Stepping Stones

by yoshiXII

Burdened

“We’re gathered here today to remember the lives of two ponies and reflect on our own lives as well. These ponies contributed the most to Ponyville in their time. They were hard-working individuals who never shirked from duty. If there were ever a time where we needed their help, they would give their services to us. Ponies everywhere looked up to their hard-working example. On a daily basis, if I encounter a problem, I ask myself what they would do. Everypony standing here right now remembers how influential they were and how they changed our lives. They were essential to Ponyville and if we never had them, we would have undoubtedly crumbled.
“Now they have left us in the best possible shape. We are here to grieve over their deaths and to console their family. But this is also a new page into the future. We can choose to grieve for the rest of our days or we can learn to move on. They’ve helped us so much that we are forever in their debt. We can start contributing back to their memory if we continue on by doing what they’ve always wanted us to do: support Ponyville with our hard work.
“Today is a day of remembrance. Today we remember what it means to be a pony in this community. Today we remember that this community would never be possible without the Apple family. Today we remember all of our memories with them. Today we learn to live with ourselves knowing that the world will be much, much colder without them. Today we lay their bodies down and know that if there is an afterlife, they will definitely be there watching over us all. Today our meaning of life, death, and what is right or wrong is challenged.
“Today we’ll never be the same. Rest in peace, Tremlett and Honeycrisp.”
The crowd murmured as one, “Rest in peace.”
Applejack stood in front of the crowd accompanied by Granny Smith and Big Mac who was carrying Apple Bloom on his back. They opened their eyes again as Mayor Mare finished her speech before the podium. Behind her lay two wood coffins; the right one had a zap-apple carved in its middle while the left one had a simple tree carved into it. Beautiful white flowers arranged on the coffin reflected the emptiness Applejack felt.
Everypony else from Ponyville had taken the day off to mourn Tremlett and Honeycrisp. However, as Applejack noted, a certain white unicorn had neglected to come. Menacing storm clouds brewed overhead as if to threaten Applejack and her family by wiping them out too. If only rain could clear Applejack of the past. If only she could forget. If only Tremlett and Honeycrisp never existed to cause so much suffering…
Granny Smith nudged Applejack. Applejack shook out of her stupor to see everypony gazing expectantly at them. Her legs turned into jelly when she started to follow Granny Smith and Big Mac to the podium. Mayor Mare nodded encouragingly as she stood to the side of the podium. Time stood still for a few seconds for Applejack while she scanned the dolorous expressions evident on each pony’s face. Even Mayor Mare seemed distraught despite her normally organized demeanor. The wind sighed through the grass below-hoof with each gust feeling like a cold blade being thrust within her.
Applejack shook her head. Taking a deep breath, she walked slowly to the side of the podium. Granny Smith looked worriedly at Applejack for a second before clearing her throat behind the podium. Big Mac’s eyes were glossy as he stared into oblivion standing to the left of Applejack. Staring into the eyes of the ponies seemed almost serene for Applejack and she wondered what they were thinking when Granny Smith began.
“Ah’d like to begin by thanking y’all for comin’ out here. It’s been a rough patch for all of us and we hope we can keep goin’.
“Ah never thought...that Ah’d ever have to bury my own child,” Granny Smith continued as despair, sadness, depression, and bitterness clung onto every word. “Every apple must fall and we Apples know this best of all.”
Granny Smith glanced at Applejack to see her staring sullenly at her hooves. Heaving a small sigh, she turned back to the audience.
“My grandchildren have been sufferin’ most of all. It just ain’t right that we have lost our dearest loves. It doesn’t seem fair.”
Granny Smith paused for a minute to take a long ponderous gaze at the gathered ponies. “But it’s happened and Ah believe we can carry on. Our loss cannot be measured by words and all we can do is remember our sacrifice. Ah’ve asked myself over and over what Ah could’ve done to save their lives but in the end we can’t change the past. So let’s take small steps to the future. Let’s do what they would’ve wanted and carry on.
“But first a moment of silence.”
Everypony lowered their heads as their manes flew with the furious wind. The sky darkened but nopony seemed to notice the weather while they lost all sense of time to reconcile their thoughts. Tears streamed down a few ponys’ faces to plink onto the blades of grass. Applejack bit her lip stubbornly before her vision became clouded and her tears joined the silent rainfall of the gathered crowd. Granny Smith just closed her eyes and soundlessly spoke her last thoughts. Big Mac’s tears showered down yet he remained silent as if he bore the pain inside himself. Apple Bloom miraculously remained sleeping throughout all of this.
The clouds refused to rain down as if they were witnessing how the ponies emulated their job. Applejack looked up and swore a silent curse upon all the clouds that shared the same blood as the ones above the mountains that fateful day. The wind only howled in response.
All too soon, Mayor Mare cleared her throat and said, “This concludes our funeral ceremony. Honeycrisp and Tremlett will be immortalized forever as we lay them to rest in the earth. The rest of today will be a holiday so we can remember and hope. So thank you all for being here.”
Mayor Mare bit one of her roses she kept balanced on her back and put it reverently on Tremlett’s coffin before doing the same for Honeycrisp’s. Everypony followed suit as they shuffled up to the coffins and placed flowers of their own on the coffins. The ponies offered words of comfort to Granny Smith and her grandchildren as they passed the family. Applejack couldn’t hear any of it.

