"You remember what I've told you last time... and the time before... and, y'know - the time before?", Spring Breeze gazed me with unnatural narrowed eyes.
I knew him since... since I landed here in Ponyville. And he was one of my dearest friends. One of my last friends too, if I thought.
We stood in his small bureau behind the dancefloor. Some old golden records from his time as manager decorated the walls, as a collection of pictures of some really well known musicians. The rest of the small room was stuffed with paper stacks, heaps of folders, feathers and inkwells, a bunch of drawers buried under more paper. In between the chaos his desk towered like a cliff. And curiously it was clean. Old dark wood, a green blotter, two sheets of paper and neatly sorted two quills.
But best of all the desk was sturdy enough to bracing myself on it.
"Yo, Breeze... its j-sst... because.. I had this gosh darning headache this afternoon... And hey - who wants a DJ playing just calm tracks?" I excused myself.
"I told you ... five times now, that you mustn't appear when you are drunk. In the first place I need no DJ who is already blotto when she arrives."
I grabbed my shades. And put them down. Had to hiccup before I could answer.
"What? Hey! That's no fair. You heard the crowd. They had a big heap of fun.", I defended myself now. Gosh he should be thankful. I was the one who was rocking the party here!
"They laughed.", he stated short. Then he hoofed his face slowly. "Didn't you see?..." the following sentence was not so loud - he spoke more to himself.
"No. Not in your condition.", then again to me "Gosh. They laughed - about you!"
I gasped in shock. No. Nonono. That couldn't be probably true.
"Lissten. I am mm DJ Pon3. I am the damnenest hot DJ you could have...", holding my shades I pointed my hoof at him. But he cut me short.
"Anyway. But starting a fight with one of my guests - this is just off limits.", he responded, sounding cold. Gosh... I didn't want to shout at Berry. I didn't meant to be like that.
It's said you don't remember things you have done while complete drunk. Maybe I wasn't filled up enough. Because I can remember. Maybe not every little detail. But all the yells, the insults, while Berryshine was just walking backwards. I even know, that I pushed her one time, letting her stumble. Unlike me, she kept her balance, stepped out of the way and I fell. Other guests were over me, before I could get back up.
I bucked and screamed, cursed Berryshine's name and called her things, I really want to un-say now. Or at least to un-think.
"Vinyl...", Springs voice and his look were stern alike. "Vinyl. I gave you chances. One after another. BECAUSE I know you could be the best DJ around. Because I know, you have so damn much potential. Because I am your friend. But..."
Shit. This was not good. This But felt like the blade of a guillotine, short before the executioner pulls the rope.
"But... I just can't let you work here any longer."
For a moment I was frozen. Then drop by drop the words of Breeze seeped in my groggy mind.
"You can't fire me!" I yelled. I dropped my shades and had nearly smashed them under my hoof, as I jumped half over the desk, bracing myself upon my forelegs and looked him in the eyes.
"I pay you for this evening. Even if it was a complete disaster. And then, I want you to go. I am sorry. And I'm serious."
In hindsight it was maybe a dumb idea to get the coin purse Breeze had given me and smash it against his head, just to rush out of his disco.
But after all - it was not the biggest mistake I had done so far. It was just one fail in an ocean of fails.
My whole life had become one living nightmare.
I don't looked at my surroundings, my head hung low. So I just realized sometime that my hooves didn't touch cobblestone any more. The road has changed to hard trampled dirt. Looking up I recognized that I had gotten lost.
I stood in a dark backyard. And like any backyard it was the complete opposite of the nice streets in front of the buildings.
The houses surrounded the place tight - only two paths left it. The one I had come from and a second one across the small plaza. Just a few narrow windows gazed from the walls and any of them were dark. The place itself was decayed. Litter boxes near the back doors. A tree - worn out like the rest of the place stretched his branches to the sky. Some last leafs waved in the chill wind, but refusing to let go and fall down.
Perfect - after all I managed to lose my way in a town like Ponyville.
But it didn't matter - as I hadn't anywhere to go. I didn't had any chance to ask one of my friends to stay over night. And - I dropped under the tree, leaning myself against its old trunk - probably the guys in the disco weren't as much friends as I thought of them. They had laughed - about me. I was a joke for them. The binge-drunken DJ...
Gosh. Summer Breezes words had hurt me. And now - here was nopony, besides me. No reason to hide my feelings. No reason to lie to myself. I felt heat in my face. And a burning pain. Shit. No! I wouldn't cry.
