Chapter 5: How Much Is That Changeling In The Window
“What is that strange thing?” Chrysalis asked me as we walked towards Mum’s car.
“That? That’s a car, an automobile,” I said. “It’s like a carriage that can move itself.”
“’Move itself’?” Chrysalis repeated dismissively. “Now if that isn’t magic than I don’t know what is around here.”
That comment brought an old quote to my mind. “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic,” I recited. I felt a frown in response.
“That can’t be something you just made up. Your intelligence doesn’t seem quite up to making something that sounds remotely profound.”
Personally scowling, I snapped at her, “Yes, it was a damn quote; you didn’t need to use it to get another shot at me.” I opened the car door and climbed inside.
“Actually, given I’m apparently stuck here, and now I’m under watch, I think I did. Besides, if you lived with real magic that quote wouldn’t exist at all. Magic is something quite special – even the intelligent humans or ponies couldn’t hope to emulate it with simple ‘technology’.” She seemed to spit the last word, though thankfully no spittle actually flew out.
Mum drove us to the shopping centre, the closest ‘Direct Factory Outlet’ department store to where we lived. I decided to have some fun with Chrysalis’ ignorance when I told her the name. I made up several nonsensical things DFO could have stood for – ‘District Frankfurter Office’ being my favourite - until she started grumbling softly in our mind while I laughed and Mum rolled her eyes, amused.
We parked the car and went inside the main building, where Mum and I split up. I headed to the JB Hifi electronics store on the first floor above while Mum went shopping for new chairs elsewhere in the centre.
As I moved towards the escalator, I could feel Chrysalis’s confusion about the moving stairway. “So this is more of your ‘magical’ technology? Stairs that move themselves too?” With a smirk she continued, “You humans seem fond of making things move for you rather than simply moving yourselves.”
I rolled my eyes and continued on, mumbling under my breath, “Well then you’re going to love elevators.”
Of course with her living in my head she could hear me anyway. “What could that possibly be? ‘Elevators’?” I could feel the eyes of several confused or concerned shoppers on me at that point. It would be strange to see a teenage boy argue with himself and use such a different, female voice for half of the argument. I don’t think the new eye, which I had almost forgotten about, was helping me either.
“Suffice to say there is a reason we need some of these things that move for us. It’s a bit difficult walking up and down seventy stories every day for several years.”
“Seventy… WHAT?” Chrysalis spluttered fairly loudly, causing even more heads to turn in my direction. I gave them a nervous laugh and pretended to cough. Most people looked away, though some eyes stayed on me for longer – I could feel it even when I turned away from them.
“Hang on, let me walk to the window,” I said quietly once people had looked away. The upper floor had a large floor-to-ceiling window looking over some of the city, though most of it was out of sight. I walked up to it, and a thought occurred to me. “Hey, you can actually see, right? I realised I’m not actually sure…”
“Yes, I can see. I’ve noticed everywhere you looked. Yes, those places too.”
Wait, WHAT places? I decided that she was messing with me and angled myself so she’d be able to see some buildings through the glass in front of me. “See those?”
“What, those spires? What about…” I felt my jaw drop as she realised. “You… humans made those? Without magic?!”
Getting control of my mouth back, I gave a smug grin, and with a bit of a laugh I said, “Score one for human technology.” I looked around again without moving my head and saw a few more eyes back on me, their owners thinking they were being subtle or unnoticeable. Their expressions mostly indicated suspicion, but at what I wasn’t sure. You noticing that? I thought to Chrysalis, my ‘tone’ now serious.
What, the suspicion and fear they have? Yes, I have, she thought back, picking up on my shift in tone. I’m a changeling, though, I’m used to it. We deal with it all the time from those Equestrians…
Yes, I imagine you would, what with you taking their place and feeding on their love for each other, I thought with a slightly joking tone. I then realised what might have been a big mistake and bit my lip.
…How did you know about that? I haven’t told you about what changelings do yet. I could now feel her suspicion heavily directed towards me. Weren’t you also saying that you would explain something to me?
I turned away from the window and headed back towards the store’s opening. I think I also said that I would explain later. Later being after we’re done here, okay?
You’re just lucky I can’t threaten you effectively right now, she thought, her tone angry.
Yeah, probably, I thought, reaching the entrance to JB Hifi. Um, the sooner I do this, the sooner I can tell you what I know, okay?
Fine. But don’t expect me to enjoy whatever it is you want to do here. She did the mental equivalent of crossing your arms in frustration. Or whatever ponies and changelings do instead. Imagining it broke the tension for me and I giggled a bit at the mental image.
