Twilight and Pinkie trotted through the bright afternoon light down the dirt road that Pinkie claimed led to the Pie Rock Farm. The road was barren and covered in weeds and loose rocks. It looked like nobody had travelled this way in years. The trees along the roadside were bare of leaves, and in the passing wind, they looked a little threatening.
“Tee hee! Passing wind.” Pinkie giggled quietly to herself, making sure Twilight couldn’t hear. Fortunately, Twilight had other matters on her mind.
“Pinkie, are you sure this is the right way to go? It looks a little... well…”
“Empty? Oh yeah, it always looks like that.”
“Want me to fly up and see if I can see the house from here?”
Pinkie shook her head. “No, that won’t work. Either we find the house, or we don’t. It’s up to the house. I think it kicked me out after the last party I had there. It’s kind of a grouchy old place.”
Twilight, who had put up with this sort of thing the entire train ride, just nodded and kept looking.
A few minutes of silence passed, then suddenly Pinkie cried “Ooh, ooh! There it is!”
Twilight looked around. “Where? I don’t see anything!”
“Really? Okay then, just give it a minute. Your eyes will adjust. Just watch your step.”
Twilight squinted, but still didn’t see anything. She kept walking forward, looking everywhere around them as hard as she could.
“Pinkie, I still don’t see anythi-“
WHAM!
Twilight hit something hard and fell over. She rubbed her head for a second, and then looked up. There, one foot away from her face, was a large, worn out, weather-beaten farmhouse. Twilight gaped at it.
“But it- but I- it just- huh!?”
“I tried to warn you Twilight!”
Twilight was about to protest that there was no way she could have missed something like this when she heard a door creaking open.
“Pinkie? Is that you?”
“Mom!” Pinkie pounced on the old mare who had come outside, wrapping her in a tight hug.
“Yes, it’s definitely… you!” The mare managed to squeeze out through the rib-crushing hug.
Pinkie loosened her embrace a little. “Sorry mom. It’s just been sooo long!”
“Oh, it’s quite all right. I haven’t seen you since you were a little filly! How have you been getting along all these years?”
“Been doing great! I work at a bakery over in Ponyville now! I tried sending you guys some letters, but the mailmares put a big, mean ‘return to sender’ on all of them!”
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about, dear. We figured as much when you didn’t show up in the Roots.”
“Mooom, we have a guest…” Pinkie motioned towards Twilight, speaking quietly though gritted teeth. The old mare started.
“Good heavens, I didn’t even see you there! House play a trick on you too? Don’t worry, it does that. Come in, come in, I have a cup of tea on the kettle, and besides, it’s getting dark.”
Twilight looked around, and sure enough, the sun was setting. “That’s odd. Celestia never lowers the sun this early in the day.”
“Oh, no, that’s not Celestia. It’s just the farm,” Pinkie’s mother replied, “It’s something you have to get used to. Please, do come in. Pinkie, your father and sisters will be getting back any time now! I just know they’ll be thrilled to see you again!
Twilight pulled herself to all four hooves and used her wings to dust herself off. She was getting better at using them, that much was for sure.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” She asked Pinkie’s mother, who was looking at Twilight with a near horrified expression. Pinkie whispered in her mother’s ear, and she seemed to relax.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you might have been Princess Luna. She hasn’t been welcome here since… The Pickle.”
“The Pickle?” Twilight asked, confused.
“Never you mind, never you mind. Come inside and warm up.”
And with that, the old mare turned around and walked inside the house. Twilight confusedly looked at Pinkie.
“What’s ‘The Pickle’?”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Pinkie said as she trotted inside after her mother.
Twilight stood there for a second, then followed her in, muttering “I’m older than you are…”
The inside of the house was very nice and orderly. The front door opened into a cozy little entryway, with a set of stairs leading up
and a slide leading down. The kitchen was clean and tidy, with a kettle boiling on the stove. There was a living room with comfy chairs, and a little fireplace where there was a log burning. The best word Twilight could find to describe it was ‘cozy’. She felt like she could live in this house forever.
“That’s how it gets you. Don’t believe its lies.” Pinkie whispered in her ear.
“Huh? What lies?” Twilight gave Pinkie an odd look.
“Don’t listen to her, dear. She always thinks the house is out to get her, when it’s really just the sweetest thing.”
“It locked me out for ten years, mom!”
“As if that matters here. Your sister met a colt, and after a few months of waiting, there he was, a fully grown stallion waiting to take her off to Baltimare for the rest of her life,” She sighed, “Oh, so romantic.”