I pulled my saddlebags - my home after all - from my back and started to search. I had to be faster then this devastating feeling to be an absolute useless heap of horse-apples. I knew if I just got a bit of my confidence back, then I would rock the party again. I just needed....
I felt glass under my hoof. Cautious I grabbed the bottle and brought it to the light. Moonshine! Yes. This evening demanded for more then simple cider. Liquid hope. I heard the small voice inside of me crying to stop. Yes. Yes I would stop. After this time. I just needed something to calm my nerves. To put me together. Then I could solve all my problems - and then I would stop. But this day was just, too damn much.
I reasoned - after all it was winter. The nights were cold, even if there was no snow at the moment. In fact - I should search for shelter. But in my pathetic condition, I couldn't even ask. No. Just one sip to calm down...
The stuff burned in my throat, alongside with the repellent feeling from my stomach. But I was used to it and knew it would wear off. Yes - this was exactly what I needed now. Just a few minutes peace. Distance to all this mess. Just readying for a new start.
Gosh darn it - to whom I was lying? I was nothing then a slouch. Tears dreaded to well again. More stuff! Shit. I didn't want to slide THIS way. I needed to ease my mind. To prepare for a new start tomorrow...
Yeah - a new start, like today, yesterday, the day before...
Another sip of the burning substance.
But at least I didn't have to think on Octavia. She would be proud of me - lying in the dirt, drinking.... No. Nono! Noooo!
In an attack of anger I tossed the bottle away. I don't know what happened in the next time. It got lost in a blur of painful feelings, self accusations and tears. I fell in this dark hole surrounded by imagination and memories. There was no way to fall any deeper, besides actually dying.
* * *
Today would be our half-year anniversary and I felt happier than the last weeks. Tune had much to do and was tired when he came home in the evenings. No good time to talk. But today was different. Weekend. So he would have a good nights-rest today.
Perfect for my plan. I had left our apartment short after him and walked straight to the market. Apples, carrots, a bunch of assorted flowers. Daisies - my favourite - and Tulips - his favourite. And fresh hay. You know, instant fried haynests may be easy - but its an art to make them oneself. And they were way better.
I couldn't deny, that cooking was a passion of mine.
And maybe the meal could help Tune out of his bad mood, he had the last days. I felt a bit worried by this thought. He had changed. We were used to talk and discuss. Sometimes the whole night through - like on our first meeting. But the last weeks must have been arduous for my coltfriend. He was ever less often in the mood to talk. Cut me short, said he was to tired... I hoped it wasn't anything serious.
I suppressed this uneasy thought - tonight he would have some nice food and a weekend in sight. This would brighten his mood for certain. Maybe I could convince him to do something on the weekend. Hiking in the woods. The weather was adorable in winter. Cold, though but it was nice to see snow covering the trees and cover the world in its white blanket.
Suddenly I saw a white unicorn walking along the street - a bit out of earshot. Vinyl. Dear Celestia... I hadn't seen her since... since the day I packed my stuff and moved out of our house. I had heard gossip about her.
Drinking to much. Annoying ponies. I sighed low. I knew she wouldn't get grip of her life. I knew it was just a matter of time for her to fall from grace. For a moment I felt the dire urge to run after her. Maybe to talk to her. Just to make sure she was O.K.
But... what would Tune say to this. He had made his point clear. This pony could just draw me down. She was not good for me. Pondering I saw her wander off around a corner and out of sight.
With the lingering feeling to have missed a chance I made my way home.
The rest of the day I was to busy to think about anything other.
Smiling I prepared my special Apple-Carrot casserole - a recipe my mom had learned me and reminds me every time on her. Then I made up Sandwiches with Daisies and Tulips, garnished with a fresh herb-mustard sauce. Then I weaved the haynests. They were just nicer than plain hayfries. But nopony seems to appreciate the art behind it. I would fry them, when Tune came home.
At last I decorated the table - candles, a vase with a colorful bouquet of flowers. My good porcelain. Yeah - I knew - to much for a merely half-year-celebration. But I was pretty sure that I could top it at the full year.
Then I went to my practice . Another thing I wanted to surprise Tune with. The Canterlot Music Garden Festival was to happen in about three months. Right after Winter Wrap Up. And I had made up a composition, I was really proud of. After all my second very own creation.
