Twilight woke up to the sound of Spike knocking on her door. It was one of the few times the little dragon had gotten up before her. She rolled over and looked at him, levitating a hairbrush to start straitening her mane.
"Twilight, something weird is going on. I went to go meet with Rarity but I cant get to her house. Everypony is acting nuts out there!"
"Spike, I'm sure it's not all that bad. It's probably just some sort of Ponyville holiday or something." She set down her brush and hopped out of bed, walking over to her window. What she saw wals a bit of a shock. Everypony in town was running around like they were getting ready for a storm. She saw that several construction ponies were running around putting large steel plates on all the houses. It looked like she had suddenly woken up in the future.
"Ok, so maybe something weird is going on. Come on, Spike. Let's go see what's going on." She levitated the small dragon onto her back, making him drop the small ruby he had been about to take a bite out of.
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After a few minutes, the pair were having a hard time finding out what was going on. Everypony they tried to ask just ran past them. Twilight was getting frustrated, but Spike was enjoying just hanging out. When he spotted afew young colts hanging around near Sugarcube Corner, he walked over to them.
"Hey guys. What's up with everypony today?"
The first of the two laughed and spoke up. "Haven't you heard? Everyone says Buck Norris is comming to town."
"Buck Norris? Who's that?" Spike had heard a few people mention the name today, but hadn't realized it was important.
The pair laughed and the second colt spoke up. "You don't know who Buck Norris is? Everypony knows who he is! He's the single toughest pony in the world."
"Really? What makes him so tough?"
The pair laughed and stamped their hooves on the ground. The first colt poke up, "Well, I heard that he can beat Ironwill in a wrestling match."
The other spoke up, even louder. "I heard that he once beat Applejack in a hoof wrestling contest with just his mustache!"
The pair started to chatter back and forth, each making up a more insane story than the other. Spike wandered off, rubbing his head in confusion. How could anyone believe half the things the two had come up with? He started looking for Twilight.
When he found her, she was in the library, looking for a book. "Hey, Twilight. What are you looking for?"
"I'm looking for a book about this Buck Norris guy everypony is going on about. I know I've read that name somewhere before, but I just can't remember where... Ah, here we are. Wow."
She pulled out a large book that was nearly as tall as she was. The tittle on the cover said Buck Norris Facts Vol 1.
"Volume 1?" Spike asked, trying to climb on top of the large book. "How many volumes does this thing have, anyway?"
Twilight opened the cover, knocking Spike off the book by accident. "Looks like this is volume 1 out of 6. How can anypony have done enough to have this much written about him? What the?"
________________________________________
There is very little known about Buck Norris for sure. These are just a few of the "Facts" known about him:
Buck Norris once kicked Princess Celestia in the face. She still sends him Thank You notes.
Pegasus ponies can walk on clouds. Buck Norris can swim through land.
Buck Norris is so tough, he once Bucked an Ursa Major over a mountain.
When Ponies do the wave, Buck Norris surfs it.
Buck Norris once made love to a lizard. We know its descendants as dragons.
Discord used to be a handsome dragon, then he tried to cast a spell on Buck Norris. It ran away in fear & hit Discord instead.
Buck Norris doesn't borrow books from the library. They follow him home.
Prince Blueblood holds doors open for Buck Norris.
Buck Norris once sneezed while visiting Cloudsdale. It took them 3 weeks to fly it back.
Buck Norris doesn't fall through clouds. They know better.
Buck Norris doesn't use magic. He just stares at the universe until it gives him what he wants.
Buck Norris didn't earn his Cutie mark. He beat it out of himself.
Buck Norris is the only pony who can leave a hand print.
Buck Norris knocked Derpy's eyes strait. Then back again.
Buck Norris beat the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 5000 in a cider making contest because apples juice themselves when Buck Norris walks past.
One year, the Running of the Leaves was canceled because Buck Norris went for a jog.
Buck Norris once rolled a 20 on a 6 sided die.
Celestia once held the sunrise back 3 hours because Buck Norris wanted to sleep in.
Celestia didn't banish Luna to the moon. Buck Norris roundhouse bucked her up there.
Rarity has been known to use Buck Norris's Sweat instead of jewels on her dresses.