Walking in the store, I headed immediately to the right, looking for headphones. I walked back and forth along the wall they all hung on, trying to decide what I wanted. Earmuff style, earbuds or something else? I didn’t notice Chrysalis become increasingly more annoyed as I stood there thinking.
“What are you even doing here?” She asked out loud.
I jumped a bit in surprise, somehow having forgotten about her already. “Oh, um… I’m trying to decide what kind of headphones I want.”
“What kind of… what? What does that even mean?”
"Oh, right. You don't have those in Equestria either... Basically they allow us to listen to music from our devices, but in tiny speakers for our ears instead of out loud." I waited a full minute and received no response. "...You didn't understand a word of that did you?"
"Well... I understand listening to music, and your explanation earlier, though still not detailed, helped about devices... But how did you humans make your machines able to play music?"
Pulling two boxes off of the wall, I said, "Let me quickly decide on which of these two I'll get and then I'll try to explain. Failing that we can research what you need at my home, okay?" It was a trade-off between cost and features as per usual. I looked between the two boxes, back and forth, unable to deci-
"Oh, just choose already!" Chrysalis hissed out loudly, scaring both me and the poor shopper that had just walked up to the headphones area with me.
I sighed, and turned to face the other person, ready to apologise, only to see them backing away slowly in an almost exaggerated way, before they turned around and walked quickly away. Confused somewhat about their behaviour, I shrugged and turned back. I put the less expensive one back and was rewarded with a relieved sigh from my passenger.
"Finally. Now are we done here?"
"What? No, of course not. That was just the starter, I have other things to buy-"
"OH, REAL-"
"BUT, I already know what they are, and where to look. Jeez, you're really impatient. It's strange to me for… various reasons."
"I just want you to finally explain to me what you know about me and how.” She felt very, very annoyed at this point. “You said you were going to keep a promise and I’m assuming that you meant explaining everything to me. Given my status as royalty I’m also assuming some sort of hostage plan with the hive."
"Alright, alright, relax please. And no, there’s no hostage plan, okay? I'm going to explain that later as I think I've already promised several times now."
What Chrysalis didn't know was that I didn't really want to explain the real reason to her. As much as had been mentioned so far, I was pretty sure that telling someone they're from a children's TV show, simple, fictional entertainment, wouldn't go over well. Especially a villain like Chrysalis, given she came from something subtitled "Friendship is Magic".
Trying to put the plans of my deception out of mind for now, just in case, I walked over to the video games area, easily distinguishable from the associated posters. Grand Theft Auto V was quite prominent, but I wasn't here for that. No, I had something in mind for months now, and I had been saving my money for it. Well, them.
Walking into the Xbox games area, I felt my mouth crinkle into a frown of confusion. Chrysalis wasn't sure what to make of the various game covers I was looking over. Halo, Bayonetta, Kinect Adventures... There were quite a few different ones, and though I couldn't tell exactly what she was thinking about them, it was clear she was having trouble processing the information.
"You alright in there?" I asked her as I began moving some of the covers to find what I wanted. Flip, no, flip, no...
"I'm just... I don't know what these are, what this means."
I took a pause in my flipping to give her more attention. "Oh, actually... Are you able to read the words on them?"
"Yes, I can. The symbols that make up words here are oddly familiar and yet not. I understand them as if I had learned them all my life, but they are not the Equestrian Runes I grew up with."
Flip, no. Flip, no.
Oh, yeah, it makes sense that changelings would learn that, I thought, careful to keep it to myself.
Flip, no, flip,n- Wait, that was one of them! "Ah, here's my 'secondary'." I thought aloud, holding a copy of Doom 3 BFG Edition. "Man, it's been a while since I rented this..."
Chrysalis was interested in the cover, simple as it was. "What are you supposed to do with this?"
I remembered that I hadn't told her about games earlier, since as fun as they were, it wasn't as important an advancement as everything we talked about. "Oh, this, along with all the other selections here, are video games. Wonderful technology, I think, and a lot of fun sometimes." I explained some of the basics, the whole concept of the virtual world you act in, and she seemed fairly sceptical if interested.
"A non-real space? Created without magic? Absurd!" Chrysalis harrumphed.
"No, not... What, that's not want I said! It's not a 'non-real space' exactly, or at least I don't think it is by your weird magic standards."
"'Weird'?"
"Yes, weird, now shush and let me find what I'm looking for."
"I refuse to be ordered by such an insubordinate little foal!" Her near-yelling almost attracted other people's attention once more.
“Hey, keep it down, remember?” I reminded her. “Don’t forget this is not a normal human situation and all sorts of things could happen if people here catch the wrong remark or something out of context,” I paused. “Or in context as well, actually. Point is, you want us, and therefore YOU, to live, don’t screw me over like that.”
