Pop
Splash
"Ahh! Cold! Cold!" Twilight Sparkle splashed around in the ice cold ocean she just fell into. "DISCORD!"
"Oops!" The spirit of chaos snapped his fingers and in a flash, Twilight was warm and dry, sitting in a small dinghy that just appeared out of nowhere. "Sorry Twilight," Discord apologized with a sheepish grin.
Twilight merely grumbled in response.
Meanwhile Discord zipped to and fro, stopping to smell the ocean air here and there. There was nothing around the two. They were in the middle of the sea, with naught but water all around them in every direction as far as the eye could see.
"I'm not finding anything, Twilight. There's some faint residual magic, but that's about it. No gaping hole between realities or anything of the sort."
"Are you sure we're even in the right place?"
"Of course I'm sure!" He produced a map and looked over it closely. "We're at the exact coordinates those lovely high-seas sailing griffons gave you." He threw the map up in the air, where it flapped away like a bird.
Twilight leaned over the edge of the boat, looking around. "I don't feel anything either. You sure there's nothing you can do?"
"I can do all sorts of things-!"
"You know what I mean, Discord. Is there anything you can do for those humans?"
His expression became slightly forlorn. "No, I'm afraid not."
Three months later…
A tall skinny man wiped the sweat from his brow as he sat down under shade of a tree. He looked upon the small field of wheat under the sunny sky, half of which had been harvested. The other half swayed in the breeze and seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. Only three months ago he was a watchman aboard the Edmund Fitzgerald, a sailor. Now, he was a farmhand. He was sweaty, dirty, muscles burning… a small smile graced his sweaty red face as he leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes. In a strange alien world filled with ponies and griffons and magic… he still felt like a man.
An irregular ringing caught his ear.
"John? Are you nappin' on the job? I should dock ya a day's pay."
John tipped his hat up and looked up to see the sarcastic smirk on his employer's face.
He couldn't help but smile himself. "Must've dozed off, AJ. Sorry 'bout that."
"Oh you know I'm just bustin' your chops. Looks like you done a fine job harvestin' so far. Come on now." Applejack offered a hoof to help John get up. "It's time for lunch anyhow, didn't ya hear Granny ringing the bell?"
The human pushed himself to his feet with AJ's help. "It's not gonna be hay again, is it? Blegh."
"Oh don't you give me that, mister. You love Granny's hay sandwiches!" Applejack glanced upward to her human farmhoof as they strolled towards her home.
"Heh heh. I know, but I shouldn't! Humans don't eat hay. Heck, I just don't know how she makes 'em taste so damn good!"
"Maybe it's just good hay," Applejack suggested with a smile.
"Must be something in the water." John idly mumbled as he watched a pegasus moving a cloud in the distance.
A 50 year old man stood stock still with his arms spread out to his sides. And he didn't look one bit happy about that.
"How much longer Rarity?" He complained. If he was going to be standing in one place, he would rather it would be behind the wheel of a ship.
The dressmaker placed another pin in the hem of the human's sleeve. "Oh Vernon, darling, you simply can't rush perfection."
"I don't see why you have to go through with all this."
"Ugh, and have you wear those rags in my presence? I'm sorry dear, but if you are going to be my escort to the Horseshoe Riverboat Casino, you simply must. Look. Presentable."
Vern rolled his eyes. He'd been looking forward to their casino trip for weeks. Hitting the poker and blackjack tables, with a beautiful lady (even if she was a horse), and in a sharp new suit. Sounded like a much-needed good time to him. But Rarity's meticulous attention to detail was dragging this suit-fitting out much longer than he would've liked.
"Spike! Another pin please!"
The little dragon waddled over to Rarity, pincushion in hand. "Spike, at your service, milady." He gave Vernon the stinkeye.
There was one thing that made this worthwhile for Vern: the staring contest with Spike. The little drake seemed to hang around Rarity almost as much as Vern did. Apparently though, this was a recent development. In fact, it seems to have started at just about the same time that Vern started having tea with Rarity on a regular basis. And the human knew it wasn't coincidence. Oh, he knew he was in this little guy's territory.
Now, Rarity was a wonderful conversationalist and they quite enjoyed each other's company. But Vern wasn't interested in her in that way, and he honestly didn't think Rarity had any… more interest in him either. But Vern just loved toying with Spike.
Rarity caught a glimpse of Vern squinting at Spike. When she turned around to look at the little guy, he was suddenly looking away and whistling innocently.
