“If time travel is possible, where are the tourists from the future?”
― Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
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Derpy had been the one to find the oil, Time Turner informed them. They had been wandering aimlessly when she spotted stacks of metal barrels with 'BLACKWATER' on the sides. After buying several they had immediately returned, only to find them... doing whatever it was they were doing.
Carnegie Porter was in semi-shock. The last marefriend he had broke up with him because of his drunken antics. Roseluck seemed to like his drunken antics. But the fact that they were suddenly an item kind of struck him down to earth, away from the La La Land he had associated with drinking alcohol.
He wondered if they really liked each other, or the kiss had just been a spur of the moment thing.
Seemed to be that way. He was blasted drunk earlier, as well.
He spared a glance at the silent Earth pony mare sitting beside him. Rose was a fairly pretty mare. She had a lovely red mane, and she kept her coat well-cleaned, it's pale yellow glowing in the dim lights of the chamber. Her light green eyes complimented his darker ones.
She looked up and met his gaze. She smiled faintly and he smiled back. Porter busied himself with opening a bottle of rum while Derpy buckled up to the other side of him. The walleyed pegasus seemed cheerier and more giggly than usual. Maybe she had had a good time with the Doc. Or maybe, Carnegie thought to himself, maybe she's happy that Rose isn't quite as into the Doctor as before.
No, that was ridiculous. How could Derpy and the Doctor ever become an item? That was when Carnegie realized, in whatever drunken passion had swept him up into that kiss, he and Roseluck had suddenly become an item.
Time Turner returned, climbing up into the chamber. He sealed the door behind him, locking it. The darker stallion looked to the others in their seats at the back.
"Well, that was the last barrel of oil. We'll be able to jump to exactly 0 B.C." He announced. Everypony in the chamber hushed. They all knew what year zero meant.
"The... birth of Princess Celestia? That's where we will pop out, right?"
"Yes. Approximately two hours before her birth. And, based on my calculations, we should be popping up in Canterlot. We will be able to witness the birth of an Alicorn."
Everypony in the carriage was silent.
This was a moment that not even Porter could ruin with one of his infamous belches.
"Well," Carnegie Porter rasped, his throat suddenly dry, "what are we waitin' 'ere for? Punch the button already, Doc."
With a rumble, the carriage halted. It lurched forward one final time, causing Time Turner to fall onto his face and the other three to strain against their seat belts.
"Now," Time Turner began, "this is a big moment in Equestrian history. The Civil Wars between the tribes have finally calmed to mere political squabbles. The birth of Princess Celestia to King Helios and Queen Selene, the first of the few Alicorns to be born from the Canterlotian unicorns. Princess Amore was another Alicorn, and would bear Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. This is the birth of an Alicorn.
"And," he continued, "Carnegie Porter cannot be drunk while witnessing the birth of Celestia."
Carnegie let out a spluttering line of complaints and excuses, but he eventually agreed to sober up before meeting Helios and Selene and witnessing Celestia's birth. He placed the bottle of lager he had been sipping back into the alcohol pile.
"And one other thing, Starswirl the Bearded is born exactly one hundred days after Celestia's birth. Hopefully we can jump forward a few decades and catch him. That way he can help find a new method of travel, not requiring so much oil."
"Starswirl the Bearded?" Derpy repeated, eyes wide, "We're going to meet him?"
"We're going to try to meet him."
"Good thing everypony thought the poor bloke was daft," Porter called from across the chamber, "'cuz I'm pretty sure he'll be blabbering on 'bout a few time travellin' ponies."
"Porter, everypony thinks YOU'RE daft," Roseluck said, looking at him oddly, "and you ARE a time travelling pony."
After an hour or so, Porter had sobered up, and now they had braced themselves for another stunning look into the past. The door slid open, and Carnegie Porter was the first to step our, arching his bushy eyebrows to and fro. The dark cobblestone streets of the capital were silent.
"Coast is clear."
Roseluck clambered down and landed beside him. He wanted to say something witty and flirtatious, but his mind drew a blank. It usually did so when he was sober. Carnegie admitted it was a great sign of respect to approach the newborn Princess as the cleaned, beaming, sober Porter, but he felt smarter, more energetic when he was drunk. Or even when he was just a bit tipsy.
Derpy soon followed, gliding down silently on her wings. Finally, Time Turner climbed down and stood beside Porter, checking the empty streets.
"Alright, so there's a surplus of Royal Guards at this point, especially centered on Canterlot in preparation for the Royal birth. We'll have to sneak in, steal a bit of the royal supply of oil, and then maybe we can get a glimpse of the newborn Celestia."
"Doc, tell me again, why do we wanna see the baby Princess so badly?"
"Because, Porter, nopony besides the Classical Equestrian royalty directly related to the King and Queen and the King and Queen themselves have seen her at her youngest age. We would be the first ponies in history to provide an accurate description of her."
They snuck along, hugging the walls of the quiet city. Whenever a Guard passed by, Carnegie would toss an empty bottle, letting it smash away from them. That technique kept them from being discovered and possibly arrested. The castle loomed over them, but it's tower grew closer and closer as they neared the entrance. Then Time Turner, who was leading them, stopped. Which meant Derpy stopped. Which meant Roseluck stopped. Which meant Carnegie Porter stopped, barely catching himself before falling flat on his face again.
