Sing Me A Lullaby
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You had grown familiar to the constant reports of your heart monitor since you had been here. At first it would always keep you awake at night, since you had been used to the near silent Ponyville nights before. Now you couldn't sleep for an entirely different reason.
If someone had asked you three months ago if you had any idea how you would die, you would have said something along the lines of "binge drinking" or "doing something incredibly stupid for attention." That's how you were, always living life the way you thought it should be lived, regardless of the consequences. No regrets, no asking for second chances, just acting on a whim every waking moment. Unfortunately, you didn't land yourself in the hospital because of a broken leg or simple concussion.
It had started out as any other day. You woke up in the middle of the day, when every other pony had been awake for at least five hours beforehand. You had a quick breakfast and/or lunch before rushing out the door to find your next big thrill. That day though, something kept bothering you. The strange headache that had been bugging you for a couple weeks had somehow increased in intensity, and a sinking feeling in your gut that gave you nothing but worry.
Forgoing that day's adventure, you made your way to the doctor's office. Maybe some muscle relaxers and a few days bed rest was all you needed. You went through all the standard procedures; height and weight, age, what your sex life was like, and describing your symptoms to the nurse. She, like usual, would scribble all this information onto your chart and tell you the doctor will be right in to see you.
Time passed. Usually the doctor took about ten minutes before he arrived. Ponyville wasn't that big, and ponies didn't get sick all that often, so service for checkups was decently fast. This time was different, you had been waiting for the better part of an hour before you heard the door open with a quiet 'click.'
The doctor didn't look like his usual cheerful self. That crushed any hope that all you had was some kind of stress that could be slept off or something. You sat there on the examination table as he went through his usual check-up routine, but you could tell that he was thinking about something. Something to do with you, and you didn't have a good feeling about it. He concluded the normal examination, and you expected to be released, but he stopped you with a hoof and asked you to follow him. Not a good sign.
He led you to a part of the clinic you had been before, the room with all the examination equipment. You saw the familiar x-ray and MRI machine as he led you to the latter. Being the daredevil you were, you of course had gotten quite a few broken limbs, so much so that some of the nurses called you a "frequent flier." You found it humorous, and they did too, which is how you and some of the nurses got such a good relationship going. Or at least you had gotten to be on a first name basis with nearly everypony that worked there. You wondered what they were looking for as the doctor stopped you next to the machine.
This time, there was none of the usual joking or idle chit-chat. The doctor instructed you to lie down on the MRI machine. His tone was distant, making you worry a little more. But you trusted him, and did as he asked without question. As you were going into the machine, you saw the faces of the nurses as well. They had a look of pure concern, one of them was biting on her hoof, a nervous habit that you thought she got rid of long ago. All of this was swirling with mystery; something was wrong with you, and they seemed to all know exactly what was going on. But all this testing, were they just doing it in hopes they were wrong?
Back in the examination room. You shifted uncomfortably on the table, causing the paper to crinkle and rip underneath you. You were just waiting for your results from the MRI machine, something that had kept you on edge ever since you got back to the room. You felt as if time itself was mocking you, the seconds ticking by like hours. You had gotten up several times and paced about the room, only to sit back down and rip more of the lining paper. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the doctor came back in. Him and two nurses. This was far from normal, and the sinking feeling in your gut only intensified.
"We have your results back," the doctor began. The next words out of his mouth would change your life forever. "I didn't want to believe it, but..." he bit his lower lip. "You have... a fairly large tumor on your brain. If we had caught it earlier, we may have been able to do something about it, but removing it now would cause too much damage to the healthy tissue. I'm so sorry, but..." You could see him fighting back tears, the nurses had less control and you could see the trails of liquid running down their cheeks. The doctor finally cleared his throat, only to bring your world crashing down around you.
"You only have three weeks to live."
So here you were, two weeks later in the hospital. You felt your life was meaningless now. Each hour on the clock felt like a countdown to the inevitable. Your attitude had taken a complete 180, going from your usual cocky and carefree self to a shattered pony who just stared out the window all day without moving. Every visitor you had gotten was dismissed. You didn't want to be alone, but even though you were terminally ill, your pride was still very much intact. You didn't want anypony seeing you in such a feeble condition.
While once you were strong and athletic, the continuous stress, lack of exercise, and what little food you ate had reduced you to a thin and broken pony. You had been sad before, but you always managed to break out of it with a good friend, just the right song, or sometimes just a really emotional event that put everything into perspective. Then you were back to your normal self, off to conquer the world. But now you were legitimately depressed, and it seemed nothing could pull you out of it. Even if it did, you only had one week left. Seven measly little days of precious precious life, life that you didn't feel was worth living at the moment.
Even though it was very cliche, you found yourself remembering your past glories, triumphs, failures, and dreams. You had lived like you wanted, especially after your parents passed on. You promised them that you would live like you were dying and that nothing would ever bring you off of cloud nine. Now you were eating your own words. Now you were actually dying, and you weren't doing a whole lot of living anymore.
You couldn't help but cry, even though you didn't want to. It's not fair! Why, why is this happening to me? I...I don't want to die. I..I'm afraid to die. And I'm going to die alone because I'm too Celestia damned stubborn to let any of my friends see me like this!
