Just think happy thoughts. As the fish came ever closer, Pinkie burst into laughter. Twilight didn't care who it was, but she snapped. “What?!” she screamed at them. “What are you laughing at now?!”
They laughed even harder, seeing how Twilight was having a hard time. “You said: scale back!” Pinkie exclaimed as she wiped a tear from her cheek.
“Fish puns!” Blue Streak said, erupting into more laughter. He began to cough and choke as he ran out of oxygen in his lungs. Twilight felt no urge in helping him, even if he nearly managed to black out. She merely watched as his face went blue, the sight of him bringing a sick smile to her face.
With a splat, the first fish landed. Twilight shrieked as she jumped on the spot. Curious, she looked at the thing. Fortunately, the fish didn't look like a normal fish. She poked it, only to feel a rubbery texture. Twilight picked it up, feeling the weight of the thing. It was a plastic fish. Like it was going to be an actual fish. No sane person would be that cruel. Twilight looked around to find the pair cowering away. Blue Streak was still coughing, but he was shying away.
“It's not a real fish,” Twilight said, shaking it.
“Really?” Blue Streak asked between splutters.
“Why?” Pinkie said.
“I guess those fish puns were... wearing fin,” Twilight said, cackling like a mad witch. Neither of them were laughing. They weren't even smiling; they were slowly backing away from her, getting closer to Sugarcube Corner. Twilight harrumphed. “C'mon. I thought it was pretty good,” she complained. “How come you guys don't laugh when I make the puns?”
At that moment, the rest of the fish came down. Twilight jumped once more, and she looked up into the sky to be slapped by a plastic fish. In fact, many fish slapped her, but her face only registered one before she galloped away. A mass of brown, plastic objects blocked her view.
Twilight ran over to where Pinkie and Blue Streak were standing. Suddenly, the onslaught of fish stopped hitting her. She looked up in curiosity to find that Sugarcube Corner was now sheltering her. Her eyes narrowed. “Why didn't you tell me?” she asked. “You just stood there and watched.”
“I thought you realised,” Pinkie said, shrugging. “Plus, it was pretty funny.”
“It was,” Blue Streak confirmed.
With a sigh, Twilight sat down on her haunches. “We were having such a nice moment, too.”
“Anyway,” said Blue Streak, “when are you going to introduce me to your new friend? Pinkie, right? Well, it looks like we'll be under here for a while.”
Twilight glared at him.
“What?” he asked innocently.
“And that's how I saved Equestria!” Pinkie said with a grin.
“Wow, that is quite the tale,” Blue Streak said, nodding slowly.
“Isn't that right, Twi?”
Twilight was lying down on the ground at this point, staring into the grass beneath her hooves. More entertaining than listening to them talk. The seemingly endless shower of fish had been going on for a few minutes, and the entire ground had now been layered with plastic mass of fish. With a groan, she turned to face the talkative two. “Say again?” she asked, her eyes glazing over.
“How I saved Equestria?” Pinkie queried, cocking her head. “Oh, you know, don't you? I guess I'll have to tell the story agai—”
“Oh, look. The fish have stopped raining,” Twilight interrupted. Avoiding stepping on the fish left, right and centre, she ventured forward and looked up into the sky. Nothing was eclipsing the sun anymore; she could finally see the sky again. With a sigh, she beckoned Pinkie and Blue Streak over. “Look, no more fish!” she announced happily. “It's all over. That's enough excitement for one day.”. The pair didn't respond, instead choosing to slowly move back. “What's wrong this time?” Twilight asked, looking up into the sky. “There's no more fish up there. Why are you backing away this time?”
Pinkie pointed a shaky hoof towards the centre of Ponyville. Twilight turned around to see an ursa major strolling rather leisurely through the streets. No biggie. Well, the ursa major was, but that was hardly the point. Twilight twitched. The ursa minor she fought had been quite challenging, but this was a whole new ball game, thus explaining the change from 'minor' to 'major'. The giant bear roared before sitting on a house. Fortunately, she could see the inhabitants running away, but, rather unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for the house. It was completely crushed under the bear's weight, sending huge beams of wood flying high into the air.
Twilight twitched again.
