My little Pony belongs to Hasbro
*Warning* The following is a humorous take on MLP. NOT a serious look at underlining relationships or anything. It is not to be taken seriously at all costs. So don't pull a Rarity and just roll with it! *Warning*
Finally, the great day had arrived! Spirits were high, flags were flying, and banners were ready. Twilight was nervously standing besides the mayor, who readied herself behind her lectern, waiting for Celestia's sphere to rise to its zenith.
Finally, a huge shadow appeared on the ground, and an enormous blue and grey dragoness landed in the centre of Ponyville. The mayor wanted to start her greeting, but the dragoness growled.
"YOU HAVE MISSPELLED MY NAME!"
She pointed at one smaller banner. "Welcome to Ponyville, Adalan!"
Carrot Top! When would she learn to write smaller?
"THIS MINOR OVERSIGHT ENRAGES ME! I DEMAND A SACRIFICE!"
"You heard the dragoness!" the mayor yelled. "Who is the oldest and fairest virgin?"
Several dozen hoofs pointed at Twilight. The unicorn was stiff in shock, yet she could swear she heard Spike wailing "Rarity! NO!" somewhere.
"Sorry, Twilight. Need of the many and all!" The mayor announced and clapped her hoofs. Several strong stallions grabbed the student of friendship and dragged her to a post with shackles that had appeared out of nowhere. Just like the innocent yet revealing white dress she was suddenly wearing.
Twilight was shackled to the post as the dragoness closed in on her, hunger and evil in her eyes.
"Help!" the shackled pony yelled. "Help! I don't want to be eaten!"
"NOBODY CAN HELP YOU NOW!"
"I can!"
"WHO DARES?"
"Princess Celestia!" Twilight cheered as a well known form dropped out of the sky in front of her.
"I shall rescue you, my most faithful and attractive student!" the princess announced, wearing heavy, golden armour and shin guards. Her tiara was replaced with a heavy crow-helmet combination. "Prepare to taste my MIND BULLETS!"
Celestia's horn lit up with magic, and small rainbow spheres shot from it and hit the dragon. The monster dramatically grabbed its chest. "OH NO, I AM UNDONE!"
It fell over, landing right next to Twilight and Celestia, who freed her student.
"Now, let us see who the dragoness truly is!" the god-princess of ponydom announced. The head of the monster glowed in telepathic magic and was pulled off!
"The great and powerful Trixie!" the whole place said in unison.
"It was her plan to dress up as the dragon and capture you, my smart and sexy student!" Celestia explained. "Then she would force you to work as her stage hand, manager and sensual massage mare."
"And the great and powerful Trixie would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling ponies and your owl!"
"Hoo!"
"Now that you are safe, my well organized and flexible Twilight, why don't we go somewhere private and you help me out of this armour?" Celestia asked, nuzzling her student gently.
Synthesizer music started to play.
Twilight rolled over on her pillow and giggled lightly. She was deeply asleep. Spike, on the other hand, was already working. After he woke up, he had found Twilight on the floor with her head in a book, snoring lightly. As usual, he had put a blanket on her back and manoeuvred her head on a pillow. He was quite good at doing that without waking her up. He had a lot of practice, after all.
Twilight was a very special pony. Spike had always known that and she was also the only pony he knew who turned reading into... well... an unhealthy addiction.
Spike had heard of alcoholics leaving bottles littered around the floor or adrenaline junkies jumping at everything that might hurt them. Twilight was, as he understood it, a libroholic. She needed knowledge in the way others needed gems or approval or a nice glance at Rarity's flank... erm... water!
When they were still in Canterlot, he sometimes worried that he would find her skeleton in the library, still hunched over a book or would run into her selling bookmarks in back allies for a quick glance at an original copy of something.
Now, even with her friends to keep what was left of her sanity intact, she could end up spending an entire weekend locked in the library, draining knowledge from the volumes.
It was always the same process: "Spike, I tell you, this is so interesting! Did you know that (random topic)! I need to find a cross reference! Fetch me (5 book form different authors) about (a somewhat similar topic)!
Twilight would then start a pyramid of research, usually ending at about 60 books, reports, and papers.
During that time, Spike would do his best to keep her hydrated, force some food down her throat, and finally command his junior assistant to put her to bed. He was pretty sure that Celestia saw in him the only way to keep Twilight from killing herself with those leather-bound dangers.
But he was proud of his work and seeing her curled up like that, so innocent and cute, dreaming about having tea and cookies with the princess (he had heard her whisper "whipped cream" and "Celestia" in her sleep once) was worth it!
He was just finishing his last chore for the early noon: fixing the burned floorboards in the main library. Luckily the hoofprints were just on the surface, so he didn't replace the tiles; instead, he simply turned them and put a sock on the hammer so he wouldn't wake his boss up. Pony socks were sturdy. They had to be put over a hoof, after all.
Just when he finished his work, an explosion surprised him. It came from above! The young dragon turned and ran up the stairs.
"Twilight?" he yelled as he reached the top.