You sat there for what seemed like forever, crying until you seemed to run out of tears. Even then, soft sobs racked your body and you sniffled occasionally. This whole situation was destroying you, the one thing you never thought you would face was tearing you up from the inside. You finally managed to pull yourself together and notice your surroundings. Luna's moonlight was gently pouring from the window nearby. Its pale white mixed with the green glow of your heart monitor, illumination your bed in an odd green glow that reminded you of the outside.
Looking around, you saw that you were the only one awake in the room. Other ponies were fast asleep, some with smiles on their faces, others with a calm look on their face. All of them knew that they were going to be alright, that one day they were going to leave here in better health. You envied them, you HATED them. You didn't mean to, but when you were bitter about something you always lashed out at other ponies even though you didn't mean to. More than once you had lost some friends because of that trait, but you didn't want to think of that right now.
So you sat there, wide awake in the middle of the night. Unable to sleep despite how much you wanted to. You let out a defeated sigh. You knew you weren't going to get any sleep, and it being the middle of the night there was nothing to do except sit there and think. And thinking was the last thing that you wanted to do right now. All it would do was remind you of the inevitable.
To your surprise, they had nursing staff who were still doing rounds. Well, that wasn't the big surprise. The surprise came from who the nurse actually was. She definitely wasn't one of the staff, you knew that for certain. With as many bruises, cuts, and broken limbs that you've had, you were on a first name basis with every staff member in the medical institute. Unless she was just recently hired, but then again you would have noticed that considering you spent the last few weeks in the hospital.
Regardless of who she was, she seemed to be moving as quietly as possible amongst the beds. You couldn't tell, but she almost looked scared that she might wake one of the patients up. You watched her as she checked each patient's chart and monitors, occasionally blowing her mane out of her face.
She was a pegasus, which struck you as unusual. Most of the doctors were unicorns, and most of the nursing staff were earth ponies. Sometimes you would see a specialist doctor that was a pegasus, but that was usually in Cloudsdale. But a pegasus nurse, that was something new to you. She was getting closer to your bed, seemingly unaware that you were still awake. Which was fine with you, you weren't really in the mood to talk to a stranger. You wished that one of the normal nurses was on call tonight. Maybe Nurse Redheart, she always had some story that would cheer you up.
The mare had made it to your bed while you were remembering a particularly humorous story that Nurse Redheart had told you a couple days before. Checking your charts, she still had not noticed that you were awake, and you in turn had not noticed she was there. It wasn't until you let out a little laugh brought on by your memory that you heard her gasp and drop the chart. Well, no avoiding her now.
With her standing in the moonlight you got your first good look at her. What stuck out about her most was how timid she seemed to be. Her face was trying its best to hide behind her long pink mane, although it would never be completely covered up. Her coat was one of the prettiest yellows you had ever seen. It wasn't too bright, but it wasn't so dark that it became a golden color. Pure yellow, that seemed to be your favorite description of it. Pure. Perfect.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," she squeaked out from behind her mane. "I didn't mean to wake you, honest. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Oh please don't be mad at me!" She sounded scared that you, a complete stranger, would be mad at her for something that wasn't even her fault. Was she that insecure?
"I-it's alright, really," you respond, a little unsure why you were talking to her now. A minute ago you didn't want any sort of company, but now that it fell right into your lap you changed your tune. "I was awake already, I can't really get to sleep lately." It wasn't a lie, the last few days you had barely gotten eight hours of sleep total. You look down, seeing her picking up your chart.
The mare examined the chart for a good minute, longer than she did for any of the other patient's charts. When she returned it to the foot of the bed, she looked at you. You could definitely see tears in her eyes from what she had just read. She didn't talk to you as she made her way to the machine next to you. You felt bad seeing her so upset, and you really didn't know why. Why do I care that she's upset? I've never cared about strangers felt before. What's wrong with me?
"Sorry," you whisper. She didn't move, tears were still gently rolling from her eyes. Occasionally a sob would cause her body to shake a little, letting out a little whimper each time. You still felt bad, so you kept trying to...what were you trying to do? Make her feel better? Why? You were the one dying after all.
"Don't worry about me, really." You tried to convince her that you were nothing to worry about. She didn't seem convinced however. "I..I won't be fine, but I promise that you'll be ok." You nearly facehoofed. Of all the things to say, I tell her that SHE will be ok? For the love of Celestia...
You're thoughts were interrupted by the mare, who had finished checking your machine. She turned to you, her teal eyes still showing hints of tears along their edges. She said something, barely even a whisper before turning around to leave.
"Wait!" you call after her, but she doesn't look back. She leaves the room without another word, or even a glimpse back at you. The door shut quietly behind her, leaving you alone once again. You say something, barely even a whisper. "I don't even know your name."
Sleep didn't come easy for you that night. It barely came at all actually, and what little rest you did get always disturbed you. Each dream you had was the same; you would always be walking down a dark tunnel, heading towards a light that never seemed to grow closer. All that was behind you was darkness. You knew what this dream meant, and each morning it became harder and harder to wake up. Maybe that's why you didn't sleep too much lately, you were afraid that you might not wake up.
That morning was just like any other you had come to expect. You were always woken up by the sun, the nurses would always try to cheer you up. Oh yeah, and you would mark off another date on your bedside calendar. You didn't know why you felt the need to count down your days like this, but you couldn't stop yourself. Only six more days left. The thought brought some tears to your eyes.
