While Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack boarded a train that would take them to Appleloosa, the other three and I made a beeline for Manehattan. The city was actually within sight of Ponyville, but in the interest of saving time (and because of the fact that I still couldn't walk very well), we were using Pinkie's hot air balloon.
Rarity had brought along a deck of cards, and she, Pinkie, and Fluttershy were playing Go Fish to pass the time. The pink pony had packed a couple of saddlebags bulging with snacks that were rapidly disappearing into her insatiable mouth.
Rather than joining in their game, I leaned against the side of the basket and stared out at the hilly countryside as it slowly passed beneath. It was a really relaxing way to travel, and the autumn colors offered an interesting contrast to my memories of the Equestrian summer. Everything was both familiar and totally different at the same time.
Now that I had nothing to do except wait for the balloon's enchantment to bring us to our destination, I got to thinking. About my current situation in Equestria. About my current situation on Earth. Was I just screwing around in my head like before, and was my unconscious body just lying on my bathroom floor? Or was something else entirely going on this time? I had a lot of questions and no way to find the answers.
I absentmindedly reached to pull out a cigarette and my lighter, then sighed with disappointment as I realized that I didn't have either of those things. Despite the wonderfully clean air (even with the new emission regulations, you still didn't get much of that in LA), I felt the need to fill my lungs with smoke. Black, deadly, cancer-causing smoke.
You know what would have been really awesome? A magical pocket that contained a carton of unlimited cigarettes. And some way to light them all. Alas, life isn't perfect.
“Cog,” Fluttershy said gently behind me, which jolted me out of my ruminations.
It took me a moment to remember that that was my new name. “Huh?” I turned around and tried to ignore my longing for nicotine. I might as well have tried to ignore gravity.
“Here, eat this.” She timidly pushed a small cupcake toward me across the basket's...whatever you call the “floor” inside a basket.
“No thanks. I'm not hungry.” I was already misleading them all, so I'm not sure why I felt the need to lie about that too. In truth, I was starving.
“Come now,” Rarity flicked her mane back and set her cards down. “I can count your ribs from over here. When was the last time you ate something?”
“I don't eat a lot,” I mumbled, and at least that was true. During my most recent years on Earth, I'd gotten most of my nutrition from booze alone, with real food much less frequently. That was one reason for the smoking; the nicotine kept my appetite in check. But now that my cigarettes were nowhere to be found, my stomach decided that this was the best time to remind me of every skipped meal.
“You know, that's really not healthy,” Fluttershy said, again mindful of my wellbeing.
“Story of my life,” I muttered bitterly.
“Come on, everypony likes cupcakes!” Pinkie said brightly. She already had four different colors of frosting all around her mouth.
“Three against one?” I asked myself. My stomach growled at me. “Four? That's just not fair. Alright, fine, you win.”
I reached out and tried to pick up the cupcake. I didn't succeed, because I was using a hoof. In case you didn't realize this, hooves don't pick stuff up. I actually could kind of grab the thing, but it was like trying to get a grip through an over-padded boxing glove. As I later found out, the trick is to balance the object instead of grabbing it, but at the time I had no idea. Failure.
That cupcake just sat there on the basket-floor-thing, mocking my impotence and lack of fingers. The others noticed what I was doing—or, more accurately, trying to do—and shared a glance.
I ignored them and changed tactics, using both of my front hooves to grip the opposite sides of the cupcake while leaning back on my haunches. That would have worked just fine, but I still hadn't had time to fully adjust to my new body and get my balance completely, so I almost faceplanted when I put both front legs in the air. Failure again.
I was quickly losing my patience with the pastry. So I changed my strategy. Rather than bringing it to my mouth, I brought my mouth to the cupcake. Success! Sorta.
Actually eating the cupcake was really difficult, too. My mouth and teeth were all the wrong shape and size, so it was impossible to make it a clean meal. Pink frosting and crumbs got all over my face and the inside of the basket.
“Well, I suppose that's one way to eat,” Rarity said with a visible wince.
“Sorry 'bout that,” I muttered as I rubbed a hoof across my mouth, which only spread the mess even more.
“Here, let me help,” Rarity levitated a handkerchief (hoofkerchief? I seriously have no idea what they call it) out of Pinkie's saddlebag and wiped at the frosting from my face.
