The next three days flew by as if they were played in fast forward, and before Apple Bloom could blink, she found herself blazing a trail through the Everfree Forest, leading Greased Lightning to the site of his overdue grudge match against Rainbow Dash. "Hurry up, Mr. Lightnin'!" she shouted as she burst through the brush. "We're gonna be late for the race!"
"Come on, kid!" Lightning begged as he stumbled through the forest wearing a blindfold over his eyes. "Can't I take this blindfold off yet? We'd make better time if I could see where I was going."
"No! It'll ruin the surprise!" Apple Bloom insisted. "Besides, I've got you this far without any problems, ain't I?"
"Aside from the two trees I've run into, the three gopher holes I've stepped in, the five prickly bushes I've walked through, and the fifteen or so stray branches I've taken across the face, yes."
"You're bein' cyclical," Apple Bloom declared. "Anyway, you're all clear to walk straight forward, 'cept for that little rock there."
"That's cynical, and—Ow!" Right on cue, Lightning jammed his left front hoof into a not-all-that-small rock that was sticking up out of the ground. "You mean this rock?" He rubbed his sore hoof around the rock in an attempt to gauge its size. "Good grief! I'd hate to see what you call a big rock."
Apple Bloom shook her head, and turned to continue on her way. "Come on, you big baby. We're almost there!"
"Wait! Don't get too far—" Lightning sighed and began creeping cautiously forward, straining his ears as he used the sound of Apple Bloom crashing through the brush to figure out what direction he should go in next.
After ten harrowing minutes of hoping he didn't walk off of a cliff, the sound of Apple Bloom yelling "Stop! We're here!" was music to Lightning's ears. He quickly reached for the blindfold, but his leg was swatted away by a stray hoof. "Don't touch that!" Apple Bloom warned. "We aren't quite ready yet!"
"Now, Apple Bloom," Applejack spoke up from what Lightning ascertained was roughly the same direction as her filly guide. "The track looks fine and dandy to me, and judgin' from the sticks and leaves in his mane, I'll bet your friend here is itchin' to get that blindfold off."
"But we need to wait until Rainbow Dash gets here!" a second filly spoke up, although Lightning couldn't remember which of Apple Bloom's friends the voice belonged to. "They both have to be here for the grand opening!"
"It's fine, really," Lightning assured Applejack. "As long I don't have to do any more blind walking, I'm cool. Just tell me when you're ready."
Greased Lightning stood silently for the next few minutes, listening to Apple Bloom and her friend argue over ribbons and scissors and other random things, and he began to wonder exactly what was on the other side of his blindfold. A chill went down his spine as he imagined a horde of reporters in front of him, all preparing to pounce and ask him where he had been and why he had been there and why it had taken this long to find his nerve. He shivered again as he pictured a group of irate race fans just itching to shower him with vitriol, and perhaps a tomato or two.
Lightning took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves. Get a hold of yourself, Greasy. You're supposed to be past this, remember? Besides, you've never known a racing fan, let alone a group of them, to stay quiet for this long, and there definitely aren't any reporters here—the kid's too afraid of being scooped! Try to focus on the race. What sort of track do you think you'll be running on, dirt, stone, or grass? Will it be a simple oval or some sort of crazy road course?
The sudden sound of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object behind him startled Lightning out of his brainstorming session, but the voice of a familiar pegasus put his mind at ease. "For the love of Celestia, Scootaloo, please let me take this blindfold off!" Rainbow Dash pleaded. "I've hit so many trees, I couldn't walk straight even if I wanted to!"
"Not until Greased—oh, hey, he's already here!" a third filly replied. "Well girls, are we ready for the grand opening?"
"I'm ready if you're ready!" the second filly declared.
"Then grab the ribbon!" Apple Bloom cleared her throat. "Fillies and gentlecolts, ponies of all ages, the Cutie Mark Crusaders would like to welcome everypony to our dedication ceremony!"
"Great!" Rainbow interrupted. "Now can I take this stupid thing off so I can see what we're dedicating?"