“Rrrr... Fine, but you owe me if I comply.”
“Agreed-“
“And I STILL require and explanation!”
“Just...” I sighed, and turned towards the games shelf again. “Oh. Neat.”
By sheer luck, I managed to make the first thing I saw on the shelf what I was looking for.
“Neat?” Chrysalis asked.
“I found the game I wanted,” I said as I pulled Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance from the shelves.
“What in Tartarus does that mean.”
“What? I found the game...?”
“No, the words on that object-“
“Game case,” I interrupted.
“Shut up! The words are still horribly nonsensical, and frankly ‘Revengeance’ sounds stupid.”
I knew she was right, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to argue back as I headed towards the DVD section. “Yes, BUT I heard it was fun and awesome so I’m buying it, stupid title or not. Also the soundtrack is awesome, from what I’ve heard of it so far.”
“It still has a stupid title, and you are stupid for wanting it.”
“Y’know, for a queen, you use stupid a lot. Nothing else in your vocabulary?”
“Be quiet, foolish human.”
“There we go, new words!” I grinned. “You’re almost at a medium-average vocabulary.” I couldn’t help but joke. She just grumbled in response.
We reached the DVD section and a moment I was dreading. “Okay so,” I began, “this is where things might get complicated and crisis... ey,” I finished lamely.
“Do I even want to know?” Chrysalis asked, sounding almost bored.
“Actually, given the whole promise thing... yes, you do,” I said nervously. “You may regret it later.”
I could feel Chrysalis’ curiosity, it was so strong. “I am both intrigued and slightly concerned. What kind of information could a human possess about me that I may not want to know?”
“Hnnnn, you say that now.” I went to the ‘kids/cartoons’ section. It was hard not to find the incredibly purple DVD cases with their pink, heart shaped logos, but I read the sides, looking for the right volume. The whole time, I felt Chrysalis react to what I saw, though I was not sure exactly how she felt yet.
I found the words ‘royal’ and ‘wedding’ and closed my eyes, bracing myself for a situation I really couldn’t prepare for. How do you tell a shape shifting succubus-esque creature she’s from something like this?
“Okay, so, again, you ready for this?” I asked, still somewhat hesitant.
“Oh for- Yes, I am ready for whatever paltry information has to do with so much ‘friendship’ it would probably make even Equestria gag.”
“Yeah, about that,” I couldn’t help but snicker at that a bit, as serious as this situation was going to be. I opened my eyes and pulled out the Wedding episodes DVD. “So... Recognise these two?”
Under the hard-to-miss title, surrounded by images of the equally recognisable Mane 6 ponies – these of course being Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash – there stood Princess Cadance and Shining Armour, in their wedding clothes.
“I... Those are... What... I can’t...” Chrysalis was almost speechless, something I felt was a first for her. I then remembered I should stop her from having a mental collapse before I’d even explained the hard part.
“Alright, you need to hear all of this to understand, okay?”
“I... why do you have pictures of them... I can’t...”
“Hey! Listen up! What are you, a Queen or a pathetic bug?” I tried appealing to her ego and pride.
“I...” she took a couple of seconds to process that, but I felt her perk right back up. “Do not presume, foolish human! I can take this information in stride, no problems at all!”
“There we go, thought I’d lost you already!” I then noticed a few people watching me squat in front of DVDs of children’s shows, holding one, talking to myself. “Ummm...”
Thinking quickly, I made what was hopefully a good decision as I put the DVD back and went to pay for my games and headphones. “We shall continue later, after we are away from people who might call an insane asylum,” I said under my breath so only Chrysalis could hear.
I was surprised to not receive an answer even after I had waited in line and paid. Maybe Chrysalis had used tact for once?
As I got out of the store, I started to get worried, as Chrysalis still hadn’t said anything. She was definitely still there, I could tell.
“You there? Chrysalis?” My whisper got nothing in reply, so I kept on going downstairs. Reaching the bottom of the escalators, I felt that Chrysalis was... unsure, and if my guess was right, she was going through a metaphysical crisis or something similar.
...This was not a good day for her. And a really, really bad first impression of Earth.
Okay this is probably bad, I thought, pulling out my phone.So how do I fix this… Wait. Yes, this is sure to make her talk again! A somewhat devious smile appeared on my face.
I cracked open the box holding my new headphones and plugged them into my phone. I navigated my music collection to something I knew would get Chryaslis to end her silence
I felt Chrysalis ‘jump’ as the drum beat started, and the synth came with it. The vocals faded in, “Hello, hello, hello…”, and I could tell this was already starting to become annoying to Chrysalis’ presence. There was even an odd sense of tension as the “Hello” continued to repeat. It peaked at the words becoming a sentence, but it was definitely still irritating her.
