Alphonse was grateful for the granola bars, as was Stephanie when she woke. I moved on to cleaning the canteen and setting the last of my old food supplies out for everyone. After that, I put Sam in the shower and washed her thoroughly. This meant the water was running nice and loud, drowning out May’s yelp at waking.
Stephanie appeared in the bathroom doorway.
“We need you to talk to May. Something’s up,” she said.
“Take over the dog,” I replied, with a nod.
Stephanie came over, rolling up the sleeves of her blouse. Once she had her hands around Sam and was rubbing soap into her fur, I backed off, Sam whining at my departure. I flashed her a reassuring smile that got her tail wagging. That just sent soap suds flying in all directions, forcing Stephanie to duck and dodge the flying suds.
“What’s up?” I asked once back in the hotel room.
“Applejack!” May said, bounding off the bed to hug me.
I stared down. May had never reacted to me like that. The only filly who had…
“Sweetie?” I asked, holding her.
“Something’s wrong with May! We met in the dream last night and were talking and she asked if she could play with me, so we did and we played with some of her toys and music, but when I woke up she wasn’t there and I’m really fucking scared!”
I blinked.
“What did you say?”
“I’m scared! I’m fucking losing my shit here, AJ!”
Oh boy. Nodding and stroking her mane comfortingly, I got down so I was eye-level with the filly.
“Now, hon, this is gonna sound weird, but I’m gonna say some words to you. I want you to tell me which is your name,” I said.
The filly across from me scrunched her muzzle in confusion. “Applejack- what’re you talking about?”
“Just... trust me. Now, is your name May?”
“Yes.”
“Is it Sweetie?”
“Yes.”
I waited.
Her eyes got as wide as saucers. “Oh wooooow!” She looked down at herself, then touched her cheeks. “It happened? I merged? Is that what happened? I thought it’d be more… I dunno. More intense!”
I laughed softly. “It’s okay, hon. Looks like gettin’ merged is different for everypony.”
“And I called you AJ. I’m so sorry, Rae Jay. Especially now that my name doesn’t make sense.”
I shrugged. “Just means you gotta pick a new one, squirt,” I said, rising up and ruffling her mane.
She considered for a moment before looking back to me.
“I think I’ll keep May, but with the rest of my name too. May Belle? Does that sound okay?”
“Sounds great,” I said.
“This is so weird,” she said, walking back to the bed. “I’m like, older and younger and ohmygawd, those weren’t bleeps! May was totally using bad words!” She paused, made a face. “I’m surprised and not at the same time.” She looked back to me. “How does that work?”
I laughed and shrugged. “Welcome to Rashomon effect, squirt. Front row seat.”
That just made her pull an even bigger face. “Huh?”
“I’ll explain it when you’re older,” I said.
“So, are we good? No more shouting?” Alphonse asked. He had his body half turned from minding the window.
“Oh! Yes. I’m sorry I scared you, Mr. Alphonse,” May said, shuffling over to him. “We still cool?”
Alphonse broke into a very sincere smile. “We’re still cool,” he said and offered his fist.
May squealed, bumping it with her hoof.
“Y’know, I wish more of my babysitting gigs were this peaceful,” he said, with a lazy grin.
Stephanie’s phone rang.
“Can someone get that?” she called from the bathroom. “I’m up to my elbow in dog, here!”
“I got it,” I said, going to the chair where her jacket hung. Pulling the phone out with my teeth, I checked the screen and saw the number didn’t have a name attached. I took the call. “Yello, this is Rae Jay.”
“This is Agent Lynch. Where’s Agent Chase?” came a man’s stern baritone.
“Who is it?” Stephanie called.
“Hang on,” I said. I pulled her phone away from my head and turned on the speaker. “You’re on speaker, Steph and, um, sir.”
“Letting your principal answer the phone Agent Chase?”
“I’m washing her dog, Bill, bite me,” she responded. “Do you have anything for me or is it same as it ever was?”
“Bad news is that the address belonged to someone who got carjacked at the airport,” Agent Bill Lynch said.
“Aw, man,” May said. Alphonse and I shushed her.
“In fact, he was just a civilian on a business trip and we beat him back home. He showed up while we were searching his house. This is where the good news actually kicks in.”