“What!?” Both Twilight and Pinkie said simultaneously, though for completely different reasons.
“Or is that something that’s going to happen… oh well! We’ll just see who comes through that door with your father. At least he’s reliable.”
As if on cue, the door slammed open again and a gruff voice called out “Gem, I’m home!”
“That’s wonderful dear! Guess what? Pinkie’s back!”
Suddenly they heard crying out excitedly “Pinkie!” as two little fillies ran into the family room. They stopped sharply, but not sharply enough to avoid Pinkie flying through the air like a ballistic missile.
“Inkie! Blinkie! AAH! You’re so adorable!” she cried as she hugged the two little fillies just as tightly as she hugged her mom.
“Gah! Sis! Stop!” One of them cried.
“I can’t breathe!” cried the other. Pinkie relaxed her grip.
“Sorry! It’s just been so long since I’ve seen you two!”
The fillies gave her confused looks. “What do you mean? You saw us last night when you came and read us a bedtime story.”
“Yeah, you were big then too! Though last week you were our size. What’s up with that?”
Their father, who had been taking off a scarf, walked in at this point.
“No, no, I think Pinkie’s been away for a lot longer than you have, girls. Just look at how big she’s gotten! My my” he said, beaming at her, “I never thought I’d see my girl all grown up like this!” This time, he hugged her, and she reciprocated.
“Missed you dad.”
“And I missed you, Pinkie.” He kissed her on the cheek and stepped back. “Now then, I see we have company! Who is this, Pinkie?”
The two girls started giggling. “Pinkie brought home her girlfriend!”
Twilight, who was already completely lost in all the insanity and impossibility of what they were saying, was only able to stammer out a “wha- n-no, we’re not-”
“Girls! Be nice!” Pinkie’s mother said sharply, and while Inkie and Blinkie kept giggling, they didn’t press the subject.
“Now then, I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. Pinkie, would you?” asked her father.
“Ooh! Right! Twilight, this is my Family. My dad, Igneous Pie…”
Twilight went over and shook his hoof. “How do you do, sir.”
Pinkie continued, “My mom, Cloudy Quartz…”
“Just call me Quartz, dear. It sounds so much nicer than ‘Cloudy’.”
Twilight shook her hoof as well.
“And my sisters, Marble and Limestone.”
“Hey! That’s not our names!”
“Yeah! Only mom and dad get to call us that! You’re our sister, you can’t use it!”
Pinkie laughed “Okay, okay, the gray one is Inkie and the purple one is Blinkie. I’d explain why, but that’d take waaay too much time! Now then,”
Pinkie trotted over to Twilight “everypony, this is my bestest friend, Princess Twilight Sparkle!” She pulled out one of Twilight’s wings to give everyone the full effect.
The room went dead quiet. Inkie and Blinkie, who had started giggling again when Pinkie introduced Twilight as her ‘bestest friend’ were standing still, looking resentfully at Twilight. Igneous just glared at her. Quartz was the first one to break the silence, looking at the others reproachfully.
“Oh, will you all just grow up! It’s not her fault! She couldn’t have known!”
Twilight was starting to get a little scared. “Um… couldn’t have known what, exactly?”
Cloudy turned to Igneous. “See? She doesn’t even know!”
Igneous didn’t seem to hear her. He just turned to Pinkie and growled “Why have you brought her in here?”
Pinkie was just as bewildered as Twilight was. “Dad, what’s going on? Has Twi done something wrong?”
“With all due respect, sir,” Twilight said, sheepishly, “We came looking for a genealogical connection between Pinkie and one of our other friends. However, if you want us to leave, we can.”
Igneous looked over at his wife and sighed. “I guess you’re right, gem. She really doesn’t know. Marble, Limestone, it’s time for bed.”
“But dad!”
“No ‘but dad’s tonight girls. Quartz, can you handle them?”
“Certainly, dear.”
“Good, off you go then.”
Quartz took the two little fillies and marched them up the stairs, despite very grumpy faces. Once the door was shut, he turned to face Twilight.
“Now then, Ms. Sparkle. How much has Princess Celestia told you about our family?”
Twilight looked at him in confusion. “Um… nothing. Though I’m getting the impression there’s something I should really know.”
Igneous groaned. “Great. I’ll have to start at the beginning. Well, she would have told you sooner or later, I suppose,” He turned his attention back to his daughter.
“Pinkie, bring your friend and sit by the fire. It’s time you learned something about our family history.”