Unfortunately for her, I somehow enjoyed this music, so I kept it going. As the words kept going, I could feel Chrysalis getting ‘closer’, and could feel that she was already seething at this.
“rock’n’ roll, rock’n’ roll, rock’a rock rock’a rock rock’n’ roll.”
“ROCK’N’ ROLL!!”
The drop started and she was blown back by a cannon of noise. She crawled through it, resisting the force, and at this point I could almost see it happening in my mind’s eye. As much as I felt bad for doing this to her, it was pretty funny. The first half of the drop ended and the sound wall evened out. As I saw her stand up, I realised the image was getting clearer, until I was standing in the white dream space with her again, the music still going on around us.
Chrysalis was absolutely furious at this point.
“WHAT IN THE NAME OF TARTARUS IS THIS?!” She screamed at me over the music. “ YOU DARE ATTACK ME WITH YOUR VILE MAGICS?! IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT I AM HELD HOSTAGE IN YOU MIND?!” I could see tears forming on the corners of her eyes at that point. “IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT YOU MAKE MAKE ME QUESTION MY VERY EXISTENCE RELATIVE TO YOUR OWN WORLD?! WHAT AM I TO YOU HUMANS?!”
Wow, I thought to myself. Great job, you bloody moron.
The drop had well and truly finished at that point, and I reached out with my consciousness to my physical body and stopped the music. She seemed to unconsciously relax her stance, but the tears were flowing now.
I decided to start on a good note. “I’m sorry about the music, but-“
“That was MUSIC?!”
“-that was the quickest way I could think of to get your attention. Clearly we need to talk, and if I remember correctly, this place gives us a lot of time to do so.” I sat down on the… Still unnerving white space, determined that it would hold my weight if I applied ghost physics – it’s as solid as you believe it is. Chrysalis remained standing, shooting me the most hateful glare I’d ever seen.
Excellent start.
“So. Where to begin?” I tried. Given that she didn’t immediately yell at me again, I took that as a good sign.
Her voice was quiet when she spoke up, maybe a minute after. “In that place, the store…” She hesitated. “What exactly did you show me?”
“Well… On Earth, we have a thing called television. Moving pictures, complete with sound, all done by converting light and sound signals to electricity, sending it through vast networks of cables, only to be taken for granted by billions around the world.”
“…humans are strange.”
“I know, right?” I sighed. “Humanity is both amazing and terribly stupid at the same time. But that’s a lot to cover, so; television.
“So on T.V., as it’s regularly known, we have two main categories of programmes; movies and serials. Not as in the breakfast. Movies are… like plays, but often not as long, and these days they are made to be without intermissions.
“The serial programmes, also known as a T.V. series or show, are usually a lot shorter than movies per episode, and have multiple episodes per series.”
“So far this has not at all answered my question,” a less-teary Chrysalis interrupted.
“Good place to interrupt! I was just about to tell you about the series named ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’, and its relevance to you.” I couldn’t help the snarkiness, as bad as I felt about her situation. This was the tricky bit.
“In the magical land of Equestria, the adventures of Twilight Sparkle and her friends are probably not overly well known. Here on Earth, in the years leading up to 2010, a children’s show called My Little Pony that had existed since the 1980’s was in the process of being reworked to be… More appealing. In October 2010 it aired, beginning with Nightmare Moon’s return to Equestria and subsequent defeat, and somehow people beyond the target audience took notice.”
I didn’t notice as it happened, but the white dreamscape behind me changed to show things I had seen; pictures of the original eighties show, the Hasbro logo, Lauren Faust, and even some clips of the show. All of it slightly more clear than if I tried remembering normally. Chrysalis watched with some interest, and even sat down. As the story continued, so did the picture show.
“Fast forward to 2012, and we get to a time where the second season of episodes is about to come to a close. The ‘brony’ fandom, this being the other people, especially adults, that took an interest in the show, has grown large despite pretty constantly taking flak from other fan groups. The most important part, though, is the actual season finale; a two episode special titled ‘A Canterlot Wedding’… In which we are introduced to a third alicorn, after Celestia and Luna, and shown that she seems to be hiding something evil.”A few flashes of Chrysalis laughing or basically not properly being Cadance while disguised caused the queen of the changelings to wince.
“I… See.”
“When the plot twist hits, ‘who is this fake Cadance?’, we are introduced to another character we didn’t meet any time prior, an unnamed queen of the ‘changelings’, a race many seemed to quickly, if not instantaneously, fall in love with.” A few bits of half remembered fanart: Chrysalis with a green heart behind her, happy changelings, more pictures of Chrysalis, Chrysalis, Chrysalis.