Buck Norris is the only pony Chuck Norris can't ride.
Buck Norris once met a guy named Chuck and kicked his ass.
Buck Norris once tripped while running. The resulting hole is known as Ghastly Gorge.
Buck Norris can stop a Pinkie Pie party, he just doesn't want to.
Buck Norris once Roundhouse Bucked an Earth pony house. By the time it hit the ground, the inhabitants had evolved wings.
Ponies once walked on 2 legs. Now they walk on 4 to show submission to Buck Norris.
Buck Norris can do a Sonic Rainboom without moving.
Buck Norris can make an earth pony pop a wing boner.
Buck Norris can squeeze Apple juice from a Pineapple.
Buck Norris doesn't fly; the ground runs away.
When Buck Norris throws a party, it doesn't land for days.
Apple Bucking season was named after Buck Norris.
Buck Norris can beat Fluttershy in a staring contest.
Buck Norris is so manly even Fluttershy flirts with him.
Buck Norris once beat the Wonderbolts in a talent competition without showing up.
Buck Norris once dated a cow. 9 months later she gave birth to a fully grown minotaur.
After refusing a date, Celestia tried to banish Buck Norris to the moon. It ran away in fear.
Buck Norris is to tough he can win a hoof wresting match with his mustache.
Buck Norris doesn't go gem hunting. He makes them with his bare hooves.
Once Buck Norris was offered to join the Wonderbolts. He said they weren't fast enough to keep up with him.
Buck Norris has more horsepower in his left hoof than the rest of Equestria Combined.
Buck Norris can't hit rock bottom. It runs away too fast.
Buck Norris once won a breath holding contest against a balloon.
Buck Norris can split wood with his bare hooves.
Buck Norris once sneezed and blew up a mountain. Today, we know this event as the invention of Fus-Ro-Dah.
Buck Norris's lungs are so powerful a single burp can split the ocean.
Buck Norris has spread more blood and gore that 100 Great Pony Wars.
All of Vinyl Scratch's songs are set to Buck Norris's Heart Beat.
Buck Norris's hat is so awesome that it has it's own black belt.
The sun goes down when Buck Norris takes a nap.
Buck Norris can go sky diving without a plane or parachute.
Buck Norris doesn't walk, he moves the earth with his legs.
Buck Norris eats a bowl a diamonds for breakfast every morning. Without milk.
Buck Norris can surf the internet... Literally.
When typing words like awesome, manly, and powerful, auto correct suggests Buck Norris.
Never say impossible. Buck Norris can do anything.
Buck Norris is allowed to proceed without caution.
Monsters check under their beds for Buck Norris.
When Buck Norris trims his mane, he donates the trimmings to Celestia's guards to use as armor.
Buck Norris doesn't use an umbrella, the rain just gets out the way.
Buck Norris doesn't walk into the sunset, it keeps getting out of the way.
Waldo has been hiding from Buck Norris for years. Buck finds it so funny he writes books about it.
Nightmare Moon wasn't banished to the Moon. She heard Buck Norris was coming and ran for her life.
Buck Norris can beat the daylights out of the sun.
Buck Norris can Check Mate without making a move.
Buck Norris once messed a pony up so bad he asked Discord for beauty tips.
Buck Norris can knock some sense into Pinkie Pie.
Buck Norris can sleep comfortably on a lava bed.
Every time Buck Norris go to the gym, his personal trainer, Iron Will, learns something new.
Buck Norris once wrote a survival guide book. It was never published because the editors didn't want ponies thinking lava was safe to eat.
This entire list is the top 10 facts about Buck Norris.
Give Buck Norris a lump of coal and he'll give you back a diamond necklace. With gold trimmings.
When Buck Norris kills time, it's 1 second at a time, so he can go to the funerals when he's bored.
Buck Norris can set fire to a rainy day.
Insulting Buck Norris counts as a suicide note.
Buck Norris doesn't walk into bars. They bend out of the way.
Buck Norris doesn't cook his food. It bursts into flame after quaking in fear so intensely.
The tooth fairy collects teeth to replace the ones Buck Norris has knocked out of ponies.