“Applejack?”
Applejack stared blankly at her lunch. It was her favorite - a hay sandwich with apple cider to accompany it. But as she watched, the color from the sandwich leaked out like paint. The white color of the bread, the brown color of the crust, and the yellow color of the hay mixed together in a dizzying mixture in a puddle on the table. In its place was a gray sandwich that lacked the grandeur of its past self. She looked at her cider and the same process happened to the mug. She peered at the surface of the foamy liquid to see its black-and-white appearance. She sighed.
“Applejack?”
Applejack finally looked up to see the worried gaze of Granny Smith. “Yes, Granny?”
“Ah...Ah was just worried for you.”
Applejack looked back to the table with a red checkered tarp to see the color return to her food. She glanced at Granny Smith’s plate to see that she was already done. Birds chirped joyfully under the bright day that had no traces of the storm clouds brewing in the morning. The apple trees looked perfect as ever as Applejack raked her surroundings. They were outside the house on this fine spring day enjoying the day from a vantage point that gave them complete view of Sweet Apple Acres. The day was lovely, almost too lovely.
Granny Smith cleared her throat. “Perhaps we should talk. Ah know you young fillies have a lot on your minds, especially after the funeral.”
Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “A lot on our minds?”
Granny Smith sighed. “AJ Ah know we ain’t exactly...close. Please, Ah just want to know what you’re thinking now.”
Applejack’s eyes were vacant. “What Ah’m thinking…”
“Ah know you must be taking this hard. It’s not your fault, it ain’t Rarity’s fault. You can’t reverse the past and Ah’m fine just the way things are now.”
Applejack’s nostrils flared. She saw red for a moment as she looked directly at Granny Smith’s face. “How can you say that? How can you be so calm? Why do all adults say everything will be fine? How can Ah know that for sure?”
Granny Smith looked resigned. “Us adults always say that...’cause nothing is ever fine.” Tears leaked out of the corners of Granny Smith’s eyes.
Applejack stared frozen with her mouth half open. Big Mac sat stock-still, eyes darting between Applejack and Granny Smith. Time stood still twice that day and everything seemed to be crashing down around Applejack. The line between reality and fiction was blurred. A fly buzzed its way down onto the table and crawled around for a moment before buzzing back off. Yet nothing else seemed to move besides that fly. Nothing besides Granny Smith.
Granny Smith wiped her eyes. “You think Ah seem to have all the answers, AJ? You think Ah am just fine with this?” A fresh torrent cascaded down her cheeks amidst her sniffing. “Ah’ve spent my entire life wishing it were over. Why must Ah live and suffer? All my life Ah’ve been throwing on a brave face but Ah seem to be the most broken inside.”
Applejack glanced awkwardly at Big Mac. Their eyes looked just as bewildered as they felt. Applejack looked slowly toward Granny Smith who stared vacantly into the apple trees, seemingly oblivious to the tears dripping down her face. Applejack got up and cautiously went to Granny Smith’s side to put a leg around her as she sat down. Granny Smith sniffed again and rested her forehoof on Applejack’s.
“Ah’ve hated myself for a long time, AJ,” Granny Smith spoke with a steadier voice. “My grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, my parents, my husband, my brothers, my sisters, and now my children. Ah’ve lived too long. Everything that Ah’ve done for Ponyville can’t help me now. What will happen next, AJ? Will Ah lose you and Big Mac next?”
Granny Smith turned around to face Applejack as Applejack lowered her leg. Applejack was relieved to see Granny Smith had stopped crying. “Ah suppose Ah shouldn’t complain. Ah was much older when Ah learned the pain of loss. Lemme tell y’all that it never gets easier. When my world came crashing down around me and everypony Ah loved was gone, Ah thought Ah had nothing to lose. Ah thought everything would go all right eventually.
“So AJ, when them big ponies say everything’s fine, they don’t know what they’re talking ‘bout. They’ve either never felt the pain, become numb, or have forgotten how much it hurts. They never tell you that you’ll never forget ‘bout it and how dreams turn to nightmares and how you wake up to be so tired and sad. They tell you to move on like Ah did. Funny thing is that even Ah don’t know what Ah’m talking ‘bout. But in the end we’re still together and that’s all that matters. Let’s...try to hold on to that. Please.”
Applejack stared back at Granny Smith’s earnest gaze. Worry was etched on Applejack’s face yet she seemed at peace at the same time. “Thanks Granny,” she said softly, “Thanks for telling me the truth.” Applejack spontaneously gave Granny Smith a hug. Granny Smith returned the embrace and together they shared their pain. Big Mac heaved a sigh of relief. Somehow, some way, everything was going to be all right.