Nurse Redheart was working today, and like usual she always had a story to tell. But today she noticed you were distracted by something, or somepony actually. Finally, she asked you. "What's on your mind dear?"
Not seeing anything else to do, you decide to ask her. "There was this nurse on call last night," you begin. "Not one of the regular ones, this one was a pegasus. Who is she?"
Nurse Redheart furrowed her brow as she thought. You looked around as she did this, hoping for some sort of answer. Finally her face lit up, letting you know she figured it out. "Oh! That's Fluttershy. She doesn't actually work here, she just volunteers sometimes when we are short staffed." That made sense to you, but why her? "Her special talent may be with animals, but she's still a good caretaker all the same." Oh, that's why.
The day passed, nothing substantial happening at all. The doctors had not treated you since you arrived at the hospital. You were terminally ill, and had been diagnosed as such. All they could do, they said, was make you as comfortable as possible. That meant the softest of beds, the fluffiest of pillows, the best of foods, and the best of care by staff. Unfortunately, not being treated also meant lots of boredom, and you couldn't really get up anymore, you had become so weak since you arrived. So all you did all day was lay there in bed, and think.
Occasionally the nurses would surprise you with a book to read or a crossword puzzle to solve, but they didn't last as long as you hoped they would. The books, usually romance novels for some reason, always managed to lose your interest after a few chapters, and the crosswords always frustrated you into submission. You still appreciated what they were trying to do though, and always gave them your best smile. They were, after all, the closest thing you had to a friend right now.
No matter where your thoughts started out though, they always seemed to gravitate towards the yellow pegasus, Fluttershy. You kept saying her name over and over, sometimes out loud, sometimes in your head. You weren't in love with the mare, you knew that. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive to you. You just didn't know her well enough to have that kind of attraction, and you would never get to either.
Fluttershy...Fluttershy. You weren't trying to be creepy or anything, you just loved the way the name rolled off your tongue. It felt so natural, the words flowed out so easy. Much easier than most other names that you knew. You wondered if you would ever see her again, considering she was only a volunteer. Then again, why did you want to see her? She was an emotional wreck when you saw her, getting upset over the silliest little things.
Ok, seeing a terminally ill pony and not being able to help them really isn't a silly little thing, but it was something she shouldn't have been worried about. Still, why did you want to see a mare that barely said a word to you, confused the living daylights out of you, and then left without telling you her name? And she cried for Celestia's sake. She cried because you were dying, maybe because she knew she couldn't do anything to help you. She...cared about you. Really cared about you, you thought. Not like the doctors or the nurses who cared for you because it was their job and gave you sympathy because it was expected. No, this mare, Fluttershy, saw that you were in the prime of your life and you were having it snatched away from you. She saw how unfair it was, but she couldn't even begin to imagine what you were going through. Yet she seemed to really take it personally, like it was happening to a close friend or family member.
She cares...but why?
Night came sooner than it normally did, or so it seemed. You were so wrapped up in thinking about Fluttershy that the next thing you knew, the familiar light green glow of moonlight and medical equipment had been spread across your bedsheets. Grass; the color reminded you of the grass. The outside, what you always took for granted and never considered special. Now you would give anything just to be able to feel the grass beneath your hooves again.
You were shaken from your thoughts when you heard the door to the ward open. Your ears perked up and your eyes strained against the darkness to see who was coming in. You were met with extreme disappointment as you saw one of the more familiar nurses step through the door and begin to check on the patients. With a defeated sigh, you roll over on your bed and pretend to go to sleep, hoping that the nurse would leave you alone. To your relief, she is convinced that you were sleeping soundly for once and departs as quickly as she came.
After hearing the door to the ward close shut again, you sit back up. You didn't want to sleep, even though you felt exhausted. Every day your body got heavier and you knew your time was coming soon. The wiser part of you (for lack of a better word, you weren't all that wise) was telling you to make peace with those around you and depart. But the rebellious part of you, your very personality, was going to fight until the very end. But that was the odd thing, even the part that was fighting wasn't trying to stay alive. Rather, it seemed to only be fighting until something happened. Not a cure, you were far past that, but something important all the same. Important to the soul, rather than body.
The night passed slowly, this time you had not gotten any sleep at all. The white noise of chirping crickets and the gentle breeze played the most soothing lullaby, and it took all your strength to stay awake. It showed too, as you looked like a wreck the next day. Even the nurses made a couple comments to you about how tired you were looking. You spent all morning and most of the afternoon with a glazed over look, deep in thought. Daydreams peppered your thoughts, transporting you away to happier times and places, letting you escape reality, if only for a few moments.
It was mid afternoon when you were stirred from your daydreams by one of the nurses informing you of a visitor. You politely asked her to send whomever it was away, but she said the visitor would not take no for an answer. Begrudgingly, you allowed the mystery pony to see you. You rolled over, facing away from the ward door as the nurse went to fetch your "guest."
A few minutes later and your nurse told you your guest was here. Rolling over, you saw a familiar shade of yellow out of the corner of your eye. If you weren't so weak, you would have bolted upright. But given your current condition, all you could manage was a slight gasp and rolling over. It turned out that your guest was none other than Fluttershy.