“Twilight! Don't just stand there!” Pinkie screamed, waving her hooves in front of her friend's face. “Ponyville needs you! You dealt with the ursa minor! Okay, this thing is a lot bigger, and I mean a lot bigger, but we need you!” It was no use. Twilight had a bemused smile on her face, as if still not quite understanding the situation. She was stuck in her own little world. “C'mon, Twi! Blue Streak, snap her out of it!” The colt looked back and forth, his legs shaking. His eyes fell on the bear, who had just so happened to stare in his general direction. Blue Streak hightailed it out of town, screaming like a small filly as he ran.
Pinkie sighed. “Well, I guess it's up to me,” she said. She turned to the staring Twilight with her hoof at the ready. Grunting, she swung around, her hoof primed for a good slap, but stopped in mid-air. Pinkie's leg felt... heavier. Much heavier. She looked at it with great curiosity, noting the sudden increase in size. “Huh,” she said nonchalantly, watching as her limbs grew and grew. Pinkie grew two times the size of Twilight, and then doubled again in a matter of seconds. Soon, she was as big as Sugarcube Corner, to which she noted with a giggle.
“Twilight!” Pinkie said in an abnormally low voice. “Hey, Twilight! I'm like Godzilla! But a pony!” She stamped on the ground, making the earth shake beneath her hooves. “Bow before me, puny mortals!” Pinkie roared to the sky, adding a giggle to the end of it. “Accept me as your overlord, and perhaps I will grant a small amount of mercy to you!”
With a shake of her head, Twilight came to her senses. She turned to face Pinkie, but only found a thick, pink pole. “Pinkie?” she cried, looking around. Suddenly, a booming voice erupted from beside her.
“Oh, you’re back!” Pinkie yelled happily. “Look how tall I am, Twi! I had a dream like this one time. I was stomping around, knocking buildings down—”
It was at this moment that Twilight’s mind made the link between the pink pole and the charismatic voice. With a gulp, she looked slowly upwards, still only able to see a pink leg blocking the rest of her sight. She only found Pinkie’s torso when she bent her neck fully upwards. Even then, she still couldn’t see her face. “Pinkie?” Twilight mumbled.
“And then I took the roof off of Sugarcube Corner, and ate everything in one bite!” Pinkie exclaimed, licking her lips. “Not the Cake Family, silly! Oh, you should’ve been there. I would’ve made Dashie and Applejack proud! Rarity, not so much, but—”
“Pinkie!” Twilight said, suddenly feeling faint. There were too many thoughts going around her head. Too many things had happened in a relatively short amount of time. Pinkie’s incessant babbling didn’t exactly give any assistance in organising her thoughts.
“What?” Pinkie boomed.
“There’s something I’m missing here,” she admitted, “Blue Streak, the... raining fish, the ursa major and now you? It’s all too much of a coincidence to happen at the same time...”
Twilight could see her friend’s legs bend, shaking the earth slightly. She could now see Pinkie staring back at her, each of her eyes the same size as herself. “Were you saying something, Twi?” she said, making the earth rumble beneath Twilight’s hooves. “You’re going to have to speak up. I can’t hear you over everything.” Pinkie raised a hoof to her chin. “Y’know, this isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m used to it now! It happens every so often.”
“Ugh, Pinkie, could you just deal with the big bear over there while I think?” Twilight asked, shaking her head.
Pinkie looked over her shoulder. She cooed as if she’d forgotten all about it. With a smile, she said: “Okay!” As she skipped away, her eyes filled with glee, Twilight returned to her thoughts. Seeing Pinkie so big came as a surprise to her, but, then again, it seemed like that kind of day where a lot of things happened. It was strange; only a short time ago, everything had been so dull and boring. Seeing her friend again was different, but nothing out of the ordinary. It certainly was in comparison to everything else that had occurred, at least.
It was almost as if those conspiring events had happened at the press of a button.
Twilight gasped. It was the button. Not just any button, but the button. Her eyes glazed over. There was only one thing that could’ve done such damage and wreaked so much havoc across Ponyville. She had come across it in her studies before. It was only a myth in an old, dusty book with a tattered spine, but, then again, all myth tended to resurface eventually.
Unfortunately for Twilight, it happened to be on this day that The Plot Device was revealed.