I wriggled out of her grip. “Just 'cause I'm clumsy doesn't make me a bab—where's that noise coming from?”
The others heard it too. We all leaned over the edge of the basket to look for the source of the music, which caused it to tilt dangerously. Thank God/Celestia/Pony Jesus for the safety enchantments that kept us from spilling out.
Below us was Discord, who was moonwalking across one of the taller hills as we passed overhead. He was wearing black sunglasses and held an eighties-style boombox on his shoulder, which was pumping out the sound.
I'm gonna slide it in
Right to the top.
Slide it in
I ain't never gonna stop!
Slide it in
Right to the top
I'm gonna slide it in!
Slide it in!
“What the hell are you doing here?” I called out as the song shifted to the guitar solo. I never would have guessed that he was a Whitesnake fan.
Discord pulled his shades down and fixed his mismatched pupils on me. “I'm just setting the mood, that's all. Is that such a bad thing?”
“What? That's not how you do it!” I shouted with a facehoof. “That's probably the worst song that you could've possibly chosen!”
“Oh really?” Discord wiggled his eyebrows mischievously and pushed a few buttons on his boombox. The music stopped and changed to a bunch of muted chords.
Stacy's mom
Has got it goin' on.
Stacy's mom
Has got it goin' on.
I stood corrected. That is the worst song that he could have chosen to set the mood.
Splat!
“Ow!” Discord dropped his boombox—which cut off the music—and frantically wiped at the pink smear that had appeared across his face. “Who throws a cupcake? Honestly!”
“You want another one?” Rarity challenged as she levitated a second pastry projectile.
“Ooooh, you're going to pay for that!” Discord promised angrily as he stuck his snakelike tongue out, licked all the frosting off himself, and was gone with a throaty gulp.
“Did he just eat himself?” Fluttershy gasped in surprise at the draconequus' sudden departure.
“You know, I've always wondered what would happen if I did that,” Pinkie said and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I couldn't figure out if I'd make myself twice as big or disappear completely.”
“Pinkie Pie, you are so random,” I muttered. She hadn't changed much.
“Funny, that's what everypony says!”
* * * * *
The rest of the balloon ride was completely uneventful, and we touched down at the city's edge an hour or so after Discord's disappearance.
Manehattan was a far cry from the rural Ponyville. Massive skyscrapers and warehouses made for an uneven skyline and threw long, dark shadows across the land as the sun began to sink toward the west horizon. All of the buildings were shoved against each other with no alleys or passageways between them. Wrought iron grills were fixed on most of the windows.
The residents were different, too. Every pony in sight was wearing some kind of clothing, ranging from those absurdly small almost-tuxedos to fancy ball dresses with matching shoes and jewelery. Top hats, monocles, pearl necklaces, bowties, and stockings abounded. I was suddenly very aware of my uncovered body.
But even more striking than the clothes was the way that the Manehattanites moved. Rather than lazily plodding from one place to another like the Ponyville ponies, the city-dwellers all walked with purposeful strides, as if they all had someplace important to be. None of them spared a moment to stop and ask what we were doing or who we were; they barely acknowledged our arrival at all.
“Where do we go now, Cog?” Rarity asked as she carefully stepped out of the balloon's basket. She looked admiringly at a few of the flashier dresses that the local mares were wearing.
I squinted my eyes and glanced around. “We're looking for a big statue of a pony with a torch. Probably with a spiky thing on its head and carrying a book or tablet or something like that.”
“You mean the Statue of Tranquility?” Fluttershy asked quietly. She shrank away from the city and nervously glanced around at the bustling crowds.
I nodded. “Probably. I'll know it when we see it. Any idea where it is?”
“I do!” Pinkie said much louder than necessary, which attracted a few unfriendly stares. “Follow me!”
We followed the bouncing pink pony through the city's wide roads. Actually, Rarity and Fluttershy followed her and I stumbled along as best I could in the same general direction. I had the stepping pattern down just fine, but doing it quickly was difficult even without other pedestrians in the street. As it was, I bumped into a few of the upper-class ponies, who all growled at me to watch where I was going and stay out of their way.