She looked just as timid, if not more so, than the night that you first saw her. She looked different in the daylight; her coat had a healthy sheen to it and her pink hair reflected light off of stray strands in a way that seemed to give her head an aura. Almost like an angel. Or maybe you were hallucinating a little. Being so close to death sometimes did funny things to a pony.
Even though she came to see you, for whatever reason, you noticed that she wasn't looking at you. She was looking everywhere else but you in fact, as if everything in the room was shouting for her attention. Silence hung thick in the air, neither one of you wanting to be the first to break it. Even the nurse felt the tension, excusing herself from the situation by checking on other patients.
Another few minutes passed. Or maybe it was hours, it certainly felt as long. She still hadn't looked at you once, or even acknowledged your presence in the slightest. You were starting to wonder why she bothered to visit if she wasn't going to do anything. You decided enough was enough, you were going to find out why she was here. But she stopped you just as you were opening your mouth to speak.
She said something, barely even a whisper, just like the other night. Only this time, she didn't leave after saying it. Her head hung low , almost to the point where all you could see of her head was the top of her mane.
"Excuse me?" you quietly ask her. She mumbles again, this time a little louder but still inaudible to you. This mumble was also accompanied by a small whimper that, if nothing else, sent a wave of sympathy washing over you. "I-I'm sorry, I still couldn't hear you. Can you say that one more time?"
"I said it's just not fair!" she yelled, stamping her hoof for emphasis. Her sudden outburst caught you off guard as your jaw hung slack. She too seemed to be surprised at the volume of her voice, for she immediately whimpered again and shrunk behind her mane. The rest of the ward turned to look at her for a moment before returning to normal. The doctors and nurses about all had an understanding look on their faces, which only piqued your interest.
"I'm sorry," you say again. "I don't understand, what's not fair?"
"This," she says, her voice at a normal volume but it was wavering. Tears were beginning to form at the edges of her eyes. "You, you're dying. It's just not fair, to be so young and see how long you have left. And I can't even do anything about it. I'm a caretaker of animals, not ponies. I tried to beg the doctors to do something, I don't want you to die so soon."
This last part confused you. Was she coming on to you? No, she wasn't.
"They said they couldn't do anything for you," she continued. "That no matter what they tried it would only postpone the inevitable, and cause you more pain in the long run." You nodded at this. It was actually your choice not to be treated when you heard the doctor explain what was going on. Despite all your injuries and your daredevil lifestyle you hated pain. You would rather have whatever was going to take you have you, and not cause yourself, or others, any more trouble. It was funny, you always imagined going out with a bang, but now all you wanted to do was slip quietly through the cracks.
"It's...ok," you tell her. "There's nothing any pony can do, so don't beat yourself up about it." You felt bad for her, and you could actually relate. The same thing happened with your parents when they died. All you could do was helplessly watch as they slowly faded away, feeling absolutely useless all the while.
"No," she boldly stated, the waver gone from her voice. "There is one thing I can do for you at least." She took a step closer to you, which didn't help your now racing mind. That one statement could mean a thousand different things, and your mind was racing to all the wrong ones. "I know you're scared of dying, everypony is."
"What, me? Scared? Hah!" Your pride was showing again, now that a pony was seeing you so vulnerable, you tried your best to make it seem like you had everything under control. She didn't seem convinced, she saw through your ruse as if it were glass. You tried to raise a hoof to dismissively wave at her, but your leg felt as if your muscle was made of lead. So instead you opted to roll your eyes at her.
She smiled at you, clearly amused, which kind of irked you. "You remind me of one of my friends," she said. "Rainbow Dash always acted strong when she was scared, but she only did it because she was afraid to admit it."
You sighed. She was right, as much as you hated to admit it to anypony, especially yourself. You weren't just scared though, you were terrified. Terrified not only of death, but also dying alone. You remembered being by your parents when they passed, holding their hooves as they looked at you with smiling faces. You had each other in that moment, and your love and company removed the fear of death from them. They still had the smiles on their faces at their funeral. Now here you were, no family, all your friends had left, and you were dying. Dying alone.
Fluttershy placed a hoof on your shoulder, causing you to jump a little at the sudden contact. Her face still held that smile, which comforted you a little. "I know you're scared," she repeated. "I know you haven't been getting any visitors since you've been here. I really didn't think anything of it, then I saw your diagnosis. It broke my heart to see a pony with so little time left and nopony being there to comfort them."
You started to understand now. She did care about you, a lot more than any other pony seemed to. Even your other "visitors" never made any return visits after being dismissed. They seemed to disappear once they were told to. Not Fluttershy though, she didn't take no for an answer. She might not be able to cure you, but she was going to at least make sure you weren't alone.
"But you don't even know me," you feebly replied.
Her answer took you by surprise. "Does it really matter?"
You wanted to say yes, that it did matter. All your life you only did favors or anything remotely difficult for a pony that you knew, and even then only a pony you knew well. The most you ever did for a stranger was occasionally hold a door open, and that was only if they were very close behind you. But now that it was actually brought into question, you found yourself holding your tongue. Clearly, even though you thought it mattered, she didn't share this view. Here she was, standing next to you with a hoof on your shoulder, a mare that all you knew about her was her name. And all she knew about you was what was written on your chart. She knew about you, but she didn't know you.
"No..." you say after a little bit of silence. "No, I don't guess it doesn't really matter. But I still don't know anything about you." You looked directly into her eyes for this, looking for something, but not really knowing what.
