"Everybody! Can I get your attention please?" Vinnie shouted as he stood up on the top of his hot dog vendor. Everypony looked towards the recently newest resident of Ponyville and made no noise.
"I... have lied. I lied to you all, good citizens of Ponyville. I am in fact, not from The Bronx. I am in fact from, a place a little more west than that." Vinnie paused as he saw a corndog in the crowd of ponies. He jumped from the top of his stand and opened a compartment on it and pulled out an M9 and shot the corndog out of the unicorns magic. Everypony recoiled at the loud noise. And the unicorn that was holding the corndog was none other than... Shining Armor!
"You again! What do you have against corndogs!?" Shining Armor screamed in a squeaky voice.
And to this Vinnie replied with the action of jumping back onto his stand and continuing his speech after the harrowing encounter.
"I am a spy!" Was all he said.
Everypony gasped at this, nopony knew what to do.
"A spy for the United States of America, and I was transported here to gain intelligence on the nation that you all know as Equestria." Vinnie cleared his throat.
"And the one thing I can say for certain about your nation is..."
Everypony leaned in with the intent of hearing what he was about to say.
"This place is goddamned scary!"
Everypony raised an eyebrow.
"You all eat meat! You're all horses who eat meat! But you all deny it... and don't get me started on the things around here that are only carnivore! I mean... bat ponies? Really!? What made those!?" He paused to see the reactions, some bat ponies in the crowd had hurt expressions. Others had understanding and were nodding in agreement.
"But the thing I want to really know is... where do I keep getting the hot dogs I sell?"
And with that, he turned in place on his stand, opened the hatch for the dogs and jumped in, the pitch black bottom consuming him as he fell.
"AAAAAAGGGHHH!" Vinnie shot upright in his bed. A cold sweat rolling down his face. He looked around as he tried to calm his breathing.
"That... was the weirdest dream... I've ever had!" He declared before lying back down and falling back asleep.