“I like good news, Bill,” Stephanie said.
“The guy had his cell in his luggage.”
I never thought I’d be in a room where I could hear a pin drop, but there I was. Not even Sam made a sound.
“Is it on?” Stephanie said. She rose from dog washing and moved to the doorframe. Sam dripped all over her as she held the dog at chest height.
“The main office is already tracking. I’m supposed to- Wait. I think this is it. Hang on.”
The line went quiet.
“Lucky, lucky, dumb,” Stephanie muttered, shaking her head.
Bill came back. “We’ve got it triangulated. It’s a bit outside Poughkeepsie.”
Stephanie beamed at me, and I grinned back. Looks like we were saddling up after all.
“I’ll put in this call to the New York office. We’ll get a task force together and have the head agent get in touch with you so he knows who he’s looking for.”
Stephanie blinked, all the hope on her face dashed. “R- right,” she said. “I’ll be in touch. Thank you.”
“Stephanie? Good work on the tag. You got the ball rolling here,” Bill replied and hung up.
The room went quiet again, with the only sound Sam dripping water on the floor.
“What just happened?” I asked.
Stephanie dropped to the bathroom tiles. Sam wiggled out of her grip to shake herself dry before coming over to me. I grabbed one of the hotel’s towels to finish the job.
“This is a kidnapping,” Stephanie said. “And since it’s across state lines the FBI takes point. So we’re following procedure. Which means it’ll take them at least another hour to scramble a team, have ingress to the site, case it, then committee the best point of entry…” She growled, rubbing at her forehead. “We don’t have time for this.”
“Well…these are the pro’s right?” I said, but I could see Stephanie’s agitation. Sure, I was being a patient camper, but if she was itching to do something...
“It’s just an extraction,” Stephanie muttered. I don’t think she’d really heard me. “I could go in, remove the target, eliminate hostiles…” She trailed off and went quiet, her hand at her chin as she thought.
“Stephanie…” Alphonse said after a minute of silence. “You lookin’ to get chewed out?”
She looked up, and there was a determination in her eyes I hadn’t seen before.
“I aim to misbehave,” she said resolutely.
I grinned.
Alphonse waited with May and me in the car. Sam was obeying my command to remain quiet.
“She do this kind of thing often?” I asked.
Alphonse shrugged. “I’ve worked three assignments with her,” he replied. “And she was one-hundred-percent, by-the-book on those.” He scratched his cheek with his thumb. “Though... I’d heard she’d gone cowboy before.”
“Yeah?” I said.
“Yeah,” he replied.
“What happened?”
“She got reassigned to Oklahoma for a few months after she broke protocol during a sting. I don’t know how, but she managed to piss off two levels of superiors. She would have been permanently reassigned except she got some kids out of the line of fire.”
“Kids?” I asked.
“It was a human trafficking bust. She was support for another team.”
I nodded.
“She’s still the coolest to me!” May chirped.
“And she’s back,” I said, spotting her as she came back to the car at a jog.
“Okay, it looks like we’re dealing with amateurs. They’re enthusiastic amateurs, but still amateurs.”
“Greeeeeeat,” Alphonse said. “And why can’t we let the FBI handle this again?”
“They’ll take too long,” Stephanie said, glancing back from where she came. “Plus, their presence would be noticed. We’re small, we’re mobile and I know RJ has combat experience.”
I cocked my head at her, confused.
“Oh come on, I heard about the bar fight,” she said.
I blushed. “Oh. Yeah. I ain’t too proud of that.”
“You’re going in with civilian support?” Alphonse asked, his voice taking a sharp edge.
“And I need you to hang back in case things get really bad and we have to hustle the local bureau to our location.”
“They’re probably gonna be here in an hour anyway. Are you sure about the address, Steph?”
“For the thousandth time, yes,” Stephanie replied with an eye-roll. “Carrie owed me a favor. Can you do this for me Al?”
He sighed, looked at the roof of the car, then back to Stephanie.
“I’m gonna get yelled at,” he said, resigned.
“That’s what I like to hear,” Stephanie said, going around to the trunk. “Rae Jay! Join me?”
I rose and adjusted my hat. As I put my hoof on the door handle, May touched my back leg.