"Hmm," she hummed in thought.
"Jakey!"
The heavy set 60-something man let the plate he was washing settle on the bottom of the sink, and turned around. "Pinkie… don't call me 'Jakey'."
"Oops! Sorry Jakey, I mean Jake!"
The older man grumbled and went back to washing dishes, deciding to ignore Pinkie's presence.
"I have a surprise for you!"
Jacob rubbed the bridge of his nose with soaking wet fingers, getting dish soap bubbles all over his face. "I don't want any surprises Pinkie."
"But it'll cheer you up!"
"What makes you think I need cheering up?"
"Weeeeeell, you were pretty happy after you got here. But for the last 67 and a half days, it seems like you're always all grumpy McGrumpyPants, and when you're not grumpy, you're just downright mopey. I've tried everything to get you to smile, but nothing works." Her voice suddenly became hushed, "And now I know why. Johnny told me."
Jake's expression soured even more at the reminder of the tragic death of his wife and daughter, some years before. His recent brush with death had instilled him with a new desire to live, but time had begun to remind him once more of just how alone he was. Both in this world and in his.
"But anypony can see you've got a bad case of the blues! And Pinkie Pie's got just the cure for it!"
He continued scrubbing dishes.
"All you gotta do is come with me!"
"...I'm on the clock Pinkie. I don't get off 'til seven."
"Oh it's ok, Silver Platter owes me a favor!"
"…"
"I already asked him if you could have the rest of the day off!"
"…"
"He said yes."
Staring into the bubbly dishwater, he contemplated whether his current work would be any less aggravating than following that annoying pink hairball for potentially the rest of the day.
Well… his hands were awfully pruny.
He sighed. "Fine."
"Yay! Follow me!"
And so Pinkie bounded off and led him far, far away from the restaurant, and off to an open spot of land. Well on the outskirts of Ponyville.
"A hot air balloon ride? Really, Pinkie?"
"No silly! It's what happens on the balloon ride! Come on, get in!"
Pinkie jumped in the balloon's basket, followed by a reluctant Jake who squished into the basket beside her. At the very least, he reasoned, he'd get a bird's eye view of the town of Ponyville. Upon getting in, he noticed some random items were coming along for the ride. But he knew better than to question Pinkie's logic on any given matter.
Some time later, they were airborne, and floating (quite literally) among the clouds. Somehow, by rowing oars over the sides of the basket, Pinkie was able to maneuver the balloon such that the basket was within an arm's reach of a particular little cloud.
Pinkie held a hoof up to her lips, "Shhh."
This cloud happened to be very colorful, as a certain rainbow-colored pegasus was asleep on it, snoring obnoxiously. Jake and Pinkie exchanged glances several times, with her giggling silently all the while. Until the ordinary – yet out of place – items in the basket began to fit into place in Jake's mind.
"No," he whispered in disbelief. "Really?"
Pinkie nodded vigorously.
"You wanna…?" He pointed to Rainbow Dash sleeping on the cloud.
She nodded again.
Somehow, miraculously, the tiny ghost of a smile etched its way onto Jake's face and he bent down to whisper in Pinkie's ear. "Well… we gotta get her to turn over first."
"Way ahead of you," Pinkie whispered back.
She grabbed a long wooden pole, and from one end there dangled a purple feather on a length of string. She held it out of the balloon and over her friend, making the feather dance on Rainbow's side. She flinched several times in her sleep and finally scratched the itch, rolling onto her back in the process.
Jake, knowing the rest, took a big heaping spoonful of whipped cream from a mixing bowl, and carefully let it slide off the spoon and onto the bottom of one of Rainbow's lazily outstretched forehooves. Pinkie, still smiling like mad, gave Jake the long pole with the feather hanging from it. He couldn't help but smile as he held the pole, making the feather gently brush against Rainbow's nose.
She twitched and snorted in her sleep until she finally rubbed her muzzle with a hoof full of whipped cream! Rainbow snorted and coughed, sitting up and opening her eyes.
"Pinkie PIE!" she growled.
Pinkie grit her teeth in worry that she had upset her friend.
But Rainbow was soon doing a bad job of stifling her own laughter, with which Pinkie and Jake happily joined in.
As their chuckles tapered off, Rainbow asked Jake, "You know I'm getting you back for this, right?"
"I wouldn't expect any less!"
"Me neither!" Pinkie noted.