I would have fallen behind, but Pinkie kept getting distracted by the sights of Manehattan. She was constantly pressing her face against store windows and staring hungrily at the cafes that were serving dinner early. Normally this would have annoyed me, but now it gave me the perfect opportunity to catch up.
Eventually, we found the Statue of Tranquility standing on a long river wharf. Despite having never been in New York, I instantly recognized the ponified monument.
The massive green mare rose on a giant pedestal until she was above most of the nearby buildings. Her stern face, pointy crown, and flowing robe were extremely detailed, but I was much more interested in the torch that she held aloft. Unlike the American version, this statue had an actual fire burning in its grip.
“We need to get up there,” I said and pointed at the yellow flame. “That's where the clue is.”
“How are we going to do that?” Fluttershy asked with yet another paranoid look around.
“There's a way up inside the statue, silly!” Pinkie said cheerfully, then her eyes went wide as she got sidetracked once more. “Ooooh, churros! I'll be right back!”
I just rolled my eyes and kept heading for the statue while Pinkie pestered the churro vender. The sun had sunk further during our journey, and the dark shadows on the monument's face made it look like the giant mare was frowning directly at me, as if she didn't want us to find Discord's clue.
Ignoring the statue's glower, we made our way to the base of its pedestal. Near one of the corners was a door set in the stone. A wide sign hung on the door:
CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC
RENOVATIONS IN PROGRESS
There was absolutely no indication of renovating anywhere.
“Are...are you s-s-sure about this?” Fluttershy asked in a terrified whisper as I pushed the door open. “W-what if we g-get caught?”
“We won't if we hurry,” I said and stepped inside. Rarity followed, then came a smiling Pinkie Pie who pulled the reluctant pegasus in by her tail.
Inside the statue's base was a twisting metal staircase, which we quickly climbed. For a few minutes, there was nothing interesting to see and no sound except our echoing hoofsteps on the stairs. The place seemed to be deserted and nopony followed us in.
Eventually, the stairs ended and we were standing in a small room inside the statue's crown. A line of windows let us look out at the city and the pedestrians three hundred feet below.
I turned to the rightmost window and looked up. There was the flaming torch in the statue's hoof about another fifty feet in the air.
I tapped my hoof against the glass and thought. “How are we gonna get up there?” I mumbled to myself. I hadn't planned this far ahead.
“I know!” Pinkie shouted and stuck her face into her saddlebag. “I've got the perfect thing...now where is it?”
She pulled a couple of books, a brass horseshoe, a velvet fez, a box of donuts, a giant rusty anchor, and a big flashlight out of the bag. A blue bowling ball fell out as well and rolled right down the stairs in a series of loud metallic clunks.
“What in Celestia's name are you looking for?” Rarity asked and glanced nervously after the bowling ball. It was still making a lot of noise.
“C'mon, c'mon,” Pinkie muttered as she dug even deeper. “I know it's in here somewhere...that's not it.”
“Is that a gun?” I asked in surprise as she pulled out what looked like a pink pistol.
“It's my Colt 1911!” she said proudly. “Look what happens when I pull the trigger!”
The thing started vibrating violently and shook the pink pony up and down like a jackhammer. Her eyes went blurry and her mane jiggled in absurd directions. It looked like she was possessed or something.
“Ttthhhiiisss mmmaaaakkeeeessssss mmmyyyy vvvvoooooiiicccceee sssooooouunddd sssiiilllllllyyyyy!” she said happily as she bounced out of control. “Iiiitttt hhhaaaassss eeeiiiggggghhtttteeeeeeeeennnnn dddiiiifffffeeerreeeennnttt ssseeeettttttttiiiiiinnnnggssssss!”
Rarity levitated the vibrator out of Pinkie's grip. “We're in the middle of something important, remember?” she prompted her friend as she turned off the pink thing and set it down. I noticed that she looked at the Colt a little too long and intently as she did so.
“Oh, right!” Pinkie said with a smile as her eyes spun around in different directions. She stuck her head back into her saddlebag, then gave an “Aha!” a moment later and pulled out a long coil of thick rope.
“That'll work,” I said appreciatively as Pinkie put everything back into her bag, minus the bowling ball. “Now, about this window...”