"In a minute!" Apple Bloom assured Rainbow Dash. "I just wanted to thank everypony who had a hoof in puttin' all this together: Scoots, Sweetie, Applejack, Twilight, Zecora, Fluttershy, and of course, today's honorary grand marshal!"
"We have a grand marshal?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow from behind her blindfold. "Look, can't we just skip all this fluffy stuff and get on with the race?"
"You can't race without a track," Apple Bloom pointed out, "which brings us to the moment of truth! All right, Lightnin', Rainbow, you may now remove your blindfolds!"
Greased Lightning breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled off the blindfold. He found himself standing at the edge of a large canyon, most likely Gastly Gorge given its proximity to the forest and the distance he had walked. Much to his delight, the crowd that had gathered was made up mostly of creatures he had already met: Apple Bloom, her two fellow Crusaders, Applejack, Twilight, Zecora, Rainbow Dash, and a yellow pegasus he didn't recognize that seemed to be trying to hide behind Applejack. The gorge was its usual intimidating self, with its blank gray walls and thorny bramble bushes framing the river that ran along its base. The thing that took Lightning's breath away however, hung in the air at roughly the height of the canyon walls: A large oval track, maybe a quarter-mile or so long, made entirely out of clouds.
"Ta da!" Apple Bloom stood up on her back hooves and spread her front legs wide. "What do you think?"
"Wow..." Lightning whispered in amazement. "This... This is amazing! What a great idea!"
Rainbow nodded in agreement. "Not bad, squirts. Did you really put this whole thing together in only three days?"
"That's right! Of course, we had a lot of help." Apple Bloom pointed in the direction of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, who were pulling a large red ribbon taut with their teeth. "Would you like to cut the ribbon to open the course?"
Applejack reached into her saddlebag and pulled out an oversized pair of sheep shears. "Unfortunately, we've only got one pair of scissors tough enough to cut this thing," she explained, "so you two'll have to share."
Sharing turned out to be harder than anypony anticipated, as Rainbow Dash and Greased Lightning first had to grab one handle of the scissors with their teeth, then contort their heads to get the scissors in position to actually cut the ribbon. Still, after a few seconds of calibration, the two ponies managed to cut the ribbon amidst a backdrop of cheers.
Rainbow Dash quickly spit the scissors onto the ground once the deed was done. "Good grief!" she sputtered, glaring at Lightning. "Your breath is rank! Seriously, have you ever heard of a toothbrush?"
"I was going to say the same thing about you," Lightning said, as he waved his hoof in front of his nose. "Remind me to find you some pumpkin seeds to chew on when I get home."
"And now, for the rules of today's race!" Apple Bloom looked over at Sweetie Belle, who had pulled a small scroll out of her saddlebag.
"Let's see..." Sweetie Belle looked down at the scroll. "Today's race will consist of five laps, which means that the first pony who makes five complete counter-clockwise trips around the track will be declared the winner. Contestants will line up at the starting line"—she pointed to a black ribbon that had been wrapped around the cloud nearest to the edge of the canyon—"and the race will start when the grand marshal waves the green flag. No pushing, shoving, kicking, head-butting, tripping, clipping, biting, fighting, or flying is allowed. Any questions?"
Greased Lightning raised his hoof. "Can we, uh, test the racing surface before we start?"
"Um..." Sweetie Belle scanned the scroll for a few seconds. "Well, there's no rule that says you can't test the surface, so—"
"Good enough for me!" Lightning dashed past Sweetie Belle and dived headfirst onto the cloudy track. "Now this is the life!" Lightning said as he hugged the cloud tightly. "I haven't even touched a cloud in over ten years. I'd forgotten how awesomely soft they were!"
The rest of the crowd watched silently for several minutes as Lightning pranced, danced, and generally frolicked on the clouds. Finally, Rainbow Dash smacked her face with her hoof, and flew over to where Lightning was somersaulting on the track. "Hey, cloudbrain!" she shouted. "Are you done acting like a baby yet, or do you need another decade?"
