This story is a sequel to The return of the Dark Legion
After being awakened from their stony imprisonment, General Grey Shadow and this dreaded Dark Legion find themselves active again… one thousand years after the era that spawned them! Now they must face their most difficult task: to meld into a world only dreamed by them ten centuries back. A hard, demanding task, even for the fiercest fighting corps from Equestria’s turbulent past! A task that will shake General and troops to the core, forcing them to question their most dear beliefs and perception, of what’s good or bad now: the kind of ask that eases with some… harmonizing thought and…elemental help.
Chapters (6)
Good to see you back mate! You've improved on your writing.
Some small things could be better, but you have certainly improved. I will watch how this story progresses.
Also, DAMMIT DERPY!
6143464 thank you my friend, cost me a lot of time to be more gramatically correct, but we are here again ready to upload more stories, hope you enjoy this one
Modern Equestia is probably much friendlier that the legion remembers, it's no surprise Ponyville would refuse to let them return to base with empty tummies. I also get a feeling A J is going to be excessively happy, Sweet Apple Aches is bout to get a government contract to help feed the legion, helping keep the Legion fed and making tons of bits will make her really happy. I do think how ever Twilight is going to have to deal with Grey Shadow much more than she likes, I get the feeling he will insist on assigning her guards from the legion, doesn't feel like the type who'll let her get away with just having Spike as her whole staff.
Theme song popped up mate!
That Superman reference though!
6170673 thank you, that song match perfectly to that scene
And yes, that reference of Superman was a contribution of my dear from my friend Springheel (big comic fan) n_n
6170641 thanks for your comment ans support, some of what you say will come in futures stories, with interestings results, meanwhile, lets give a chance to the Dark Legion to taste modern times :)
"Twilight, did you really had to scare Grey Shadow like that?"
"Well, Spike. It's obvious that..."
( •_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
"...He got spooked."
YYYYEEEAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Sorry, mate. Could not resist it.
Happy to see Mr. Furry got to Equus in one piece!
6193856 Horace Caine style, cool!!! n_n
Thanks, glad to see you like it
Nice idea but what does it have to do with the universe RainbowDoubleDash created? This isn't "Luna figures prominently so let's post it there" town, you know.
6199576 thanks. Well, Dark Legion is the Luna´s personal guard, and as stories unfold, she will be more active
6202993 I don't think you quite understand my meaning. This isn't "Luna is front and center", this is "an alternate universe where Celestia went nuts and there are a whole different set of Elements." The Lunaverse Spike is Overlord of the Dragons, Lunaverse Twilight is doing community service for unleashing an Ursa Minor on Ponyville because she thought the Element of Magic (Trixie) was a fraud and, well, everyone is worried about the return of the Tyrant Sun.
Pretty good chapter mate.
You did miss a few 'spaces' in some parts.
Like:
*Twilight Sparkle*
6263511 yes, i see that, need to recheck it when i copy text from my files, and glad to see you liked n_n
I think it would be better if you change that to through, since they are already in the forest,.
Put an 'I' in front of judged.
I think it would be better to refer them as The Princesses, since they are no queens; they are nor really an highness. ( Grey Shadow and his legion can call them like that since they are from a different time.) Change the crown to them, since the crown are the princesses, which are mentioned already, and the crown sounds more... uncomfortable... to me at least but that is up to you.
I'm since she is talking about herself making an apology.
Although the line is good, it doesn't read nicely. Try; "Towards a good future, for us, for Equestria..." ( This reads better to me.)
here I laughed
Put 'only' in front of it.
Capital 'I' mate, also, I think you used the wrong astrophe; ( ' )
The feared general does have a soft heart.
Your*
We were the*
It is better if you scratch that part from this line and put it later in, It is difficult to make out with this who talks.
pony*
Awesome! Is Arnhoof Schwarzetrotter also in here!?:rainbow laugh: Yes Spike, Fluttershy is the Batmare!
Better to change that to; Calm down, Spike.' Twilight is not so easy in her vocabulary, she is more strict. Unless she is like this in this universe.
Put a comma between the quotation mark and the 's'. Since the sentence leads into an action.
Same as before with Twilight. In my opinion, change that to; It is becoming late, time to go to bed. Something similar to that.
Overall great chapter mate!
6277379 thanks a lot for your comments, i will fix them soon, we are busy working in next stories (coming soon) and glad to see you like this story
6280739 I'll be waiting for their arrival.
AAAAHHHH... a cake always makes things better!
Reference from the film; Troy?
"I'll be waiting for next installment to come out."
6297517 That´s right my friend, cake solve any problem n_n
The reference, well actually still thinking where that come
my friend who help me with traslations sometimes add that quotes XD
With this we finish this story, new will be more short, but same interesting, we will get more Dark Legión´s tales soon :)