“In… Love with?” I could tell she was surprised, but still wary. Probably about how humanity even had My Little Pony in the first place. Also probably an existential crisis, I realised.
“Pretty much,” I responded. “Sometimes to more… Extreme senses than others. Such as dedicating themselves to you despite having no way of communicating with you in the first place.” I shrugged. “Happens a lot around here actually. Except normally it’s a religion, or at least pretends to be one.”
“There is not much need for religion in Equestria, or among the changeling hives. Although… there is a general belief in the Founder of Equestria. No one, excepting maybe Celestia, Luna, and the oldest Griffon Lords have any idea what she looks like, however.” Her tone was hushed as she said this. It was interesting hearing about this, and idly I wondered how many fan theories had predicted that at all. Probably a few.
“So, in terms of the whole TV Entertainment thing, I’m 90% sure that doesn’t make Equestria not real,” I tried. “My personal belief is that the writers, or at least some of them, are just channelling what happens, or at least an approximation of it, into words.” We were both silent for a few seconds. “Multiverse theory!” I said suddenly.
Chrysalis just looked at me, and I waited for some kind of response. A few minutes later she spoke up.
“As much as your presentation was… Lacking, and quite terrible, your basic idea has some odd sense to it.” Her posture straightened and she stood again. “The Founder works in mysterious ways. Creatures like Discord are prime example of that.” She gave me an odd look, almost like a cross between wariness and acceptance. “Given reports that he returned several months before my failed invasion, I am assuming you know of Discord. Is that correct?”
“Yeah, he was something else. Oddly popular though, probably because of his voice actor’s fame from a similar role.” Next to me, Discord appeared so suddenly that Chrysalis jumped, thinking for a second the spirit was actually there with us. When she noticed it was more images, she tried to act as if it didn’t happen, but she didn’t do a good job. The fake Discord laughed, a clip taken straight from the first part of Return of Harmony, and was quickly replaced with an image of the Star Trek Character Q, surrounded by a Mariachi band.
“John de Lancie. His character, Q, was similar to Discord, and originally an antagonist, in ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation,’” I explained. “Long time before Discord was ever in MLP, though.”
“’MLP’? ‘Q’? You humans are fond of using letters to name things.”
“Direct Fart Oyster-“
“Cease! I thought that nonsense was done with?”
“Well I haven’t heard you make a suggestion.” I smirked, and couldn’t help myself. “Make one and it will be over.”
Chrysalis eyed me seriously. “Do you swear it?”
“At least until next time we go, yes. I Pinkie Promise,” I said just as seriously, performing the actions related to Pinkie Pie’s special promise. I also swear I heard ‘forever!’ echo in the distance, though I assume that was just my imagination, literally.
I mean, it can’t actually have been Pinkie Pie. Right?
“I will assume that means something to you, but I would not be a good queen of the changelings if I did not remain alert.”
Somehow, I wisely refrained from pointing out the terrible failures from Canterlot Wedding, and simply nodded.
Though she could clearly tell I wasn’t saying something, and briefly scowled at me. “Well. A suggestion... We should perhaps end this conversation for now. I need more time to think.”
"Uh-uh, not until you play the game."
"Urgh... Dire... flame... oliphant."
I nodded again. “Alright.” Wait. She said ‘perhaps’ before? That was almost not imperious of her. I shrugged it off, and focused on returning my awareness to my body. Thankfully, no one was staring at me, and Mum only just appeared around the corner.
I stood up and waved to her. She arrived near me, and we started walking to the car. “No chairs?” I asked.
“No, unfortunately they didn’t have what I was looking for. I also think one of their products wasn’t actually in stock…”
We had a full conversation on the way to the car about product sales, false advertising and chairs. Chrysalis didn’t say anything as we did, but neither of us really noticed.
I felt my stomach growl as I opened the door, and looked over the car at Mum. “Hey, do we have lunch at home?”
“Food?” Chrysalis piped up immediately after, sounding rather excited. I tried not to, but I ended up giggling like an idiot at her reaction.
Mum rolled her eyes at me and climbed in the driver seat. “Yes, food at home. We have wraps you can make.”
“Oh cool. Lamb from the other night?” I got into the passenger seat.
“Yes.”
“More love? This is sounding too good be true. Even if you aren’t holding me hostage on purpose.”
“Or really at all,” I said. “Accidentally stuck in my head is not the same as being a hostage.”
“Well I would still like my hive to rescue me regardless,” Chrysalis shot back. “This place is bad for my health.”