I stopped dead in my tracks. I was in a palatial suite that in no way resembled the lobby I had seen through the glass doors.
High ceilings, a plush red carpet, three cozy-looking green sofas, a TV as large as a car, and a sizeable wet bar greeted me. The hackles on the back of my neck went right up.
Quickly, I glanced back over my shoulder and confirmed Dash, Raritony, and Stephanie were still with me. The revolving door was not behind us. Instead I saw a pair of wide ornate doors.
“You get any of that, Twi?” I whispered.
“Uh, yeah. Whoa. That was really weird,” Twilight said.
“Be careful…” Erishy whispered, nervously.
I tilted my head in the doors’ direction. Stephanie cautiously opened one of them and peered out. She closed it. “It’s... a hallway,” she said, voice low.
Before I could reply, we heard a giggle. A low, familiar giggle that stood the rest of my hairs on end.
Facing into the suite again, I saw Discord sitting in a plush, tall-backed chair, off to one side. He was hunched over a box on a table. His back was mostly to us, and he was giggling. A lot.
I took a few breaths to steady my nerves, then gestured for everyone to fan out. Slowly, carefully, we approached Discord. As we drew closer, I saw the box was actually a little maze. I caught a flash of brightly colored fur. Raising up on tippy-hooves, I saw a light blue mouse hopping across a gap, on little stones.
“Oooo, go on Mousie Markus Dash. Maybe you’ll make it,” Discord crooned.
The blue mouse slipped and fell. And kept falling. Watching it disappear into a seemingly endless pit, while still firmly on the table, made my eyes water and my head hurt.
Discord sighed. “Oh no, little Dashie fell into the trap,” he said, clapping his mismatched hands.
I glanced at the others. Dash shrugged.
“A-hem,” I said.
Discord blinked, then glanced back at us. I waved at him, sarcastically. He made a shooing motion with one of his claws.
“Can’t you see that I’m busy?” he said, focusing back at the maze. “Come back later. The receptionist will take your names.”
“You’re busy?” Dash growled.
“Of course I’m busy,” Discord scoffed. “Why, I’ve been watching these little ponies try to get to me. It’s been endlessly fun. They keep doing the most fascinating tricks. It’s like my own little Japanese game show!”
“Excuse me, but you called us here,” Raritony said, through gritted teeth.
“I did?” he said, sitting up straight. He turned back to us with an expression like we’d just run into him at a party and he was trying to place our faces.
“Yes, you fucking did!” Raritony snapped.
“Oh! Oh my,” he said. He glanced back at his maze, then smiled at us apologetically as he pressed a paw to his face. “Well, this is embarrassing. I really do apologize. I was just so caught up in my little maze I completely forgot about you. You know how it is. New world, new rules, so many ponies running around- work, work, work. So easy to get distracted.”
With a snap of his claw, the maze disappeared.
“But right! To business!” He snapped a claw.
The lights dimmed and his chair spun to face us, Bond villain style. I slid the shield off my back, holding it at ready. Dash hovered in the air. Raritony’s horn crackled with primed magic. I could see Stephanie’s gun raised, just on the edge of my peripheral vision.
Discord slouched and waved a bored hand at us. “So, little ponies. What is up?” he said.
I glanced at everyone else. Dash shrugged.
“Uh… we beat your game,” I said, stepping forward. “We found you.”
“Yes you did! Bravo on the detective work. Do you want a treat?” he asked, and a dog biscuit appeared in my mouth.
I spit it out. “We want you to clear out,” I said.
“Hm,” he said, putting a claw to his chin. “No, I don’t think so. Like I said before, this world is just too too fascinating. Brimming with chaos- how could I turn away? It’s like dangling candy in front of me and saying no!”
A pony piñata appeared just above his head, and he tried snatching at it. It grew a pair of helicopter blades and flew out of reach, then out a window.
“See?! Isn’t that just heartbreaking?” he said, wiping at the tears pooling in his eyes.
“Discord,” Stephanie said, stepping forward. “As a duly-designated representative of the City, County, and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.” She leveled her gun on his center of mass with a grin. “Now.”
