I narrated the memory of mom’s last day best I could to Scootaloo, not sure what was or wasn’t important. It all seemed important to me.
(Seventeen years ago)
That day mom wasn’t there for breakfast, instead she got an extra early start before me and was outside practicing before I even rolled out of bed. I was disappointed, after all I was only going to be home from Junior Speedsters for so long. All the same, it gave me and my best pal Gilda a chance to hang out with my daddy.
Now many ponies think that speedsters and stunt ponies are the same thing, but that’s just not true. Mom was a stunt pony, dad was a speedster. Still, growing up I always dreamed of merging the two.
One difference was dad did everything faster… another difference was he did a lot of things wrong, but they looked right anyway. For instance cold cereal. It looked like chocolate cheerios, so I dug in even as Gilda said she thought something looked off. I then tasted charcoal. Gilda was grossed out, but after finishing dad’s surprise drink… some kind of weird soda… I spent the rest of the morning begging dad to show me how to burn cereal without burning the milk. Dad seemed embarrassed of his amazing talent, but I would not take no for an answer, I had to know!
First burn the cereal because you forgot it’s not oatmeal, then pour milk on it and hope no one notices, amazing! Daddy was so clever! I couldn’t stop celebrating and I felt so good knowing this.
Finally Gilda and I both started shooting around the house shouting “Burnt cereal, burnt cereal!” I don’t even know why we were saying it. Eventually I knocked over a trash can. I cleaned it up, but did notice a strange soda can. “Mountain Dew?” I asked. I picked up the can and flew over to daddy, who for some reason had a bowl of popcorn. “Is this a new soda-popcorn, popcorn, popcorn, popcorn, popcorn, popcorn!- What’s it for?-Can I have some?”
“Just enjoying the show. Sure, here ya go.” He let me have a little and I shot away again. And then for some reason Gilda and I ended up on the floor rough housing.
Eventually mom came back in from her routine and I practically tackled her. “Mommy, mommy, mommy!” I shouted at her as she regained her hooves. For some reason she looked at dad instead of me and gave him a raised eyebrow. I wasn’t sure what that was about, but she wasn’t paying attention to me and I wanted her to pay attention to me-for some reason. I shot away from her.
“Monster for the monsters,” dad said with a chuckled. “Popcorn?”
“We are terrible parents,” my mom replied, taking some of the food.
“Oh most definitely,” dad replied.
“Not really monster right?”
“Oh no, they’re not ready for that,” dad said. Not sure what they were talking about. I started spinning in front of the door like I was chasing my tail.
“Can we go outside?” I asked. My mom shrugged and opened the door for me. Could have gotten it myself, but whatever. I shot out. I started zipping around outside, spinning in the air and even doing back flips mid air. Gilda started cheering enthusiastically, mom and dad grinning at me. “Mom check it out!” I shot over to a cloud and pulled it in front of our house. Then I shot off and got another cloud. I zipped around the clouds several times, using my speed to mold them into one cloud and then kicked it, zipping up and over it just as it charged its lightning bolt, I then shot down under it. I was supposed to just dodge the bolt, however somehow I got hit and crashed into the cloud ground surrounding my house.
I hissed and awkwardly tried to get up, both parents and Gilda rushing to me. Finally I couldn’t keep it in and started crying out loud. Mom wrapped her forelegs around me, lightly stroking my mane. “It’s okay Dashie, I know it hurts.” She looked at dad. “Can you get the first aid kit?” Daddy left, but soon came back and started bandaging my wound “What were you trying to do sweetie? I hope that wasn’t it.”
“No… no.” I started. “It was my bucking bronco. I was supposed to dodge that bolt and have it go off behind me.” I sighed. “I did it once… must have been just and accident then. I’m just not good enough.”
“No, no, no,” mom said. “This was an accident. You just need more practice maybe, but you’re amazing. Designing stunts at your age? That sounds pretty cool.” The stroking of my mane continued as she spoke softly to me. I didn’t know why, but even though my injury still hurt, I stopped crying and calmed down.
“Sorry I got you two riled up,” dad confessed. “That Mountain Dew is pretty strong stuff.”
