“If I could go back in time, I'd love to whisper sweet nothings in Van Gogh's ear, but not while it was attached to his head.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
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There was something like a stage set up at the bottom of the tree fortress. Sitting and slouching before the stage were several young bucks, who smelled like true alcoholics and looked like they were half-asleep. No wonder Gracefoot wanted Carnegie to talk to them, Time Turner thought, these bucks are wasted.
A bright and bubbly stallion trotted up onto the stage, and both Roseluck and Derpy gasped while Time Turner just rolled his eyes. It was Carnegie Porter. His coat had been thoroughly scrubbed, and the ochre brown shone like gold. His teeth beamed from between his lips, exposing a pearly white smile. His crazed mane had been combed and slicked back. His hooves had been filed and cleaned as well. When he beamed at the three ponies, Roseluck and Derpy felt their hearts flutter. The sober Porter actually looked quite... handsome.
Then he spoke, and instead of his usual drawling tone, his cockney accent was lilting and merry.
"Now, yer all fellow lovers of the cask, eh? Jolly buckin' good! But ya think ya can't leggo of the liquor glass? Well lookit me! Ima regular drunken bastard! But here I am, tellin' ya what ta do. Ya think ya can't sober up?" Time Turner was liking his little speech, and then the stallion started shouting. Time Turner face-hoofed. Carnegie Porter screamed from the stage, waving his forelegs around while he shouted at the suddenly livid and surprised young bucks:
"DO IT! Jus' DO IT! Don’t let yer dreams be dreams. Yesterday ya said tomorrow. So jus' DO IT! Make your dreams come true. Just do it. Some ponies dream of success, while yer going to wake up an' work hard at it. Nothin' is impossible… ya should get to the point where anyone else would quit and yer not gonna stop there. NO! What are ya waiting for?! DO IT! JUS' DO IT! YES, YOU CAN! JUS' DO IT! If yer tired of startin' over, stop givin' up!" He let out a faint cough and then bowed low.
"Thank ya fer listenin'. Have a jolly good day, wankers." Then, with a kick and a wink at the mares, Porter stepped off the stage, grabbing a spare bottle of liquor on his way down. He had stayed sober for a record of forty minutes.
"Porter, I never knew you had a handsome side." Roseluck purred, suddenly warming up to the once-again wasted stallion as he tripped over a small root. She giggled as he leapt up, brushing himself off with his hooves.
"Well, course I do, love. Me mum and dad were inta modelin' an' actin'. Course they had lil' issues, like all actors. Issues like alcohol, mint-als, and worst of all, kids. My sis's name is Mint Sprig. An' not cuz' of the plants, cuz of tha drug. Horrible shame. I was named Porter cause me dad's favorite drink was Carnegie Porter." He said sourly, glaring into the distance. His bushy eyebrows threatened to cloak his green eyes with darkness. Then he suddenly broke into a smile.
"But who cares about them, whatcha guys think o' the las' half o' tha' speech? Read it somewhere back home. By this guy Shore LeBuff or summin' like that. Forget his bloody name."
"I thought it was lovely," Roseluck chirped.
"I thought it was funny," Derpy giggled.
"Well whatever it was, at least it got us the oil we needed. Hope this is enough to boost us back up a thousand years or so." Time Turner concluded, nodding at the four iron barrels which were being rolled by bucks.
The deer were now much more friendly towards Carnegie Porter after he had given that questionable yet motivational speech. The mares were more friendly as well (although Roseluck was notably more so, especially after he retold the humorous story of his recent break-up in the far future with Berry Punch).
Derpy meanwhile, strode beside the Doctor, quietly and timidly. Whenever he looked her way and smiled, she'd blush and turn her head. Time Turner wondered what in Equestria had gotten into her. She had never been this shy around him before.
Carnegie was telling the very interested bucks about brewing methods for brewing cider. Time Turner suddenly remembered a history lesson long ago, about how a mystery stallion had come along, teaching the deer to be tolerant and how to make their own alcohol so they wouldn't have to trade for it. Porter was making history. Without a dependence on ponies, the deer would go on to build their own cities, and live side by side with them, without war. They would even ally in the Equestria-Griffonstone Wars. Time Turner smiled as Carnegie fell flat on his face after trying to describe the fermentation process.
Even though Carnegie had gotten them into this mess, and even though he was a tad bit obnoxious sometimes (okay, all the time), he was still a stallion full of surprises. And he was a great friend, too. Time Turner's thoughts broke off as they approached the TROTIS, the blue DeLoinean carriage right where they had left it. Fueled up and ready to go, Carnegie waved goodbye to his deer friends.
"An' don't forget to ADD SUGAR!"
He sat down heavily, buckling up between Roseluck and Derpy. He chugged a bottle of wine and smashed the glass onto the wall. He let out a battle cry then shouted at Time Turner.
"Alrigh' Doc! Punch the lights outta this timey wimey bastard."
Time Turner smiled, and happily obliged.
With a crash, the carriage lurched and spluttered. Time Turner eagerly read the date on the dashboard.
"100 B.C.! We've made it almost to Celestia's birth!"
"But now we need more fuel," Derpy pointed out, "right?"
"Crickey. Why'd I come on this trip again, Doc?"
"One, yes, Derpy. We need more fuel. And two, Porter, you got us into this mess in the first place."
Carnegie Porter took a swig of bourbon and belched in reply. Time Turner rolled his eyes. Better to keep him happy and drunk rather than hungover and grouchy.
"So... Doctor," Roseluck said, strangely not even striking a pose while speaking to Time Turner, "where are we now? Because first we were at an Earth pony settlement. Then we were at a deer's fortress. Now where are we?"
Time Turner studied the dash.
"We are in... Manehattan! This is when the economy around Manehattan and all throughout Equestria boomed, and more ponies moved here. The three pony tribes had united loosely, and they were abandoning their original homelands. But of course, those ponies didn't build the Manehattan skyscrapers quite yet. It was about 1500 After Birth when the first tower was erected."
Carnegie snorted. He bumped a knee at Roseluck.
"Ya erect my tower, if ya catch my drift." He sniggered at his joke as she blushed and looked away for some reason.
"Yes, yes, very mature, Porter. But it should be easy finding oil here, because ponies started using it to light lanterns en masse, you see?"
The three nodded. They eagerly crowded around the sealed door as it unlock and began to slowly unseal with a loud hiss.
"Now," the Doctor continued, pushing open the door with a single hoof, revealing a bustling town outside.
"Who wants to go first?"