She closed her eyes, which seemed to magnify her smile. When she opened them again after a moment, she spoke. "Well, that can change you know." She walks around your bed and takes a seat in a chair that was nearby. You watched her with interest, wondering what she was up to. "We have the rest of the day to get to know one another." That little statement brought the faintest smile to your face. Company...I finally have company.
You and Fluttershy spent the rest of visitation hours (and even a little longer afterwards, none of the nurses wanting to separate you from the only contact you've had in weeks) talking. You and her talked about nothing and everything, leaving no little fact out. You remained silent for the first couple hours, allowing her to speak first. She didn't seem to mind, and seemed to take great pleasure in the conversation.
She was just like you thought she would be, your opposite. She wasn't daring, reckless, or impulsive. She had a home and a group of close friends. She awed you with the littlest of stories about her life. How she lived in a cottage by the Everfree Forest, a place that even you didn't dare venture. How she cared for every little creature that took residence in and around Ponyville, and how she allowed any of them to stay in her cottage if they wished. She told the story about how her and her friends all got their cutie marks at the same time, how she met her friends, and how they bonded so closely. You envied her actually, to have friends so close knit that they were like a second family. You never really stayed in one place long enough to make that kind of bond, you were usually drifting from place to place, too busy living to bother with something so time consuming.
She went on to share her adventures she had with her friends, some too fantastic to believe that she was there. The defeat of both Nightmare Moon and Discord, how she had made a dragon, a DRAGON, cry and leave Equestria. She recalled, with a little shudder, her brief but traumatic time as a model for Photo Finish, her disastrous experience at the Grand Galloping Gala, the incident with the Parasprites, and how she thought she had killed Princess Celestia's pet phoenix, Philomeena. She described with great affection each one of her friends and how much they meant to her, and how she couldn't imagine life without them.
Each one of her stories never failed to impress you. To think, such a shy and responsible mare was leading a more exciting life than you. Well, equally as exciting, but in a different way. She wasn't bungee jumping, drinking ponies under the table, sneaking backstage at concerts or raves, or just doing random stupid stunts. No, she was out living life in a way that you never imagined, with good friends and the knowledge that they would always be there for her.
It was with great disappointment to you that she allowed you to talk. You began to tell her the details of your life, no matter how painful. How your parents had grown ill when you were relatively young and passed away later. How after their death you traveled all across Equestria, living out of your suitcase so to speak. You survived by doing odd jobs in the towns that you rolled into and leaving after a couple days to somewhere else. You were a drifter, but it wasn't all bad. You went on to explain all the places you saw. She was particularly interested in the unique flora and fauna that you encountered during your adventures.
You recalled the time that you got to party with THE DJ Pon-3 during your time in Manehattan, how you ran in the Trottingham Marathon, the biggest race in Equestria. There was the time that you were a window washer in Canterlot and was able to watch the Wonderbolt Derby where Spitfire became captain. You had once pulled a few strings and was able to watch the Best Young Flier's competition in Cloudsdale, the year that Rainbow Dash not only won, but saved three of the Wonderbolts and a unicorn from falling to their deaths. You once worked for Fancy Pants for a few days, and was able to attend one of Octavia Philharmonica's concerts, the one that made headlines when she announced her and DJ Pon-3's relationship.
Fluttershy seemed spellbound by your life as you recalled your adventures, never once interrupting or even moving. You weren't even sure if she even blinked once since you started talking. You started to tell more personal things about yourself. Like how although you were a wild and free spirit that lived off adrenaline most of the time, you had a few soft spots. Particularly for the arts. Classical music, poetry, and literature were just as appealing to you as the biggest rave in Equestria. How during your travels you would always find a nice grassy field or hill in the middle of the day and lie there, thinking about your future. Sometimes you would create your own poetry, but you weren't very good at it. Other times, you would drift off to some of the most restful sleep you ever had, only to wake up at sunset. You really missed being able to do that.
You and her talked long into the night, time going unnoticed. Soon, the familiar light green tint of moonlight and machinery had washed over your bedsheets. Tonight however, it was brighter than usual. Looking out the window, you saw Luna's moon at its fullest beaming right at you. Fluttershy turned to see this as well, only to gasp quietly at the sight. "It's beautiful..." she whispers.
"Yeah..." you agree, a little disheartened. It was nights like these where you would always sleep outside, no matter where in Equestria you were. Fluttershy, after a few minutes, moved her gaze away from the moon and back to you.
"Well, I should really get going, I'm so sorry." You understood, even though you hated to see her go. She had responsibilities to attend to, and it would just be selfish for you to keep her to yourself.
"I understand," you whisper. "Thank you, Fluttershy. You really cheered me up today. I needed that." You felt tears starting to form at the corner of your eyes. This time they weren't tears of sadness though. You always thought that the expression 'tears of joy' was a silly exaggeration. But here they were, tears starting to stream down your cheeks, but you weren't in the least bit sad. You sneaked your tongue out and caught one. Sweet, not bitter.
"It's what friends do, I won't let you go through this alone," she replies firmly. Friends; the word seemed alien to you. Sure you had friends before, but it took at least a couple days to use that label. But after a few hours with Fluttershy, telling each others stories back and forth, friends was the only appropriate term to use it seemed. "Sleep well, I'll come see you again tomorrow."
