Chapter 3
“GRAHAM CRACKER! WE’RE GOING TO FIND YOU, AND WHEN WE DO, WE’RE GOING TO KILL YOU, SLOWLY.”
Derpy Hooves leapt into the air upon hearing the voice over loudspeaker, she smacked her head hard on the ceiling and fell back down to the ground with a hard thump!
“I’m not cut out for this...” Derpy mumbled to herself as she got back up to her hooves, she trotted into the other room and found Graham Cracker sitting calmly on the old sofa, reading the Book of Nephi.
“Good, you’re awake,” the earth pony stallion said, closing the book tightly and slipping it back into his saddlebags. “I take it you’ve heard the death threats?”
Derpy nodded in affirmation.
“Pay them no mind, the Hopeton ponies don’t know where we are, and they won’t venture out this far. My fellow nephites are superb marksmen, and would take them down without issue,” Graham said, rising to his hooves.
“They’re not going to...” Derpy began, only to be quickly interrupted by Graham.
“Hurt you? No, of course not, not as long as you stay close to me,” Graham said, smiling with his eyes through the bandaged that covered his head. “Come. We’ve got a lot of walking to do today.”
...
If there were any around to see it, the spectacular sight of a kangaroo scout car ramping over one of the Mohoofie Desert’s many sand dunes would have been one to have remembered for ages to come... if viewed from a distance.
The occupants of said scout car, however, wanted nothing more than to forget it entirely. Twilight Sparkle felt as if she was about to vomit. Rainbow Dash held on to the pintle mounted Sen Gun for dear life, fearing that if she released it she’d be bucked clear from the car entirely. Even Surprise, fastened in by restraints held onto her seat like it was the only solid bit of the world left to grasp. In fact, the only pony who did not seem worried was Vinyl Scratch, who was sitting in the driving seat, goggles over her eyes and a grin on her face, wearing a kangaroo Brodie Helmet on her head. Her companions were not screaming, but they were holding on for dear life itself.
The scout car vaulted over one last dune, landing hard on the ground before Vinyl Scratch put on the breaks before putting on the breaks and bringing the scout car to a halt.
Sighs of relief, and mild praise to be alive rang throughout the car.
“Oh come on! My driving isn’t that bad!” Vinyl said in mock annoyance.
“Vinyl Scratch...” Twilight said, poking her head forth into the driving compartment. “When the psychopath is freaked out by your driving... don’t you think that tells you something?” Twilight said, pointing a hoof towards Surprise.
“I... I’m f-f-fine! Th-h-hanks for ask-k-king!” Surprise stammered, still not releasing her hold on the seat.
“Nope! Doesn’t tell me anything about Surprise that I didn’t already know!” Vinyl said with a grin. “Out of the car lemon head! We’re stopping for a while.”
Surprise did not respond to the insult, rather she just climbed out of the seat and out of the vehicle, tripping over a rivet on her way out and receiving a round of chuckling from the others. Surprise picked herself up and began to wander about the local area around whence they stopped.
“Don’t wander off too far marshmallow mare!” Vinyl called after her. “I’d hate to have to clean you up should you melt!”
Surprise gave no response, merely continuing to tumble across the open landscape every two metres or so. Vinyl turned her attention away from mocking the Pegasus and pulled a map of Equestria out of her saddlebags.
“Do you know where we are?” Twilight asked, looking over her shoulder.
“Exactly where we are!” Vinyl proclaimed loudly. “We’re in the middle of nowhere!”
Twilight gave Vinyl an annoyed look, however the off white unicorn continued to grin without saying anything. “The middle of nowhere being roughly thirty six degrees fifty eight minutes forty seven seconds north, by one hundred nine degrees three minutes twenty seven seconds west,” Vinyl eventually added.
“How do you know that?” Twilight asked.
“Because I’m amazing!” Vinyl said with a bright grin. “... in bed!”
“Stop that!” Rainbow Dash said as she adjusted the brodie helmet that she was wearing as she hovered above them. “She’s taken, and so are you!”
