“What’s the point of this again?” He muttered as he stared idly at the screen, the color red painting the background of his screen as his character died again while he was in the in-game browser. He was dressed in his signature everyday shirt with a simple cartoon on how to pick-up chicks, featuring a stick-figure picking up a literal chick, some sweatpants because jeans were a lot harder to try and kick stuff with and they were downright comfy.
“You showed that you have a wonderfully bloody imagination, so I thought you might want into the superpower contest!” Replied the cheerful person he was chatting with on the computer, who he had met a couple hours ago telling him all about a contest for superheros or something. He hadn't been paying much attention before the man had said something about a prize.
He rolled his eyes, probably another scam, he never saw this link before in his life and it was probably one of those viruses going around on steam. Why was he even listening to this guy? “What makes you think I'm going to fall for this old trick?”
“No it's not a hack link, fine don't use the steam browser, use your internet, chrome, Firefox explorers. Whatever you have use that instead, no download necessary, just have to click a couple links and read the rules.”
“If you stop bugging me about this fine.” He said as he closed the browser and kept the link in the chat box, his world switching back to that of Team Fortress Two and the enemy team in his spawn… who just shot him in the face. Well he just lost that game go figure, s'what he gets for talking to people in game.
“Pinky promise.”
Sighing he exited the game and went back to his desktop, a black star shining in the background, and opened his internet app, then pasted the link in. Phasing momentarily he wandered over to his internet security app and made sure it was up to date before clicking enter for the link. “Why'd out of all the promises you could make, would you do a pinky promise?”
The cocky grin was evident through the voice. “Cause I can.”
“Uhuh.” Was his response to that as the page finally loaded, bringing up a site he never heard of before. Just like the dude said it was some sort of contest and on the front page were the rules, no omni powers, something about tier one and tier fives. He just skimmed over that all and clicked the continue button on the front page.
“Load it yet?” The man asked, eager to hear of the new superhero.
"Yeah yeah I'm on some screen for rolling." He said as he clicked the link five times, before it could load up a single page, because he saw something about rolling five times for powers in the rules when he just skimmed over them. There was a reason he never read Terms and Conditions and that's because he couldn't care less.
"So what powers did you get my boy?" The man asked, his voice giddier than a kid who had just been handed the keys to a candy-store.
Sergio leaned into his screen, to get a better look at it, as he clicked on one of the five tabs. "I have animal telepathy, useful I suppose if one were to travel a lot."
"Naturally." The man said followed by what sounded like clapping.
"One about power gliding? How the hell can you glide without a cape? Bah." He shook his head as he saw some dark-skinned man with streams of red coming out of his wrists as if he was emo-flying, using his blood like a jetpack.
"Easier to move around then."
"Super-natural Agility, another way of getting around then." He said absent-mindedly as he clicked on the fourth tab. The sound of scribbling coming from the other end of the mic alerting him to what the man was doing. "You drawing?"
"Sketching ideas, sounds like you're going to be a Flash-knockoff so far."
"Haha fuck no, let's see and this one is... oh hell yes Electrical Resurrection, the power to bring back the dead, including myself, with electricity! Now that's something!" He exclaimed as he threw his arms into the air, because screw being fast when you can be immortal!
"Zombie armies is what I think you'd do." The man replied with a hint of amusement in his voice as the scribbling increased with intensity.
"Hoo-ah. Now let's see what lucky number five is, please be something I can use to beat the crap outta people with. And it is..... the hell's wheel manipulation?"
"Come again?"
"Hang on I'm reading it right now... the power to manipulate wheel size, density, shape and etc., can be used offensively and to fly.... who the everloving hell thought of this?!? I mean come on wheel-kinesis? What?" He shouted as he read the wiki for wheel manipulation, his face grimacing as he realized he'd probably lose whatever prize the winner was supposed to get.
"Pffff. You don't seem to like it that much."
"Why cause the only name I can fucking think of would be to call myself Wheelman! Who can also raise the dead with electricity! I mean what the hell and what's the point of power gliding if I can already fly with wheels!?!"
"A backup? Anyways since you don't like your choices would you like a re-roll?" Asked the man politely.
Sergio shook his head as he drummed his fingers on his laptop. "No because with my luck I'd get something worse, so what do I have to do now that I selected my powers?"
"Well if we knew each other in real life, I'd have you sign a piece of paper saying it's okay for me to use your character and the backstories you'd made for him/her. But I'm sure a verbal agreement would suffice."
Shrugging Sergio said, "Yeah sure then I 'spose not like I'm willing to met you IRL."
"Did you just use an abbreviation while talking?" The man asked incredulously.