“Oh… is that why I’m so excited?” I asked. He nodded. “It was fun.” I said. He smiled.
“I thought so too, but I should probably be more careful,” he replied.
“Careful?” I asked. “We’re the Rainbows, we’re not careful we’re fast!” I shouted.
Mom shook her head. “No dear. We are fast, but you need to learn to be more careful than fast, otherwise stuff like this happens,” she said, pointing at my now bandaged injury. I sighed. “Ready for the show?” I nodded enthusiastically. She snatched me up and threw me on her back, Gilda gliding up behind me and having a seat too. “Hang on tight!” I wrapped my forelegs around her neck and Gilda wrapped her arms around me.
Gilda didn’t know my mom like I did and when she shot off, Gilda wasn’t holding on tight enough. Dad caught her though so it was fine.
(***)
Mom always performed right before the Wonder Bolts. Today was like so many others, me and dad cheering in the stands as she shot over head, often throwing winks and quick salutes to me and dad, Gilda responding with cheers and salutes alongside me, but I knew they were for me. I was also aware some of her fans thought she was saluting to them… no, it was hard to explain how, but I knew those salutes were for me and daddy.
Mid show she grabbed a mic. “Hey everyone, Firefly here,” she shouted to the crowd, the pegasi all around cheering loudly in response. They were so loud I could barely hear myself think, I loved it. “My little girl made this next trick. She messed up showing it too me, but I got the gist. Dashie, if I can do this, so can you!” She dropped the mic on a cloud and shot away, quickly capturing two clouds, spinning around them until they merged into one and then kicked it. She then dove around the cloud and just dodged the lightning bolt. Her body was illuminated by the blast as she struck a pose. The bolt only went off for a fraction of a second, but it made her look so awesome!
She started shouting over the crowd as everyone cheered. “Don’t forget, that’s from my kid! Dashie, the most awesome filly in all Equestria!” She then looked at my seat, as if to be sure I was okay with something. I didn’t understand why, but I cheered anyway. Seeing that, she grinned.
Another two stunts went by and then came one of mom’s signature moves, the ninety degree slap dash turn. Essentially she was supposed to shoot down towards the ground at full speed and suddenly change direction seconds before hitting the ground. She practiced this almost daily to make sure it was safe.
She shot into the air and winked at me and dad, Gilda happily caught in the wink’s cross fire. She then shot down, faster and faster. She was a blur and- my heart jumped. The second she was supposed to turn, a spotlight shot overhead… she just kept flying down.
I heard a thump. I was confused. She was supposed to turn, why didn’t she turn? Dad looked concerned. He shot up and over the crowd, me quickly following. We were in box seats so we didn’t have to go too far.
As my dad flew to my mom, my heart stopped. There she was… something was wrong. Her neck was bent, blood was pouring out and her legs were splayed out from her body. My eyes went wide. She was… she was… I shook my head. “Please no…” I said shuddering. Gilda covered my eyes. Suddenly I felt my dad grab me and fly me to the ground. I looked back to where my mom had crashed. Guard ponies started to flood around her until I could no longer see her. “Mommy!” I shouted.
Dad spoke to me gently, but with a kind of authority. “I’m sorry Dash, she’s gone,” I sobbed into his shoulder.
“I know… why?”
He stroked my mane. “I think it was the spot light… don’t… she’s just gone.”
“I… This is real isn’t it?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m sorry.” He replied. I kept sobbing, eventually slamming my hooves into his shoulder, knowing he was far too strong for it to hurt him. I screamed into his fur.
(***)
Gilda was at a loss for what to do, so we sent her home, her saying how sorry she was over and over.
Back at home, I started screaming when I got inside, stomping my hooves until they hurt. Daddy just stood there next to me. Finally he laid down on the floor next to me and wrapped a wing around me, forcing me close to him. “It’s okay, be still.”
I sobbed into his fur again. “Where’s mommy?” I asked. I don’t know why I asked, I just asked over and over, like I was a machine.
Dad said “she’s gone,” a few times, until finally he stopped really answering and just said, “I’m here with you Dash, daddy is here.”
