Chapter Three: A royal protocol
A week had passed since the memorable introduction-banquet-renewal of military ranks (at least for former Sergeant Cake, Major Strudelfeast and well… more than a reservist or former soldier/sailor/guard/flier, not excluding an Air Marshall, a Rear Admiral and a Captain or two) when the Dark Legion appeared in Ponyville and almost nothing had been heard from them ever since. Twilight decided it would be a good idea to pay them a visit, so she and her faithful friend Spike the dragon went to Everfree Forest’s outskirts to see how well were they faring.
“C’mon, Twi, don’t worry so much for Neigh Fury and His Trotting Comandos; they must be A-ok for sure!” said Spike, who was reading a new magic comic.
“Sorry, Spike” said Twilight “but since they are detached here in Ponyville area, it’s my duty to know what they are doing; after all, their Majesties charged me to check they don’t cause problems: you know, don’t do the “Coltnan the Barbarian” routine and stuff.
“Hasn’t Princess Luna informed you anything?” asked the little dragon, really puzzled.
“Not exactly, Spike” laughed she “Only that she has seen them patrolling the streets at night: I once awoke at midnight and could see two of them on patrol duty”
“Well” Joked Spike “They’ll not need the full legion to do routine patrols”
“Even so, I must know what they plan”
Suddenly, they passed before the Princesses former castle, in much better shape than they remembered.
“Spike, do you notice something different in the castle?
“Apart from the fact that it’s no longer a ruined husk, you mean?”
“Right-o, my dragon detective! Let’s check what’s going on here!”
Twilight spread her wings, launched to the sky and in a few minutes was soaring over the ancient structure. Landing silently, she noticed the door was half-open and a really loud and cacophonic cascade of crashes, neighs and assorted noises greeted them.
“Spike, stay here, just in case someone appears”
“At your command, my princess!” Snapped happily the young dragon, saluting martially
Entering silently, Twilight was welcomed by the sight of the dreaded Dark Legion quite busy cleaning the place: Grey Shadow was a veritable orchestra conductor, giving orders right and left; while some soldiers pushed old boxes apart, Bolt Thrower and several unicorns were dusting and reinstalling the old royal banners, while another section – from which she could distinguish Stone Cracker and Whipslash – brooming and washing windows. All joked, sang and betted who would clean better than whom. She stood there a few minutes noticing, bemused, Demolishers had advantage over Night Wings in window cleaning by a narrow margin of seven panels against five.
Grey Shadow turned in that moment and noticed they have a watcher: “TROOPS, HAAALT! WE HAVE VISITORS! SAALUUUTEEE!”
As a single one, all the Legionaries bowed in recognition to Twilight‘s presence and authority. “Great! This guy is a wizard when making me feel uncomfortable is the issue!” thought the purple alicorn. “I am a princess and all that stuff, but I am not even in the same league with Luna and Celestia! He shouldn’t be so formal!”
“What a pleasant surprise, Princess Twilight! We weren’t expecting visits, least of all a princess!” Grey Shadow bowed as well, while signed some papers using his magic.
“I didn’t expect you here, either, General. What’s going on here?”
“Well, Princess” smiled Grey Shadow “We checked the place and its shape was a real shame; therefore, I had a conference with Princess Luna a few nights ago – what a pleasant chat it was – talking about this place. I requested her about the possibility of restoring it to its former glory; after all, it’s a warming presence for us that served here so long ago and she was really happy to grant our wish. In fact, she plans to move here, in order to divide her tasks between Canterlot and Ponyville, and be more closer to her people.
“That explains why we barely have seen you guys this full week” smiled Twilight, quite relieved “It’s great! I was concerned, thinking you could have problems to adapt to this new era”
“We do our best to keep ourselves busy, my Princess” nodded he “Times have changed and such tranquility and calm are a bit....., how could i say? unaccustomed for us”
“Twi! TWI! Look at this! What a beautiful sapphire did I found outside!! Can you believe somebody actually threw it!?” All of a sudden, Spike entered as a purple and green tornado to show the sparkling gem to his friend, interrupting the chat Twilight had with the veteran soldier… and triggering the onset of a full-fledged disaster. As soon as General Grey Shadow saw Spike, he jumped before the astounded Twilight, as a living shield.
“Stay behind me, Princess!” roared the dark unicorn, his horn glowing like a beacon “DRAGON IN THE PERIMETER!! BATTLE STATIONS!”
Spike’s surprise left place to terror when Captain Whipslash dived against him, twirling a long rope.
Wrong. It wasn’t a rope. It was a bullwhip.
With a twirl of her beautiful head, and her face twisted in a mask of determination and rage, the leather snake flew toward the hapless Spike, snaring his tail and ankles together; as he fell to the ground he felt her forehooves on his back, strongly enough to rip his arms from their sockets, pinning and twisting his wrists together, to be bound with the remainder of the bullwhip, hogtying him, rendering him helpless. One moment later, ten warriors wielding scalpel-sharp halberds surrounded the fallen dragon, and their gleaming blades inches from his throat.
The nightmare continued, with three batponies and three pegasus hovering directly over him, each one with loaded crossbow-like weapons fastened to the right forehooves, aiming to his heart… and other four pegasus grazing the ceiling, reinforcing the perimeter, muttering contention spells, precluding any escape chance… unnecessary precautions since poor Spike was already a seconds of a cardiac arrest.
They had the small dragon subdued and cornered, just awaiting the slightest sign of resistance to squash him without mercy.