"Oh, I've never been more ready!" Lightning proclaimed, as he bounced back onto his hooves. "Let's get this party started already! Where's the grand marshal?" He pointed at the yellow-coated pegasus behind Applejack. "Is it you?"
"That's Fluttershy, you dope," Rainbow explained. "That's a good question, though: Who is the grand marshal of this thing anyway?"
"That's our second big reveal of the day!" Apple Bloom announced. She nodded over at Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, who began banging their hooves on nearby trees for a makeshift drum roll. "Presenting the grand marshal for today's race, a veteran of fourteen Cloudsdale Derbies and a pony with firsthoof experience of competing against—and getting crushed by—both of today's competitors, coming to us all the way from Baltimare... Turbo Jet!"
"What?!" Rainbow and Lightning exchanged surprised looks as a familiar tan-colored pegasus emerged from the treeline.
"Hey guys!" Turbo called out as he waved at the pair. "Check it out! I finally get to cross 'Be the special guest at an inaugural event' off my bucket list!" He hurried over to where Rainbow and Lightning stood. "Gosh, it's been way too long, Greasy. You..." Turbo paused for a few moments as he tried to figure out what to say. "You look good," he finally said. "Really good."
"Only because the zebra made me get a haircut," Lightning chuckled. "And hey, you look like you're doing pretty well yourself." He stretched his neck to look behind Turbo. "Where's the rest of the family?" he asked. "The kids were telling me the other day that you have a whole houseful of fillies now!"
"Well, maybe not a houseful, but they're definitely a hoofful," Turbo Jet admitted.
"Do they race? Have you got a future speedster under your roof?"
Turbo shook his head. "They don't give two whinnies about racing. The pony that Rainbow once said couldn't spell the word 'a' is now the proud father of a math prodigy and an aspiring astronaut. That's why my wife couldn't make it—neither of the kids wanted to come, and she wasn't sure she wanted to leave them with that pink pony working at the snack shop."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, then shoved her way in between Lightning and Turbo. "As fascinating as it is to listen to you ancient fossils catch up," she told the duo, "Greased Lightning and I have some unfinished business to deal with."
"That's right!" Turbo turned and scanned the crowd for a few moments before spotting Scootaloo waving a green flag at him. "I've got a race to... Uh... Marshal!" He rushed over and grabbed the flag from Scootaloo, then took his position next to the starting line. "Racers, to your marks!"
Rainbow and Lightning hopped up onto the track and took their position at the starting line. "I've been waiting a long time for this moment," Rainbow said as she stared down Lightning. "I'm gonna send you to the glue factory once and for all."
Turbo Jet raised his flag high. "On your marks!"
Greased Lightning smiled smugly back at Rainbow. "You should stop by my place after the race," he offered. "I've got a great pumpkin casserole recipe that will go great with all the crow you're about to eat."
"Get set!"
"I'll see you at the finish line!" Rainbow and Lightning said in unison.
"GO!" Turbo waved his flag, and the race was on.
For all the passion and history behind the matchup, the actual race ended up being anticlimactic. Rainbow Dash jumped out to an early lead, set a blistering pace, and never looked back, cruising to an easy victory. Greased Lightning fought valiantly against his bounty of birthdays and lack of stamina and kept things close for a while, but any hopes he had of an upset vanished by the third lap, and he finished a good half-lap behind his rainbow-maned opponent.
"All right, Rainbow!" Scootaloo cheered as her hero crossed the finish line. "You did it! You beat Greased Lightning! You're officially the fastest flyer ever!"
Rainbow Dash was uncharacteristically silent in victory, and didn't even bother to smile as she turned and hopped back onto the ground. She looked back down the track at Lightning, her eyes boring a hole through her vanquished opponent as he ran.
A long one minute and thirty seconds later, Lightning finally crossed the finish line, at which point he promptly bellyflopped onto the cloudy track. "Hoe... Lee... Cow..." he wheezed. "That... Was... Brutal."
