“Time is the longest distance between two places.”
― Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie
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Starswirl the now somewhat bearded and Princess Celestia both waved at the four as they clambered back into the TROTIS, which they had moved into Starswirl's workshop and office in the Canterlot Castle.
Time Turner noticed that Carnegie Porter and Roseluck stood much closer to each other inside the time machine. He knew they had started getting close, but he would never of guessed how close they had gotten. First they were kissing, and now they were regular lovebirds. Derpy meanwhile, was sweetly waving back to the young stallion Starswirl and the young Princess Celestia. Ever since they had kissed, they too have gotten close.
As the door began to slowly seal itself, Time Turner made his was towards the dashboard. The others set themselves on their seats, buckling up. They each sat on their haunches, looking to Time Turner expectantly. He noticed that Roseluck had sweetly placed her hoof atop of Carnegie's. The brewer looked up at the Doctor with a sly grin.
"Well, Doc. Where to nex'?"
"Let's find out, Porter."
And he slammed a hoof into the big activation button.
The Doctor read the date on the dash.
"850 A.B. Exactly a one century leap. This is the year after Queen Selene's demise. About ninety years after the birth of Princess Luna. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza the First has also been born, at about the same time. This will also be about when Radiant Hope dies, having completed a full compendium of healer's magic. Princess Cadenza the First would have taken power of the Crystal Empire, but this is also the time where King Sombra rules over the North. Princess Cadenza will birth the Duchess of Canterlot, who will then birth the first unicorn in the Crystal Royal bloodline. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza the Second. She will gain her Alicorn powers and become the Princess of Love later on, when she discovers the true meaning of love."
"So... What does that mean? For us?" Rose asked. "Because from what Starswirl told us, we'll need to let the TROTIS rest for twenty four hours before moving on."
"Well," the Doctor explained, "Equestria is at war with the Sombrian Crystal Empire. Security is tightened. The Princess is new to her job. Starswirl is beginning to truly age, and many believe he is becoming senile. There have been medical advances. The kingdom is in a full-blown panic mode."
"'Cuse me, Doc," Carnegie belched, "is tha' good for us or bad?"
"Depending on how quickly we can find Starswirl, good."
"Why do we needa find the bloke, Doc?"
"He and Celestia are the only ponies who know who we are. Who know that we are not Sombrian spies or wicked monsters in disguise. And Celestia is busy with wartime activities. Starswirl is the only pony who can keep us safe."
"So when are going to go out and find him?" Derpy piped up. She looked eager to explore. Carnegie realized that he too was excited. Having stepped out into new worlds that were still the land he knew was thrilling.
"Now."
The door slid open as the seal broke and it was unlocked. It was nighttime, so sunlight fortunately did not blind them as they stepped outside. They had moved, and were well far away from the castle. It loomed in the distance, leaning against the mountain. They could see lights from windows and hear the marching and calling of the Royal Guard.
Carnegie was first to step down onto the cold ground. It was winter, and a thin layer of snow coated the ground. He stomped a hoof, pawing at the snow. Porter took one final look around before beckoning to the others to follow. Within minutes they had hidden the TROTIS beneath a pile of brush and were on their way towards the dark castle.
Porter felt like the same castle he had seen a hundred years ago looked different. It seemed taller, bolder. Almost like Canterlot dared Sombra to attack it. Carnegie felt like walking up to the castle and offering it a mighty pint of his best lager. Then he realized that castles don't drink alcohol. And even if they did, a pint would be way too small.
Carnegie was now wondering if they made giant Equestrian Games swimming pool-sized bottles.
"Porter. Quit staring off into space. We need to get to the castle."
Carnegie galloped after his friends, shaking the stupid from his head. The winter night air chilled the party of four to the bone. Carnegie Porter hoped that Starswirl was still as accommodating as he had been one hundred years ago.
