Celestia looked at Shrek with a stunned face.
"You turned down my generous offer??" Celestia said "For what reason? Ponification can rid you and this world of all its problems! How could you say no to that??"
"Why would I say no?!?" Shrek replied angrily "Well for starters, ya came into mah swamp uninvited, ya interrupted mah MLG zombies strea, with Donkey, and then ya went on a bullshit tangent about why gaming somehow makes an ogre irredemebly evil and should be banned in 'your' kingdom!"
"And just what does this magical ponifa-whatever potion even do to ya anyway??!" Shrek continued "All ya ever gave me was some vague description about how it 'gets rid of evil'!"
"Well, since you've asked," Celestia said "The potion changes your body into that of a pony, but it also alters your mind. It rids you of your ability to feel any hatred or aggression, makes you completely vegetarian, and increases your love and compassion by a thousandfold. It also cuts testosterone production in males by 3/4, making them lose all territorial and misogynistic behavior. "
"So ya interrupted mah game to tell me that yer some batshit feminazi loonie who wants to castrate all the men in the world and turn everyone into a prissy little pony vegan?!!! I've even seen tumblr social justice warriors who were less crazy than you!!" Shrek shouted even more angrily "There's absolutely no way in hell that I'd drink yer panzie-ass potion. Go bother someone else!!"
"But I originally came here to ask for directions to the nearest city" Celestia said.
"Well, if it'll get ya to leave me alone, I'll go and get you a map", Shrek sighed.
The ogre turned and walked back into his house with a smirk on his face. After a minute or so of fumbling around in his closet, he came back to his doorstep with Celestia and her silent guards patiently waiting for him. Celestia's face then turned into a look of pure shock when she saw what the ogre had pointed at her.
For in Shrek's hands, there was no map. Instead, there was only a fully loaded Cheytac Intervention sniper rifle with red tiger camp painted on it.
" Ya should have checked yerself before ya wrecked yourself, lassie!" Shrek said as he took aim...