"Yes."
The man sighed. "Well for it to be agreed upon I need you to say what I'm about to say. Now repeat after me. 'I allow you to use my character in any way to see fit, use my backstory and change him as you so wish."
"Any way you see fit? Long as it ain't smut." He said pointing his finger at the screen.
Another sigh. "No smut, why would you think that?"
"Because I can. Alright, I allow you to use my character in any way you see fit, and use my backstory and change him as you so wish."
"Not what I said exactly, but meh it works. Now do me a favor." The man said emotionlessly.
"What's that?" He asked as he closed out of his browser and navigated back to his games and prepared to open one.
"Don't scream." He said, his voice taking a demonic turn.
"Wait wha-- MMMMMPPHHH!!!" Sergio screamed as a black hand popped out of his computer and grasped him about the face, the hand feeling cold and life-less, despite it obviously holding him by the face. He could feel the demonic claws ripping at the back of his head and he did not like it one bit.
"I just asked you not to scream..." Complained the voice as it started pulling its arm back inside the computer screen, dragging him along with it. "Swear humans have no respect for anything at all. Though I am the one who kind of broke into your house... errrr computer."
Still screaming Sergio gripped the edges of his computer as the hand kept pulling him in, his face barely an inch away from it. "Now Discord is just pissing me off these days, going all soft and shit, he knows I like watching him screw around. So here I had to go and abduct a member of one of the most violent species ever to exist because of you. Thanks!" Muttered the voice.
"Oh quit protesting and get in here!" It said as another hand came through his screen and grabbed both his arms somehow and pulled him straight through. Despite the hand holding his face he could still see through the space between the fingers and what he saw was a hooded man, holding him up by one hand and a cloud floating right behind him. Sergio's eyes locked onto that cloud as it slowly passed by the two of them, to which the hooded man noticed he was staring at something and turned.
"What? Oh right humans aren't used to being this high unless they're in planes." The hooded one said with disinterest as he turned back to Sergio.
"Mmm mphh?" He asked through the hand.
"Yeah want to see how high you are?"
"Mm mmph mmmppppph." He stated with a glare.
"There is no need for that type of language young man." The man said, his head backing away from the foul-mouthed man-child in front of him.
"Mph mppphhhh." He said defiantly through the hand and held up both his hands, the middle fingers standing tall and proud in front of the hooded man's face.
Now it was the hooded man's turn to glare. "Okay you know what kid, fine screw you to. Here's the rules, all your powers for your character are now yours, electrical resurrection, super-agility, animal telepathy, power-glide and as you so eloquently put it, wheel-kinesis. Now please do me a favor and don't die as soon as I drop you?" Finished the man letting go of Sergio's face.
"Fuck you goat-demon-man thing!!" Screamed Sergio as he plummeted to the ground below.
"I am not Tirek!" Screamed the hooded man in reply as he disappeared in a flash of light, leaving Sergio to his fate of falling.
Flailing his arms now, and uttering a long list of obscenities that would make a sailor blush, he flipped himself over to see a city coming up at him, fast. His list of obscenities grew longer as he tried backstroking up and away from the ground, which suffice it to say, didn't work. He then tried the dolphin, using your legs like a tail with furious paddling with his front arms, which also didn't work. It did manage to make him point straight down towards the earth and made the wind whistle pleasant songs of death into his ear.
'Wait he said all those powers are now mine? Can I glide?' Was a thought that flashed through his mind, making him look behind himself to see if he had any capes he didn't have earlier. Well the man gave him powers or so he said, but didn't give him a cape.... wasn't he supposed to be a superhero?
Another power that came to mind was his wheel-kinesis, but he needed a wheel. Well until he got within view of the city he was screwed. Good a time as any to kick back and relax because without his wheels he was dead, splattered all across town, a permanent addition to the city's street of fame. He was oddly calm about all this, maybe it was because he thought he was asleep.
Or high.... heh high, like in the sky? Get it? Ah nevermind. When he flashed by the first roof he cupped his hands around his eyes and used them like binoculars to try and see anything on the ground.
When he flew by an oddly pinkish window he thought he saw cars on the ground, which meant wheels! Thrusting his arms out he gestured at them. And nothing happened. He tried beckoning to them, as reached the halfway mark of the skyscraper, with a single finger. Nothing happened. Bringing his hands up against his head he thought really hard about the wheels flying to his aid. Again nothing.
The wind whipped his hair back as his eyes widened, along with the street that was getting close for comfort. Clasping his hands together he prayed to the heavens above. "Oh please mighty god of wheels, spare me by having your thick, strong and sturdy wheels save my life?"
