Twilight sighed contentedly as she lounged on the deck of her library. It was another peaceful day in Ponyville- the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, Discord was laughing maniacally, the bees-
Wait, what?
She did a quick 180, looking back at the spot where she could’ve sworn she had seen Discord, taking an upside-down stroll through the park, laughing like a madmare.
Well, there’s nothing there. I should really cut down on the Piña Coltadas. Oh look, Discord-
“Hello, Twilight!”
“Ahh!” gasped Twilight, tilting back in her lawn chair. She landed in an unceremonious lump on the porch as her chair crashed to the floor, her tail sticking in the air like a purple bookmark. She opened her eyes to view Discord, sipping her Piña Coltada, or more accurately, sipping the straw. When it was finished, he threw the glass behind him, the drink doing several flips before turning into a bird and flying away.
“What… I don’t even… how did you get free?” She decided, going for the obvious instead of figuring out just how Discord had somehow managed to turn a glass into a bird that was currently doing the moonwalk through the air, humming house music.
“Simple, Twilight- teenage angst. What I’m trying to say is, I feed off of Disharmony- I can’t get enough of the stuff! When a bunch of prissy high school fillies came by, bullying and backstabbing each other, I got the final push I needed!” he explained, excitedly. “And before you ask, no, the hair is all natural.”
“That wasn’t what I was going to ask at all!” she exclaimed, frustrated. Discord had a way of getting to a pony, that was sure.
“You will, in time,” he said, sagely.
“What I really wanted to say was what else set you free? Besides those girls?” she asked, part curiosity, part stalling for time.
“Well, Luna’s been acting up lately, a few of the guards have been stealing from the royal kitchen, this one bird is apparently very annoying and won’t shut up… oh, and a few ponies are planning a revolt,” he finished, counting off a fourth claw.
“What?!”
“I know, right! Birds are such a pain in the-“
“Discord!”
“What? You think you can stall long enough for your friends to get here?”
That gave Twilight pause. She lowered her hoof, looking into Discord’s eyes- a hard task given her position on the floor.
“What did you do to them?”
“I didn’t do anything, Twilight- your friends got up and came here, then tied each other up! Simple as pi! Oh, except the 4567th digit, I always forget that one-“
“Discord!”
“What is it now, Ms. Sparkle?”
“What are you planning? And why do you think you’re going to get away with it this time?”
“Ah ah ah, my little pony- you’ll find out most of it soon enough, and the rest you don’t need to know. Oh, isn’t that infuriating? You, the pony who needs to know everything- left out of the loop! It’s glorious!”
Twilight had had enough. Her horn glowed a dangerous purple, flinging the lawn chair off the roof and into the sunset, where it caught fire and melted. She knew it was another trick of Discord’s, that the sun could be so close, but it still amazed her- even sparked her curiosity.
Heh. Here I am, stopping the one thing that could destroy Equestria, and I’m curious about him.
The ironic part of Twilight’s brain shut down, however, and she focused on generating a large enough blast to stun Discord- after that, she didn’t know, but she could make plans quickly; future Twilight would think of something.
*-*-*-*-*-*
Discord raised an eyebrow at Twilight, expecting some sort of magical blast. However, the mare had thrown her chair and then stood in the same place for about half a minute, perhaps formulating a plan.
He hovered over, plucking the purple pony up and placing her precariously on the precipice of the porch. He loved alliteration. She sat there, on the edge of her hanging deck, eyes bulging at the two story drop below her. She turned her head to Discord, who chuckled.
“Now Twilight, why don’t you just come with me downstairs and we’ll have a chat with your friends?” he said, politely and handsomely. Man, he was good.
“No!” she shouted, brattily, letting loose a powerful blast of magic at his devilishly good looking face. He flicked his fingers, yawning, and the magic beam turned into water. Twilight looked up at her horn, which had quickly become a water fountain, and turned off the flow of magic.
“How did you-“
“Acquire such good looks? Years of intense study and practice! Oh, wait, nope! I was born with them!”
Well, he could add clever to his growing list of words to describe himself. And funny, too.
Turning his head to remove the purple annoyance from his vision, he contemplated his plans- first, a spot of payback for the malicious ponies that imprisoned him yet again in stone; second, a return to the castle for some good-natured havoc-wreaking; and finally, world domination.
Perfect.
One thing bothered him, though- it sounded like a fly buzzing close to his ear, so he swatted, hoping to catch the little fiend. However, he realized that it was simply that magenta mare, opening and closing her mouth in time with the buzzing. He snapped it shut with his paw, and magicked on some tape around the muzzle.
It was funny to see her struggle against the bindings, though admittedly it was funnier when Pinkie had. Now there was a mare who liked to talk. He gently floated her up, sending her down through the door and down the circular stairs. He made sure to bump her head each time they descended a stair, whistling contentedly.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Every bump on the stairs sent a jolt of pain through her forehead, making her eyebrows crease in anger and her flailing hooves flail faster. The last step was the worst, and she was sure there would be a bump there the next day.
If there is a next day, the darker side of her brain thought. There will be a next day! I’ll stop Discord, get the Elements, and save the day! It’ll be perfect!
When she looked at the scene before her, though, the cheering voice in her head blushed and hopped off the podium.
Her five friends were tied up in a circle on the floor of her library, around the statue of that pony she could never remember the name of. All were asleep except Pinkie, who seemed to be gnawing through the ropes.
“No no no,” condescended Discord, sending a little bolt of energy at the pink pony. She fell asleep instantly, rope still in her mouth as her head fell upon Applejack’s shoulder. Twilight was horrified- would he do that to her next? She had to get out, get help, anything!
But then Discord turned the paw on her, and the last thing she saw was Discord whispering something to her, something so quiet and out of reach it made her giggle before she shut her eyes.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sweet silence, thought Discord. The best sound in the world. Except, perhaps, his own voice, but he had plenty of recordings of that, and none of this- this beautiful, stunning silence.
And then Pinkie snorted in her sleep, and Discord growled. They would be quiet again, soon enough. He drifted over to the bookshelf, grabbing three books and spreading them out on the table.
One, an over-hyped Daring-Do book, a personal favorite of Rainbow and Twilight.
The second, a glossily covered romance novel, read by the ever-annoying Rarity and the one who had a heart attack upon seeing him out her window… Fluttershy! Yes, that was the name.
And the third? A worn out copy of an old children’s book, read to two little fillies in their younger years- an impressionable Applejack, and the most intriguing of the six- Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Oh, he was going to have fun with these books. But which to choose first?
Which indeed...