“Frogs!”
“Oh… umm… quiet, every pony… you’ll scare the little ones…”
“Sundew! Sundew! Where are you going?”
“Sundew!”
Into the day, down the steps, through the square, down a tight alley where I gathered a humiliating amount of stares, towards the outskirts of the town. I knew my general direction —back towards the station —which meant that it did not matter how I got there. I twisted and turned to avoid the towns-ponies, but they found me anyway. They eyed me curiously as I galloped through the town and onto the dirt road, finally clear of the town.
I was coming up towards Sweet Apple Acres.
By then, the tears had began falling. Sheer embarrassment is what it was. Embarrassment and shock and frustration. These three violent emotions kept me galloping as far as my hooves could take me, and just a little bit further. I passed by the wooden gates of Sweet Apple Acres and resolved to stop —my insides were hurting —but kept galloping once I spotted a bright red stallion by a bright red barn.
He glanced at me and I panicked. This gave me a couple more feet before I could go no further. I collapsed in the dirt, soiling my proud purple suit.
It took no time for the red earth pony to rush to my aid. He slowed upon arrival and I could feel his presence above me, but I kept my head down, the embarrassment burning in my cheeks.
“Umm…” he began. Before he could form a thought, however, I was up again and racing.
I once again ran out of energy at the station. This time, however, the red stallion caught me before I could collapse onto the wooden floor. He lowered me down slowly before taking a step back, cautious of the spontaneity I’d obviously grown notorious for. He did not say anything this time, just stood there and watched as I caught my breath.
It probably should have been appropriate for me to thank him at that very moment. However, my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about the train —praying for the train. Where the hell was the train?
“Are… you okay?”
I looked up at the stallion, and as thought I hadn’t really noticed him before, I saw what he really looked like. He was red, yes, but more of a striking, cherry red. He had a short, copper coloured mane that fell just inches above his dark eyes. He had freckles, but in no way did these make him seem younger, just slightly foal-ish. But his deep voice when he had spoken —that was a verification of his more mature, probably older age. However, it was his size that shocked me the most. He was like a large mountain: strong, tall and seemingly immovable. The yoke around his neck just made him seem even more formidable. I swallowed before I replied.
“I’m fine.”
I continued looking down the tracks.
“What… are you looking for?”
His speech was slow. In a thought out, cautious way.
“The train. I need to catch the train and get the hell out of here.”
I heard him swallow again. This made me look up, and I caught his suddenly worried expression. I stared at him questioningly before, finally, he intoned, “The last train was… half an hour ago.”
“What?”
“Eyup”, he said with finality.
Such finality that I couldn’t help digging my face into my hooves again, hiding the tears that were now streaming down my face. The last train? Really? I knew that it meant that I had to stay in Ponyville at least one more day, knowing that the Princess and her friends —the famed Elements of Harmony —all knew my well-kept, extremely humiliating secret.
A mare, not even a filly. A mare of my skill, of my station, of my royal office —a full grown mare without a cutie mark.
What will they think?
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I believe that it is finally time to elaborate, as I had promised earlier.
I grew up in Canterlot —you probably would have guessed by now —which means I was lucky enough to have been exposed to everything and anything. In the Equestrian capital, being a filly or foal without a cutie mark is just about the best thing you could be. There are so many options, so much adventures, so many skills to hone it on that it might just get overwhelming. From magic to duelling, to teaching and party-planning, jewellery-making, portraiture, music, poetry, fashion, cuisine, racing… so overwhelming, in fact, each and ever other filly and foal I knew had already found their unique talent by the age of fourteen.
Well, each and every filly and foal but me.
By then I was attending Princess Celestia’s Special Magic School, the fourth specialised school I had attended since I was three years old. There was never any doubt that I was skilled in just about anything I tried my hoof on; Music, Sport and Poetry had been my first three specialisations, but after more than three years dedicated to each, I had decided to move on.
