She looked a bit surprised at his way of speaking. She gathered her composure with a cough.
"Let's start from the beginning. You are no longer on Earth. Our land is called Equestria, inhabited mostly by us ponies. I am Princess Celestia, together with my sister Luna we govern this country and also keep control over moon and sun."
The shock on his face was getting more visible with each sentence. This isn't Earth? This woma... female and her sister control day and night cycle? Fate really likes to fuck with me. Or it's time to cut on the whiskey.
"I know in your world moon and sun move on their own, but here it's different. But we're going offtopic here. We summoned you. And we need your help."
"I noticed. It's not like I'm called just for get-togethers back on Earth anyway. More like 'Oh no! Monsters are attacking our fair city! We need help!'" He ended his sentence with a rather good impression of a citizen in distress.
Celestia noticed a glint in his eyes. It wasn't a glint of wonder, nor a glint of fear. It was a glint of loneliness. Celestia knew it. She saw this in a mirror, in her own eyes, before her sister came back to her after being purged by the Elements Of Harmony. However, her position of a princess forbid her to comfort the human. Her little ponies were in danger and she would do anything to save them. Even sarcrifice a lonely soul for their sake.
"There is a power in our world which is able to vanquish evil from our world. Elements of Harmony have already served us for millenia. There is however a force even them cannot defeat, for the Elements can react only to objects and living things nonresistant to magic. This one, however, is not dependent of it. No magic in this world can defeat him. That's why we need another being not dependent of magic. A human."
Oh boy, here we go again. 'Only you can do this! You're our only help! Oh, and the only thing you get from that is a ticket back home and everyone will be afraid of you.' Why did I even get this job? I should have listened to mother and become an engineer, but no! It's a boring life! I wanted to fight monsters! Become a hero of mankind... *sigh* Oh well, now that I'm here, might as well help them. And maybe have some fun. Hope they've got some good booze.
"You see, our whole world is encircled by magic. It flows through everything and everypony. It controls everyponies' fates and future."
Celestia's tale was getting quite elaborate. Despite this The Traveler listened. Hed had to know all the details of this... realm. His world had magic, but technomagi mainly used it to pour artificial life into golems, which worked as substitutes for bartender, physical workers, bouncers, Mainly the mundane tasks no one wanted to do. Such was the life on Earth. Aristocrats, beggars and people who helped saving the peace such as him.
"A long time ago, a new species arrived to Equestria. They called themselves humans."
Humans. In this world. A long time ago. I think I know where this is going to.
"They asked for a place, whre they could stay, create a village. We agreed, and a new town was created. They built their own houses, bred and lived in harmony with us ponies. But then something terrible happened."
Nailed it.
"Some of the Pegasi refused to control weather over, as they called it, 'a monkeys' shithole'. They wanted the humans driven out of Equestria, and more and more ponies agreed with them. Because of that one the humans started a riot. "
Revolutionist. Must be a revolutionist.
"His name was Wolfgang. He persuaded the rest of humans to start a war against us. I had no choice but to fight them. They had small cannons held in one hand, explosives, know-how about creating diversions and immunity to ponies' magic. Many died, on both sides. However, the humans where losing. So the had no choice but to leave their town and hide from us. But now, they are back, stronger in numbers, better equipped."
The human sighed. Again.
"And you want me to fight a whole army of fully armed humans with just a pair of those 'small cannons' alone?"
"No, I need you to retieve something for me."
Treasure hunting. That's new.
"My former student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, found something about an ancient artifact able to overcome the immunity to magic. I need it for the oncoming war. But it's protected by magical field. And only one species in this world can overcome it.
Humans."
He was already inhaling to say something. And believe me, the look on his face said that those words sitting in his head, ready to be told, were NOT gentle. Nor quiet. Nor appropriate for children. But they quickly got interrupted.]
"Wait! I know what you're going to say. 'I won't stand up to my own kind for sake of species I got to know exists a few hours ago."
"Something like that."
Fuck, how can one story can get more annoying than this? If those humans aren't werewolves or something worse, my answer isn't going to make her happy. Dear Mother Earth, seems like I'll be back quite early.
"They're something you've fought for five years on Earth. Werewolves."
"Oh for fuck's sake!"
He had enough. He couldn't hold his tongue any longer. Name it any way you want. Just know that Celestia's face at his outburst was amusing. So were her guards'. Namely, faces of astonishment and contemp for such language on ponies' muzzles surrounded him from every side. Except the side with the wall he was still chained to.
"Alright, alright. I'll find your god forsaken artifact. Just point the way. And stop looking at me like that. Can't a man relief his tongue with some French?"