When they had finally approached the gates of Canterlot, they were taken aside by Guards, who questioned their origins and their intentions. They all answered as honestly as possible, saying they were from Ponyville and required an audience with Starswirl the Bearded. After repeating story many tiring times, they were finally allowed into the city. Unlike the first time they had entered Canterlot in the year 0 B.C., ponies were packed in the bustling night-life of Canterlot. Many wore coats and hats. Seeing all those warm clothes made the four friends suddenly feel even more chilly. They hurried along towards the castle.
Ponies would glance at the four. Porter realized they must seem like an odd bunch. Especially since everypony they passed all glanced at their cutie marks. Carnegie let himself glance as well, although his stare lingered a while longer on Rose's flank.
A pint of beer.
A rose.
A few bubbles.
And an hourglass.
No wonder they were staring, with their own cutie marks of stars, sparkles, and diamonds. They must've been an odd sight for the Canterlotian high society.
When they reached the guard, an idea popped into his head.
"State your business." The guard demanded.
"We are here to see Starswirl the Beard, the Royal Wizard." Time Turner stated boldly.
"That is whom your business is with. State your business."
Time Turner looked worried for a moment, but Porter jumped into the conversation.
"Ahhhh... We're performers, gov!"
"Performers?"
"Aye! Tha incredible time-travellin' Dr. Hooves an' his assistant Ms. Hooves!"
He twirled a hoof in the pegasus and stallion's direct. Derpy did a little pirouette in midair as Time Turner bowed.
"We got the beautiful Miss Roseluck, teller o' fortunes!"
He lifted Rose's hoof in his, kissing it. She gushed as Carnegie went on.
"Then we got me! Mister Porter, Champion Drinker o' Equestria an' o' All o' Time!"
The guard looked at them strangely.
"Champion drinker of Equestria, eh?"
"Aye, gov!"
"Prove it."
"Ehhhh... what?"
"I got a tank of mead in the Guard's post just by here. Drink the whole vat and live, and I'll accept your story."
Carnegie Porter gulped. Sure he was a drunken lunatic and a master brewer. But drinking a TANK of mead?
"CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!"
The air was filled with the gleeful hoots and hollers of off-duty Royal Guards as they stood around Carnegie Porter. The tan stallion was hooked up to a vat, which sprayed a constant stream of piss-colored alcohol into his mouth. Time Turner, Derpy, and Rose stood to the side, each with a different face.
Time Turner was looking exasperated. They last thing they needed was for Carnegie Porter to get so drunk he was unintelligible.
Derpy looked confused. She couldn't understand how Porter was drinking all that beer without drowning.
Roseluck had an expression of worry. Carnegie kept choking, gagging on the flow of beer.
The Guards could care less. They simply stomped and cheered for him to keep chugging.
After an agonizing fifteen minutes, the tank had been drained. Carnegie Porter was stumbling about, his vision blurry.
"An' tha' gents," he burped in his slurring Cockney accent, "is 'ow ya drink mead."
The wasted stallion staggered over to Roseluck, who caught him before he fell flat on his face.
"Hey there, love... fancy seein' you 'ere. Didn' I 'ave sex wit' ya?"
Roseluck's face turned as red as her mane as she kept Carnegie from collapsing onto the ground. The Doctor was looking at the two scandalously. Derpy's own cheeks were faintly pink.
"Porter, hush, love. There are other ponies around."
In response, he kissed her sloppily on the lips. She felt her face redden even more as she smiled weakly at the laughing Guards and her shocked friends. Carnegie continued to babble to nopony in particular.
"I am tha prettiest bloody Princess in all tha lan'. Aight, gov?"
The Guards didn't stop them as the three friends carried the delirious Carnegie away from the Guards' post and through the castle's now unguarded door.
"Oye, we're tha circus freaks, an' dontcha fugget it!" Carnegie announced as they closed the door behind them. He proceeded to vomit on the lush red rug lying in the Entrance Hall.