Chapter 12
I sit down, right there, sitting at Celestias place in her study looking at the letter.
Freedom was something I alwas wished for, true freedom, living in peace.
Memories of the just defended changeling attack reaches my mind.
There is no peace. And with no peace there is no freedom. More bloodshed will be born, more ponies will get hurt.
Determination wells up inside me.
The decision was easy.
I pick up the letter and walk to the door, opening it I see Luna looking at me.
We look at each other for a few seconds.
Luna sighs, "your decision?" she asks carefully.
"I'll stay" I answer, Lunas eyes widen, "the recent changeling attack showed me that, the peace I want, is not here yet. Aslong as there are threats against ponies I can never lay down my sword" Luna nods and sighs.
"Well then" she walks down the hallway, "you go back to your room, wash up. I will send a servant to you when I need you" I nod and walk the hallway down in the other direction, away from Luna, her hoofsteps clinging loud through the hallway.
I walk through the many hallways, seeing guards and civilians running around, maids standing in corners shivering and cowering, one specific maid captures my eyes.
I walk to the only maid not cowering, her eyes filled with fear, she turns to me.
"Hey Smile" I say quietly.
"Miss" she bows slightly.
"What are you doing here?" I ask confused, "shouldn't you be somewhere else helping?" noticing that she's just standing around.
"I wish I could" she blushes, and looks down on her hooves, I follow her look. Green glibber holds her in place.
"A changeling attacked a guard" she explains, "but before I could say or do anything he used this... uargh, stuff to hold me in this place" her expression shows disgust, "he then tried to attack me but Captain Armor was there to protect me" she finishes her explanation a shimmer of admiration in her eyes.
"Why didn't he free you the same moment?" I asked confused, slightly disgusted, "he should be able to do so" I look in her eyes.
She shrugs, "don't know. He said something like, 'aslong as you are here nothing will hurt you' and ran off" I'm more confused, Shining would never leave a unarmed civilian behind.
"Excuse me" a voice behind me startles me, I turn around quickly, ready to defend myself if necessary. I relax a little bit, seeing th startled unicorn.
"Yes?" I ask quietly.
"I-I was send to... to.." he gulps.
"To?" I ask as quiet as before, waiting for him to find the courage to finish.
"T-T-To" he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself, "help-the-ponies-who were-attacked-by-changeling-spit" he speaks almost to quickly to understand him.
I nod, "well then, do your job" I turn back to Smile, "I'm glad you're fine Smile" I smile at her, she smiles back.
"Thank you Siren" she answers.
I walk by, ignoring everypony around me.
And then I'm in my room again.
I lean Garnjiel softly against the wall, right next to the bathroom door, and walk inside the bathroom. The white walls reflecting the soft, dim light, made so nopony would be blinded. I sigh. I turn around and shut the door, locking it.
I collapse.
Tears welling down my face.
"Why!?" I shout, I doesn't even matter if somepony could hear me, "why didn't I protect her!?" I hit my head heavy against the door, feeling the pain rush through my skull, my brain. My eyes open wide.
A flash takes my sight,
"Whenever we break the rules, we do this" I finish my last spoken sentence pointing at Lunars left hindleg, a new cut on his flank, right over his cutie mark, "we punish ourselves, you can choose the spot, you can choose the ammount of punishment" I look at my comrades, "the only thing you need to do is to make it in a way everypony can see it."
"Why should we hurt ourselves anyway?" Ice asks, looking at me with a sour expression, "it has no use at all, hurting ourselves won't make the mistakes we did go away" the others nod.
Garnjiel crashes loud on the floor, the sound makes everypony flat their ears. I look at Lunar, a menacing look on my face.
"We do this to show ourselves that we made mistakes" I explain pulling Garnjiel back up and letting it rest on my back again, "we do this to show everypony around us that we made mistakes, we show them that we know that we made mistakes. And we show them that we were punished for that" Ice gulps.
Anvil stands up looking at me, his expression is solemn, quiet, calm.
He walks in the middle of the room, sitting down he lifts both his forelegs, lifting them away from his body. His wings open.
Blood gushes out of two deep cuts on the outside of each leg.
My eyes widen the same as everypony else.
"Anvil!" Shining shouts, "what are you doing!?" he runs up examining the new wounds, "you won't be able to even walk around like that for weeks!" Shinings green magic stops the blood flow but is not able to close the wounds.
Anvils face shows no reaction at all, he didn't even flinch.
"Why?" I ask trying in vain to get the trembling out of my voice, "you made no mistakes!" I walk closer and slap him, "you idiot!" I shout at him.
He looks back at me, not even flinching, even now.
"That's why there are two now" he speaks quietly.
"Why?" I ask him.
"The first for doubting you" he smiles, "and the second cause I made you angry."
Another slap echoes through the dark hall.
I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts from this strange memories.
Many ponies back then said we were a farce, a group of ponies who were allowed to do everything in the name of our majesty. With this ritual we showed them that we were punished for our mistakes. We showed that we were not invincible, that we too were bound by the laws.
"I failed" I whisper to myself, "I made a mistake" I hit my head against the door again.
Again.
And again.
I gasp, ignoring the shouts of my body to stop this, to stop the self mutilation.
I stand up, my legs are shaking, a drop of blood falls to the floor as I open the door.
Garnjiels rune pulsates faster, the same as my pulse.
I grab Garnjiel and walk back into the bathroom.
'You made a mistake' I think.
'Mistakes have to be punished'
I ram Garnjiel into the floor, the sound of cracking tiles whisper through the room.
Garnjiel is impaled deeply into the ground, unmoving. I lean softly against it's blade. I feel the pressure, I'm still hesitating.
'You made a mistake' I growl.
And lean heavier against the blade, blood start to stream down Garnjiels blade, the runes light gets a little bit weaker.
I back away from the blade a deep, heavy bleeding cut on my shoulder. I gasp.
'Not enough' my thoughts get slower, more blood streams out as I lean forward again, this time the other side. More blood streams down, pooling on the tiles.
"Siren?" I hear a call from my door, it's Shining Armor, "Siren are you here?"
"Shining" I speak quietly, the door to the bathroom opens, his eyes widen.
"Siren!?" he rushes in pulling me away from the blade, I tremble and buckle, falling to the ground, my forelegs are numb.
"What are you doing?" he shouts at me, his horn emits light.
I gasp, my pulse gets slower, "I... I... was in need.... of..." I gasp more.
"Don't talk any more!" he shouts, "I will stop the bleeding and bring you to the infirmary right away don't worry, we can help you" my eyes droop, my body starts to feel cozy as my life escapes through the open wounds.
"There won't even be a scar left" I hear his faint voice.
My eyes open and I feel Garnjiels magic rush through my body as I jump up and shove Shining away. His eyes widen, I look down on him, my blood on his coat. I gasp more and more now.
"You..." I try to get as many air in my lungs as possible, "... leave... the... scars..." I collapse, my head lands in a smaller pool of my own blood.
"Leave the scars" I whisper as I take my last breath.
For now.
'Sacrifices had to be made' I hear my own faint voice echoing.
'They were innocent!' someone answers.
'And I will get punished for that' I answer.
"Why did she do that?" another voice, a female voice.
"I don't know!" was answered, a male voice, Shining Armor.
"Okay, step aside we will heal her right away" I hear more hoofsteps come closer.
"One thing befor you start" Shining says.
"Don't heal the scars"