I trotted alone down the hallway, keeping my gaze straight ahead.
“The hell?”
Trying to look like the blank, dumb animal I was supposed to be, I ignored the greasy kid who stood watch. I stopped just out of his reach and slowly raised my head. His expression was cautious as he watched me.
Looking Greasy in the eye, I curled my lip.
“Moo,” I said.
Recognition dawned, and Greasy snorted. “Oh yeah. Right. You’re with…” He swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah.”
He shook himself, setting his expression in a determined sneer.
“So. Looks like that agent bitch lost her pet. Serves her right,” he said, rolling his skinny shoulders. “She fucked up my gun. You know that? Did some... thing to it. And Bee-ri won’t give me a new one. How fucked up is that?”
“Moo,” I replied.
He wrinkled his nose at me.
“Alright retard horse. Let’s just throw you in prison and if… if that… lady comes back, she’ll have to get you out herself.” He snorted again. For a second, I thought he blew snot on me. “Like to see her try. I’ll mess her shit up.”
He bent over and hooked his fingers in my Element like it was a collar. Moving at a stooped walk, he tugged, and I followed.
“Heh. Y’know. You kinda remind me of my dog back home,” he said, his expression softening. “He was alright. Miss ‘im, but y’know. Got called. Gotta do the right thing.”
“Moo,” I said.
As we came to the corner, I listed to the side, pulling Greasy with me. With all of his attention on me, he didn’t see Nate waiting, with his jacket held up in both hands.
“Not that way, retard horse, this- Hey!” Greasy exclaimed, as Nate’s jacket went over his head.
He released me, hands jerking up to rip the blind off. Crouching, I swept my hind legs across his. Greasy hit the floor, air rushing out of him. Before he could get his wind back, I twisted around and slammed my forehead against his. Hard. He grunted, shuddered, and slumped.
“Sorry, kid,” I said. “Can’t have you raisin’ an alarm. Rarity, can you pull his belt? I gotta tie him up before he wakes.”
Rarity whipped Greasy’s belt off, then floated it over to me. I had him hogtied in a jiffy.
“Okay, someone grab his keys and his radio,” I said.
A squawk came from Greasy’s radio just as Rarity got his keys.
“Jimmy? Jimmy? You there? I heard a noise,” said an unfamiliar voice.
My face tightened. I grabbed the walkie talkie, then looked at my friends, plus the doc. Nate sounded about as much like this kid as Granny did. Erishy was too soft. Rarity too cultured… Aw, horseapples.
“Uh… everything’s fine,” I said, clutching the radio in my fetlock. I struggled to flatten out my accent and pitch my voice to match Greasy Jimmy. “I just, uh, fell over. Man.”
I scrunched my eyes. The one time y’all get your act together is when the kid makes a noise. Figures, I thought.
“Fell? Jimmy are you high or something?”
“Nope! No. I’m fine. I’m... all fine here now.” I glanced at Erishy, whose eyes were wide with fear. “Totally fine, uh, motherfucker.”
“Kid?” the voice said, tone sharpening. “Look, I’m coming over there.”
Master thespian, that was me. Beating my head briefly with the walkie talkie, I said, “No! No need to do that! Seriously, I’m fine. Fucking fine. Just took a tumble is all.”
I closed my eyes again. I think I started praying.
“Wait. Who’s this? You ain’t Jimmy!”
I clicked off the walkie talkie. “Boring conversation anyway,” I said to everyone, cracking a smile. I tossed the walkie talkie to Erishy, who caught it easily.
“Hang on to that for me, ‘Shy,” I said. “We gotta stow Jimmy.”
As I looked around for a place to hide the kid, I noticed his busted gun. It had fallen on the floor during the tussle. I stared at it.
Erishy came up to my side, sharing my gaze. Then, she stepped over to the gun and sat down. As I opened my mouth to speak, she picked it up, gave it a once over, and... did… a thing. Hooves moving like she’d done this kind of thing her whole life, she got the slide working again, lickety-split.
Smiling, she raised the weapon up proudly. She also kept it pointed safely away.
“There we go,” she said, like she’d just helped one of her critters. “It was just jammed.”
I don’t think Erishy could have surprised me more if she grew a second head that spoke Russian.
"Fluttershy fixing guns, I do believe I have seen it all," Rarity said, standing beside me.
Erishy blushed, looking away. “I... used to work with guns. Or, I mean, my human half did.”
I shook my head. I could deal with brain whiplash later.
“Uh. Yeah,” I said, as the herd murmured behind us. “Thanks, ‘Shy. You read my mind. Just… unload it, too? We don’t want any accidents.”