"I wish I could sleep well," you mutter. You didn't think you said it too loud, but Fluttershy managed to hear you. She turned to you, noticing how dark the bags under your eyes had become. She smiled warmly at you.
"How about I sing you a lullaby?" You stayed still, but managed to slowly nod. She began to tuck you in, like a mother would her foal, before leaning in close.
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepyhead.
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed.
Her singing voice was the most soothing and gentle sound you had ever heard, and it led you to sleep quickly, just like the nights you would always choose to sleep outside. Fluttershy never managed to make it to the second verse before your heavy breathing let her know you were fast asleep.
You awoke the next day later than usual. It was getting harder and harder to wake up. Your body was starting its slow spiral downwards and you knew it. Looking over at your calendar, you crossed out another day. Only four more left. At least you wouldn't be alone for most of them. Fluttershy's lullaby had done wonders for you though, at least in terms of sleep. Your body felt more awake and you didn't have the usual aching muscles or tired eyes plaguing you now. It was late afternoon by the time that you woke up, which saddened you. Most of your day was gone already and it had just begun.
One of the nurses, Nurse Tenderheart, came by to check on you. Seeing you finally awake, she smiled and let you know that Fluttershy was waiting to see you. She was quickly dispatched to get the visitor, and you began to smile so wide that your face began to hurt. You were actually excited that Fluttershy came back, which was a change from how you were a few days ago. Then again, not a lot of ponies made the kind of impression that Fluttershy did. You trusted her, maybe not completely and utterly, but certainly more than most.
Fluttershy entered the ward, carrying what looked like a covered dish with her. She smiled, or she tried her best to with her mouth full, and quickly made her way to your bed. Setting the dish next to your bed, she greeted you warmly. "Hello, I brought you some homemade soup today. You must be tired of hospital food by now, and I thought it would be a nice change." She started to uncover the soup dish, letting the aroma waft up to your nostrils. It smelled absolutely delicious, and your stomach rumbled with excitement.
Vegetable soup. It had never been your favorite, but you didn't care. Each soup you had was always made with prepared foods or frozen foods. Fluttershy however seemed to have prepared this with absolutely fresh vegetables. She probably had her own garden you guessed, even though she didn't really mention it yesterday. As you hungrily gulped down the piping hot soup, Fluttershy sat in the chair next to the bed and waited for you to finish.
A few minutes later, she had packed the empty soup bowl into her saddlebag and you both began to chat. Today it was much more conversational, seeing as you both shared enough information about each other yesterday to write each others biographies. Conversations about the weather, the terrible hospital food (which got a few nurses snickering), how Fluttershy's friends were doing, and what was going on in town started and led into others. You both shared many laughs at silly stories from your past, You and her played silly foals games like I Spy and 20 Questions. There was even one incident where you and her tried an impromptu karaoke, which only ended in with you being shushed by every patient in the ward.
Time passed way too quickly, and soon it was time for Fluttershy to leave again. She looked really sad for some reason. "I can't come tomorrow, I have to help Applejack with a critter problem in the orchard. Oh please don't be mad, I promise that I can come the day after."
You shook your head. "I'm not mad," you say, "I understand you have responsibilities. And I also know you don't have to do this. I can't thank you enough for it actually, so please don't worry. I still have three days left." You felt a pang of guilt at bringing that up, but she just responded with a soft hug.
"Goodnight," she said.
"Fluttershy," you begin. "Can...can you sing me a lullaby again? Please?"
Smiling, she nodded her head. Tucking you in, she began to sing the lullaby from the night before. You didn't mind though, it was the sweetest and most peaceful song you ever listened to. It reminded you of when your mother would sing you to sleep each night as a foal.
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepyhead.
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed.
Once again, you were fast asleep before she even got to the next verse.
You awoke the next day, once again it was more difficult to do so. Late afternoon, another X on the calendar to remind you another day had passed. Today would be different though, today you didn't have Fluttershy. Or so you thought. Next to your bed was a small stack of books, and a note. Fumbling for the tiny slip of paper with your hooves, you finally brought it to eye level. It read:
I'm so sorry that I can't be there today. I know you get bored if you have nothing to do, so I stopped by the library and asked Twilight for a few books. I hope that you like them, and I'll be back tomorrow. I promise.
-Fluttershy
Setting the note down, you reached for the stack of books. There were several types sitting in the neat little pile. A romance novel, an adventure novel, a book on Equestrian history, a copy of Of Mice and Ponies, and a book of poetry. This last one caught your attention and brought a small smile to your face. You knew that Fluttershy picked this one out herself, just for you. The others must have been Twilight's choices, the variety was too spread to have been picked for you.
You spent the rest of the day reading, reading all the way through the book of poetry, half of the adventure novel, and quickly skimming through Of Mice and Ponies. The last one wasn't bad, it was definitely different. Night fell, but you didn't sleep. There was no lullaby tonight, no peace of mind. You were left alone with your thoughts, and there was one that was screaming inside your head, no matter how hard you tried to repress it. Finally you vocalized it as the sun was beginning to rise in the morning. Tomorrow...tomorrow is the day that I die.
