The Legend of the Titans

by Silent Bob


Chapter XVII: Politics (Part I)

Ponyville
86th Cycle of Summer
Ponyville 'Bitsizer' Bank

...

...

...

BOOOOOOOOOM!.!.!

"EEEEEEP!"

"Everypony down! Get down!"

"HOOOOOOHAHAHAHA!.!.!"

Without warning of any sort, a trio of ponies ripped through the front door of Ponyville's second bank, leaving nothing but a hole in the wall where it once was. One grinned wickedly, the other glanced about with cold, calculating eyes, and the other merely giggled. The ponies within cowered with fright, leaping behind chairs, desksL anything to get out of their sights.

"Oh, relax," the cold one chirped, a blue, frost-coated unicorn. "We're here for your money, not your lives."

The grinning one gave a laugh, a purple unicorn with a streak of black running down his back. "But if you try to make a move... believe me, I won't think twice."

The first rolled her eyes.

"Blood Rose, keep it cool," she said.

"Only if you stopped making puns, Frost Wind," Blood Rose teased, his voice echoing from behind a strange, smiling mask he always insisted on wearing.

She gave him a blank look. "Ugh, just because I'm a god at ice magic doesn't mean have to say 'no pun intended' every time I say something remotely related to the cold, does it?"

Blood Rose gave a silly smile, before pointing at the last accomplice, an Earth Pony covered, or perhaps made of metal. "Well, if you won't do it for me, at least do it for Nitro... he does sort of jump to conclusions once and a while..."

He gave a offended look. "Hey, I only knocked out one guy for making a pun! And I was drunk! Like Princess Luna on a full moon drunk!"

"You only had one drink," Blood Rose smirked. "You were just naive enough to succumb to the 'mimic effect', as I like to call it. Meaning: when hanging around people who have been drinking, when you drink, you start-"

Frost Wind face-hoofed. "For god sake - we're in the middle of a robbery and you want to start psychoanalyzing ponies?! I had enough of that in planning. Seriously, my relationship with my mother sucked, and Nitro can't remember who his is!"

"Save for the cold, unfeeling mechanical arm that was hovering above me in the lab when I woke up," he shrugged. "Could that count?"

"Hey! It's a good skill," Blood Rose smirked, before pointing at a random pony shifting her eyes away from the door. "For instance: that pony is about to make a run for it. She thinks we're actually taking hostages and is purposefully looking away from the door because she's nervous we'll see her. Quite intriguing."

She suddenly froze, gulping heavily. She was easily recognizable as Vinyl Scratch, the town's near-famous professional DJ.

"Y-Yo," she gulped. "Y-You guys are the ones who should be nervous! Do you know who guards this town?!"

"Yeah, yeah," Nitro sighed. "The Teen Titans, we know. I can't wait to meat them... as turn them into mince-meat, hehehe."

Frost Wind gazed at him blankly. "Nitro, that was a pun."

"Oh shit," he blinked in embarrassment.

"Mph, the Titans are just legends," Frost Wind sighed. "If they even existed at all, they died long before we were born."

Nitro nodded. "Yeah! The Teeny Titans who live here ain't that tough! They're just fakes - they're propaganda!"

"Likely created because of the recent crime waves," Blood Rose shrugged. "It's not the greatest way to deter those such as the Inglorious Basterds, but I suppose it isn't the worst, either."

"I can't believe we're using that name," Nitro grunted.

Frost Wind sighed in shame. "And Nitro and the Speedeneers is any better?"

Nitro glanced about, frowning. "Well... I like the ring of it."

"Anyway, enough of this stalling," Blood Rose grunted, before glancing at the tellers. "If one of you fine ladies could lead us to the vault, we'll be on our way with minimal casualties." He narrowed his eyes. "And believe me, when you're dealing with someone such as I, you're getting the bargain deal..."

One of them gasped. "W-Well do it. P-Please, just don't hurt anypony!"

"Finally," Frost moaned.

"Hehehe, payday," Nitro smirked. "I'm gonna get me a few new toys from Sprinkles with this..."

At that, the three smiled, and began marching towards the terrified tellers, ready to collect their dues...

But before they could-

WOOSH-WOOSH-WOOSH-WOOSH-WOOSH-CHANNNNNNG!.!.!

- A bird-a-rang sailed right by them, striking into the counter of the teller's counter.