A loud crash opened his eyes and he looked down to see a wheel coming to save him, in all its magnificent wooden, blurry glory! Screaming in excitement now he reached for wheel when it came near him and wrapped his entire body around it, its speed jerking him up and away from the ground. Wrapping his arms around it, like a life-vest, which it pretty much was, he did his best to merge with his salvation. "Oh god yes! Ha that's right wheel! Screw gravity!"
At that the wheel stopped, throwing his legs from their safe hugging position, and then flew back towards the ground, making him resume his screaming. "Not like that you damn wheel! I meant go up! GO UP!!"
It of course followed his orders, because wheels don't think for themselves. It also didn't think to slow down so he could maintain a good grip on it, as it flew into the sky with him being attached only by his fingertips, and even then he was slipping off. Still screaming he quickly changed his wording before he lost his grip. "Stop moving you damn wheel! I command you to stop this instant!"
And it did. He didn't though as he flew back into the sky above, flailing his arms yet again, reaching that pinkish window and realizing there was a pink horse there staring at him from inside an office. The world seemed to pause as the horse stared at him and he stared back at it, then the illusion was broken as it waved at him with a happy grin and he started falling back to earth. "OKAY OKAY DAMN WHEEL!! Just keep me from falling then stay the fuck still!"
The wheel seemed to nod as it sped back underneath him and came up underneath him, gradually slowing him to a stop. Panting now he sat down on the floating wooden wheel, staring at his surroundings, noticing a distinct lack of human ads on the billboards and an abundance of horse ads on everything. His lips puckering into a frown he stared at the offending objects before patting his trusty wheel. "I don't think we is in Kansas anymore Toto. Want to go see the Wonderful Wiz of Oz? The Black Dynamite one not the white one."
The wheel seemed to nod again. "Okay then wheel, slowly bring me down to ground-level so I can see why there's horse ads everywhere." Mr. Wheel proceeded to do just that, letting Sergio stare at the buildings again and noticing all the floors seemed to be smaller than usual. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed something flying up towards him, something purple. Turning to it he squinted and shaded his eyes, as it grew larger and larger, quickly becoming something other than a bird.
His mouth gaped as it came to a stop in front of him and crossed its arms(?) and glared at him. "And what the hell are you?" The floating purple pegasus asked. Blinking he stared at it, its wings giving a lazy flap every two seconds to keep it aloft as it hovered there, staring back at him with anger and a hint of curiosity showing in its eyes. Its hair was a light purple and its... fur... main area of hair was purple, minus some mark on its ass which he did his best to avoid looking at.
Instead he focused on the giant-ass eyes that took up more than half its face. Those super-realistic creepy eyes, ones that looked like no matter where you could go they'd be watching. It was horrifying as those eyes stared back at him waiting for him to speak. So he pressed onto the issue at hand.
He shook his head and ripped his eyes away from the sight, then thought of something that would explain all this, a hand pulling him through his computer, a pegasus floating in front of him and the fact he's sitting on a flying wheel. Well schizophrenia could explain it, along with LSD, a whole bunch of drugs and maybe him just flat-out dreaming. Yeah he was just probably dreaming! With a smile at that thought he extended his hand in friendship to the pegasus in front of him and said, "I'm Mr. Wheel the omnipotent god of anything wheelular. Yes that's not a word but I'm a god now so I can make up words. And who are you, you fuck-mothering pegasus thing?"
It glanced at his hand and then spoke, "My name's Violet Streak and you whatever you are just stole the wheel to my mother's hospital carriage. So if you don't mind can I have it back?" She finished holding her hoof out as if he was supposed to hand it to her. Frowning he lowered his hand, because she more or less denied him his handshake. He guessed it was a she anyhow, what with the bitchy naggy voice. That seemed downright sexist... okay to rephrase that, it's because it sounded feminine. Also meaning she sounded pissed.
"I dear hope she's not dying. It's not good for your health you know." He grinned as she was forced to wait for him to get off her wheel.
"No her water just broke." She growled at him, her head pressing against his as her wings flapped harder. It felt weird having a horse's head shoved against his, almost felt like he had a puppy shoved onto his forehead, that was also pissed at him.
Pulling away from her, he looked at his noble steed, the wheel. "You hear that boy? Somebody's having childbirth and it's coming from your mother cart! Come let's go save a mass of cells from not being born into a horrible world! You know which carriage is yours right? So go on fly towards it, WITHOUT throwing me off this time."
