Sup, diary?
Sorry I didn’t finish the entry yesterday, but after Octy woke up I hadn’t had the time to do this. First I had to explain everything to her, then she explained everything to me, then we cleaned the rest of the shards I missed and cooked (ok, maybe she did it and I just stood next to her hating myself for being too clumsy to help her), theeeen we ate those awesome salads she made and talked about the happenings again, and finally she went to bed. She’s weird, isn’t she? I mean she had been unconscious for such a long time, and then she’s tired and want to go to bed? What’s wrong with this pony?
Anyway, after she went to bed I decided to take a little walk, a thing I usually would never do. But this time, my head was just totally filled with questions and confusion, I thought a bit fresh air and walking could help me handle all this, understand all this. I thought a lot about the things Nick said, and I came to the decision that he must’ve been totally insane. I mean, he still loves me, so he horsenapped me to turn me into a breeding machine, just so that we can rule over Equestria as king and queen? How does that make sense? If I love somepony, I wouldn’t just horsenap him. Or her. And even if I was crazy enough to do this, I wouldn’t do such a cruelty to him. Or her. If I wanted a pony to like me back, how could my brain come to the awesome idea of horsenapping and torturing him? Or her? Not even if I’m drunk, and I mean really, really drunk. Not this tiny bit drunk I was when I got to know Ruben.
Well, that’s the next point I thought about. Ruben. I had feelings for him, that’s unquestionable. But is it even right, is it possible to have true feelings for a robot? Because that’s what he was, after all. A robot, a toy to get me into Nick’s net. But on the other hoof, he was more than just a silly clone, even Nick said that. He was able to learn and feel, and that last time I looked into his eyes, I knew that it was true. So what to do? Should I mourn him? Or should I just live my life like before, acting like he never meant something to me? I can’t do that, and I don’t want to do that either. Even though he actually wasn’t a pony of flesh and blood, he was part of my life, and will it always be. I mean, without him, Octy would be probably dead and I’d still be bound this table and do nothing but give birth to clones. Ugh, I don’t even want to think about this.
I really should speak to Octy about this, she’s more experienced in stuff like that. Not clones, of course, but all these emotional things. I think I’ll do this tomorrow, she deserves a little rest after everything that happened. And that happened just because of me. If I hadn’t put my muzzle into things not concerning me, none of this would’ve happened. And then she wouldn’t have been unconscious and in danger because of me, Ruben wouldn’t have blown the laboratory, and… I have to calm down. After all, I think, what I did was the right thing. Though it’s never right to search the personal stuff of your partner, somehow this time, it was. And the time I did that with Nick’s things, it was right somehow, too. It’s this tiny ridge between right and wrong, sometimes I’m not able to decide on which side I’m acting currently.