The trio's eyes widened. They twirled about. There, saturated in the light of a rising moon, and in the gigantic hole that was once a pair of doors, were the Teen Titans themselves. Robin was in the center of them, his mask narrowed in spike.

"Sorry to say it, Blood Rose, but nobody's gonna be buying what you're selling," Robin snapped.

"Oh hell," Frost Wind moaned. "My unintentional puns are better than that..."

Robin merely smirked.

Cyborg gave a grin, cracking his two frontal hooves. "Hehe- you should hear some of Beast Boy's jokes! Who's ready to rumble, baby!?"

"Dude, shut up! Bet you I can take down the metal one!" Beast Boy smirked.

"Pffft - in your dreams. That one's mine, little man!" Cyborg teased.

Raven gave a groan. "Ugh, it's almost as if you make sport out of deterring bank robbers. You do realize half the ponies in here are probably on the verge of having heart attacks, right?"

On the contrary...

"Yo, it's them! I knew they'd show up!" Vinyl beamed.

Another pony with a bass clef symbol for a cutie mark nodded: Octavia. "They do make as as marvelous of an entrance as they do in the papers, don't they?"

"TEEN TITANS ROOOOOOCK!" a steroid-pumped pony roared.

"Yo what's up, Snow Flake!" Beast Boy called.

"Heh, nuttin' much, just in a bank robbery, little man."

"I know, isn't it awesome!?" Beast Boy grinned.

"Now that you guys are here, it is!"

"Dude, just you wait!"

Raven half-sighed. "Well... they definitely were before we showed up."

The trio of villains gave groans.

"Hehehe, they have no idea about us and they think they're home free," Nitro chuckled.

Frost Wind glared at them. "I'm warning you: if a fight breaks out in here, ponies will get hurt."

"Only if you make it so!" Starfire shouted.

"Ugh - Seriously, this is what they send against us?" Blood Rose moaned. "A bunch of fools wearing Nightmare Night costumes? They must really be trying to promote this whole 'legends alive' thing.

"Says the one wearing the joy mask," Raven muttered.

He raised an eyebrow, as if saying, 'seriously?'

"That's different, my dear," he said. "Because, like your friend there, Robin, is it? I actually have something to hide behind this mask... besides the past, perhaps?"

Robin merely cracked his neck. "Hate to break it to you, but you're not the only robber we've gone up against with a PHD in Bullshitology... and I can smell it half-a-mile a way. It's funny, though: it usually comes from people who belong in the nut house..." He gave a grunt, before whipping out his bo-staff, extending it, and twirling it in an intricate pattern that said 'ready for a beatdown?' "Like you, for instance."

"I say we knock some sense back into him," Cyborg growled, pounding a hoof into another.

Frost Wind gave a snarl, lowering herself to her hooves. "Enough chit-chat. Put your god damned money where your mouth is - it'll just make us richer when we knock it out of you! RAUUUUUGHHHH!.!.!"

The trio of villains darted forth.

"TITANS, GO!"

The Titans charged forth as well.

HIIIIIYAAAA!.!.!

Robin flew into the air and sent his staff in a vertical arc down upon Blood Rose.

SLAAAAAAAM!.!.!

It struck him atop the head, yet the villain merely shrugged as Robin lifted it, wide-masked.

"Heh, did I mention I feel no pain?" he smirked. "Among other things, too, I suppose... empathy, that sort of thing..."

Robin ignored him, bringing the other end of his staff in an upward ark towards the villain's belly. However, he was ready for this. Before he struck-

"You however..." he chuckled.

POOF!.!.!

Suddenly, a tiny, unseen 'hole' in the mask let loose a plethora of strange gasses, saturating Robin in it. He stumbled back, coughing hysterically.

"Gotcha," Blood Rose winked. "Have a pleasant trip to the great nest in the sky, Robin! "HehahahOOOOHAHAHA!.!-"

CRAAAAACK!.!.!

Blood Rose stumbled back, disoriented this time, a crack in his mask forming...

"Nice trick," Raven quipped, reeling back a staff of her own. "But you realize that it's currently five versus three, right?"

Blood Rose merely smirked. "And here I was expecting magic from the great Titan, Raven... You're even a unicorn! But I suppose the tales of you exaggerated a few thin- WOAH!"