“Be careful, okay?” she said, her eyes slightly larger than usual.
“I’ll be fine, sugarcube,” I said, softly. “Gotta come back to you, don’t I?”
She nodded, still looking distressed.
“Hey now,” I said. “No need for that. Here.” I took off Liana and perched it on May Belle’s head. “I told a little girl I’d return that to her. So, I gotta come back to you if I’m gonna do just that. You know I’m a pony of my word, right?”
That earned a smile.
“Alrighty. You listen to Alphonse, keep Sam company. We’ll be back presently.” I gave her a quick hug and nodded to Alphonse. He returned the gesture with his own curt nod.
Hopping down from the backseat, I came around to see Stephanie slapping down the last of the velcro on her bulletproof vest.
“I want to give you some protection,” she said, checking her weapon. “But we don’t have anything that would remotely fit. Plus your anatomy…”
“Don’t worry, sug,” I said. “I’m just gonna use you as a shield if the lead starts flying.”
She gave me a wry smile. “You sure are the Element of Honesty,” she said.
I tapped at the metal around my neck. “Don’t you forget it. So how we doin’ this?”
“Like I said- it’s amateur hour down there,” she said and cocked her gun. “So we’re doing it like professionals.”
The door opened and the guy behind it looked like he belonged on a reality TV show for rednecks: big beard, ball cap and camo. He pretty much wore all the camo, ever.
Stephanie held up her ID.
“Special Agent Chase of the CIA,” she said. “I’m here to secure the facility.”
“Pardon?” he said in a way I could tell had less to do with his lack of hearing and more to do with his lack of thinking.
Stephanie sighed and slipped her ID back into her back pocket- an impressive feat as it was mostly blocked by her vest. Angling her head so the sun caught her big, spook-looking sunglasses a little, she projected a menacing, governmental figure.
“I’m Agent Chase,” she repeated. “I was told that this facility had agreed to cooperate with the CIA in the capture and containment of the ponies arising out of this pandemic.”
“Um,” he said, furrowing his bushy-eyed brow in thought. He turned back inside. “Hey Elle! We, um, we got government visitors!”
“You check their ID?” came a raspy shout. It sounded like years of cigarette smoking.
“Can I see that again?” he asked.
Stephanie raised an eyebrow behind her sunglasses. She tapped the badge on the outside of her vest. “The Agency doesn’t like to be kept waiting and I have three more facilities to secure after this. You can work with me or you can work with the incoming staff sergeant who likes to take things over and kick people off their posts. Your call.”
Bearded guy blinked at that. Then he noticed me and turned to stare.
“What’s up with that thing?” he asked, pointing.
Stephanie and I had talked this over on the walk in. If her gambit was going to work, I had to look dumber than a bag of hammers and act half as aware.
That was a little tricky since the walk took about ten minutes, which gave me plenty of time to think about everything that could go wrong with this plan. Then we came to a small, run-down warehouse that had a handful of offices attached to it. The offices’ windows were all boarded up and the walls of the warehouse were heavily rusted in spots. The place was surrounded by sparse grass and the air smelled like burned gasoline. A relaxing, inviting location this wasn’t.
“Oh, she’s mine,” Stephanie said. “She’s not quite right because of how she became a pony. But she’s good for finding others, so I use her like a bloodhound.”
Taking a breath, I committed myself to what we were doing.
“Moo,” I said.
Bearded guy stared at me some more.
“Wait, wait. What’s wrong with her?”
“Couldn’t handle the strain,” her voice still a flat, Jack Webb-like affect. “She thinks she’s a cow. Tragic really. Once all this is over, I’ll take her to a nice pasture and maybe let her graze. She used to be my co-worker.”
“Moo,” I said again.
“Um,” he said. “Look, much as I want to, I can’t let you in without the password.”
“Really,” Stephanie asked, sliding her sunglasses down. “Password.”
He shrugged, as if this was his lot in life. “Those’re the orders ma’am. And if you don’t have the password…” His hand went behind the doorframe, and I spied the butt of a rifle just peeking out.
Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Swordfish,” she said.
Bearded guy smiled broadly, showing perfect teeth under his grizzled beard.
“That’ll do ‘er.” Glancing at me again, he pointed and asked, “Should we call it your prisoner?”