Apple Bloom hurried over to the fallen pegasus. "Mr. Lightnin'? Are you okay?"
"I'm... Not... Sure.. Yet," Lightning admitted.
As Greased Lightning struggled to regain his breath, Sweetie Belle walked over to Rainbow Dash and pulled another scroll out of her saddlebag. "Congratulations on your victory in today's race," she read. "To comm... Commem... Um... Commer..."
"Commemorate," Twilight offered.
"Commemorate. Right." Sweetie Belle cleared her throat and continued. "To... Uh... Do that for this occasion, the Cutie Mark Crusaders would like to present you with this trophy." She looked expectantly over at Scootaloo as she spoke.
"What's that look for?" Scootaloo asked.
"Don't you have the trophy?"
"I thought Apple Bloom had it!"
"What? I don't have the trophy!" Apple Bloom exclaimed.
Scootaloo's face fell at the revelation. "Don't tell me we left it at the clubhouse! We worked all night on that!"
Sweetie Belle sighed, and looked up at Rainbow Dash. "Well... We would present you with this trophy, if we had it."
Rainbow Dash shrugged. "It's okay, girls. I'm sure it was totally awesome." She looked back at Greased Lightning, who had finally peeled himself off of the clouds and hopped down onto the ground. "You!" she shouted, as a scowl appeared on her face.
Lightning smiled sheepishly back at Rainbow. "I guess that settles it," he conceded. "You really are—"
"What was that out there?" Rainbow interrupted, once again going nose-to-nose with Greased Lightning. "That was pathetic! I've had more competitive races against snails! Were you even trying out there?"
"Hey, I was—" Lightning tried to respond.
"Look at you!" Rainbow poked at Lightning's stomach with her hoof. "You weren't prepared for this at all! With a pudgy paunch like that, even a slowpony like TJ could have beaten you!"
"Hey!" Turbo Jet objected.
Rainbow ignored Turbo and continued berating Lightning. "I said I wanted to race Greased Lightning, not a grease ball! But no, I get a fat slob who's been overdosing on pumpkins for the last hundred years!"
"Huh?" Apple Bloom scratched her head as Rainbow ranted, noting that Lightning didn't look out of shape at all. "But Mr. Lightnin' isn't—"
"Hold on, kid." Greased Lightning held up his hoof to silence Apple Bloom. "So now I'm fat instead of old, eh?" he asked Rainbow. "I guess those pumpkin workouts weren't enough after all. Let me get this straight: If you wanted to race me, but this race didn't count... Does that mean we're gonna need a rematch?"
Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure, like you could ever work yourself back into real racing shape. But yeah, if you ever did get off your lazy butt—"
"It's a deal!" Lightning proclaimed. "Maybe I wasn't good enough to beat you today, but give me another month or so to really work back into shape, and I'd be a bit more of a challenge!"
"Another month?" Apple Bloom wailed. "But our article goes to press tomorrow!"
"No biggie," Scootaloo insisted. "Between your interview, our interview, and today's race, we've got loads of material to work with. I'll bet we can put together a killer article!"
Apple Bloom took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "I guess you're right," she admitted. "But we'd better get started soon!"
As the Crusaders begin brainstorming for their article, Turbo Jet tapped Greased Lightning on the shoulder. "So what now, Greasy?" he asked. "What's your next move?"
'Well, besides preparing to kick Rainbow's tail in round two"—Greasy threw a smug grin at Rainbow Dash, causing the rainbow-maned pegasus to roll her eyes again—"I'll be working on my new business venture. Check this out!"
Lightning ran over to Applejack and plucked her hat off her head. "Hey!" Applejack shouted. "What're you doin' with that?"