Raven swung again, forcing Blood Rose to duck.

"Maybe, but I'm starting to see why Robin likes these so much..." Raven said, with just a hint of a smile. "Sooo much more satisfying."

At that, she did her best interpretation of a staff-twirl, and....

"HIIYAAAA!.!.!"

Came at him again.

...

ZAAAAAAAAP!.!.!

"Nope!"

Nitro rolled like Sonic out of the way of a sonic cannon blast - at speeds just as quick as said hedgehog.

"Grrr! Hold still, you little- AAAACK!.!.!"

Before Cyborg could blink, Nitro leaped to four hooves again, gained speed, and struck Cyborg like a bowling ball, sending him falling on his side. "Ahhhh crap. When the heck did we end up fighting Robotonik's newest robot Sonic?!"

Nitro gave a hiss. "Hey, asshole! I'm not a friggin' robot!"

Cyborg's human eye widened in anger as he got to his hooves. "Yo! You got something against robots, punk?!"

"Na, just walking scrap-heaps like you!" he hissed.

"Oh HELL no," Cyborg snapped. "You can't say that word! Only we can say that word!"

"Bleh, shut up and short-circuit already!"

As Cyborg leveled his cannons at him, he came speeding around for another pass, rolling like Sonic again-

BOOOOOOOINNNNNGGGG!.!.!

Only to bounce off a green stegosaurus that had previously been a mouse.

"BUUUUUCKKKK!.!.!" he screamed, flying out of the door to the bank and rolling into the distance.

"Hahaha!" Beast Boy cackled, transforming back in to changeling form and walking up to Cyborg, helping him up. "Dude, that was awesome! He fell right for it! Bro-hoof!"

"Nice job, little man!" Cyborg smirked, slamming his hoof into Beast Boy's.

...

Across the bank...

"Go Starfire! Go Starfire! It's yo birthday!" Vinyl cheered.

FLING-FLING-FLING-FLING-FLING-FLING-FLING!.!.!

Starfire flung starbolt after starbolt at Frost Wind, who was practically panting as her horn sparkled and cracked, creating miniature floating shields of ice every second or so before her.

"I am not sure if this is the correct day for celebrating the day of my delivery!" Starfire called. "But I suppose it feels like it!"

Vinyl sweat-dropped, glancing at a giggling Octavia. "Man, she really is an alien, isn't she?" she whispered.

"Coming from someone who uses Wubstep to wash the dishes," Octavia sniped.

Vinyl huffed. "Pfffft- wash cloths are so old hap." She then pointed towards Frost Wind. "Just like she's about to be."

Octavia furrowed her brow. "Huh?"

Vinyl pointed elsewhere.

The cellist smiled. "Ooooooohhhh..."

"YEAAAAAH!" Snow Flake screamed.

"Ugh - enough of this!" Frost Wind shrieked. At that, she seemed to use the last of her immediate energy to summon a massive chunk of ice before her.

SHIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGG!.!.!

Before Starfire could aim at her again, or even react, Frost Wind stuck her head around the corner, charged her horn with a brilliant shimmer, and sent a supersonic spear of ice at the unsuspecting alien...

"EEEEEEP!" she squealed.

ZAAAAAAP!.!.!

Before it could strike however, a blue beam of light made itself between it and her. When it hit, it disintegrated into mist.

Cyborg smirked, lowering a smoking sonic cannon. "Booya."

Frost Wind gritted her teeth, literally shaking in rage at this point. "GOD DAMNIT! That's it! This whole thing is off! I'm out of here!"

Her horn began to charge...

"She is preparing to teleport!" Starfire cried.

She glared at Starfire. "Sorry we couldn't play more, but I was an idiot to listen to Blood and his conspiracy theories about you. Until we meet again."

"Oooooh I wouldn't count on it," Cyborg smirked.

She furrowed her a brow. "Huh?"

Suddenly, a fourth voice cried from a bit away....

"You got that right! Stop right there, criminal scum!"

She closed her eyes in shame. "I'm seriously about to be taken out by the green one, aren't I?"

"Yeeeeup!" Beast Boy giggled, marching up to her. "And nopony breaks the law in my town! I'm confiscating your uh- your... crap... now I can't finish the quote cus you haven't actually stolen anything yet..."

She seemed so confused it was almost pitiable. "W-Wah?"