"That means you too Pinkie!" Rainbow flicked her hoof at Pinkie, spattering her with whipped cream. Jake was quick to react, grabbing the bowl full of it and flinging a spoonful at Rainbow.
After a brief whipped cream barrage, with no clear victor, Rainbow licked some from her lips and asked, "Well since you both ruined my nap, how 'bout we go prank some other ponies? …Or humans I guess?"
Pinkie looked expectantly at Jake, who smiled wryly and said, "I think I'm feeling a bit like my old self again."
"Look, I gotta do this, ok?"
The scrawny young man looked to be just entering adulthood.
"You gotta let me do it little guy."
Though he was already 22.
"Ow!"
The little white rabbit kicked him in the shin.
"Hey! Don't run away from me! That doesn't solve anything!"
The bunny bounded off around the cottage, while the young man tried miserably to corner him.
"Please come back? C'mon! You agreed to it! Don't you trust me?"
Angel stopped bouncing for just a moment to shake his head 'no.'
"But you trust her, right? She asked me to do it. She wouldn't have asked me if she didn't trust me, right?"
The bunny stopped to think. He scratched his little chin with a paw.
"What are you afraid of, anyway?"
Angel pointed to Robert and then mimed viciously eating his own paw. He then dramatically fell over and held up a little white flower, pretending to be dead.
"Little guy, there's a BEAR out there, and you think I'm gonna eat you?"
He crossed his little arms and gave a grim nod of his head.
Bob rubbed his temples. "Look, this isn't going to work out. I've been coming to Fluttershy's house a lot lately... It's the only place around here that I feel like I… fit in, I guess. And I don't think I'm- well, no. I'm not going home. At all. So I have to fit in somewhere."
Angel tentatively hopped a little closer to his giant pursuer.
"This is it, Angel. This is what I have now. I like helping Fluttershy with her little animals. I like Fluttershy."
Angel squinted his eyes at the human, who was now sitting on the floor.
"Not like that, little guy. She's just… nice. Everyone else in town is friendly and all… but she's the only one who really sees me like I'm a person, ya know?"
The bunny hopped closer.
Robert stared at the floor in regret. Angel closed the distance between them and tapped him on the leg. Having got the young man's attention, he merely looked at him and nodded knowingly.
"You do know what I mean?"
Angel nodded again.
"Is that why you like Fluttershy too?"
A long pause, then a very slight nod.
"Maybe we have something in common then, little guy."
The white rabbit now stuck out one of his tiny little paws, offering it to him.
"You want a truce?"
Angel nodded vigorously.
"Alright, I promise not to eat you, and you promise to stop kicking me whenever Fluttershy's not looking."
Angel raised an eyebrow.
"Or at all, actually. Stop kicking me altogether, that's what I mean. Those tiny little feet of yours kind of hurt. Deal?" Bob held out his hand.
The white rabbit nodded again and they shook on it.
"Ok, now that we have an agreement, can I finally take those curlers out of your tail?"
Angel shrugged and laid on his belly.
Bob gently removed the curlers. "There. I think I see why you go through all the trouble. Looks pretty good little guy."
Just then, Fluttershy walked in from outside, with two squirrels perched on her back. Angel came bouncing up to her, showing off his fluffy tail. "Oh Angel, your tail looks perfect! Nice and fluffy. Thank you so much Robert!"
"Eh, no big deal." He smiled.
"I know he's not the easiest little bunny to get along with, but I'm sure he'll warm up to you soon." Fluttershy smiled in that sweet, kind way that only she can smile.
Robert and Angel exchanged glances. "I think so too."
"Hiya… captain," Peter greeted old Ed.
"Hello Peter." Ed looked up. "Why do you have a twirly moustache drawn on your face?"
"Jake pulled a fast one on me." He shrugged. "Haven't seen the old man happier since we got here, actually." He smiled warmly.
"Hmm, well good for him. I'm glad someone's enjoying himself."
"So, uh, captain-"
Ed sighed loudly, "I'm not your captain anymore Peter, you know that…"
Pete smiled at that. "You'll always be my captain, captain."
Ed merely looked up from his book.
"I uh, that is, uh… me and the guys heard that you might be… taking what's-his-name up on his offer. That griffon captain."
"Scratchy."
"Yeah, him."
A long pause. "I am."
"I can understand that. You sure you don't want to stick around Ponyville though? It's a pretty chill place. The food's pretty good – even if it's all vegetarian – the people are friendly, and the chicks are foxy."