(***)
(Present day)
I’m not sure exactly how detailed I got with Scootaloo. Some of my words didn’t even register in my own ears as I told the story. Scootaloo was hugging me as the story started to wind up, but I barely even wanted to acknowledge that, this was so hard to talk about.
“That’s enough,” said the therapist finally.
I looked down at Scootaloo. I knew it, she was crying. Wasn’t it enough she had to deal with- “You want to know like that?” she asked. I cocked my head sideways. “You know what happened… but… but I guess you don’t know how it looked to me. You want to know so bad you would tell me this?” I nodded. Scootaloo closed her eyes. “You’re sure.” She looked up at me again. “Okay.”
She walked away and started.
“So… just how much of what happened do you know about? I get the feeling you were standing outside the door for a lot of what happened between me and my mom.”
“I was standing outside listening for most of it… foooor future reference, that’s kind of rude so I should tell you not to do it.”
“Then I guess you heard my questions to mom?” Scootaloo asked. I nodded. “I wasn’t trying to accuse her, not at first. At first I was just asking questions. Her answers were terrible though. Course before I even started Twilight had to almost force mom to even look at me, and I’ve never heard Twilight order someone to bow before, that was weird. When she did that I knew things were serious.”
Scootaloo looked at the ground. “I was scared of what it meant for Twilight to be that serious with mom. For a while I had been hoping that mom would come, defend herself and everything would work out. Maybe she would apologize, but Twilight, one of the most forgiving ponies I know, didn’t even seem to want to give her a chance. I look up to Twilight. She’s not often wrong.” Scootaloo gulped. “Still I hoped things would work out, so I started trying to get mom to defend herself.”
She continued. “Mom’s answers got worse and worse. I got angry. I knew Twilight had to be wrong but mom wasn’t proving it. Then something came up about my dad, that part’s a blur.” Scootaloo glared at the ground. “Then Rarity cut in. She started chewing out my mom and treating her like garbage Twilight forcing my mother to take it. I tried not to say anything, hoping that maybe Rarity’s actions would force mom to finally realize how wrong she was. It didn’t happen though. Eventually I just… I just…”
Scootaloo gave a slight whimper. “I wanted so bad to be able to make everything alright. I just wanted her to love me, to want me. I offered to forgive her if only… she… she didn’t.” Scootaloo paused and gulped. “That’s when you busted in and drove her away.” She started to sob a little. “You ever heard someone talk about their heart breaking? I never knew why that’s how they put it until then. My chest ached and it felt like something really did break in there. She just walked away…” Scootaloo began to hiss, gritting her teeth. “After all the chances I gave her in there, she just F****** WALKED AWAY!”
Scootaloo seem to crumble to the floor, laying her head on the ground, crying. I couldn’t watch any more. I rushed over and picked her up as she continued to cry into my chest. “I’m sorry,” I stared. “I don’t think any of us meant to make things worse.”
“No… it’s not that,” Scootaloo said through sobs. She pulled her head up. “Let me go?” It was hard to let go, but I set her down. “At the time I thought you guys were making things worse, but I always knew you were trying to help me.” Scootaloo sighed, standing upright. “Later, I thought back on what you did. You were all so certain, like there was no doubt in what you were doing. It helped me realize a few things. Mom really was wrong and…” Scootaloo squeezed her eyes shut hissing, grinding her teeth and eventually just holding her breath. Finally she let go. “There is no hope for her and me. I want her, but I shouldn’t. More and more every day I hate her, I’m angry at her… I-I never want to see her again!”
“Scoots maybe hating her isn’t-“ but the doctor finally spoke again.
“Actually I have to stop you there.” He said. “From what I understand, Scootaloo’s mother hurt her pretty bad. What I’m about to say I know is controversial, but I feel this is a time when it needs to be said.” This time the therapist actually sighed and looked rather vulnerable himself. “I’ve been hurt in the past as well. It isn’t conducive for me to share specifics in this situation, however the pony who did that to me I do hate. I use to love her, but actually I haven’t forgiven her.” I looked at him, not sure what to think of what I was hearing. “She hurt me deeply, enjoyed it, never asked forgiveness and walked away. To forgive her would mean accepting what she did and trying to return to a relationship of some kind with her. I will NEVER do that. Neither should Scootaloo.” Scootaloo looked at him, confusion written on her face as well. He looked her in the eyes. “Do NOT try to repair your relationship with your mother. From what I understand, she is a toxic individual and I seriously doubt you are mentally prepared to fight her poison. Do not pursue her to forgive her or to have revenge. Hate her as much as you wish. She deserves it. However, move on, think of what she did as a product of her, not of you. You didn’t do anything wrong, she was just an evil pony. Hate her.”
