This story is a sequel to Diary of a DJ
Well, that’s the next point I thought about. Ruben. I had feelings for him, that’s unquestionable. But is it even right, is it possible to have true feelings for a robot? Because that’s what he was, after all. A robot, a toy to get me into Nick’s net. But on the other hoof, he was more than just a silly clone, even Nick said that. He was able to learn and feel, and that last time I looked into his eyes, I knew that it was true. So what to do? Should I mourn him? Or should I just live my life like before, acting like he never meant something to me?
Chapters (13)
MOAR!!!!!!
3669267 Don't worry, more is coming every day
(This post is about this story and the prequel.)
I love Octa/Scratch. I really do. So I wanted to enjoy this, too. I'ts quite sad, that I didn't. It was promising at the start as well.
). And I hope you will write more stories. Also, this reflects my opinion. No more and no less. All right, let us begin...
All right, I'll try not to go flaming around. I hope I'm better than that. I'll try to be constructive. Don't see the following as mere complaints, but as indicators, what you might do better next time (Yeah, that doesn't sound condescending at all...
I really like the story being told in diary from. Sadly you didn't keep to it. In both of your stories you go into a first person story telling mode, when quitting the diary mode (First person instead of third makes it even weirder). You do so only for a few chapters and only once per story. This breaks the flow of the story and my immersion.
) and that features a bond villain. No, more of a villain from Batman. And she almost kills him, too. 
PLEEEEAAAAAASSSSEEE get a prereader.
You create an initial motivation (Vinyl has "anger" issues) but never follow up on it. I expected to learn something more personal about Vinyl from this. Not a pseudo-adventure story where Vinyl goes around killing clones (*Spoiler alert*
WTF?Okay, sorry. I'm getting into flaming mode.Ahem. Let's just say, that I find Vinyl somewhat misrepresented. I mean, I get that she's angry. And I can understand why. I just find myself not engaged enough with Vinyl, as you represent her, to care that much... You've tried to establish how much she cares about Octavia and why and that she's angry because Ruben almost killed her, but it just didn't work for me. And that's odd. I mean, I read her diary and still don't care? That shouldn't happen, right? So, I've got to assume that the Vinyl character you establish isn't engaging enough... Sorry.
Then there's the grammar. I would like to think of myself as not being a so-called grammar-nazi. I'd like to, but I know better. I'm trying my best to enjoy each story, even when there are errors in it. And I tend to manage, but... "then" is not the same as "than". Please. PLEASE...
Every f***ing time...I'm sorry. I'm sorry.(Don't take this seriously. I'm actually smiling as I'm writing this. But seriously: get a prereader. I know your not a native speaker. And we make mistakes. Yes, me, too. I admit. So, when I'll write my first story, I'll make sure to have one.)
Good lord. Talk about a wall of text...
So, one final thing. Was this really the story (or stories) you wanted to write? Action and
BondBatman villains? If so, going for a diary from, might have been a bad choice.The exposure of Vinyls and Octys personality would have probably been fine in an adventure-like story. But for a diary there was simply too little of it. Even then, Vinyl's rage would necessite a higher degree of motivation than you present.
I hope this helps in future endeavours.
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First of all, I didn't took this as flames and I'm glad you took the time to write this wall of text :D
1) I know that the change in perspective is a bit weird and confusing, but I wanted to describe the peak of the stories in this 1st-person view, because it's easier to describe Vinyls' feelings than in the diary-form, due to the fact when she writes into it, she isn't in that form of excitement and full with adrenalin like in the seconds something really happens, and I thought writing all this as a diary entry could make it a bit boring. Of course I still would be able to express emotions etc., but just not as good as in 1st-person view.
2) The first two stories (Diary and Journal) are focused on the story, the third one, Life of a DJ, is more targeted at Vinyls' personality, and there will come a chapter about her anger-problems and so on. It's more slice of life, and I have no real story in it like in the first two parts, so maybe that will satisfy you :D (Though I admit some themes in it may be a little weird, all the stuff going on in me head ;D)
3) I know the grammar still is a big problem, and I hate myself for it, but as you said, I'm not a native speaker and usually I get all the traps with your/you're, their/they're/there and then/than, but sometimes one still gets into the stories as I usually don't think about typing while I do it, and then some little mistakes get through. Of course I re-read the chapters usually before submitting them, but I can never be 100% sure I corrected everything. That's why I'm always glad if somebody makes me aware of them ;)
4) Usually I just have a tiny idea when I start to write and the story just develops while I do so, so actually I can't answer your last question as I didn't know exactly what I wanted to write when I started it. Though you may be right and the diary form may not be the best for an adventure like this, I'm still glad I did it and I'm rather proud of it :D