“I'll handle this,” Rarity said as her horn glowed blue. With a small fuzzy pop, the glass twisted itself out of the frame and gently set itself down on the floor. A soft autumn breeze wafted inside.
“Perfect. Now, Fluttershy, could you...Fluttershy?”
The pegasus was cowering in a corner as far away from the windows as possible. She was shaking nearly as much as Pinkie had a minute before.
“What's wrong?” Pinkie asked the panic-stricken yellow pony. Her smile had faded to a concerned expression.
“I...I'm..I'm just...” her trembling voice faded away to a terrified squeak.
“What was that?” I asked and leaned closer to hear better.
“I'm s-s-sc...sca...h-h...”
“What?” Rarity asked with a frown.
“I-I'm sc-scared of h-h-heights!”
I could have given myself a concussion with the force of my facehoof. “Oh, for fuck's sake! You have wings! You can fly! How the hell could you possibly be afraid of heights?”
Fluttershy squeaked again and shoved herself even further into the corner. She screwed her eyes shut and shook harder than ever. Rarity and Pinkie both gave me disapproving looks.
I sighed heavily and deliberately lowered my voice. “Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't've said that. But there's no reason to be scared! Even if you fall, just flap your wings and you'll be fine. Now, we need you to fly up to the torch and tie the rope to something so we can get up there. Can you pull yourself together and help us out so we can find whatever Discord left for us and get outta here?”
For a minute, it looked like Fluttershy would refuse and we would have to come up with another plan. Then she slowly uncurled her legs, stood up, and hesitantly flapped her wings until she was hovering a few inches off the floor. She swallowed hard and nodded.
With a few more flaps, she was at the open window. She balked at the edge. She looked down and whimpered slightly. Well, three hundred feet is a long way down.
“You can do it!” Pinkie said encouragingly. “Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright!”
“O-okay,” Fluttershy mumbled as she picked up one end of the rope in her mouth. She gulped again and bravely flew out the glassless window.
A couple of minutes later, Fluttershy had tied the rope and, with a little more help from Rarity's magic, the four of us were standing on top of the torch. The yellow pegasus kept her hooves firmly on the metal surface and stayed far away from the edges.
The torch's top was a flat round platform with a large indentation in the middle from which came the tall golden flame. It wasn't very hot, considering how close we were to the fire and that we were standing on metal, and I briefly wondered what kind of magic was keeping us from feeling the heat. But we had a clue to find, and that's what I dedicated my attention to.
“What exactly are we looking for?” Rarity asked as she glanced around.
“I dunno,” I replied and turned back to searching. “Anything unusual. Anything that seems out of place.”
* * * * *
We examined that platform for fifteen minutes without success. That might not sound like a long time, but it took less than thirty seconds to search the entire thing. We looked at the parts that we could walk on, the part that the fire was on, the fire itself, and even gazed out over the city in every direction. Not one detail was overlooked, but we couldn't find the clue.
I gave a frustrated sigh and looked over the edge of the torch toward the river below. The water didn't have an answer for us either. A few small boats drifted along in the current or pulled up to a distant pier on the other side of the water.
I rubbed my hoof against the edge of the platform and tried to think of what we could be doing wrong. Nothing presented itself to me.
My frown got deeper and I rubbed my hoof harder. That felt weird, like whoever had put the thing together hadn't bothered to make that part smooth. It seemed like there were a lot of really unprofessional welds in that particular spot. Well, it's toward the water, so it's not like anyone's ever gonna look at this bit too closely. The construction team probably didn't bother to...wait a minute...
I lowered myself to the platform and hung my head over the side to see what my hoof had been rubbing against. My glasses tried to fall off, but I grabbed them at the last moment, pressed them against my face, and looked again.
“I found it!” I called out as I looked at the letters that jutted out of the metal. That was really odd, they didn't seem to—
“Stop right there, criminal scum!” came a deep voice behind me.
Aw, shit. I quickly read over the message again. It didn't make a bit of sense, but I didn't have time to dwell on that.
I stood back up and turned around just as the others retreated to my position. Rarity looked scared, Fluttershy was utterly terrified, and Pinkie was scowling at the source of the voice. When I saw who it was, I couldn't blame them.