“But-“ I started, again, not sure what to think.
“Hate her, don’t hold a grudge, don’t try to get revenge, instead use your hate to drive you away from her and what she was. Hate what she did so much you never want to do it to others. Hate it and know you can and must be better than her. You don’t abandon your friends in need, you show love and don’t isolate yourself from those who need you. You prioritize others and not yourself. She didn’t do these things for you and that makes her less of a person. You can be better than that. Tell yourself, you WILL be better than that.” The doctor nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure that was unprofessional, but I think it was needed. If I didn’t take that attitude with the person who hurt me, I wouldn’t be here today.” Scootaloo looked away in confusion. The doctor started to become aggressive. “When your friends need you, will you be there for them or will you be like your former mother and abandon them?”
“I don’t know…” Scootaloo said, trailing off.
“Answer me.”
“I don’t-“
“That’s not true,” he demanded. “What will you do? All emotions have a purpose, even hate.”
“I… I…” Scootaloo glared. “I WILL help them. I will NOT abandon my friends. I will NOT!” Scootaloo stamped the floor.
“Will you be like your mother?” he asked.
“No.” she said almost in a whisper.
“Will you be like her? I think you might.”
Scootaloo glared at him. “NO, I WON’T!”
“Let me hear it again.”
“I WILL NOT!”
The doctor smiled. “That’s what anger and hate are for. To drive us away from what we know is wrong. Use them for that.” He then looked at me. “It’s your job to teach her how not to be like her former mother. You are her mother now. You are to show her love, compassion, bravery, when to stay and when to leave. This is not going to be easy. Will you do it?”
“I’ll try.” I answered.
He spoke again, slowly. “Will you do it?”
I closed my eyes. I breathed deep and shouted, “YES!”
“Will you be there for her?”
“YES!”
“When it gets hard, will you stick around?”
“YES!”
The doctor sat back and thought. “A few things,” he finally said. “First, that was extremely unprofessional of me. Perhaps effective, I hope, but please don’t tell other ponies I did that.” He looked squarely at me. “Let me make something clear to you. Hatred can be used to drive you away from something, but if it’s focused on too much, it drives you right back to what you hate. I would have you encourage Scootaloo to distance herself from her mother. That’s what I would do in reference to her mother. However, in everyday life, I would focus on how to act not how NOT to act. This is very important. Too many ponies become what they hate because they focus on it too much.” He looked at Scootaloo again. “Hatred is an emotion and you can have it, however you should not focus on it. Do not focus on hating your past with your past mother. Focus on loving your current mother, and on the love I know she wants to give you.” Scootaloo timidly looked at me. I smiled.
I felt so good to see her return that smile.
The doctor started again. “I would recommend continuing to have Scootaloo come to me. I doubt that’s the end of this. However Scootaloo,” he looked at her again. “the point of visiting me will be moving on, not continuing to relive your experience. I only had you share so Rainbow Dash could understand how you’re feeling. Move on.” We both nodded. “You both feel ready to go?” he asked. Again we nodded. “Now like I said, go play. There’s a park not far from here. You didn’t break each other, you’ll see that.”
(***)
I wasn’t sure if sharing my feelings was what made me feel better as we walked away from the clinic, or the resolution that Killy forced into me. I WAS going to be a good mother. I wasn’t sure how, but I was determined to make this work, somehow. Looking at Scootaloo, she was walking with her head up, a certain confidence in her stride.
I knew where the park was that the therapist talked about and we headed straight there. Once there, we both saw Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom playing on the swings with Button Masher. Button jumped off his swing and ran over to us.
“Hey Scoots… um… sorry about what happened with you and your mom,” he said.
