A is for Alcohol!
"Everypony loves it! Everypony needs it!" The Punch Bowl Bar & Hangout - owned and operated by Berry Punch.
B is for Berry Punch!
Carnegie Porter's bitchy ex-marefriend! She hates his guts and he hates hers!
C is for Carnegie Porter!
A drunken bastard and a brewer! He's seen his future and wants it badly!
D is for Doctor!
Inventing, science, engineering galore! Put Time Turner with Carnegie, and you won't need any more!
E is for Earth pony!
Time Turner, Carnegie, and Rose are all Earth ponies!
F is for failure!
It's what Carnegie was before he went time traveling with Time Turner and the others!
G is for gin!
Carnegie likes gin! And rum! And wine! And beer... And... buck it, he likes alcohol.
H is for Hooves!
Derpy and Dinky are in the Hooves family!
I is for ideas!
I am rapidly running out of ideas!
J is for jokes!
Everypony tells really bad ones!
K is for kinky!
Because skiddily boop with Roseluck is super kinky!
L is for language!
You better watch it! (Call me a hypocrite.)
M is for mares!
Fuck bitches! Get money!
N is for naughty!
Carnegie is naughty! Rose has to punish him! In the good way!
O is for outrageous!
Because everything is outrageous with a time machine! And alcohol! Mostly alcohol!
P is for porter!
The dark beer that Carnegie is named after!
Q is for queen!
Princess Celestia is not a queen! (Okay, I got lazy.)
R is for rum!
Because rum is great for time traveling adventures!
S is for skiddily boop!
Carnegie and Rose like doing the skiddily boop! So do Derpy and the Doctor!
T is for TROTIS!
The time machine that Time Turner built! It's really cool! In a way! Okay, it's not really all that cool.
U is for ukulele!
Carnegie can secretly play the ukulele!
V is for voodoo!
It's what that creepy dream unicorn did to Carnegie to bring him back to life!
W is for walleyes!
That means your eyes are crossed! Derpy had walleyes!
X is for... it's for... uh... BUCK IT I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT X IS FOR!
Y is for YOLO!
You only live once! Unless you're Carnegie Porter!
Z is for zebras!
They're really, really mean to Porter!
"So... that's an alphabet book for... foals?" Time Turner asked timidly, reading the shoddily made booklet in his hooves. He looked up at Carnegie in shock, horror, and partial amazement. Carnegie has his usual smirk, his eyebrows making his half-smile look more like a leer.
"Yeah, whatcha think, Doc? Pretty good, if I say so meself!"
Time Turner facehoofed as Roseluck came up behind Carnegie. She cooed in his ear, her suggestion automatically making Porter agree with him even hearing a word. Derpy was watching the whole thing from her seat in the TROTIS.
"Maybe we shouldn't write children's books, okay, Carns?" Rose whispered.
"Yeah, alrigh'. But Derpy, maybe I could read it ta Dinky. She'd like it!"
"No." Derpy said, flatly.
"Aw c'mon, it's a good-"
"No, Porter."