Six muscular pegasus stallions in black armor had landed on the torch and were slowly advancing toward us. A few more were circling in the air to cut off any retreat. I hadn't noticed any of them arrive.
“It's no use trying to run,” the foremost guard said unnecessarily in the same harsh voice that had spoken before. He was dark brown with a deep blue mane and tail, and he was bulkier than the others. He sneered at us out of his pointy helmet as he took another step forward.
“Give yerselves up, an' we won' make things too painful fer ya,” another pegasus said nastily, which brought a few chuckles from the others.
I looked around to try and find some way to escape. There was no way in hell that we could fight our way out—even if I'd been fully confident in my ability to control my own body, we were badly outnumbered—and I really didn't want to end my day by learning what the punishment for trespassing was. But there didn't seem to be any alternative.
“Anypony got any bright ideas?” I asked quietly as the guards came even closer. Rarity muttered something into Pinkie's ear, and the earth pony dipped her head into her saddlebag.
Rarity put her head right next to mine and whispered out of the corner of her mouth as Pinkie continued to rummage around. “Cog, I know that we've only just met, but do you trust me?”
I glanced from her to the guards and back again. Well, it's gotta be worth a shot, I thought to myself as I nodded.
“Do you surrender?” the lead stallion demanded seriously. He was getting pretty damn close.
“You'll never take us alive, coppers!” Pinkie shrieked as she whipped her head out of her bag. What looked like a silver grenade flew into the air over the advancing pegasi, leaving the pin behind in her mouth.
My vision flashed completely white and something shoved me backwards off the platform. I couldn't see or hear anything other than a sudden sharp ringing in my ears, but I clearly felt myself falling.
And falling.
And falling.
My eyesight slowly recovered, and I could barely make out the shape of Rarity as she fell right after me. The air whipped her mane around and she had her eyes shut tight. Her horn was faintly glowing with magical energy. Further away were the pegasus guards, who were all flying around in confused circles. Two of them actually collided, but caught themselves before they too could fall down.
The air shimmered and sparkled as the four of us fell towards the river. Rather than speeding up and smacking into the water's surface at terminal velocity, we seemed to be slowing down. Yes, our speed was definitely reducing itself.
That's twice now that Rarity's saved me from falling to death, I dimly thought to myself as we gently reached the choppy waves.
As we touched the water, it pushed itself away and formed a bubble around us as we sank beneath the surface. It closed up over us in a perfect liquid sphere with plenty of air inside.
The light from Rarity's horn illuminated the sudden darkness. Fish swam away from us and underwater plants swayed in the current. Everything in sight was distorted and shifted around erratically. It felt really weird to be underwater without some sort of submersible and not be wet.
The glowing grew stronger and we stopped sinking. Rarity turned her head and we started moving sideways, right into a large pipe that stuck out of the artificial wall. The twisted remains of a broken grate hung off the end and stabbed out into the river, but the hole was big enough for us to pass right through. If I had to guess, it was probably some kind of storm drain meant to keep the Manehattan's roads from flooding during unusually heavy rain.
After a minute or so of traveling along the pipe's slightly-upward slope, we broke out of the water with a quiet splash. The light faded away and the four of us fell out of the air onto the slippery metal interior of the drain as the spell ended. After a few seconds of total darkness, the place was illuminated again, this time by the yellow beam of the flashlight that Pinkie pulled out of her bag again.
Rarity had collapsed into a sitting position, and she was breathing hard. A few beads of sweat trickled down her neck. Despite being clearly exhausted from the magic, she gave me a wide smile.
“Well, I think we gave them the slip,” she said brightly. Her voice echoed in the cramped pipe.
“Yeah,” I muttered and rubbed at my ears. They were still ringing.
“I hope we never have to do that again,” Fluttershy mumbled as she got to her hooves and tried to keep from slipping on the slime. When she started sliding, she flapped her wings to get above the ooze and hovered in place.
“I've still got two more of these things in case we do,” Pinkie said unconcernedly as she waved her flashlight around the pipe. “Where do you think this thing goes?”
“Let's find out,” Rarity said as she tried to stand up. Her wobbling legs gave out and she fell forward onto the grime with a soft cry of disgust. She began to slide backward towards the water.