Fluttershy came to visit soon after lunch, and was surprised to see you up so early. You tried to wave, but your limbs felt heavy and cumbersome. So you smiled instead. She smiled back, although her smile had a little bit of unease about it. She walked over and hugged you, tighter this time. You could hear her sniffling, trying to hold back tears. You hugged back, doing the same. It wasn't fair, you thought. You finally made a good friend, and quickly too, and you were going to lose her. But at least she was here, and she wasn't going to leave you.
Fluttershy finally broke the contact with you, surprising you with a large smile and a little bit of a sparkle in her eye. "Come on, I have a surprise for you," she said. You looked at her in confusion, noticing a couple nurses coming to your bedside. You looked back and forth between Fluttershy and the two nurses, growing more confused with each pass.
"What's going on?" you ask. This was definitely not normal. Suddenly, the two nurses started to move you to the side of your bed. You looked about in panic, until your eyes fell on Fluttershy. She was calm, and the smile never left her face. That calmed you down. Fluttershy was there, you trusted her, and she would never do something that would hurt you. The nurses rolled you to the side of the bed and stood you up on your own four hooves. Your legs wobbled under the unfamiliar weight and threatened to collapse underneath you. Fluttershy was at your side in an instant, allowing you to lean on her for support. You had lost so much weight that it wasn't even a struggle for her to do so.
You were still confused as to what was going on as you and Fluttershy walked through the hospital, you leaning almost completely on her for support, and her smiling all the way. You two walked into the lobby of the hospital, and you saw five ponies that you felt you should recognize. With a round of hellos, you realized that Fluttershy's friends had come as well, but that wasn't what Fluttershy's surprise was. You two kept walking, her unicorn friends using their magic to help support you so you didn't have to lean on Fluttershy so much. Realization dawned on you as her friends held the doors to the hospital open for you. You were going outside. The last full day you had would be spent outside.
You were still in a daze as you walked out into the direct sunlight. You always saw it from your window, but had not been directly touched by it since you had been diagnosed. It felt warm, comforting, familiar. You walked over to the nearest patch of grass, reveling in how it felt beneath your hooves. Grass, you never thought you would feel it again. Fluttershy and her friends followed you over to the grass patch. You looked back at each of them. You only knew one of the six ponies that stood in front of you, but they were all going to help you enjoy today. As if you had been friends with them for their entire lives.
It was all too much. You couldn't help but cry at it all. All of them were giving you a part of your old life back, something that you had been longing for. Tears streamed down your cheeks, tears of joy. You dropped to your knees and rolled around in the grass, a mixture of laughing and crying coming from you. Fluttershy's friends looked at you in confusion, but you didn't care. A few whispers from Flutteshy later and they all joined you, rolling around in the grass like you were all foals and giggling. All of them except the white unicorn that is, but she pranced and bounced around the giggling group happily.
You all had made your way to the park, the unicorns helping you walk all the way without complaining once. It turned out that Fluttershy had told them all about you, and they all volunteered to make today special for you on their own free will. You learned all of their names; Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. And they all learned your name as well. It was mid afternoon, and you all were lying on your backs in the grass in a circle. Even Rarity joined you all on the ground, much to everypony's surprise.
You felt alive again as all of you lied there in the grass, exchanging stories back and forth. They all, just like in Fluttershy's case, were amazed at how you lived your life before you became sick. Rainbow Dash was particularly gushing about how you saw Spitfire's promotion to the Wonderbolt's Captain, and then boasted when you mentioned seeing her win the Best Young Flier's Competition. Rarity was asking all about the cities during your travels, wanting to know pony fashions beyond just Ponyville and Canterlot. Pinkie Pie wanted to know all about your party with DJ Pon-3, and you were surprised to hear that she and Octavia were related. Applejack was extremely sympathetic to the loss of your parents, as she had gone through the same thing as well. The only difference between you and here it seemed was that she had a family to help look after once they were gone, and you only had yourself. Twilight didn't express much interest in any of your wild accomplishments, but when you started talking about books and poetry, she was all ears.
All of you enjoyed a late picnic lunch in the park together. Applejack and Pinkie Pie had brought the food and desserts from their homes for this special occasion. Pinkie even had balloons and decorations strewn about in a half-hearted attempt at a party. She knew that there was no reason to celebrate somepony dying, so she decided to celebrate you living. There was much laughter shared at that meal, and you found yourself forgetting about what tomorrow was. That was the whole point of this, to let you enjoy life one more time before you had to leave it.
After you had all eaten your fill you started to walk around the park, in the grass of course. Rainbow Dash flew above the group, occasionally doing a lazy loop-d-loop above you. You marveled at her grace, a side of her flying you never got to see when she competed. That was all about speed and precision. Now she seemed to be swimming through the sky, not a care in the world. The entire group seemed lost in thought as they walked. You knew what each of them were thinking, it showed on their faces. They had all been so amazing to you today. They didn't have to. They didn't even know you at all, but like Fluttershy had asked before, did it really matter?
You felt happy, which is more than you would have expected, or even dreamed of asking for. They had all become your friends in a matter of hours. Where you only had maybe one real friend in all the time you've been on Equestria, now you had six. And it was all thanks to Fluttershy. She gave you what you needed most, even when you were convinced that you didn't want it; a friend.
Night had descended upon Equestria, and Luna's moon was still shining at its fullest. You could see each star as they winked into view, marveling at the night sky in its entirety. The seven of you were on a hillside. They told you that this was the most popular spot in Ponyville to observe the sky, particularly during meteor showers. You didn't want to leave it at all, but you were already feeling the need for sleep overtake you. The others saw your drooping posture and solemnly nodded at each other. A familiar sensation overtook you as Twilight and Rarity's magics stood you up. It was time to go back.