All heads turned and watched as Lightning put on Applejack's hat and bit off a tall piece of straw that was growing on the canyon's edge, leaving the stem protruding a good eight inches out of his mouth. "Hi, friends," he called to the assembled crowd using a heavy-but-cheesy Appaloosan accent, "Pumpkin Pie here for Pumpkin Pie's Prize Produce Products! If you're looking for that extra-special something to make a extra-special meal, or just want to spice up your borin' old dinner routine, head on over your local market and grab one of our mouth-watering pumpkins! They go great with any meal, they're chock full of healthy nutrients, and they're gare-ron-teed to be the best-tastin' around! So what are you waitin' for? Pick up one today, and tell 'em ol' Pumpkin Pie sent you!"
Everypony simply stared at Greased Lightning, their eyes and mouths wide open at the sight of the stallion's shilling. "Yeah, I know, it needs some work," Lightning admitted. "I need a real writer to fix up that pitch, not to mention a real actor to pull off that hick schtick convincingly."
"Um... Well... I mean..." Turbo Jet stammered as he tried to find the right words. "It's great, Greasy, but... Pumpkins? Why pumpkins? Do you have a garden or something?"
"You mean the kids didn't tell you?" Lightning exchanged a knowing smile with Zecora, then walked over and threw a hoof across Turbo's shoulders. "Come with me, TJ—I've got something to show you."
"Wait!" Apple Bloom scurried over to Lightning and Turbo before they could move. "Before you go, is there anything else you'd like to say for our article?"
"Well..." Lightning brought a front hoof to his chin and stared down at the ground as he pondered the question for a moment. "I probably owe an apology to the world for my vacation from reality, and I suppose my critics need to know that I'm ready to face them. Most of all, though, Equestria needs to know one thing." He flashed his most confident smile. "I'm back. Finally."
Apple Bloom added the quote to her book. "What about you, Rain—" She stopped as she turned around and discovered that Rainbow Dash had fled the scene during Lightning's business pitch and gone back to Ponyville. "I, uh, guess Lightning gets the last word then," she decided.
"Actually," Lightning realized, "I need to say one more thing." He motioned with his hoof for Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle to come over and stand next to Apple Bloom. "Girls..." He paused for a few moments as he tried to think of the right words, then scrapped the plan and just went with what was in his heart. "Thank you."
"You're welcome!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed. "So, um... what are we welcome for?"
"For caring," Lightning explained. "For deciding that some old, washed-up, long-lost pony was worth looking for. Let's face it: I wasn't coming out of that cave of my own accord. I'd gotten used to life alone in the forest, and that's probably where I would have stayed forever. I guess I was as selfish as I was afraid—I was too wrapped up in my own misery that I didn't realize what leaving did to other ponies, like Rainbow. But now, I've got a chance to make amends to everypony now, and that's all thanks to you three." He smiled at Apple Bloom. "You know, kid," he noted, "with everything you've had do to put this story together, maybe you and I were wrong. Maybe journalism really is your special talent."
"Really? You think so?" Apple Bloom shrieked. "All right! Girls, did you hear that?"
"I did! I did!" Sweetie Belle squealed. "This is it! We're finally going to get our cutie marks!"
"Well, what are we waiting for, ponies?" Scootaloo shouted. "Let's go break this story and leave the world of blank flanks behind forever!"
"Yay! Cutie Mark Crusader Famous Flyer Finders!" The three Crusaders exchanged a high-hoof and began racing in the general direction of their clubhouse back on the Apple farm.
"Hold on now!" Applejack shouted as she gave chase to the fillies. "Don't go runnin' off through this forest by yourselves!"
Greased Lightning laughed as the Crusaders headed for the treeline. "Kids these days, huh? Now then, about those pumpkins..."
Zecora watched as Lightning and Turbo turned and made their own way into the forest, then smiled and bowed her head. "At last the story will be told, and put to rest the ghosts of old," she declared. "Thanks to his three newfound friends, this pegasus will rise again."
"I'm happy for him," Twilight said. "And who knows? Maybe this will finally be the thing that earns those fillies their cutie marks."
Zecora thought about the idea for a moment, then shook her head. "As writers, they are not the worst, but... They must improve their spelling first."