Grey Little Pony

by Dusty Miller

Flower Moon

Grey trotted through Ponyville. Ponies turned to look. He thought to himself. I’ve gone from being invisible, to the centre of attention. They’re all wondering what crazy thing I will do next.

He marched up to the old cottage and knocked on the door. An elderly donkey with an oversized hairpiece answered. “What!”

“Princess Luna has sent me here to learn Flower Moon.”

Cranky grabbed Grey by the ear and pulled him into the cabin and slammed the door.

“What is this manure? Is this a threat? Am I the flower because you represent Luna? You must be here to cut me down like a flower past its prime.  Do the princesses think I’ve gone to seed and can’t keep my mouth shut. What kind of a request is this? No introduction, what did she tell you about me?”

Grey said. “Princess Luna didn’t tell me anything except to learn the form Flower Moon from you and that this may be your last chance to pass on your art.”

“And you Royal Guard, you demand anything you want.”

Grey said. “I am just a guard of Princess Luna, nothing more.”

Cranky said. “Is that so? Where is your letter of introduction? Where are your manners?”

Grey was getting irritated. “I know that you would have balked at that. I know the more formal I am, the more you will resist. I know donkeys, I know your kind.”

Cranky was incensed. “How dare you! I can have you charged for that! What do you know about being a donkey, Sir Canterlot?”

“Don’t you dare call me that! I am the opposite of that. Oh, I know my donkeys. For the first half of my life I thought I was a donkey! This is not my original colour; this is not my original mark. They called me ‘donkey’ in school so often, I thought I was a donkey; it didn’t bother me at all. When they saw that it didn’t concern me, they found another word, ‘mule’. I had to look it up. Now-a-days it doesn’t matter who you marry. A pony and a donkey can marry and have a child.  But they couldn’t in the old days because it meant the child would be called a ‘bastard’. I never knew my parents. It could have been true. I had no guidance. It was best to be invisible. And now everypony watches me. For some reason I’m a knight.” Grey’s eyes glazed over. His face went blank. “Sometimes I feel as though I’m in the game of the Alicorn.”

Cranky stumbled backwards and sat down hard on a bench against the wall. “How dare you bring that into my house!”

Matilda had been listening from the kitchen. She came in the room quietly and asked, “Doodle, what happened? I could tell you were testing him then he froze up.”

“Manure, he’s caught in an Alicorn game. Watch. Hey pony you are in an Alicorn game and your tail is on fire, do something about it!”

Grey gazed a mote of dust floating in a sun beam.

“You see Matilda, once you’re in an Alicorn game you can’t get any help from the outside and you can’t know that you’re in the game. Even though they enter the game willingly.

“I’ll tell you what happened and how I know about these horrible games. We were on silent patrol. Someplace we weren’t supposed be. I packed the supplies. My first covert mission. One of the platoon was caught in an Alicorn game. The stress got to her. The rules chose that particular time to challenge her, but she chose to go insane and end the game. The officer tried to put her in a trance, like dummy here, but he couldn’t. She just kept screaming and screaming. They had to stop her screaming.  We weren’t supposed to be there. We were under orders. I can still hear her screaming and the sound she made when they smothered her. They had to do it. They had to. I carried her body out in my cart. This is why war is the most awful thing and the second most awful thing is the Alicorn games. At first I thought Luna sent him here as a warning or a threat to me to keep my mouth shut about my past, but he’s just not that bright.” Cranky spoke to Grey. “You almost had me at that ‘pass on your art’ line.” Then back to Matilda. “I was always resentful that I didn’t get a retirement party or gift. But I guess I did get a gift after all. I was given the ability to retire and the gift of a long life. Something Dummy here won’t see.”

Matilda said, “But that long ago Luna was imprisoned…, oh my. I will never look at Celestia the same way again.”

Cranky explained. “The officer said the rules of an Alicorn game would fill libraries. It’s like they are almost alive themselves. It could have been a growth thing for her, we’ll never know.”

Matilda tapped Cranky on the shoulder. “You will help this poor pony.”

“Ay, I will, but on my terms. Just one more thing while I’ve got him like this. You are a bastard, not because of your linage but because your end will break Fluttershy’s heart, and for that, you are a bastard! Mother of Celestia, was Fluttershy part of the bargain you made? You son of a…”

“Cranky Doodle Donkey! You will not use your curse words in our house. I know this pony. He was always helpful and kind to me and like all young colts; he had a crush on Fluttershy.”

“I’ll help him alright, but I won’t teach him everything so I can still kill him when he becomes the monster or whatever Luna has in store for this dummy. Come back pony; come back to Eqestria, back to Ponyville. Breathe, inhale through your nose and exhale four times through your mouth. Look around and come back to this world.”

Grey snapped out of his trance, blinked and shook his mane.

“All right Dummy, let’s see if you can hold a sword in that big mouth of yours.”

Cranky picked up a curved stick with an S shaped handle and threw it at Grey. Grey caught it in his mouth and twirled it once and gripped it again.

Cranky said. How’d you do that?”

“It’s just like my broom handle with a bit more curve.”

“Try two swords, Dummy.”

Cranky picked up a broken stick and threw it. Grey caught it and mumbled around the sticks, “It’s mike my torch.”