“Moo,” I said, sarcastically.
“She’s more like a companion. I’m quite attached. Just want to make sure everything’s-”
Stephanie’s phone rang. She smiled apologetically, like she was at a movie theater rather than a evil, dirty warehouse compound that held my friend Erishy hostage. Taking it out, she turned away. “Agent Chase,” she said.
While she spoke, bearded guy took an interest in my Element.
“Now, ain’t that some pretty gold…” he said.
I looked at him, my expression flat.
“I’m sure you won’t mind if I…” His hand reached out.
Like I’ve said, I’m proud of my Element and I like to show it off. But not to this yahoo. Thinking fast, I did the only thing that sprung to mind: I bit him.
“Ow! Ow! Heeeeell!” he yelled, jumping back. “That smarts!”
Stephanie quirked her eyebrow at me. I pretended I was chewing cud.
“It gonna do that to anyone else?” the guy demanded sharply.
“No,” Stephanie replied, turning off her phone. “It… looks like it’s all out of her system. Just be careful, she may have trust issues.”
“Moo,” I grumbled.
“Who was that?” bearded guy asked, letting us inside the house, still shaking his hand. Baby. I didn’t bite that hard.
“My superior. I told them I was checking the facilities and ensuring everything was in working order. I’m to call him back once I’ve conferred with the man in charge here and your big prisoner, so we can work out official government support.”
Bearded guy grinned his perfect grin again.
“Glad to hear you guys are on the right side of things for once,” he said, nodding.
“I’m always on the right side of things,” Stephanie said, removing her sunglasses. “Lead the way please?”
He nodded and walked us through what used to be a lobby with a receptionist’s desk. Now, the room had fallen into disuse save for a coffee table and some folding chairs. We went through one door and passed a few more deserted offices before approaching another door, where a fierce-looking woman with badly dyed, blonde hair stood, holding a shotgun.
“Is this that federal agent?” she spat, gesturing with her weapon. It was cocked and ready, safety off. It didn’t look like a rusting p.o.s. rifle I’d seen a few days ago, but it didn’t look great either. I thought people in the boonies were supposed to give a crap about their guns.
“Yep. She got the password.”
The woman sized up Stephanie with a squinty, smoke-hazed glare. Stephanie met it with a distant, cool one.
“If she causes trouble, it’s on your head, Brian,” the woman said and she set the shotgun against the wall. Taking out a cigarette she lit it and blew smoke at me. “Fucking freak,” she said, brushing by.
“Moo,” I said, coughing.
“Elle’s been with us since day one. She’s pretty dedicated, “ Brian chuckled.
“That’s nice,” Stephanie said. “But we’re wasting time. If you’re done introducing me to the welcome wagon, I’d like to see the man in charge. Now.”
He nodded and lead us through a narrow hallway that joined to the larger warehouse. We approached a steel door with a heavy padlock that looked like it was bought at a hardware store. Brian unlocked it with a key he dug out of his camo coveralls, then opened it to reveal a skinny kid with a pistol jammed in his pants. Brian saluted him, looking proud.
“I’ve brought government support to see the boss,” Brian said.
The kid looked at Stephanie and sneered. At least, I think he was sneering. I was too preoccupied by how greasy he was.
“This bitch here?” the kid said. He said “bitch” like it made him more grown-up.
Stephanie sighed. “I’m having a real long day here,” she said, hands on hips.
“Yeah, so? I can make it longer if you-” he was cut off because Stephanie had taken one step forward, grabbed his black t-shirt in a death grip and twisted it around so her fist pressed right into his throat. He gagged.
“Moo,” I said, cheerfully.
“I have had to fly two hours from the main office and drive another two through the boonies to get here and I’m not going to be delayed any further by some shithead brat who isn’t even old enough to vote!” she snapped.
The kid gagged. Stephanie held his gaze for another breath, then released him, shoving him down. His gun dropped from his baggy pants to skitter across the concrete floor.
Stephanie straightened her collar and looked at Brian.
“Now. On top of the man in charge, I’d like to see the big prisoner,” she said. It wasn’t a request.