“My who?” Scootaloo asked. “I’m sorry this is my mom, have you met?” she pointed a hoof at me.
Apple Bloom came over. “And Violet Blaze?”
“Who?” Scootaloo asked. “Oh that creep?” She spat. “She’s not my mom. This is my mom,” she reiterated looking at me.
Oh boy, that felt so good, as well as felt like several bricks being put in a sack and hung over my shoulders. “Mom… mom… Momma Dash.”
I snapped a look at her. “What was that?” I asked.
“Momma Dash,” she started to sing.
“I’m sorry, you don’t seem to realize-“
“Momma Dash, Momma Dash, Momma Dash, Momma Dash!” All four foals started to chant. I don’t know if that name really irritates me. Maybe I just like acting like it does. In any case, it was a great opportunity to launch myself at my cheeky daughter and pin her on the grass.
“What was that?” I asked, drilling my lead feathers into her sides.
Scootaloo chuckled and squealed, trying to fight my assault, but it was no use. Course that’s when her friends joined in, all three slamming into me from the right and forcing me to topple over. In almost no time I was pinned. That’s when Scootaloo started digging her feathers into my sides. I laughed out loud, partially at the sheer ridiculousness of myself being pinned by a bunch of foals.
All four foals were still really no match for me. Really I was letting them win kind of, however eventually I was able to twist around and zip out from them, snatching up Scootaloo and shooting into the sky. I climbed up into the air, her shouting at me. “Higher! Faster! Higher! Faster!” again and again, me all too happy to oblige.
I then shot down, zipping to the ground. Just before we impacted I changed direction and shot up again, the foals on the ground cheering, Scootaloo squealing with delight.
Finally I landed on a faraway hill, pinning Scootaloo again. I looked back at her friends, running up, but a good distance away. “Now where were we?” I asked, poising my feathers to attack her again. Scootaloo grinned, getting ready to do her best to fight.
“Eh em,” came Twilight’s voice. I snapped to looking at her, slightly blushing. She pointed a hoof at me. “First off, you really can be adorable sometimes Rainbow.” I avoided eye contact. “Don’t stop on account of me.” I didn’t proceed to tickle Scoots, but I still didn’t let her up.
“So what’s going on?” Scootaloo asked, lowering an eyebrow and giving a nervous smile.
“Yea um, I guess I’m always the bearer of bad news aren’t I? Lately anyway,” Twilight looked down, but then shrugged. She waited for a bit, but neither me nor Scootaloo said anything. “Guess you all don’t want to know where to meet Scootaloo’s dad tomorrow then,” Twilight moved to walk away, but I shot up and over her, holding my daughter. I shoved the filly into her face. Scootaloo suddenly grabbing Twilight in a big hug.
Twi wrapped one hoof around her. “Thanks for everything,” Scootaloo said.
Twilight smiled big herself, but had to shake her head to get herself out of a trance. "Yes um... supervised visitation Rainbow, supervised. Means you'll have to stick around. He'll meet you two at 3 tomorrow at Sugar Cube Corner."
I just felt so good. I was just feeling so happy. Never mind that black thing that just went across my vision for half a second and… I’m sure it was nothing. Probably just a shadow cast by the little yellow pegasus filly flying overhead.
I sighed. “Guess I have to ask, what’s going on with Violet?”
Twilight chuckled. “Well the evidence is stacked against her and she smarted off to Luna in night court just yesterday, so I wouldn’t be too worried about her.”
“Scoots, c’mon, we been waitn’ fer a crusade all day,” Apple Bloom said as she and the other foals came running up. Scoots looked at me with excited eyes.
“Go ahead, I’ll be along soon myself. I just want to ask Twi something.” Scootaloo took off, as did her friends with no further notice.
“I didn’t know Button was a crusader,” Twilight noted.
“I think he’s just a friend… anyway… so,” I looked at my friend. “Twi…”
“Yes?” she asked, raising a brow.
“So… about YOU being a mother some time, what do you think?”
“After watching you? Let’s just say I’m putting a pin in it and coming back to it… yea never.”
I chuckled, but still flew off to join my daughter.