“Yeah well, I’m hoping I can convince Derpy into a foursome, if I can do that, I can convince you two no problem!” Vinyl said with a grin.
Twilight deadpanned her. “You know, all things considering, I would have expected you to be less on the humour, and more on the anger.”
“Oh no, don’t get me wrong. I’m fuming!” Vinyl said with a grin. “I’m saving it all for the one who deserves it the most!”
“Speaking of...” Twilight said, glancing around. “You’d have thought that we would have caught up to Pinkie Pie and Pips Domino by now...”
“Oh, we likely have. Actually, we probably passed them a while ago,” Vinyl said. “Doesn’t matter! We know where they’re going, and they don’t know that we know where they’re going, which means that we can get there first and set a nice trap for a certain bastard!”
Twilight nodded. “We should probably get moving again... where’d Surprise go?”
They glanced around; Surprise was nowhere to be found. They began to panic; a Surprise unsupervised was an unwelcome surprise waiting to happen. The two ponies rushed over to the top of a sand dune and discovered that Surprise was off smelling the flowers of one of the more exotic cacti growing in the Mohoofie Desert.
“Hey!” Vinyl called out.
Surprise snapped to attention and turned around to face Vinyl and Twilight.
“Get over here!” Vinyl called out.
Surprise rose to her hooves and trotted over towards them.
“You are not allowed to be out of the direct line of sight of any of us, ever! Do so, and you’ll find yourself tied up and buried under two metres of sand where nopony is ever going to find you, get me?” Vinyl snapped at her.
Surprise nodded and hung her head low; she slowly trotted back towards the scout car and got inside it.
Rainbow Dash, who had been flying above them landed softly beside her two friends, who watched as Surprise climbed back into their vehicle. “Don’t you think that maybe you’re being a little too tough on her?”
Twilight and Vinyl looked at Rainbow Dash; each of them raised an eyebrow. “With Surprise? I don’t think we’re being tough enough,” Vinyl Scratch said. “Not after what she did.”
“Which you two refuse to tell me about!” Rainbow Dash said. “I get it, it was bad, but if she’s as bad as you say she is, don’t you think that maybe agitating her is probably not the best idea? What happens when you make her snap, huh?”
Vinyl and Twilight looked at each other for a moment. Rainbow Dash was right, Surprise was a dangerous psychopath with an incredibly long history of violence, agitating her was probably not the best idea.
“All right, I’ll lay off,” Vinyl said. “You’ve convinced me. Doesn’t mean I’m going to start liking her or anything.”
“That’s not what I’m asking you to do, I’m just asking you to be the better pony,” Rainbow Dash said and trotted back towards the scout car. Man, you know things are messed up when I’M the voice of reason around here.
Rainbow Dash trotted into the back of the scout car and poked her head into the driving compartment. “Hey!” she said, getting Surprise’s attention. Surprise looked up and peered back blankly at the pony addressing her.
“Listen,” Rainbow Dash said with a small sigh. “I don’t know you, and Vinyl and Twilight won’t tell me what you did to them, so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m sticking my neck out here for you, if you make me regret this? Anything that Twilight or Vinyl has threatened to do to you is going to sound like paradise compared to what I’m going to do to you, got it?!”
Surprise nodded in affirmation. “I... I promise that I won’t let you down Firefly!” she said.
Rainbow Dash cocked her head to the side slightly. “Firefly? Who the heck is Firefly?” she asked.
Surprise did not answer right away, as Twilight and Vinyl climbed back inside the Scout car and took their seats. She leaned in close and whispered to Rainbow Dash. “You can count on me, bestest best friend!”
Rainbow Dash recoiled slightly, but shrugged it off as nothing; she climbed back up through the top hatch and grabbed a hold of the pintle mounted Sen Gun, knowing that she was definitely going to need it, if Vinyl’s previous driving record had been any indication.
Vinyl started up the scout car and with a toothy grin, she stamped down hard on the accelerator, and once again, they were off on their way.