Twilight groggily opened her eyes and looked around. Every book in the room was floating in circles around her. Some of them were bigger than others, and a few circled each other, making it a very unique solar system with Twilight's horn in the middle.
"I had a sleep-spell." Twilight sighed and shook her head. That dream had just started to get...
"Great!" Spike muttered and went to fetch the dip net he kept for these occasions. Twilight was stuck in the middle of the books and had to wait until Spike was done. Sleep-spells were not weird among unicorns. When a dream got very intense, they sometimes unconsciously cast small spells. They usually knocked over their alarm clocks, moved the bed for one or two centimetres or, if you were Twilight Sparkle, element of magic, you punched holes into the laws of physics and space.
"Oh! Spike! While you are at it, could you bring me the collected psychological works of Sattlemund Freud? It's the one in the elliptic, 14° tilted orbit. I have to read up on something," she requested quietly.
Spike obeyed.
"No! That one was 20° and had a parabolic... It's the big, brown one with the picture of a banana on it!"
The little dragon brought Twilight the book and continued to catch and reorganize the small cosmos as Twilight read the chapters on dream analyzing.
About an hour later:
Spike had left to put on some breakfast for Twilight as she finished her read.
"I see! Since I idolize Princess Celestia as my strong mentor, my subconscious replaces the heroic male part in my dreams with her. And due to the fact that I am not in any romantic relationship, my head turns current events into these rather cheap romantic dreams," Twilight explained to herself happily. She flipped some pages.
"And the scientific and professional term for the cure is: getting myself nailed!"
The unicorn's eyebrows rose. "Again?" She sighed and dropped her shoulders. "I waste a fortune on horseshoes here and it never works!"
"Dandelion on toast and some coffee for our sleepy-horn!" Spike announced happily and opened the door. "Just in case you were wondering, the others left at about ten. Rarity had to be carried by Applejack. Fluttershy got kidnapped by a bunny, showed up, and was then slapped by said bunny. So... you are trying to figure out what is wrong with Prince Blueblood?" The dragon pointed at the psychological work.
"About 20 generation of married siblings," Twilight answered, raising her eyebrow. "No! Why would I research that creep? This was... for a side project!"
"Oh! Then what is that book you got from the princess..." Spike started and looked at the table, where the book lay. "THE DRACONOMICON! You are researching... you are..." Fear shone in his eyes, but only for a second. It was replaced with something that burned hotter and darker than any fire. "WELCOME PARTY!"
Twilight was present minded enough to surround Spike with a bubble of magic. She ground her teeth in concentration as green flames assaulted the inside of the bubble. Luckily, it was rare for Spike to throw a tantrum. They were getting more and more difficult to contain.
The unicorn panted slightly as the smoke filled the bubble cleared and dispelled it.
"Spike, no fire in..." she remembered the letters. "No fire but controlled..." she looked at her still slightly singed mane. "Only I am allowed to burn in anger in here!" Twilight stated a little sourer than she wanted. "I understand that this annoys you and goes against you as a dragon, but I can't and won't let your ego get in the way of this visit going good! I don't want to be sacrificed and then saved by Celestia in the last second! I'm not ready for this kind of relationship yet! And not with this hair!"
"WHAT?" Spike asked, now more confused than angry.
"Now go downstairs and get some bits out of the jar. You'll need to buy some gemstones for the time you'll spend in hiding!"
"But—" Spike began.
"It's going to be a girl!" Twilight interrupted.
Without a comment, the little dragon disappeared downstairs.
As she munched on her toast, her mood was sour, her mane was a little burnt, and worst of all: she had no idea what to do with that book on the table. Ponyville held no data on draconic literature.
After finishing breakfast, Twilight trotted towards her bed and pulled one of her pillows down. She let out a small bit of her frustration on the innocent feathers inside and rested on it. Finally, she levitated the book in front of her and set it on the floor. It was still incredibly slippery and heavy.
"Well... if the princess insists..." Twilight muttered and opened it.
Her eyes went wide.
The letters were exactly as she remembered them. Like small flames dancing on the parchment, slightly shifting and flickering, yet not burning it. They didn't come out, but burned as a film of alcohol would: flat and distinct. But the weirdest part was that she understood it!
Not that she could name a single word; she justknewwhat the sentences meant.
"How..." she wondered, but shook her head. "I will ask the princess later."
With that said, the unicorn started at the beginning.
The first page was a devotement:
To my dearest friends Princess Celestia of Equestria, Lady of the Sun and Princess Luna of Equestria, Lady of the Moon!
May your wisdom be your wings, your wit be your horns and your kindness your strength!
May your wings never tire; your horns never dull and your strength never fade!
Your friend
Twilight could not understand the next word and certainly not pronounce it. But she assumed it was a name. It alone filled two pages.
"I assumed that a dragon wrote the book. But I didn't know that Celestia had friends amongst them. Then again... this book is at least a thousand years old... He probably passed away a long time ago." Twilight said out loud and levitated some paper, ink, and a quill to her side. She wanted to take notes on the important parts.