Thus the wheel changed direction and directed itself to one of the few carriages on the street, that had a slight crowd gathered around. They all started pointing at him as he came down on his glorious stolen stud of a wheel, and judging by how the Violet just blurred past him he was going down at a leisurely pace, allowing his Wheel Godliness to sink in. Oh well not his problem some chick was having a kid. Nearing the carriage he noticed it was more or less like a ambulance, just replace the engine with two regular midget horses, take off the sirens and tada! One hospital carriage.
And just like any good hospital carriage there was a wreck near it, a carriage had run into lamp-post right by it and caused a minor traffic jam of maybe four or five carriages. All taxi-colored. Why do horses need taxis, can't they fly like the pegasus? Speaking of which the Pegasus named Violet joined the crowd that was watching him, her wings twitching as her hooves stamped impatiently on the ground as he still floated down.
Floating to a stop above the hospital carriage he hopped off and landed on top of it, almost sliding off because he forgot he stole the wheel, by accident he might add, his trusty wheel floating beside him. When he regained his footing he cleared his throat and turned to the crowd of colorful horses around him, not batting an eye at the collection of mythical creatures all staring him down. A few of whom looked like they had pissed themselves. Spreading his arms wide he proudly exclaimed to them all, "First off I wish to say to you equine creatures, that apparently know English, bow to your new God of Wheels! Oh I also require one of you to lift this carriage so I may slip the wheel back on.” He added on gesturing with his thumb to the carriage underneath his feet.
Violet yelled at him from the street. “Can't you lift it with your magic? You’re perfectly capable of making yourself fly! Just do that with the cart!”
Placing his hands on his hips he leaned over the edge of the tilted carriage to give the purple pegasus a smile. “I'm God of Wheels, not of carriages albeit that'd be fun to fly around on chariots. And no I'm not going to lift it myself, ask the ones who drag it all across the street they do it on a daily basis I'd guess.” Sergio finished pointing at the two ponies attached to the carriage with a pair of ropes.
The crowd of equines looked at him like he was crazy, which was okay because he probably was. When a minute passed with nothing but the sounds of crickets, in a city for some reason, the purple one muttered something akin to, “oh for the love of God.”, but he wasn't quite sure he heard her right when she replaced God with sun. She trotted forward and placed herself underneath the carriage and used her horse legs to lift the carriage up, ever so slowly it went up, but it did manage to get off the ground enough for him to slide the wheel back on.
"Okay boy, yes I'm talking to you wheel, you need to get back with your family now go on. Reattach yourself." He said, waving bye to the wheel.
The wooden wheel followed his orders and floated down to where it belonged, a pegasus crawling out from under the carriage as the wheel slid on. "Okay thanks alien, now get off my roof!"
Scoffing in fake insult at that he straightened an invisible tie. "I dare say no, young one. I inconvenienced you by stealing your wheel, so let me unconvenience you by helping you. Wheels! Float up!" Sergio's position above the population rose on the carriage that is, along with his ego. "Now if somebody could just direct me to where this hospital is?"
Violet flew onto the carriage and walked straight up to him, her little hoofs making tap-dancing sounds as she walked across the roof of the carriage, unafraid of the being that she'd never seen before. 'Either she's incredibly brave. Or stupid. I'll go with both.'
Rising onto her hind legs she barely reached his chest height but nonetheless tried staring him down, and again poked him in the chest with her hoof. Man that thing felt as sharp as a knife, hope she didn't cut his skin."Why? You've already caused enough problems for my mother when she could be in the hospital right now!"
"Why? It's pretty fucking obvious that I'm not from around here love!" He yelled at the top of his lungs gesturing to the crowd around him.
"No I mean why help us?"
Making an 'O' shape with his mouth he raised a finger into the air to being an elaborate speech on why he was doing it because of how damn awesome he was. Then lowered it as he realized that'd be lying. Shrugging his shoulders he raised his arms up in defeat. "Nothing else to do that comes to mind right now. Just tell me to make a left and I'll make this beaut fly left, right you say? She'll go right and etc."
She pointed to behind him and sat down on the carriage. "It's a right down that way then."
Looking around he saw another carriage and looked at it, his arms throwing an invisible rope around it and dragging it to him. "Come hither wheel I need something to stand on!"
The wheel flew off the end, sending a piece of something flying into the back of one of the horses' heads, its face slamming into the ground. "Sorry." The wheel settled on the carriage and he placed one foot on it, the wheel raising it to knee level and giving him a poise like that of famous explorers.
"Onwards my noble carriage! Gold awaits! Adventure awaits! Horrible hospitals await, women horses in childbirth! Now go forth down this street and make a right, like the prissy bitch behind me said!" And thus the carriage flew down the street, an oddly girlish scream coming from something other than a horse, as resumed its ridiculous speed from earlier.