"What the hell are we looking for?" the Courier inquired when we reached the clearing Unique lead us to. Honestly, I had to agree with the human. Unique's supposed mode of transportation was nowhere to be found. "Is it hiding behind this great big boulder?"
I checked behind the boulder. Not a single thing was behind the twenty foot tall chunk of stone. Well, unless you count grass and trees, but nothing that would help us. "Nope, nothing," I reported.
"Don't be silly," Unique admonished. "This rock is our transportation."
"Our ride to Ner'Ghalad's castle is a stupid boulder?" Fphant deadpanned. Unless there was some sort of sail or wheels or something of the sort hidden inside the rock, which was unlikely, I didn't see how this was going to work.
Unique looked scandalized, as if Fphant had just kicked his favorite puppy or insulted his grandmother's dentures. "It's not just a boulder!" he cried. "It's a rock!" With surprising deftness Unique crawled up the side of the rock until he was sitting proudly on top. He caressed the stone lovingly. "Oh, the olden ponies used to ride these babies for miles, and its in great shape."
The Courier stared at the pony murmuring sweet nothings to a stone for a few seconds before throwing up his hands in defeat. "That's it! I'm gonna start walking."
"Hey Unique," I called up to the top of the rock. His ear twitched so i'm going to assume he heard me. "I feel like I'm kind of an expert of the nonsensical. I mean, there's a random tag on my autobiography for crying out loud! But I think this is just a bit too strange, even for me."
Fphant and the sorceress were looking at me like I'd grown a second head. I could see their confusion; it's not every day I act as the voice of reason. Or maybe they thought I was crazy?
I ignored the stares with practiced skill, instead opting to continue shouting at the top of the boulder. "I think you should come down from there, Unique! We're not going to be able to travel to Ner's castle on a..."
An echoing grinding noise assaulted my ears as Unique's rock suddenly shifted. Faster than I could blink the several-ton chunk of stone shot straight towards me from its resting place.
~~~
Next thing I know, the world's tinted the color of my magical healing. I vaguely noted that I could feel a couple bones popping back into place as I lied on my back, staring at the sky. "...rock."
Fphant's concerned face hovered into view. "You okay mate?" he asked. Aww, he does care.
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" Unique intoned from atop his boulder. He cares too! I have such great friends!
"Of course he's okay!" the sorceress snapped before I could get a word out. Well, two out of three isn't so bad... "I over-engineered the healing magic in him to an utterly ridiculous degree! It'll take more than a wimpy rock" she spat towards the offending object, "to destroy such a valuable test subject."
The sound of a gun being prepared to fire alerted me to the Courier's return. "You know," the man said casually, "the last time I met someone who viewed other living people as science projects, we didn't quite see eye-to-monitor." I mustered the strength to turn my head enough to see the little standoff going on. I say standoff, but I really mean the Courier's fixing a glare on the sorceress while pressing his one-handed gun to the unicorn's forehead, right at the base of her horn, while said mare goes cross eyed trying to look at said weapon.
The man noticed my wandering eyes and relented his glare to meet my gaze. "This one'll be trouble if you keep her around," he told me. "Got her priorities mixed up."
"Noted," I noted. I grit my teeth and pushed myself to my hooves. Getting run over by a boulder certainly took a lot out of me. I'm glad we don't have to walk any farther, I don't think I could make it ten steps in my current state. "I'll deal with the trouble when it comes up," I growled. "And put that away!" I barked, noticing he still had his gun out. "I'd hate to provoke any 'trouble' through unnecessary aggression."
The man sheepishly holstered his weapon and wisely changed the topic. "So how does this rock work?" he asked.
"Magic." Oh. I should have guessed, I mean, what else could it have been?
"What!?" The sorceress's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. She rushed over to the rock and quickly began running her faintly glowing horn over the stone's surface. "There's no precedent for this kind of magic!" Evidently her magical scan didn't reveal anything as the sorceress let out a growl of frustration before teleporting on top of the rock with Unique. "Tell me how it works!" she shouted into his face. "TELL ME!"
"Whoa," Unique scooted back a few inches from the frantic mare. "Calm down, girl!"
At first I thought the sorceress had listened, that she'd actually calmed down. Then I noticed the stray hairs in her mane, I noticed the violently twitching eye, the too-wide grin, and the falsely stable tone in her voice. "Tell me how the rock move please?" I tried to imagine the sorceress wearing a straight jacket. The image came to me surprisingly easy. Or maybe she'd look better with a bird's nest for a hat?
"Uh," Unique hemmed and hawed for a moment. He'd obviously noticed the budding insanity on the sorceress's face and was searching for a way to bring her back to reality. "Look!" he shouted, pointing off to the left, "a distraction!"
I looked where he'd pointed. I only saw some trees, some grass, some- wait! Is that a...? No, that's just the wind...
The solid thunking sound of hoof on face met my ears, I looked back at the rock to see the sorceress out cold and Unique rubbing a sore hoof. I wonder what happened while I was being distracted by the distraction? I mean, it couldn't be the obvious solution of Unique knocking out the psycho mare; that'd be too obvious. I'm gonna guess it had something to do with chickens.
"Ahem," Fphant cleared his throat. The conscious members of our party turned to focus on him. "Now that that's over, shouldn't we get going thataway?"