"Chicks?" Ed asked, one eyebrow arched.
"Yeah, you know. Broads. The ladies." Pete wiggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively.
"You mean to tell me that… you…?! With a- with a… a horse?!"
"Yeah, me and Lyra are pretty tight."
Ed let out a disgusted groan and put his face in his palm.
"Hey she's the same as any other mama in bed, only thang is her titties are down here-"
"JESUS CHRIST, I don't want to know!"
"Sorry captain," Pete conceded, holding his hands behind his back and looking like a child being scolded.
"Stop calling me captain! I sank the damn Fitz, I've no right to be called 'captain' anymore! I'm the reason you're stuck here and fucking a goddamn magical unicorn!"
Pete merely stayed silent and avoided eye contact. In a way, Ed truly was still his captain, his leader. He's the only man I have left to look up to, Pete reflected. And maybe he always will be…
Ed took a slow, deep breath and calmed himself. "I'm sorry Peter… I- I shouldn’t have yelled at you." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry for everything. It's my fault we're all stuck here, and trying to make the best of things. And I suppose I shouldn't judge you for… coping in your own sick, depraved way."
"Look captain, I know it's not something I'd go telling everyone back home about… but it's like you said. I'm just working with what I got. And that Lyra, ooh boy, does she give me a lot to work with, know what I'm saying?"
Ed's look of bemusement quickly wiped the smirk off Pete's face.
"Sorry."
"It's alright Pete. Maybe you can be happy here. I'm glad somebody can. But me? I don't know. Maybe I'm too old for change. Maybe I'm too stuck in my ways. But I just don't feel like I fit in around here."
"You sure you're not just homesick captain?"
"I am. I damn well am homesick. I miss my wife…" He paused for a moment, holding a hand over his eyes. "I miss my ship. And my job, my house. I miss being able to walk around in public places without sticking out like a sore thumb. I know they don't mean anything by it, but these ponies can't help staring at us. We're… not meant to be here. I should be at the bottom of that godforsaken lake with my ship and the rest of my crew. And back home, pfft, we're just… gone. We're dead. Somewhere out there, there's a bell tolling for all of us. Right now my wife…" Ed buried his face in his hands. "She's crying at my funeral. A- And there's nothing I can do about it. No way I can comfort her… t- tell her I'm alright at least…"
"I understand captain."
Ed sniffed. "No you don't understand. You didn't leave anything behind."
"Hey, I had family just like you. And a girlfriend… Joanne. She was just the… sweetest little thang, captain." Pete took a slow deep breath, it seemed just a tiny bit ragged. "She had an ass like an angel, you would not believe. Sometimes I think… I didn't even deserve her, man. Like she was too damn good for a fuck up like me." He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'm gonna miss her… and I'm gonna miss home, but I gotta move on, ya know?"
Ed nodded sagely. "I just need something to take my mind off all of this. Some work will do me good."
Pete just nodded solemnly.
Ed McQuinn waited for seven days. For seven days he trudged down to the Baltimare docks from his crummy hotel. And for those seven days he waited, walking around the filthy cobblestone shipyard, his hands in his pockets, kicking rocks here and there. Making idle chit-chat with some of the pony dockworkers on their breaks, lending a hand to others in their work. At the ends of those seven days he went back to his hotel at night and tried – and failed – to sleep. But on the eighth day, just as he finished lending a hand in moving a shipment of barrels, a ship's horn blew in the distance.
He squinted at the horizon and saw a familiar iron freight ship on the horizon.
It was his escape. His hope. Demigods and the mystical powers of real life magic couldn't help him, but this one old freighter and its crew and captain could. It would never make things right, it simply couldn't. But old Ed hoped that, in some small way, it might make everything just a little bit easier. He hoped that it might earn him his place in this world. So that, with any luck, he could finally say farewell to the world he left behind, and make peace with his loss.
Ed stood at the very edge of the dock, as though he was ready to jump in and swim to his salvation. But, as luck would have it, salvation saw fit to fly to him, on muddy golden wings.
The burly eye-patch wearing griffon made a hasty and sloppy landing next to the human. Though despite his haste, he merely looked up to the human with his one eye, the edges of his mouth turned just slightly upward in a sly smile. He held out a claw.
Ed looked at the offered claw, then into Captain Scratchy's eye. Ed couldn't help but smile himself, though his eyes seemed to water. He extended his own hand and they shook warmly.
This would be the beginning of Ed McQuinn's new life.