I awoke, no memory of what happened last night. I felt a draft, looking down, I saw that everything I was wearing was gone, besides my boxers. "What happened?" I asked myself, then I heard snoring all around. Looking around, I noticed I was in what looked to be a bedroom, bed, dresser, and a lamp. Seeing that there were ponies passed out all around, some on top of another, some naked, and some naked on top of eachother.
"You were the life of the party, that's what happened!" I heard a happy voice say. Turning, I saw Pinkie at the end of the bed I was on, in her pink underwear.
"Why are you in your underwear?! Where are your clothes?!" I asked, she giggled then crawled towards me a bit.
"Silly, you tore them off last night when you got drunk!" She said, I instantly realized what happened. The cider that Applejack had brought was alcoholic.
"Oh god no! We didn't do the do did we?!" I asked, terrified that I might have screwed up massively.
"Nope, I'm keeping it T-rates for the audience!" She said cheerfully, I made a weird face, as to express that I had now idea what the hell she was talking about. "Here's a megaphone, just yell 'go home for that!' into it and every pony will leave!" She said, pulling a megaphone out of her mane and handing it to me. "Don't ask, it happens at all my parties!" She said, then pulled out some soundproof earmuffs. Shrugging my shoulders, I did as she told me.
"GO HOME FOR THAT!" I yelled into the megaphone, every single pony shot up, shuffled around for their clothes, got dressed, then ran home. The ones that were still dressed from last night were long gone. I heard a little bit of shuffling to my right, looking that way, I saw Pinkie digging through a bag. After another second of shuffling through it, she pulled out my clothes and hers.
"I'd hurry if I were you, Twilight needs us at the castle for something!" She said, hopping into her clothes. Literaly. "Besides, it might be something fun!" She said, then jumped out the semi small window in the room, dissapearing into the outside world. I just sighed, put my pants on, put my shirt on, put my coat on, and put my.....hoodie?
I stared at the pink hoodie in confusion, thinking about why Pinkie gave it to me. Flipping it over, I saw a not attached to the back of it, so I decided to read it.
"Dear Zach, Pinkie here! Just wanted to write this down for you real quick, as to give you a sense as to why I gave this to you. I had completly spaced on getting you something for your party last night! I felt so bad about not getting you one, that I asked Twilight for any quick ideas! She replied with bloody and violent stuff, since you told her you like that stuff. I didn't want to do anything like that, so I asked her to read your mind as to find your favorite color! After she did that, she said that she saw pink as the first color.....that's when you ripped my clothes off by the way. So when I was shuffling through my bag, I saw this hoodie, and decided to give it to you. Love, Pinkie!"
I felt really weird reading it, mainly because she put in how I ripped her clothes off. "Wait, did that say love Pinkie at the end?" I asked myself, going back to it, I confirmed that it did. "Damn, didn't know she felt that way" I said, then went back to looking at the pink hoodie she gave me. "Might as well" I told myself, then took my coat off and replaced it with the hoodie. It felt good on the inside, almost as if it was made of fur! Then I felt a tag rub against the back of my neck, pulling said tag forward, I read it.
"Made from genuine Fluffle fur?" I asked myself, what was Fluffle fur? I shrugged it off, got out of the bed, put my shoes on, then headed out the door.
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I walked towards the castle, and noticed a certain guard standing at the doors. He recognized me to, as an angry face started forming, and he started running at me. "YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!" He yelled,then raised his fist as he got closer. I stopped where I was, put a grin on my face, then put myself in a defensive stance. He grinned as he was about to punch me, but I moved out of the way at the last second, catching him off guard.
"You have failed" I said, bringing my elbow down on him, forcing him to the ground. I heard a pained groan from him, then he tried standing back up. "Stay down, you'll ony hurt yourself more with what I've done" I said, thinking back to middle school, when I had almost crippled someone using the same move.
"I'm tougher then you think!" He said, throwing his arm out, knocking me off my feet. I heard laughter from him as I hit the ground, then I did the next big thing.
"TWILIGHT! YOUR GUARD IS BEATING ME UP!" I yelled, but it didn't work, as they didn't hear me from inside. But a bunch of other ponies heard me from nearby cottages, as they all came out to see me on the ground with a guard above me.
"Flash Sentry! What are you doing to an innocent citizen!" A loud commanding voice said. The now named Flash stood at attention, anger in his eyes. "I gave you to my sister as a gift, not for you to take your anger out on civiliens you have a grudge against!" The voice said again, rolling over, I saw a white unicorn stallion in purple armor. My guess is that he's the general.
"Sorry General Armor sir!" Flash yelled, still at attention, while also confirming that the new guy was the general.
"Good, now do fifty laps around the castle!" General Armor yelled, Flash mumbled something, then started running his course. I got up, brushed the dirt off my new hoodie. Looking up, the General was now a few feet away from me. "Sorry about him, he's always been one of the worst guards" he explained, then stuck his hand out. "Names Shining Armor, general of all guards in Equestria" he said.
"Zach, only human here, and commander of a small village in a virtual game" I introduced, then shook his hand respectively. He gave me a confused look, then his face read that of recognistion.
"So your the human that Twilight is calling for!" He said, laughing a bit. "I'd hurry if I were you, she's getting a bit impatient with you" he said, and evil grin on his face. It scared the living shit out of me, so I ran towards the castle as fast as possible, shooting a quick goodbye behind me. Going through the door, I found myself inside a room with six big chairs and a tiny one.
Suddenly, a giant map started growing in the middle of all the chairs, swirling out as it did. This is when I realized that the girls were in the chairs, freaking out slash being amazed by it. When it was done, it looked like a 3D version of a map of Equestria. "Hi mom and dad!" I heard Pinkie say, looking over, I saw her up close to a farm of.....rocks? That was on the map, then a tiny dragon stomped down on it, and Pinkie's face instantly became sad as her eyes filled with tears.
I heard them say some things, but I just zoned out as I leaned on Rarity's chair. I heard a few fragments of their talk, but it didn't sound extremly important, so I just stood there, thinking about my own things. I thought about why a map had suddenly appeared, I thought about why my phone was still in my coat pocket, I thought about a dog walking on it's front legs, and I thought about that one squirrel that literaly waved to me a few years back. "Zach, when did you get here?" I heard one of them ask, so I came back down to Equestria.
"Depends on how long I was zoned out" I said, now paying attention the area around me.
"Well, as you probably heard, we're going to this place on the map" Twilight said, pointing to where a bunch of magical floating things were hovering over a certain part of the map.
"Alright, by the way, I didn't know dragons existed here" I said, pointing to the purple and green dragon, who was now sitting in the tiny chair. "Wait, if dragons exist, then so does the power of shout!" I said, running around the map until I was next to him. "FOS RO DAH!" I yelled, but nothing happened, besides hearing Fluttershy quickly hide behind something, the dragon having a surprised look on his face, and Twilight floating next to me with an angry expression.
"That's Spike, now leave him alone so we can get going" she said, turning around as to fly to the door, but giving me a clear look up her dress.
"You all need to stop exposing yourselves to me, it's weird" I said, Twilight instantly landed on the map, as to keep me from staring any longer. She turned around, her horn glowing. "Oh shi-" she knocked me out! Again!