Then, on one humiliating day spent sitting outside the office of the headmistress of the Philharmonica Academy for Music, I had walked into the presence of Princess Celestia herself. Complete and utter shock does not even begin to describe the feelings that were roaring in my tummy right then.
I had mumbled something, and then politely pointed towards a seat between my mother and father. Three hours worth of ‘discussing my situation' later, I had been hand-picked to attend Celestia’s Magic School to see whether or not Magic was my final calling. I mean, I’d tried just about everything else, hadn’t I?
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I asked the bright red stallion to show me the way back into town and, more specifically, to Twilight’s Castle. I also asked him to walk me through the emptiest streets, if possible, and to completely avoid the town hall. Much to my astonishment, he did not ask questions and proceeded to do just that. He walked with his eyes pointed forward at all times, and I imagined that he did this so as not to make me uncomfortable. He’d realised that he’d stumbled upon me in one of my lowest points, and he didn’t need a hint to step back the inquisition.
He did make me comfortable. This earth pony I didn’t even know the name of. He escorted me through town like some kind of guard, nodding at passing towns-ponies and actually trying to divert their attention off me.
But, obviously, that did not work. I was the pony who’d taken off quite melodramatically in the middle of her own welcome party. Granted there were, ahem, frogs involved —I just hope they all thought I had some crazy phobia for frogs. I could handle that —
“Is that her?”
“Sundew?”
I shut my eyes for a second, preparing for the onslaught. When I opened them, two pegasi had landed in front of my companion and I. I knew straight away who they were, and this made their presence even more frightening.
“Where have you been?” asked Rainbow Dash, staring at me worriedly.
Fluttershy stood smaller beside her, and I could actually feel all the guilt that must have been raging through her at that very moment. It was horrible to bear. So I said what any decent pony would say:
“It was not your fault, sweet Fluttershy.”
She looked up at me, surprised. Her large blue eyes seemed to get larger and I watched as her bottom lip trembled, signalling something I really wasn’t equipped to deal with. It was Rainbow who was prepared, it seemed, as she hastily said, “You see, Fluttershy. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I watched Fluttershy fight off the impending tears and, in her ever so soft voice, ask, “Then why… why did you run away?”
I didn’t know how to reply. I eyed her carefully, trying hard to make her understand the difficulty she had just put me in by asking that question. She stared back, her blues sharp against her pale yellow flank.
In response, I just shook my head.
Fortunately, that was enough.
Rainbow glanced at the red stallion with a smile. “Thank you so much, Big Mac, for finding our friend. She’s a royal guest you know.”
“Eyup.”
Big Mac?
“Yeah”, I muttered, turning towards him. “Thank you for… bringing me all this way.”
He looked down at me and for a moment, I thought he was trying to communicate something through those big brown eyes of his. For a long second, he just stared at me. Then, when it was getting ever so slightly unbearable, he smiled. He then turned away and walked off, without saying anything else. I watched him as he trotted off, wondering about his mysterious silence.
“So”, Rainbow began.
I held my breath.
“You ran to Sweet Apple Acres?”
“Huh?” I asked, confused by the question.
“Since, you know, Big Mac brought you back.”
“Oh —yeah.” I wasn’t sure if I should’ve told her about the train station. I didn’t know what she would think of me trying to escape Ponyville, her home, having been there for just one day.
“What were you looking for?” Fluttershy asked timidly, finally having recovered from her guilt.
Again, with the hard questions!
“Apples!” I replied hastily. “I just felt like having some more… apples…”
They didn’t ask any further questions. But I could tell that Rainbow Dash could see right through me.
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I spent six year’s at Princess Celestia’s school, with special tutoring and everything. It wasn’t that I was hard at learning —I was exceptional —it was just that, well, Magic was not my destiny. I was politely ejected from the system only to be picked up by another. However, by the age of twenty, it was finally time to begin settling down. I chose one last school —Canterlot College of the Arts —and stuck with it until I completed my architectural programme. It wasn’t a last resort; I am passionate about ancient Equestrian architecture. It was just that, deep down, I knew that it wasn’t my destiny.
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