Instead, he landed on his rump with a dull thud. Wincing, he got up to see the Doctor pull up a sewage grate.
"Oh please Doctor tell me we don't have to go down there," Roseluck gasped, "there'll be rats, and other nasty beasts!"
"Don' worry, love. I'll protect ya." Carnegie chuckled before realizing what that sounded like.
"Not that... ah... ya will be needin' any protectin' from a drunk like me." He blubbered as Time Turner smirked and Derpy giggled.
Roseluck, however, took it in a good way.
"Of course you could protect me," she purred in his ear after kissing his cheek, "love." The mimicry of his cockney accent and the use of the word 'love' made Derpy and the Doctor snigger. Carnegie scowled.
"Oye I oughta buck ya right-"
"Now? But Carnegie, dear, we're in in the middle breaking into the castle."
"No, tha's not what I meant... Forget it. Just get in the sewers already."
"As you wish, love."
Carnegie face-hoofed as Derpy and Roseluck swung down the stinking hole. Time Turner patted Carnegie's shoulder.
"So, Porter, when's the wedding?"
"BLIMEY! We kissed one time! ONE TIME! An' I was drunk, an' she was doin' whatever. Yar all actin' like we went an' bucked right up out in public."
He swung down the hole, splashing into the disgusting brownish water below.
"Crickey. It was one kiss. It's no big deal."
Carnegie heard a scoff and he turned to see Roseluck looked at him, with a hurt look on her face.
"Aw no, Rose, love, I didn' mean it tha' way..."
But she had already turned away, holding her nose up as she trotted alongside Derpy in the direction of the castle. Carnegie groaned as Time Turner leapt down into the water beside him.
"Let's 'urry up an' get this over with, Doc. I need a good long draft of lager."
They had reached the castle's part of the sewers. Time Turner, standing on Porter's back, lifted up the heavy grate. fresh air swam into the dank tunnels, and the ponies each breathed in a deep whiff of fresh air. Derpy flew up the hole first. Then she called for the others to come on up. Porter helped the Doctor up, and then before picking up Roseluck to shove up the hole, he pulled her aside.
"I need ta talk to ya for a minute."
"About...?"
"Well... about what happened in the TROTIS. The..."
"...kiss?"
"Yeah. Tha'."
She paused, her mouth open as she thought about what she was going to say next. Roseluck noticed he was indeed sober and therefore looked much more like the handsome motivational speaker Porter she saw at the deer fortress. Before she could speak, however, he reached forward and kissed her.
"There. Now it wasn' a one time thing. Now lemme help ya up there."
Porter lifted her up, Time Turner and Derpy pulling her up. Last was him, struggling up the hole without any boosts. They decided to leave the grate open, since the room they had climbed into was obviously some kind of closet.
Porter was first to peep out the door. They were in the closet for the storage room. Doctor looked at the many barrels of oil. Many were still labelled as BLACKWATER, but quite a few read OIL instead. This was the Classical era, after all. Many things were being renamed and re-identified scientifically. Time Turner went ahead and tossed a barrel into the closet for when they made the return trip back to the TROTIS. But right now, they had a baby Alicorn to see.
Cleaning up in several tubs of water, and grabbing a few Guards uniforms from the racks, they left the storage room and proceeded down the main hallway. They had been disguised as members of the Royal Guard. Derpy had her wings tucked in under her breastplate, so she looked more like an Earth pony guard. Time Turner and Derpy led the way. They made sure to march in formation, to better seem less suspicious.
They had only been walking a few minutes before they saw light streaming from an open door at the end of the shadowy hall. Hushed voices echoed down to them. The four ponies made their way down the hall, until they were met by a room filled with gleeful royals and more, crowded around a single corner of the room.
Carnegie, Time Turner, Derpy, and Rose pushed their way through the crowd.
Time Turner let out a gasp as he recognized an Alicorn male, the only Alicorn male in history, the brightly-colored King Helios. His cutie mark was that of a pair of crossed swords. And lying at the hay-covered floor by his feet was Queen Selene. Her mark that of the full moon. Her midnight black coat shone, casting an eerie glow from the many lanterns surrounding her and the foal.
The foal.
Princess Celestia. She was a small pale white newborn, with a nub of a horn and small baby wings. Her mane and tail were not the flowing rainbow colors Time Turner had expected, but they were instead a shimmering pink. She let out a little yawn, her tiny eyes having not yet opened. She nuzzled up to the Queen, her mother.
"Now," thundered King Helios, "we shall name the Princess."
"Yes," whispered Queen Selene, "quietly, dear. The baby is sleeping."
"Right," he replied, looking sheepish, "anywho, ideas?"
"Selene Junior!"
"Isis!"
"Mary Sue!"
"How about Celestia?" Carnegie called, jokingly.
Everypony in the room was quiet. Time Turner and Rose shot looks of alarm at him, which he didn't notice.
"Celestia? Hmm... I like it. What about you, dear?" Selene said to her husband.
"It seems to be a very good name. Now, everypony present, witness the naming of your Princess Celestia!"