“Uh, uh,” Brian stammered, staring at the kid who had blossoming knuckle bruises against his adam’s apple. “G-go down the hall, hang a left then the end of the hall and a right. Lots of guards there. Can’t miss it.”
“Thanks,” Stephanie said, her voice acid.
She stepped over the kid and swooped down to pick up his gun. As she walked, she unloaded it, and only two bullets came out, hitting the floor in the process. Rolling her eyes in disgust at the lack of professionalism, she jammed the slide. She tossed it behind her.
“Service your damn weapon and get a full clip,” she said and we turned the corner.
I chuckled as we walked.
“Check out the balls on you,” I whispered.
She didn’t look down, instead focusing straight ahead. “Like I said, amateur hour.”
“How’d you know the password?”
“Because amateur hour means everyone thinks they’re clever when they’re not. You wouldn’t believe how many times that’s been the password for up-and-coming organizations run by idiots.”
“And the phone call?”
“That was really FBI. I told them I was near by and I could check the perimeter for them.” She flashed me a wild grin. “I’m thorough, can you tell?”
I nodded, chuckling, and my hooves clopped noisily on the concrete floor. Down one hall I saw someone standing at a door. Next to him was a lopsided piece of paper taped to the wall, which read in shaky handwriting: Pony Prisoners. Stephanie followed my gaze and frowned.
“Then again… maybe I should have waited for the Bureau,” she muttered.
“Too late now,” I said after we were out of sight. “We’ll get ‘em on the way out.”
She looked down at me. “What? Really?”
“I ain’t leavin’ anypony hangin’.”
She pushed air out her nose. “Okay. I guess I’ll have to come up with something then,” she said quietly.
We only passed one other person, and he was barely older than the greasy kid at the door. Rather than looking like he just got his driver’s license, he at least looked old enough to have his GED. He nodded at Stephanie, who nodded back.
Turning the last corner, we found the room Brian had described. It was hard to miss. Guys in various shades of dark t-shirts, cargo pants, and boots were crowding around a glass frame. Their guns were tucked into their waistbands or resting on the ground behind them.
“Freaking amateur hour,” Stephanie grumbled. Straightening her posture and lengthening her stride she stormed toward the clutch of men, her shoes clacking sharply on the floor. A few heads turned our way and I kept my expression carefully blank.
“What the hell is going on?” she demanded in a tone that showed nothing less than complete control.
The men all came alive at once, tripping and falling over each other as they attempted to get into some kind of order. By the time Stephanie and I were standing in front of them, three were on the floor on top of each other, four stood at decent attention, two were trying to keep their pistols from going down their pants, and two more attempted to tuck in their shirts one handed as they clutched their rifles. I half expected to hear the Three Stooges theme.
Stephanie tapped her foot impatiently.
“Well?” she said. “I’m waiting.”
“We were, uh, watching the interrogation, sir. Ma’am? Sir ma’am?” said one guy who had a goatee in bad need of just not existing.
“And how many of you are actually supposed to be watching?”
Two nervous hands went up as the rest remained shame-faced.
“Get back to your posts you assholes!” she barked. “Go! Now! On the motherfucking double!”
Again they burst into stumbling activity, falling over one another while the two guys who were supposed to be there shook badly. I focused on the floor and on not laughing.
The area cleared quick except for the bad goatee and one other man. I was already thinking of them as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Stephanie tapped her foot again.
“Well…” she said.
“Ma’am? Sir?” said the guy with the really bad goatee, who I’d decided was Tweedledee.
“Are you going to let me in, soldier, or are you going to catch flies with your mouth all day?” Stephanie snapped.
“Mooooo,” I groaned in an attempt to cover my laughter.
Tweedledum stared at me, realizing I’d been there the whole time.
“Ma’am, is that one of the-”
“She’s with me. She’s braindead. The prisoner! Now!”
Tweedledee fumbled the keys and after three tries opened the lock. When the door opened, I stopped laughing.
Inside were a quite a few serious-looking men, making what was once a large room crowded and cramped. A guy in a black tuxedo groaned, pulling my attention. He moved away from the wall he’d been sitting against, revealing Fluttershy.
She was out cold. She had shallow cuts and bruises all over her body, and the fur above her hooves was raw and red. One of her eyes had been punched out and was almost closed over.
She looked dead. My heart stopped.