"Spiffy train," the Courier commented upon seeing what lay outside the lavatory. "Real nice. Is that gold?" He bent to inspect the little gilded patterns adorning the walls.
"Hay if I know," I shrugged. "Probably. This train's so damn fancy I wouldn't be surprised if its wheels were made of diamonds." Or something equally as lavish and impractical.
"I could make a killing if I brought even a fraction of this stuff back home," the courier muttered, running his hands over a smooth mahogany coffee table. Why there was a coffee table right outside the bathroom, I'll never know.
I watched as the Courier tried, and failed, to sneakily pocket some of the smaller items lying around. Every few seconds he'd glance towards me to see if I'd noticed. Every few seconds I noticed something really interesting over to the side. My glances just happened to coincide with his. I totally wasn't timing them or anything. Nope. "Your home must be really bad if you resort to stealing a box of tissues to get by," I remarked. The man froze with his hand caught in the cookie jar before slowly lowering said item back to its place.
I noticed he didn't return any of the other items he'd already pilfered.
"Those're tissues?" he asked. "I always thought they'd be, I don't know, bigger. Those old ads never show any scale." The courier shook his head. "I only picked them up because the box is shiny." The chrome-plated tissue box glinted in the light, as if responding to the praise.
"You're changing the topic," I said. "Tell me about your home. Why do you feel the need to steal this stuff?" Everyone, even me, knows that stealing is wrong. Right? I'm sure he has his reasons.
Several minutes passed with the Courier lost in thought. Finally, he spoke, "You ever heard of a nuke?" he asked, looking me dead in the eye. At my negative he continued. "Thought not. How 'bout bombs?"
"Explosive devices and I are well acquainted," I said, remembering my first visit to the sorceress's tower.
"Well a nuke's basically a great big bomb, big enough to level cities." Really? One bomb to level a city? I think it would take at least four bombs to take out a town, let alone something the size of Canterlot. He gave a hollow chuckle at my incredulous look. "It gets better. When a nuke blows, it scatters a whole bunch o' radiation all 'round."
"I take it this 'radiation' is bad?" I was imagining something along the lines of fire raining down from the sky.
The Courier snorted. "Bad ain't the half of it. Radiation's an invisible force, I don't rightly know how it works, only what it does." His expression darkened and for some reason I imagined a gigantic mushroom. "It'll get inside ya, and slowly rot you from the insides out. It infects food and water so it's unsafe to consume, it hangs around in patches that'll kill ya if you stay to long... It's a slow, painful death, If yer lucky." He considers it lucky if you die? That's messed up.
"If it doesn't kill ya, it'll mutate ya." I shivered, imagining a human like the courier, only with two heads. "Turn ya into a ghoul. Make ya watch as your body decays around you and you slowly lose your mind."
"That's horrible!" I exclaimed. "Why would someone use something so monstrous?"
"Hell if I know," the courier threw his hands into the air. "But some two hundred year dead assholes thought it was a good idea to blow up the world with 'em, and I've got to live in what's left."
"I can only imagine how hard it would be to live in such a place."
"Hah!" the Courier barked out a laugh. "I haven't even told you about raiders yet! Or shit like the Madre, or the Divide!"
I think I may have paled a little bit, my ears may have splayed back, and my voice might have shaken just a little bit. "If it gets worse, I don't think I want to hear it."
"Then I'll spare you the grisly details." The Courier knelt down and put a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye, "But I promise, every cap I earn goes towards the protection of my city and its citizens."
"If its for a good cause, I suppose I can turn a blind eye towards you taking a few tissue boxes." The Courier stood up with a cocky grin. I noticed the box was already gone. "And paperweights, liquor, books, and decorations," I added, listing off the other things I'd seen him nab.
Now it was my turn to grin cockily while the man shifted in place sheepishly.
"You're the first person I've met who could notice me swipe something," the Courier admitted.
"I'm more perceptive than I look," I bragged, polishing a hoof on my chest and inspecting it for dirt.
"I like you, kid," the Courier said with the first real smile I'd seen on him yet. "You've got what it takes to go far and, if I'm not mistaken, you care enough to do the right thing."