“Hi, Twi!” Pinkie exclaimed, bounding back over. Every step on the ground made Twilight bounce up and down on the spot. “Turns out that bears really like tea! Lucky for me, I always have tea with me. Y’know, in case of a tea emergency. We just sat down and talked it out!”
Twilight waited for Pinkie to finish. There simply wasn’t any use in trying to speak over her booming voice. “So, it’s gone?”
“Yep!” she confirmed, beaming.
Twilight rolled her eyes. As radical as it seemed, she could believe it. After all, it was Pinkie. “Well, good. Anyway, I’ve figured out what’s been happening, Pinkie.” She instinctively beckoned her over before realising there was no point. With those oversized ears, Pinkie was most likely able to hear pin drop from a mile away. Even so, Pinkie still leaned in.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I believe it’s something called... The Plot Device.”
Pinkie threw her head back and laughed, causing the earth to crack below her. Twilight had to leap out of the way of an incoming fissure. She tried to catch her breath. “A... a plot device?”
“No, The Plot Device,” Twilight repeated.
“Like the one Rarity uses every Saturday?” she asked, winking.
“I don’t — Wha... No, not that kind!” Twilight barked, shaking her head.
Pinkie still had a knowing smile on her face. “Oh, you know. To make—”
“I guessed, Pinkie!” Twilight shouted. She slapped a hoof to her face. “I just didn’t need to know that,” she mumbled into her hoof.
Pinkie scoffed. “I thought everyone knew. Pretty common knowledge around town.”
“Listen, it’s not important,” Twilight said, frowning.
“It is to Rarity...”
“That... That doesn’t matter! The Plot Device is a device that fabricates plots from a push of its magical button.”
“Something tells me you like The Plot Device...” Pinkie began giggling, to which Twilight narrowed her eyes.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she ordered. “Plots. Plots! You know, storylines?” When Pinkie wore the same vacant expression, Twilight sighed. “Say if we were having a really boring day. Nothing happened. Just like this morning. Suddenly, when The Plot Device is pressed, a storyline is sent into the world. Like with Blue Streak. Or with the fish. And with the ursa major. Someone is pressing The Plot Device right now, and it’s not going to stop.”
Pinkie simply stared at her for a few seconds before smirking. “Heh, plots.”
“Oh, whatever,” Twilight dismissed. “We need to go and ask Princess Celestia about this.”
“Not so fast,” came a gruff voice. She turned to face a colt in a black suit and a matching tie. His shirt had been rid of any crease or stain. His eyes hid behind a pair of sunglasses.
“Uh, who are you?”
“It doesn’t matter. You are the only pony who can help us. We need you to go on a mission to...” he paused for dramatic effect. With a deep inhale, he looked deeply into Twilight’s eyes. “Save the world!” he finished.
Twilight looked away, and then back again at the colt. “See, Pinkie, this is what I mean. This... this isn’t even subtle! There are plenty of better plots out there!” The smartly-dressed colt looked downtrodden, his head bowed in shame. Slowly, he began walking away, having failed his mission. He had brought dishonour upon his family.
“But, Twi, what if he was being serious?” Pinkie asked.
“Then the world will end,” Twilight reassured. Pinkie gasped, making her tut. “Pinkie, it won’t happen. It’s all part of The Plot Device. I just need to get to Princess Celestia and ask her about it. Maybe she’ll know what to do.”
Her eyes gleaming, Pinkie lowered a hoof. “Hey, you can ride on my back! Make a cool entrance!”
Twilight paused before slowly shaking her head. “I can just teleport over there. It’d be much faster.”
The giant mare pouted. “Oh, come on, Twi! It’s not like you’ll get the same opportunity again!”
She had to admit, it had always been one of her fantasies. Without so much as a second thought, she climbed onto Pinkie’s hoof. With a giggle, Pinkie put her gently on her back. “You better hold on tight, Twi!” Pinkie yelled. Roaring to the sun once more, the monster pony began running out of Ponyville. Twilight did as told, holding on for dear life. The air rushed into her face, almost blinding her. It ruined her mane and tail, but she didn’t care; she was living the dream.
Twilight gasped. She could feel a chapter of her life coming to an end, thus increasing the tension of the plot.
No, not that kind.