Cranky said. “Don’t you dare inspire confidence in me, Dummy. Hold them in your forhooves properly. This is what ‘Flower Moon’ means. The moon is the crescent moon, the perfect curve of the sword. The flower is the blossoms blowing off a tree. The small pieces of flesh you cut from your opponent. It is a wild dance of animals charging at the same time. Fast attacks with fast flourishing finishes. You will learn the two sword side. You will learn tornado blade. You will spin in a circle like the full moon. I will move like a figure eight shaped petal. Like a lotus flower swaying on a pond at night, reaching for the moon. That is how I counter your attacks. And I’m not holding back with my wooden sword. And it’s going to hurt.”

Grey said, “Princess Luna says ‘I’m getting the hard training’ anyway, so I don’t mind.”

Cranky asked himself more than Grey, “What does she have in store for you anyway?”

“Don’t know. I just do what I’m told.”

After training for the remainder of the day, Cranky and Grey walked to the centre of Ponyville. They could hear the ponies gossiping about them.

“Sir Grey’s arrested Cranky.”

“About time.”

“What did he do?”

“Probably bit somepony.”

“Did you hear that? Cranky bit a pony, probably a foal.”

“Cranky bit a foal! I hope they throw away the key and warden.”

When they got to the town square, Cranky spoke to Grey. “Well, Dummy, it seems that we have entered into a teacher student relationship. You might want to rub some vinegar on those bruises I gave you. And now it’s time to say goodbye, you know what that means.”

“For the record this does not bother me in the least.” Grey knelt down and bowed formally. “Thank you, teacher, for this day of education. Until we meet again. Please be well.”

Cranky nodded and Grey stood up. Grey bowed again and galloped toward the Everfree Forest. Cranky marched back home. The ponies in the town square were silent.

Fluttershy, Matilda, Cranky and Grey were having lunch at the café. Grey and Cranky frowned at each other from across the table.

Grey still had food in his mouth when he spoke to Cranky. “It would upset Fluttershy greatly if you forgot to feed that thing on your head.”

Cranky said. “A little early to be starting with the hair jokes isn’t it?”

Fluttershy was shocked, “Grey! I’m sorry, but that is no way to address your teacher. That is unacceptable behaviour.”

“It’s okay, Fluttershy. They are the best of friends when they talk like that.” Matilda explained. “When they train, they sound completely different. For example, Cranky, please critique Grey.”

“Your tornado blade sucks flank. Granny Smith has better hips than you when you spin. Extend and reach out. Loosen up and don’t overthink, which is a miracle in itself for a dummy like you.”

“Thank you teacher, what you say is entirely correct and I appreciate it.”

“Don’t say flank like that in front of us ladies, Cranky. And why are you looking at Granny Smith’s hips anyway?” Matilda turned to Fluttershy, “Fluttershy, you’re the expert on animals, are these two the worst boys of any species?”

“I’m sorry, but yes, they are.”

Cranky said. “How did you ever catch a beauty like Fluttershy anyway?”

Grey said. “She raised an eyelash at me once and I have been following her on a cloud ever since. And you, how did you hook up with a treasure like Matilda?”

“I pursued her and I pursued her until she caught me.”

The girls spoke in unison, “Just terrible.”

Fluttershy asked. “Matilda, do Jacks, donkey males, have to say It?”

“Yes they do and it’s very good for them too. It stops fights and bad behaviour of all males.”

Grey and Cranky glared at each other, silently blaming the other for having to say It.

“You know the rules, you are allowed one excuse but you still have to say It when a girl has decided that a boy is being ill-mannered. Come on boys, we’re waiting.”

The guys spoke in unison. “It’s A Mare’s World.”

“Good boys, now don’t you feel better?”

Cranky changed the subject. “What’s it like to stand guard in front of an empty palace all day?”

Grey answered, “I observe and listen. I know the patterns of the Everfree Forest and its creatures. And they watch me. Why just the other day something was spying on me when it stepped in something nasty and swore. Its spying skills seemed a little out of practice. Whatever did you step in Cranky?”

“You’re still a dummy.”

“By the pricking of a thing dumb, something Pinkie, this way come.”

Cranky got the hint and dove under the tablecloth.

Pinkie Pie bounced up to the table. “Have you guys seen Cranky? We’re supposed to have a dance lesson.”

Grey said. “No, we’re trying to get Matilda away from that clumsy, four left legged dummy.”

Something banged the table.

“What was that?”

“Sorry, I just banged my dumb leg on the table.”

Okey dokey, if you see him let me know, key.

Pinkie bounced off. Cranky emerged from his hiding place.

“Grey, you saved me from the pink monster. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Don’t thank me just yet.”

Cranky saw Grey’s eyes roll up.

“She’s behind me isn’t she? The pink monster is behind me.”

“Cranky dankey, you promised me a dance, key.”

“My apologies Pinkie, I’m being selfish today so I can have some extra training with my fourth favourite teacher.”

Cranky and Grey always said goodbye in the Town Square. Today, the closer they got to the marketplace; the more Grey acted like Pinkie Pie until he was bouncing with his hooves together.

“What’s with you, Dummy?

“Daddy, Daddy, buy me a treat!” Begged Grey.

“What! You know how ponies gossip. Stop it!”

“Come on, Daddy, buy me a sweet treat. I trained hard today.”

“There is no way, I am in anyway, related to a dummy like you.”

“If all things are possible, you must be my Grandpa. Tell me Grandpa, what was Discord like as a pup?”

“In my day, we respected our elders.”

“Wow, Discord respected my Grandpa, coooool.”

“Your last day of training will not go well for you, Dummy.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Grey performed a pro forma bow, “Thank you teacher for this day of training. Please, be well.”

Grey bounced off toward the forest. Cranky stomped off home.

Ponies in the town square were speechless.