Discord smirked. “Pointing guns? At moi. How… predictable.” He snapped his claws, and Steph was suddenly wearing a grey jumpsuit, and wielding a proton wand. “There, that’s much better. It even lights up and makes sounds!”
“I lost visual!” Twilight shrieked in my ear.
“Dammit, Discord, you leave her out of this!” I snapped, stepping in front of Stephanie.
“But, Racheeeeeel! She started it! Quoting movies at me, in a bid for authority, makes me break out in hives,” Discord whined, itching at a patch of sudden blemishes on his ribs. “Besides, it’s not as if you three will provide me with any entertainment, before I take over the city.”
“You aren’t taking over the city,” Dash said, flying up close to him. “We found you. And you said it yourself- we find you? Game. Over.”
“Yes, you found me,” Discord said, aiming a tiny electric fan at Dash, who drifted away like a helium balloon. “But if you recall, I used the inclusive you when I set the challenge. So…” He smirked, spreading his hands wide. “If only half of you show up, and not the entire you I intended, that’s hardly my fault. I mean, I know I wasn’t big on specifics...” He grinned right at me. “But I figured you ponies would be able to parse a little English, hmmm?”
“We’re here! We’re here!” Erishy shouted. “We’re just remote! That should count!”
Sam barked as Erishy shouted.
“You... lousy, no-good-” I growled.
“Temper, temper, Rachel,” Discord sneered. “You already messed up by keeping your friends ‘safe.’ Don’t want to make it any worse, do you?”
He snapped his finger. I ducked behind the shield.
WHUM!
Discord sat up, suddenly alert. “What did you…” He squinted at me. “You didn’t.”
“Did,” I said, straightening. “Wanna try that again? You lousy, no-good sidewinder.”
“Oh please. You have but one shield. And I have four targets.” He snapped again.
I rolled in front of the rest of the group, keeping the shield between him and us. WHUM, WHUM, WHUM, WHUM.
I rose again, grinning. “Unofficial dodgeball champ at Northridge Middle School,” I said, swinging the shield back and forth, bouncing lightly on my hooves. “And that was before Rachel teamed up with AJ’s body. We’re in a lot better shape than Rachel ever was.”
Discord scowled, raising his arm dramatically as he prepared to snap his claw again. I flung the shield, hard. He dodged, and before he could recover, the shield rebounded off the wall, and clocked him in the head.
I hopped up and caught it like a frisbee. Sliding the shield back onto my foreleg, I raised it high. “Now!” I shouted.
Dash reached a reeling Discord first, decking him once, twice, across the chin. I moved in next, firing Bucky, then Kicks, at his knees. Steph leapt forward and just wailed on him, wielding her proton wand like it was a baseball bat. Erishy and Twilight added to the chaos by shouting in our ears, asking what was happening.
Discord coiled tight on himself, then burst outward with a wave of power. We flew back like rag dolls. Flower petals rained down around us. I landed in a claw-footed bathtub. Stephanie was dressed normally again, but holding a banana.
“Visual’s back!” Twilight cheered. “Oh no… are you girls okay?”
“You know…” Discord panted. “I don’t think I like what this human world’s done to you ponies. It makes you so-”
CRACK!
Discord wobbled, then fell over.
“Violent?” Rarity suggested, sweetly, a chair leg held in her magical grip.
“That is so hot,” Dash said. She jerked upright and looked quickly around. “Wait. Was that out loud?”
Discord groaned. “Ah, so we’re playing that game are we…” he grumbled.
“Get him!” I shouted.
The floor rumbled, making Dash launch into the air while the rest of us tried to steady ourselves. As Stephanie grabbed at a pillar, Discord slowly sank into the carpet. Dark red fuzz rolled up and over his body, absorbing him, while he grinned and waved at us. In a second, he was gone, and so was the quaking.
“Look out girls,” I said. “He’s on the move. Don’t-”
Upholstered, clawed hands burst from the carpet, grabbing us by our throats. I wrapped my free hoof around the clawed carpet and yanked, trying to get some air. It didn’t budge. The hand thrust me toward the ceiling, and I tensed for impact.