The walk back to the hospital was silent, unlike the walk to the park earlier in the day. There was no laughter, not even from Pinkie Pie. In fact, she didn't even look like her normal self anymore. Her normally curly mane hung in straight locks, and her mouth was in a quivering frown. Rainbow Dash was walking with everypony else, her wings drooping down at her sides. Applejack had removed her hat from atop her head and Rarity's normally graceful gait was instead slow and uncouth in nature. Twilight didn't even seem to notice anything, as several times she bumped either into another pony or something on the road. Fluttershy was showing her emotions more and more as the hospital came into view, her soft whimpers eventually became racking sobs that shook her entire being.
The goodbyes, you hated calling them that. Here were the six best friends you could have ever asked for, and when you said goodbye to them it was going to be forever. You never wanted to say the words, not even think of them. Everypony in front of you had completely forgone pride or image and let their raw emotions through. There were too many tears to count from each of them. They knew what was going to happen, they didn't want it to happen. It pained you to see them so sad because of you. You had long ago accepted your fate, but it seemed they still didn't want to.
You were crying as well, but not because you were dying. You were crying because you were leaving behind you the best thing that had ever happened to you. You hugged each of them individually, their embraces threatening to hold you in place forever. You reluctantly broke off each hug and moved on to the next one. All of them were crying uncontrollably at this point, so much so that the magic holding you up threatened to dissipate and drop you.
Finally, you came to the last mare to hug, Fluttershy. Her eyes were already red and her cheeks puffy from crying. You hugged her the tightest, whimpering the words 'thank you' too many times to count in her ears. You reluctantly pulled away from her after a couple minutes. You stepped back to look at all of them.
"I..can't even begin to thank you all enough," you begin, finding it extremely difficult to speak between your sniffling and sobbing. "I'm not lying when I say that this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You all treated me like I was a lifelong friend and helped me enjoy my last day of life." Each of the mares sniffed and wiped their eyes dry as you spoke. "I wish that this wasn't goodbye. I wish this was only the beginning, and that I could see you all again. But unfortunately, I have to go, and I won't get to see you again."
"Can...can we stay with you tonight?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yeah, we don't want to say goodbye until we have to," Rainbow Dash added. All of them nodded in agreement.
"Well I don't think that will be a problem," you hear a voice say from behind you. Turning around, you see both Nurse Redheart and Nurse Tenderheart standing at the door to the hospital, tears streaming down their faces and smiles playing across their mouths. Nurse Redheard spoke up again. "Now let's get you back into bed dear, you're probably very tired right now." The smiles faded from both of their faces. They knew as well as the others what was going on.
Without a word, you and your new friends walked through the hospital in silence. Time passed as the nurses hooked you back up to the monitoring equipment and tucked you into bed before leaving you for the night. Nopony slept a wink that night.
It was mid day the next day, and you felt your body becoming heavier and heavier as it started to shut itself down. Each of your friends were gathered around you, tears streaming down their faces. Each of them were crying so hard that not even a single whimper escaped their lips when they sobbed. You felt oddly at peace with everypony around you like this. Turning your head to look at all of them required tremendous effort on your part, as you barely had the energy to keep your eyes open. You could see the doctor and both nurses behind your friends, watching your vitals on the machinery next to you. It won't be long now, soon I'll be with Mom and Dad again.
You started to close your eyes, each blink taking more and more effort to open again. Tears were streaming down your face. Even with your friends here with you, you were still scared to die. "Fluttershy..." you whisper, barely audible. "I...I'm scared."
Fluttershy reached her hoof out and touched yours, just like you did for each of your parents. The rest of your friends did the same, all of them holding onto you, letting you know they were there until the end. You could feel sleep pulling at you, your eyes becoming harder and harder to keep open. Looking at Fluttershy, you remembered an old poem you had read a long, long time ago. It just seemed appropriate now. With great difficulty, you recite;
"Please sing for me a lullaby
Before I go to bed
For tonight's the night that I must die
And forever rest my head.
Don't cry for me, my dear friend
Don't let this pain your heart
For this might be my life's end
But for you it's just the start.
Please sing for me a lullaby
As I lay in bed
And let us revel in times gone by
And look to those ahead.
Please sing for me a lullaby
Do this for me, my friend
For it is now that I must die
My life has reached its end."
Each of your friends gave you a reassuring smile as they gripped your hoof tighter. Tears were still streaming down their faces as they watched you slowly drift away. Fluttershy whimpered, before shakily singing in her beautiful voice.
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepyhead
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed
Your eyes closed, never to open again. You were still alive, but just barely.
Drift, drift off to sleep
Exciting day behind you
Drift, drift off to sleep
Let the joys of dreamland find you
Beep.......Beep.....Beep.....
Your heart rate monitor was slowing down as your heart started to fail. You began to drift into blackness, slowly losing your senses. Dying wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. It was actually kind of peaceful, and you knew you weren't alone. Fluttershy was trying her hardest to continue the lullaby for you, even though she didn't want to see you go.
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepyhead
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed
With those last words, you finally drifted off to sleep, never to wake again.