I was sure to win with my work. I would impress the audience and all of the great artists gathering beneath Canterlot Castle. And it was said even the Princesses listened to the music played there.
It started fast - nearly to fast for a cello. But hey - there had to be a bit of a challenge.
Sunken in my music I didn't hear the door.
I jolted up as Tunes voice sounded.
"Hi honey. I am home."
I jumped up on an instant, headed for him hugged and nuzzled him.
"Surprise. I've made dinner.", I beamed.
"Oh. Aha. Uhm... that's nice of you.", he loosened the hug a bit to quick for my taste.
"Somethings wrong?" I asked.
"No. Fine. Everything's fine. But... Y'know, I fetched food on the way here. I didn't want to bother you with cooking this evening.", he scratched his neck.
"Oh.", my happy glee dissolved. "Now... then... maybe later? Or tomorrow?" No. I felt like crying in this moment. Gosh.
"Sorry, Octy. It smells really nice and so. Yeah. Later. Ok?" Then it happened. He just walked off. Not that I had insisted for him to .. I don't know .. hug me at least, or show a bit interest. Or anything.
Slowly I walked back to the kitchen, cleaned the table, putted back the plates and glasses. I had lost my appetite, too. Tomorrow would be better...
Later I found him lying on the couch in the living room, reading obviously a letter.
"Is everything alright Cello? You seem worried..."
Without looking up from his letters he spoke.
"Just some conversation with the Hoofington Orchestra. They want to see me next week."
"Oh. That's nice. Its just a short trip by train. So you don't need to move out."
"Tavi, my bow - this just is it... I miss the city. Living here in this celestia-forsaken one-horse town..." he sighed, turning his head towards me. I felt relieved that he at least looked at me.
"I know. I know. And - if you want to go away, I will be with you," I breathed deep. I would follow him. To the end of the world and beyond. But... this celestia-forasken one-horse town had become my home. All my friends lived here. And it was so green and full of live. I just didn't want to think about the possibility of leaving Ponyville.
"And further... The Hoofington Orchestra. Gosh. I don't see much chances for a career there. Why did I even wrote them? Its like... like the Appeloosa square-dance-band. I mean, which important pony would see me there?"
I sighed. I knew his point about lesser prestigious things. He wanted to be famous.
"Would you be angry, if we change the theme?", I smiled.
"What would you talk about?", he gazed back at the sheet of paper in his hoof.
"I... I've written another music-piece." Normally I had waited - but I just wanted to cheer Tune up a bit.
"The one you practiced when I came?", he asked monotonous.
"Yeah. I mean yes.", I beamed. "Its challenging and I have to work on it..."
"I wondered. I didn't knew it." he said, sitting up on the couch.
"You.. don't like it?" my smile faded. Why... did he talk this way? Why was he so harsh?
"No. Its fine. Really. But... are you sure you want to write music? I mean..."
"What?", I looked at him. But he avoided my face.
"I mean you are good and all. But nopony knows you. There are much more famous composers out there. So nopony will listen to your piece."
"I think a few will like it," maybe he didn't notice how he hit me with his words.
"Oh, Bow - you know I love you for your defiance. But please - be serious. Be reasoned. You wont get any fame out of it. Its an unnecessary work. Don't burden yourself with such reverie. I just want to help you."
"How could you say so?", my voice cracked and I felt a lump building in my throat.
"Look Tavi... I am about to find a place in a good orchestra for you and me alike. You are a very good cellist. This is your special talent. So why make things harder? You.. you can get back to composing when you are established. When your name is not unknown any longer. When your work makes a difference for ponies. Then you may compose as much as you want."
I breathed deep. But he wasn't done.
"And... sorry to say so. But this work of yours is a bit.. strange. Not bad... but... off." he sounded soft. And I knew he didn't mean it in a bad way. But... his words burned inside me. I nodded and trotted off. Put myself in the music-room.
Saw my notices, my cello. But I just don't felt like practicing anymore.
Later that night I cuddled myself on Tunes side, his foreleg around my back. I embraced the loose hug and just tried to don't think about what he said before.
It was no fight. Just a normal disagreement. Every couple would have something like that the one or another time.
He ... was probably right. Yeah. How did I think I was anyway? No... I shouldn't think so of myself. But... I had to work harder. I would show him. Proof that I could do this. Maybe then his mood would get better.