________________________________________
Spike climbed onto her back, looking at the first page. After scanning it, he fell off Twilight's back, clutching his sides in laughter. "This has got to be a joke! Who wrote this anyway? The guy's a genius!"
Twilight, scowling, turned back to the cover. "A compilation of stories gathered from all over Equestria by Bromine Quiltip." She gasped, "This guy is the foremost authority on Equestrian natural wonders. Why would he write something so obviously fake?"
"Maybe he wanted to try his hand at comedy for once. Who'd have thought anypony who spends his time looking at weird rocks would have a sense of humor?"
"Spike, that's just like reading a book by it's cover. We already went over that, so don't start again. But still..." She skimmed through the book again. "This stuff just seems ridiculous. I mean, look at this one: Pegasus ponies can walk on clouds, but Buck Norris can swim through Land. Who would ever believe something so ridiculous? And there are 6 volumes of this!?" She tossed the book aside, so disappointed in it that she didn't even use her magic.
Spike, on the other hand, struggled to right the book and then opened it. He started reading the book, chuckling at some, and outright laughing at others. "This is hilarious. Listen to this: Buck Norris once kicked Princess Celestia in the face. She still sends him Thank You notes." He fell over, hugging his sides as he laughed his tail off. Twilight, on the other hand just sighed.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. Who in their right mind would ever kick the princess?"
"It's just a joke, Twi. This Buck Norris guy just has a reputation for being tough and this guy took advantage of it to make a funny book. Don't take it too seriously. Here's one you might find funny: Discord used to be a handsome dragon, then he tried to cast a spell on Buck Norris. It ran away in fear & hit Discord instead."
Twilight looked confused for a second, then chuckled. "OK, OK, message received. Don't be so serious. Any other funny ones?"
Spike skimmed through the pages, finally finding one that Twilight would probably find funny. "Buck Norris doesn't borrow books from the library. They follow him home."
Twilight laughed and moved over to Spike, reading through the long list of strange "Facts" with him. there were a few that were a bit hard for her to find funny, and others that made the pair of them laugh out loud. As they read, she was surprised to see that a few even had her friends in them. One of them made them both roll on the floor for nearly a whole minute: Buck Norris can knock some sense into Pinkie Pie.
After a few hours had passed, they realized that somepony had been banging on their door for a full minute. From the sound of it, it was Pinkie. Twilight opened the door and was knocked over by a pink blur that ran up the stairs and cowered under her bed. She shook her head to get the dizziness out of it, then walked up to her room.
"Pinkie, what are you doing?" She asked as she tugged the fluffy pink tail, pulling her pink pony friend out from under the bed.
Spike came up the stairs, still chuckling about the book. "Maybe she's scared Buck Norris is gonna come by and knock her head strait."
Pinkie instantly jumped to her feet, her hair standing strait up. "Is he here! Hide me!" she cried as she again took of in a pink blur, this time closing herself in the closet, somehow managing to shove her hoof under the door to lock herself in. Twilight had long ago given up trying to figure out how pinkie managed such feats.
"Pinkie, what are you doing?"
Pinkie's head popped out of the keyhole, looking distressed. "Haven't you heard!? Buck Norris is coming!"
"Pinkie, don't tell me you actually take the stuff in that book seriously?"
"What book?"
"Yeah, should have expected that. Then why are you hiding from Buck Norris?" And why the hay does it seem impossible to just say Buck when saying that name? she thought to herself.
"Are you kidding! If I see him I'll have to throw him a welcome to Ponyville party."
Twilight and Spike glanced at each other in confusion.
"But, Pinkie," Spike said, tilting his head. "You love throwing parties for everypony."
"Yeah, but the last time hit one of my parties, it didn't land for three days!" Pinkie pulled her head back through the keyhole and they heard her continue through the door. "But if I don't see him, then I won't have to throw him a party. Then he can't can't break my house again."
"Huh, so that's why she lives at Sugercude Corner. Always wondered what was up with that." Spike said, scratching his head.
"Spike, I seriously doubt that Buck Norris destroyed Pinkie's house. Let's go see Applejack; maybe she'll know more about this stallion."
"Sounds good to me."
Spike hopped onto the purple unicorn's back and they headed out the door.