Instead, we rushed through a blur of hotel room and concrete. Then, we were surrounded by sky. The building’s roof zipped away below us. Twilight was shouting in our ears, but I couldn’t make out what she said.
Twisting in the plush grip, I whacked at the hand around my neck with the shield. It tore through, slicing carpet and padding to shreds, and the hand broke away. As I fell, I threw the shield at the nearest arm, cutting Dash free.
She rubbed her throat and coughed, then flew to Raritony. The shield returned to me, and I landed on the roof, sure-hooved.
“RJ!” Dash called out, pulling on the hand around Raritony’s neck.
“On it!” I shouted, throwing the shield, again. It severed the arm, and Dash grabbed Raritony before she fell.
Running toward the last arm, I caught the shield and flung it a third time. It sliced clean through the animated carpet. Stephanie fell, but I managed to just catch her on my back.
“Okay?” I rasped, grabbing the shield as it returned.
“Yeah. Ow. Dammit,” she hissed, rubbing her throat.
Discord... sort of reverse melted up from the roof’s surface, clapping slowly. “You know, I have to give Twilight credit. That little shield is all kinds of problematic. Ten for ten, would use against me again. However, it’s really slowing down my scheme for tri-state area domination, so it’s gotta go.”
I smirked. “Like to see you… try,” I wheezed at him.
He popped his eyebrows at me. “Don’t mind if I doooo!” He snapped his claws, and wicked, black, thorny vines burst out of the cement, wrapping tightly around all of us. Discord clenched his fist, and the vines tightened around me more. Hot needles pushed against my skin, and I thanked my lucky stars that life on the farm gave me a hide like tree bark. But, my thick hide did nothing for the stranglehold.
Stars bursting in my eyes, I gasped, and the shield dropped out of my grip. It wobbled lazily over to Discord, and he dipped down to pick it up.
“My, my, my. Such fine craftsmanship,” he said, turning it over in his claws. He buffed the surface with an elbow, and grinned at his own reflection. Then the reflection turned it’s head and addressed Stephanie, as Discord continued to gaze into the shield. “Where did you get this, Agent Chase?”
“Bite me, Q,” Stephanie spat, struggling against her bonds.
Discord looked up, and his reflection waved before it vanished. “Really, why is everyone so hostile in this place?” Discord said, rolling his eyes. “What happened to banter? What happened to ‘You’ll never get away with this?’ I mean, if we’re just going to be brutal about everything….”
He held the shield in both claws. Strange, blue-plaid magic crackled along his arms and with a resounding SNAP, the shield broke in two. From where I was, I could see little sparks of Raritony’s magic fizzling between the broken halves.
“Then, really,” Discord said, dropping our broken shield. “Let’s be brutal.”
We all stared at the pieces of our ace in the hole.
“So, took care of the shield, what else am I forgetting…” He was rubbing his chin thoughtfully when a little version of him, with glasses and a day planner, tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, looking at the tiny Discord holding up the book. “Ah! Of course! You’re on a fast track for promotion, you little scamp.”
The tiny Discord waved his hand in a p’shaw motion and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Discord grinned at us. I didn’t like that grin. With a pop, he split into some sort of messed up, overachieving cerberus: four of him, but only from the waist up. Cackling, each conjoined-twin Discord-body stretched out toward a member of our team. And I swore it looked like his singular lower half was doing a little jig in place, twenty feet away.
Claws wrapped around our heads. The heads grinned as they got in close. “Hello Rachel,” the Discord in front of me purred. “Enjoying your newfound equinity?”
“Let me go. I’ll show you what this newfound equinity can do!” I growled.
“Oh, charming. But it matters naught,” he said, eyes swirling. Hypnotic colors danced in front of me. “Applejack and Rachel, two halves that don’t work. Applejack so stubborn, and Rachel such a jerk. Infighting and dominance that you simply can’t tame, because neither can decide which one... is to blame.”