I rolled my eyes. "Well of course I care. Why else would I be going after the evil Necromancer Ner'Ghalad?" Anyone who didn't care for the well being of his fellow pony would stay the heck away from someone like Ner. "Or did I forget to mention that's what I was riding this train for?"
"You totally never mentioned anything like that." Damn. I thought I'd filled him in. "And what's a Necromiter?"
"Someone who uses magic to raise the dead," I explained. Doesn't look like he knows what I'm talking about. "Y'know, zombies, skeletons. Stuff like that."
He nodded as if he understood. I still had my doubts. "Like that fella over there?" he asked, jerking a thumb towards the skeletal pony charging towards us with a butcher's knife.
"Yeah, that looks like his work," I said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some undead ass to ki-"
Two loud bangs cut me off. Two holes appeared in the skeleton, and the wall behind him. I looked in shock to see the Courier holstering the smallest of his many weapons.
If that's what his smallest weapon can do, I don't know if I want to see what his bigger ones can pull off.
"Never seen a gun before?" The Courier smirked and physically closed my gaping jaw before drawing the weapon again so I could get a better look at it.
My mouth opened and closed a few times before I managed to find my voice. "No, I haven't seen any-"
I was cut off by the door slamming open to reveal the sorceress. "Are you alright?" she asked panickedly, "I heard loud noises and thou-"
She froze mid-sentence as her brain caught up to what her eyes were seeing. I'll admit, it was quite the sight; the Courier, now leveling his weapon at the newest intruder, a holey skeleton with matching holey wall, and me. Apparently the sorceress couldn't quite comprehend the sight. Her eye twitched and said, "I'll just leave now," in a voice several octaves too high.
"Who's she?" the Courier asked, motioning towards the closing door. It was obvious from his tone and stance that he was ready to give chase if need be.
"A friend," I replied. The Courier visibly relaxed and re-holstered his gun. "She doesn't like unknown things, I think the level of weirdness in here almost broke her. Thanks for not attacking her, by the way."
"I've learned it's generally a bad idea to shoot first, ask questions later." He looked down with what looked like regret in his eyes. "First impressions are often so hard to reverse."
The door opened again, much softer this time, to reveal all three of my friends. Unique's eyes bugged out when he saw the Courier and Fphant dropped into a fighting stance. Clearly the sorceress had run to them and told them something. I just hope she didn't jump to any conclusions. Quicker than I could see, the Courier's hand had jumped to his gun in preparation of pulling it out.
"Fphant," I barked at the mirage before he made a decision he would regret, "if he'd wanted me dead, I would be. Don't provoke the man."
"Fine, I'll trust you on this," Fphant's voice said from behind me. The illusion at the door dissolved and the mirage flickered into view with a knife to the Courier's back.
The Courier whistled. "Impressive trick." He looked at Fphant with a bit of respect in his eyes. "But it would take more than a knife to put me down."
"I don't doubt it," I said, trying to ease the tension. "Everyone, this is the Courier, Courier, this is Fphantom, Unique Blend, and the sorceress. Please try not to kill each other."
"I'll do my best," Fphant growled. From his tone I couldn't tell if he'd do his best to do as I said or do his best to kill the Courier.
I looked to the Courier, expecting a reply, to see him with one of his longer guns out and pointed right towards Unique. Fphant lunged at him, but I *cough* happened to be in his way, causing him to trip and fall short.
"Get down," the Courier growled, seemingly unfazed by Fphant's attempted attack. When Unique didn't budge the Courier raised his voice. "Get down now!"
Something must have registered in Unique's mind, whether it was the man's commanding words or an instinct to get out of the line of fire I don't know, because he flopped on his side an instant before the Courier fired.
The skeleton sneaking up behind him exploded in a shower of bone.
As if the shot had been some sort of signal, a massive explosion shook the train knocking all of us off balance. The train immediately began decelerating and it was only a short while before we were completely stationary.
"Where did that blast come from?" the Courier asked.
I motioned towards the front of the train. "Thataway."