I reached my neck out and bit her mane (it was strange how naturally that action came) to stop her from slipping away. She scrabbled to find some kind of traction, but there wasn't anything for her hooves—or mine, for that matter—to get a firm grip on.
With my teeth still clamped onto Rarity's hair, I looked at Fluttershy and jerked my head toward the part of the pipe that didn't end in water. The pegasus nodded and swooped down to bite my tail. She pulled me, I pulled Rarity, and Pinkie grabbed Rarity's legs as we slid past. Teamwork!
It was a struggle for Fluttershy to pull the three of us (well, two and a half if you count my distinct lack of weight), but before long we came to a spot where the side of the pipe had been cut away and a stone staircase twisted upward. Before climbing them, we sat down on the lowest steps to take a quick rest.
“Ugh!” Rarity groaned in dismay at the muck that covered her chest and belly. Her once-white coat was stained a dark brownish green.
“It would be worse in prison,” I pointed out quickly before she could complain in earnest.
“Perhaps,” she muttered tiredly as she tried to wipe some of the grime away. “So, Cog, what was the clue that you found?”
“Oh, right. It was...uh...oh. Shit.” I struggled to recall what I'd seen. I tapped a grimy hoof against my forehead and tried to force my brain to cooperate.
“It was a bunch of letters, but they weren't words. They were...T, N, H, U....No, that's wrong. There was a C in there...maybe a...Fuck! I can't remember!” I hit my head harder, but that didn't help in the least.
“Are we gonna have to go back there?” Pinkie asked incredulously.
“No, we can't and we won't have to,” Rarity said as her horn glowed again. “Cog, relax your mind.”
“What are you—”
Suddenly my vision changed. Fluttershy was flying backwards and we were all going down the pipe, but I didn't feel myself leave the stairs. Rarity was levitating us back into the water, then we were falling upwards toward the Statue of Tranquility's torch. My view went hazy and then completely white.
As the whiteness abruptly disappeared and Pinkie's flashbang reattached itself to its pin, I realized what had happened; Rarity was rewinding my memories like a movie. That's a neat trick, I thought as the black-clad pegasus guards stepped away.
“There it is,” I said out loud as I saw Discord's clue again and the memory froze in place. “Perfect, I can see the whole thing. Do any of you have something to write with?”
“Yeah,” came Pinkie's unseen reply, then a moment later I felt something small and round being stuck into my mouth (insert your own joke here) and a piece of paper under my hoof.
It felt weird to be looking at something completely disconnected from what was going on at the moment. It was almost as weird trying to write with my mouth while being effectively blind, but I somehow knew that I was doing a pretty good job of it. I think I'm getting the hang of this pony stuff, I mused.
I spat the pencil out when I finished. “Alright, that's it,” I said, then my vision flashed back to the present. I could see the stairs, the flashlight, and the three other ponies.
Just like I'd thought, my mouthwriting (is that even a thing?) was fairly neat and nothing was out of order. Something told me that it wasn't due to the magic, or at least it wasn't entirely because of it. But just because it was readable didn't make it any less confusing.
TSNLCOU HET YCMSIT ERMA
Rarity groaned and rubbed at the base of her horn, spreading the offending slime even further as she did so. “I think my head's going to explode,” she mumbled.
“Are you okay?” I asked in concern. She looked really worn out.
“I'll be alright,” she said feebly. “Just a little too much magic that I'm not properly trained in. But don't worry, I'm fine. What did you see? Are we a step closer to finding my sister?”
“Sorta.” I turned the paper toward her and the other two so that they could read it.
A few moments of silence passed as they looked at the clue and tried to figure out what the words were supposed to tell us. Judging by their faces, they were just as baffled as I was.
“What does it mean?” Rarity and Fluttershy asked at the same time.
“I have no idea,” I admitted. “Maybe we should—”
“I've got it!” Pinkie shouted excitedly and grabbed the paper. The pencil in her mouth moved in a blur and a few seconds later a much clearer message was written beneath the clue:
CONSULT THE MYSTIC MARE
“How did you do that?” I asked in surprise.
“You just had to rearrange the letters, silly!” Pinkie said with a giggle.
You know, things like that seem so obvious in hindsight.