I stared up into him, feeling him push around my mind, my soul. I could hear soft murmurs from around me, as the other Discord heads wove their evil persuasion over my friends. I could feel his words, and his will, sliding across me, trying to change me…
So I headbutted him. Hard.
“Sonava-!” he hissed. I heard more surprised cursing around me, and all the Discords snapped back to just the one. He rubbed at his face, as he glared at us furiously.
“You can’t do that! I broke your shield!” he protested, claw over his nose.
“But you didn’t break us,” I said, touching my Element. It glowed softly.
“But how…?” he stared, eyes bouncing to each of us in turn.
“You can thank Pinkie Pie,” Raritony said, sashaying forward. “She’s the one who had the idea.”
“What idea?” Discord spat. “A new cupcake recipe to throw at me?”
“Nope!” Dash said. “Just a little spell we like to call: No Discords Allowed.”
“No Discords Allowed,” Discord mocked, miming Dash with a sock puppet. He set it on fire, and folded his arms in disgust. “Pshaw! I’m always allowed!”
“Not when you’re up against the same spell Twi used to get you out of our heads, the first time,” I said. I smiled over at Dash. “And a little of Earth’s own magic to make sure you didn’t notice it was tied to our Elements.”
Dash grinned. “Just like Enterprise,” she said, puffing out her chest. “Shields. Up.”
“Go team!” Pinkie cheered over the mic. Good to know she was awake, again.
Discord glared, pointing at Stephanie. “Well, your pet hyoooman is under my thrall, so nyah!” He stuck his tongue out and raspberried at us, sounding like a party noisemaker.
“Actually, I’m not,” Stephanie said. She reached under her shirt, and lifted Erishy’s Element into view with one thumb. Like ours, it glowed softly. “An act of kindness. From a friend.”
Discord’s eyes turned blood red and steam shot out from his ears. He took a huge breath and then slumped back, looking peevish. “I hate all of you very much,” he said, flatly. “And I’m so bored of this little game. So, you’re all going away. NOW. Ta!”
He dropped open his maw, and a torrent of blue-plaid-octarine magic shot across the roof. Straight at us.
Just before it hit, Twilight appeared in a burst of light, her magical shield arcing between Discord and the rest of us.
Discord’s magic slammed into it, flaring around the sides. Twilight groaned. Her horn sparked and the shield flickered. Raritony ran over, leaning against her. Her horn’s light joined Twilight’s, but Twilight still looked pale and shaky. She couldn’t do this long.
“Help. She needs help!” Dash said. She looked at me. “We have our magic, too!”
“But that ain’t unicorn magic!” I yelled back.
“But it’s still magic. Pour it into Twi! She needs the help!” And Dash zipped to Twilight’s other side, pressing her hoof against her barrel.
To my surprise, Twilight’s color improved. The shield actually shone brighter too. Shaking my head, I took the only available spot: from behind. Pressing my hooves into her flank, I mentally apologized for the awkward position.
“Magic, magic…” I muttered, and closed my eyes. My magic was… in growing things. In the harvest. In my farm. It was about pouring love of the earth into the earth. So, Twi was just a tree that needed some love.
To my total, complete surprise, I felt it when some of my strength, my stamina, my earth pony-ness started flowing into Twilight. Usually, my magic is something subtle. It’s an unconscious act; different than spell-casting like a unicorn, or weather working like a pegasus. So, maybe it was the Elements of Harmony, maybe it was Twilight's own magic, but for once, this wasn’t passive. It was something else altogether.
I felt both like I was holding up a tree, and putting down roots to get more muscle to hold up that tree. And as my roots reached out, they touched other roots: my friends. Just as I lent my muscle, Rarity lent her mind. Just as I gave my stamina, Dash gave her speed. Together, we poured the magic of each of us, and our races, into Twilight. Using that power, she built it into her shield, and kept all of us safe.
And after what felt like an eternity, the light show stopped. Twilight’s shield flickered away, and the roots I’d put down came back into me. I felt like I’d been running across the orchard all morning.
Discord panted at us from across the roof. Twilight panted too, looking a bit grey beneath her coat, but she grinned fiercely.
“That… the best… you got?” she gasped.