"Why am I doing this again?" Trixie grumbled as she was indignantly pushed across Ponyville, her butt dragging on the ground and creating a long pathway that stretched on for about half a mile.
"Because," Snips replied, panting a bit from the effort of pushing a fully grown mare across town, "you need to show ponies that the Great and Powerful Trixie is amazing at everything, and you said you'd never tried being a substitute teacher before. And can me and Snails take a break?" he pleaded.
"Snails and I," Trixie corrected the foal. "And why would you desire a break? I don't need rest, if that's what you're concerned about."
"Well, it's kind of exhausting doing this," Snails groaned as he gave Trixie another shove, glaring at his friend who had abandoned him and left him to do all the hard work. Trixie dug her hooves into the dirt and whipped her head around sharply.
"Are you suggesting that I'm overweight?" she snarled, causing the two colts to jump up and try to hide behind each other, but only succeeding in smashing their heads together. "Hmmph, I don't need you anyway," Trixie huffed. She yawned, stretched out her limbs and stood up, then walked the rest of the way to the Ponyville schoolhouse as Snips and Snails rubbed their heads and ran in circles trying to hit each other. Of course, she wasn't actually walking. She had cast a floating spell on herself because really, who has time for walking? Certainly not a mare as important as she.
*******
"So!" Trixie declared, dropping the chalk back onto the ledge. She turned back around to face the class, smiled, and used the teacher's pointer to rap upon the chalkboard where she had written her name. "So! I'm your substitute teacher today, and that's my name up on the board. I hope you foals know how to read by now, but we'll be doing easy stuff today anyway. History and algebra. I think those come before reading... right?" The class gave her blank stares and a few snapped back into reality enough to shake their heads in disagreement, but of course Trixie didn't notice. "So, history! Let's start with the history of me. I'll give you a pop quiz to see how much you know. Snips, Snails, pass them out. I said pass them out!" Trixie searched around the room with her eyes to find the two insufferably retarded colts so she could yell at them some more, but she couldn't find them. "Oh, whatever. Just come up to my desk and grab a paper. Try not to kill each other; that might decrease my paycheck."
Trixie had to jump back as a rush of foals stampeded to the front of the room. The first colt quickly grabbed a paper in his teeth and sped away, causing a whirlwind of papers to fly everywhere and a large crowd of ponies all tackled each other in the effort to get a paper. Only Sweetie Belle stayed off to the side, with an eyebrow raised and unable to fathom why any of her classmates wanted to do schoolwork so badly.
Trixie opened her mouth to shout at them, but they were already back in their seats with their assignments. How, she had no idea, but she wasn't complaining. They were cooperating, so there was no reason to do anything more. Trixie shut her mouth and sat down in her chair, watching as some students feverishly scribbled downs answers while others twirled their hair and fidgeted. All was peaceful for about half a minute before a loud band suddenly sounded and half the class jumped and turned to glare at whatever had caused such a commotion.
Snips and Snails burst into the room, panting and thoroughly drenched in sweat. For some reason, Snips had a bright pink mane and ice skates glued to his hooves, and Snails had bubble gum in his hair and an anvil tied tightly to one of his hind legs. "We ran into Discord," Snips muttered to a nearby classmate. Trixie somehow failed to notice these small details and instead focused on the one thing that made her angry: two of her students were very, very late for class.
"You two, detention, after school," she growled. "You'll be polishing my horseshoes."
Snips raised an eyebrow at that. He and Snails did that multiple times a day, so he didn't see how that was much of a punishment. In fact, it was an honor to polish such Great and Powerful Hooves! Except he didn't know how he was going to polish them if he had skates on his hooves. He had a loose tooth, so he couldn't hold rags in his mouth, and he didn't know how to use magic. He raised his hoof to get Trixie's attention. "Oh Great and Powerful Trixie, it is impossible for me to polish your hooves with these skates on! What can I do instead?"
Trixie pondered on this for a moment while Snips and Snails sat down in their seats, then slowly nodded as an idea came to her. "Yes, you're right. Since you can't polish, a more suitable punishment is to have the entire class stay after school and polish all of my Great and Powerful Belongings, knowing that it was you who doomed them to their punishment. Yes, that's wonderful. All of you will be staying after school!"
And the world dissolved into chaos. Diamond Tiara started wailing, and Silver Spoon quickly followed her lead and burst into tears as well. Apple Bloom kicked Snips in the muzzle. Twist tried to kick Snails in the plot, but her hoof stuck to the bubble gum and she couldn't move. She tried to pull away, but the anvil kept them both rooted in place, so she just settled for trying to yank his tail off. The rest of the class just attacked everything from Trixie to the globe on the desk. It was complete pandemonium.
At that moment, the Lord, spirit, or whatever you want to call him of chaos, having sensed the chaos, strode through the open door with a large grin on his face. It started to float off of his face, but he quickly grabbed it and shoved it back on. "My, my, how to mess with these ponies..."
He thought for a minute. Then five, then ten, his grin slowly turning into a frown. He couldn't think of any way to make this more chaotic. Trixie's magic and all the fighting were chaotic enough already. Anything he did would ruin it. He shrugged and teleported away to put sneezing powder in Celestia's tea.