“DON’T ALLOW HIM ANY MOVEMENT!” roared the grey unicorn, barking orders without pause “HURRY UP! THE MAZE!! SOMEBODY CRUSH HIS SKULL!”
Silver Shield, one of the most powerful ramrod Demolishers, approached, yielding a spiked and heavy maze in his jaws while his companions didn’t allow Spike the slightest movement: beside that thing, Half Moon’s Morning Glory was a marble.
“Be at ease, my Princess! It will take but seconds to finish this menace. Just stay apart: you`ll not want to be splashed by blood and gore; not a healthy show to watch, anyway!”
“TWIIIIIILIIIIIIIGHT! HEEEEELPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!” screeched desperately the little dragon, watching the brawny equine approaching more and more, light glistening wetly in the murky, and a thick liquid covering the sharp points: no doubt it was poison.
“STOP AT ONCE EVERYPOOOONYYYYYYYYYY!!” yelled the consternated princess “what the hay is going on here!?”
B-but… my Princess…” asked a truly amazed Grey Shadow “By any chance are you acquainted with this… this… this plague!?”
“HE IS MY FRIEND, YOU IDIOT!! RELEASE HIM… NOOOOOWWW!!”
“But…….but…” stammered Grey Shadow, struggling in vain to pull out a full sentence from his suddenly parched throat.
“I… SAID… RELEASE… SPIKE… AT THIS VERY INSTANT! THAT’S AN ORDEEEEEERRRR!!” Roared Twilight, with a booming hurricane-like voice.
Grey Shadow was truly befuddled by such – for his standards – ridiculous order but, since it came from a princess, his chances for rejecting it lied somewhere between ‘zero’ and ‘forget it’; therefore…
“Release him, guys” sighed the grey unicorn; as one, all his warriors retreated, not less confused than their chief.
The frantic alicorn ran to Spike’s side, the poor little dragon still tightly bound on the ground: using her magic, the bullwhip was shredded to ragged and tiny leather bits in a blink: tearful, Twilight raised Spike from his uncomfortable and forced posture.
“Spike!! Spike!! Are you alright? Aren’t you injured?” She holds him tight against her chest. How she loved that little loyal companion she had!
“I´m……….sca… sca…. scared… but…safe… I think” stuttered Spike, hugging Twilight with all his strength.
The alicorn held him with her forehooves, checking Spike from head to toes, again and again, for all legionaries’ amazement and curiosity. Once she was totally satisfied Spike was still in one piece, she offered him her back to ride safely, and inmediatly turned like a striking cobra against Grey Shadow.
“WHAT THE HAY HAPPENS WITH YOU, GENERAL!?” Complained Twilight, sporting a gaze that would have stopped an avalanche on the spot “ARE YOU CRAZY, YOU MANIAC!?”
“But, my Princess, we were executing the royal protocol designed to deal with any kind of dragon in the premises” stuttered Grey Shadow, seriously wondering if this princess included regularly fried unicorn in her diet.
“Well, “Saint George”, last minute news: royal or not royal, I DON’T approve such a protocol; more specifically, Spike is my protégé, my loyal assistant AND MY BEST FRIEND… therefore, WOE UNTO YOU IF YOU EVEN DREAM OF BEING NEAR HIM!! DO SO AT YOUR PERIL!! UNDERSTOOD!?”
“My Princess, please! This is a royal protocol, personally signed and approved by…!”
“I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHO APPROVED THAT SO-CALLED ‘PROTOCOL’ YOU HALF-BAKED TIN SOLDIER!! ‘LICENSE FOR CARNAGE’ IS WHAT IT IS! AND I SAID ‘UNDERSTOOD!?’ OR ARE YOU AS DEAF AS YOU ARE STUPID, YOU SAVAGE!?”
“Aye, Princess Twilight” replied shyly the veteran of a thousand combats, bowing respectfully.
“YOU ARE OH-SO-LUCKY SPIKE HASN’T BEEN HURT… OR WORSE…!” Continued Twilight, quartering Grey Shadow with an almost volcanic gaze “… OTHERWISE, I PERSONALLY WOULD TURN YOU AND YOUR GANG OF PSYCHOS INTO STONE ONCE AGAIN… AND, MARK MY WORDS, GENERAL… I WOULD TAKE THAT MAZE YOUR BUCK-TOOTHED HENCHHORSE WAS WIELDING AND I WOULD PULVERIZE EACH AND EVERY STATUE TO DUST… BEGINNING WITH YOU!”
“I promise this will never happen again, my princess” Mumbled an ashamed Grey Shadow.
“Better for you!” cut Twilight “I had come to show you the surroundings but I am so angry this would not be a pleasant experience for anypony. GOOD DAY!!
She left the hall, with Spike embracing her neck, closing magically the door so strongly three window panes shattered: both the gray unicorn and his troops were stunned.
“She………….. she called us…………. `savages’? Wondered Grey Shadow, each moment more confused by what had happened.
“That… and something else” sighed Cloudkicker “What did we do wrong, Shads? Why did we have to be awakened? Each thing we attempt to do is now either wrong, criminal, or arguable? Sometimes I think we were better being statues…..”
“Don’t torture yourself, CK” sighed dejectedly the grey unicorn “I think we’ll eventually hit the spot… or something………..dismiss the troops, will you? Better if we get some sleep, this place has awaited a millennium to be clean… it can wait a few hours more…”