The Voices Filled With Guilt
The cold floor felt like daggers, stabbing Spike's feet as he made his way through the hospital. His steps were uneasy, as if his legs were made of glass, and he was afraid of shattering them. He felt empty, the kind of empty that came with the extreme guilt Spike face. The kind of emptiness that you know you caused, yet still expect others to feel sorry for you. It was the kind of feeling Spike knew he deserved.
It's my fault... The pain of that realization hurt more than anything else. To know that he caused such a tragedy haunted him endlessly. This wasn't supposed to happen...Not to her... he thought. Twilight was invincible, although he knew her well enough to know the truth. Twilight, the unicorn whose special talent was magic.
Spike smiled for the first time in days. He stopped walking to get a better sense of his surroundings.
"Hospice Care," he said to himself reading the sign in front of him.
Sighing, Spike continued to try to find the right room.
207...208...209... He stopped. 210.
He put his claw on the door knob, the chill of the brass sending shivers down his spine. He didn't want to open the door, afraid to see the horrors behind. Gathering the last of his courage, he pushed the door open.
He was greeted by the image of Shining Armor, the stallion a shell of his former self. His eyes were red and puffy, but Spike knew that he'd never cry in front of him. Shining was too strong for that. Shining locked eyes with the dragon, making the Spike freeze in his tracks. Without saying a word, Shining made his way over making sure to not break eye contact, and stopped right in front of the dragon, still staring into his bright emerald eyes.
"Shining, I-"
Shining pulled Spike into a tight hug. The gesture was enough to open the floodgates in Spike's eyes. A steady stream of tears fell down his face and onto Shining's white coat. Spike made no sound, he just silently wept.
"I'm so sorry," he said between choked sobs.
"This isn't your fault, Spike,” said Shining, his words doing nothing to soothe Spike.
Shining ended his hug and gestured for Spike to observe the rest of the room.
That's when he saw her.
Her mane was frazzled and unkempt, and her coat was faded. Her chest rose and fell slowly, so gently that at times, Spike didn't know if she was breathing at all. He caressed her cheek with his claw, he gasped at her ice like fur. She was simply....broken.
The flames bellowed out of the library like a volcano. The once clear night sky was now covered in a thick black smoke suffocating many onlookers.
"Twilight!" yelled Spike, trying to make his way into the inferno. A fire pony held him back from the blaze.
"Dammit, let me go, I'm a dragon!" he cried, trying to waggle free.
Spike slapped himself to remove the memories of that night from his head. He would have enough of them in his nightmares.
He turned back to Shining Armor. "Where's Velvet and Shining Crescent?" he said.
Shining sighed. "Mom was too distraught to even get out of bed, dad stayed to make sure she was okay." he said. "I don't think either of them could stand to watch her go."
"Twilight! Where are you!?" shouted Spike, looking through the flames. He heard the faint sound of coughing upstairs.
He bolted up the steps and into Twilight's bedroom. Twilight lay on the floor, unconscious, curled up in the fetal position by the side of the bed.
Spike sighed, relieved to see she wasn't burnt. His relief was quickly lost however as he saw a line of flames creeping towards a group of filled beakers. He had to get her out, and he didn't have a lot of time to do it.
Reaching into the reservoirs of his strength, Spike gently hoisted Twilight over his shoulder and started downwards. Unfortunately, one of the steps became loose, causing Spike to trip and tumble down the stairs.
He hit the ground hard, with Twilight's limp body landed on him with full force. The fall left Spike extremely dazed and confused. He got back on his feet, trying his best to steady his nerves. With a grunt, he again hoisted Twilight over his shoulder.
Suddenly, a loud noise thundered from upstairs. Spike turned to see a giant fireball careening down the steps and towards him. The flames had reached the chemicals and the resulting explosion pushed Spike and Twilight out the door and onto the street..
The sound of a door opening thrusted Spike back into reality. He turned to see Dr. Stable, the same doctor who helped treat Twilight when she first came in. Spike remembered how he had lashed out at the stallion when he was told of Twilight's condition.
"I still don't understand what you're trying to tell me," said Spike, through clenched teeth. In reality, he knew exactly what the stallion was saying, but his heart refused to accept it. "Is Twilight going to be okay?"
Dr. Stable removed his glasses and sighed. "Spike, Twilight has suffered heavy amounts of smoke inhalation. On top of that, the explosion gave her a severe concussion and some internal bleeding. Her body isn't going to be able to heal itself."
"But she's going to be okay, right?" asked Spike, in denial. His right eye twitching in disbelief.
Dr. Stable sighed again; he hated this part of his job more than anything. "Spike..." he said.. "Twilight is brain-dead, she's only being kept alive through a magically fused CPB pump."
Spike put his head down in silence. "Nope, you're going to have to try harder," he said.
"Spike, I'm sorr-"
Spike leapt up from his chair and tackled Dr. Stable to the ground.
"NO! You are going to fix her!" he yelled into the doctor's face. By now, Dr. Stable had began to cry.
"There's nothing more that I can do!" yelled Dr. Stable.
"You're a doctor, dammit! If you can't fix her, find someone who fucking can!" Spike yelled.
Nurse Redheart ran into the room. "Sir! Please calm down!" she yelled, pulling Spike off of the doctor. The dragon then broke down on the office floor, crying hysterically for hours.
The doctor looked around the room. "I was expecting more ponies."
Spike sighed. "All of our friends couldn't handle seeing her like this."
Spike remembered how every pony had reacted when they found out Twilight wasn't going to make it. Fluttershy and Rarity cried the most, while Pinkie Pie simply refused the idea of Twilight dying. Much like Spike had at first, Rainbow Dash grew angry at the incompetent medical team, eventually refusing to leave her cloud home for weeks. Out of all of the gang, Applejack took the news the best. After the death of her parents, she was able to take sad news better than others.
Spike wasn't around when Princess Celestia found out, but the days following always seemed darker than usual. The sun just didn't burn as bright.
Dr. Stable took a step towards Spike, he placed a hoof on the drake's shoulder. "It's time, Spike..."
The words passed through the dragon like a knife; this truly was the end. Dr. Stable sighed. "I'll give you two some time to say your goodbyes," he said, stepping out of the room.
Spike turned towards Shining Armor. "You should go first," he said.
Shining Armor sadly nodded in approval. He stood up on jelly legs, nearly collapsing back down into his seat. He slowly walked towards Twilight's body, using all of his strength to push forward. For a time, he just sat silently and observed Twilight's limp frame.
"Twiley..." he began, and that's when it hit him. A sudden rush of emotion forced the tears locked in his eyes out into the open. Shining Armor bawled uncontrollably, making sounds no grown stallion had any business making.
Spike silently cursed Shining's tears; he was supposed to be strong for the dragon, to remind him that everything would be all right in the long run. Shining was the strongest pony Spike knew; seeing him in tears defeated him emotionally.
After a while, Shining's crying turned into desperate gasps for air. After catching his breath, the stallion turned his head away from Twilight, and sat back in his seat.
Spike gulped, it was his turn. He again stepped towards the bed, Why? he thought. Why her?
"It's all my fault." he said quietly, Shining Armor slightly scowled.
"It's not your fault, Spike!" yelled Shining. "Blaming yourself for this isn't going to help you at all! Twilight wouldn't want you upset over something you had no control over."
Spike turned his head towards Shining. "You don't understand," he said pitifully. "I'm the reason the fire started."
The words sent shockwaves throughout the room. Shining Armor sat in total disbelief.
"What do you mean?" said the colt, struggling to find his words.
Spike gulped. "It was me.”