Erishy nodded.
I nodded thanks in return.
“Alright, Jimmy, let’s get you where you won’t make a fuss,” I said.
I bit down on Jimmy’s shirt collar, dragging him down the hall to a door that smelled like cleaning supplies. At the door, I looked at Rarity. “Give ush a hoof here, Raresh?” I mumbled around my mouthful of shirt.
Her horn glowed that new blue-green color, and she opened the door. I smiled. “Mighty glad to shee you again, Raresh,” I said, hauling Jimmy into the closet.
“Likewise, Applejack,” she replied. “It’s been madness without you.”
I propped Jimmy against a mop and bucket. “Heh. You should’ve been with me the last few days,” I said. “There was some madness.”
“Really? Did it involve playing chess against a cartoon witch, too?” she asked, as I tied Jimmy’s restraints to the bucket.
“Uh… No. But I found your sister.” There, he wasn’t going anywhere without dragging all this stuff with him.
“Dear Sweetie Belle? Oh, it will be so good to see her. I was quite concerned she was sucked up into this insanity.”
“Well, she was. And she’s goin’ by May Belle now, just so you know.” As I left the closet, I realized Rarity might need to know a bit more about her sister. Namely her new favorite past time. “And she’s… kinda, sorta... picked up a bit of a mouth. From her human.”
I closed my eyes, ready for the patented Rarity Fit, but instead, she laughed. My eyes snapped open and Rarity had a hoof up, smothering the rest of the noise.
“Really?” she said, her tone light. “Well fuck, our parents are going to be furious with us both, if this keeps up.”
I stared. Rarity… swore. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing my fool head off.
“Dear diary, today I heard Rarity say ‘fuck.’ It was the best day ever,” I said, shaking my head. “I expected pigs to start flyin’ right after.”
As I pulled back a leg to shut the door, Jimmy’s eyes fluttered open. Rarity pulled a rag down in her magic and jammed it into his mouth. The kid grunted something and jerked against his bindings.
I smiled appreciatively as I kicked the closet shut. “Good thinkin’,” I said to Rarity.
I eyed the door knob. Even tied up, he could probably work the handle with his foot… Angling myself, I fired Kicks McGee. The knob warped appreciably. No one was opening that any time soon.
“Good thinking, yourself,” Rarity said, with a smile.
“Thanks. Now, do me a favor, Rares? Mind openin’ that lock?” I gestured to the door connecting the compound with the building outside. “I wanna take a peek, see if anyone’s around. We can go from there.”
“Of course, darling,” she replied, trotting off. Jimmy’s keys jangled in her magical grasp.
We passed through the herd, and I caught snatches of conversation.
“This is really scary,” somepony murmured.
“Did you see Fluttershy handle that gun?” another pony whispered.
“I just wanna get back to my brother,” said another.
I really wished my ears weren’t so sharp.
Rarity got the keys there before us, and unlocked the door. Pulling it open a bit, I peeked out. The other guards, Elle and Brian, weren’t in sight.
“It’s empty!” Erishy called in a loud whisper. I brought my head back in to see her holding up the gun again.
Rarity wrapped her magic around it and floated it to her side. She turned the weapon over and nodded, satisfied. “Well, it looks good,” she said.
“That’s all it has to do,” I said. “Look good.”
I took one last peek outside, then faced my friends, the doctor, and the herd.
“Alright y’all. We’re almost clear, but it looks like we’re gonna have company,” I said. “Shy, I need you to keep an ear on that radio. You hear folk comin, you let us know.”
Erishy nodded emphatically, picking the radio up.
I pointed at Nate. “Nate, I need you to hold up the back of the herd, make sure we don’t lose anypony. Y’all mind the doc here. He’s tryin’ to help.”
“Rares, you’re my gunmare. Anyone gives us the stink eye, you give ‘em a reason to step back.”
Rarity brandished the weapon with a confident smirk. Only Rarity could pull off the glamorous action pony look, right now.
I faced the rest of the herd. “Okay everypony, we just got two more yahoos to get by, and then we’re a five minute walk to help. Rares and I will be up front, but you mind Nate and ‘Shy, here. They’re gonna get you to safety if this goes south. And safety is outside,” I stressed. “Outside, then straight to the road, turn right. Outside, to the road, right. Get me?”
Nopony spoke, but a few heads nodded. They all looked pretty grim.
I tried to meet as many eyes as I could.
“Alright then,” I said. “We’re gonna get you out of here.” I flashed a smile. “That’s an Applejack Promise.”
I faced forward, opened the door, and put my head down, determined.