Cyborg sighed. "Don't mind him - he's quoting a game we used to play."

"The Scrolls of the Elders!" Starfire chirped, clapping her hooves.

"..."

The frost unicorn's face deadpanned.

"Yeah - I'm out of here."

Her horn began shining brighter.

"Eh, Beast Boy, how about I handle this," Cyborg smirked.

Beast Boy gave him a suspicious look. "Waiiit... are ya gonna do it, dude?"

"You bet your green butt I am," Cyborg grinned.

"Yes yes yes yes! Do the Foos!" Starfire giggled.

"D-Do what?!" she gasped.

Cyborg narrowed his eyes. "The one thing you'll fear most of all. In nerd tongue its Dova-Keen. DRRAAAGGOOON BORN!.!.! FOOS RO DAH!"

ZAAAAAAAAP!.!.!

"AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!.!.!"

One blast from Cyborg's sonic cannon was all it took. It surged through her for only a second, before she fell to the ground - smoking.

"Ouch," Cyborg winced. "Hope it didn't hurt her too much!"

"Woooo yeah! Level up! Five hundred experience points gained!" Beast Boy chirped.

Starfire giggled yet again. "And she would have gotten away with it, but then she took a foos to the knee!"

...

Starfire glanced about in confusion.

Beast Boy and Cyborg gazed at her with looks of utter spite.

"Starfire. Never make that joke again," Beast Boy said, dead serious.

"Ever," Cyborg nodded.

...

... Starfire slowly frowned. "Oh..."

She then glanced across the room, noticing the battle was not over yet. "EEEEP! RAVEN!"

...

SWOOSH! SWOOSH-SWOOSH-SWOOSH!

"HOOOOOHAHAHA!"

Blood Rose, who had gained the upper hand in the battle, swung at Raven with two knives dripping a blood red liquid - his horn providing the magical grip.

"One little scratch," he giggled. "ONE LITTLE SCRATCH! And it's all over. The venom on these blades came from a snake even the Griffins fear! Tiny, seemingly insignificant, but with the potency to take down an elephant, much less a little girl who calls herself a 'Titan!'"

With that, he grinned wickedly, twirled about, and CRAAAAAACK!.!.!

- Struck Raven with his two back-hooves. "HOOOOOOOHAHAHA!"

He then faced her again, and raised his two knives - ready to do much more than just poison the stunned Titan.

"You know, it's funny really," he smiled. "I'm not even that good going toe-to-toe. I usually just like to sit back and let my gas do the work for me." He then tiled his head. "But low and behold, I find someone who seems to think she has to overcompensate for a lack of magical ability by trying something she is not made for. A shame, really..."

He narrowed his eyes.

"But there's an easy way of getting rid of a broken mind, you know..."

...

Raven swallowed hard, closing her eyes...

"Yeah, you lock them up for good!"

Those eyes went wide.

WOOOOOSH-CRACK!.!.!

Blood Rose's pupils dilated.... as he slowly collapsed to the ground - Robin's staff in back of where it once had been, its holder taking a deep breath.

"And for the record, my puns are still, and always have been, a psychological tactic," Robin muttered.

The bank goers, to put bluntly, were ready to buy Titan posters.

"ALLLLLRIIIIGHTT!.!.!" Vinyl called. "That was soooo friggin' awesome! Hell- I even got inspiration for a new song, too! Ima call it... 'Foos Ro Da!'"

"Sounds good to me, party girl!" Beast Boy grinned, bro-hoofing her.

"Mph... I'm sure they'll appreciate the piece I'm writing for them as well," Octavia said. "'The Titans Go' symphony."

"I might actually want to hear that," Raven said to herself.

Robin actually cracked a smirk as he helped her up.

"Heh. Glad I was familiar with what he poisoned me with," he spoke. "I had the anti-toxin handy."

Raven glanced at him curiously. "How did you know what he poisoned you with that quickly?"

Robin glanced away from her, coughing. "Well... let's just say Batman's training included a little - um - resistance building?"

Raven furrowed her brow. "So you're saying you learned how to identify poisons by exposing yourself to them and... observing what the effects were on yourself?"

"In a controlled environment, of course," Robin stated.

Raven slowly nodded. "You're insane."

He shrugged. "Tell me something I don't know."

"Sometimes, I wonder if you do know," Raven said, before giving a miserable sigh.

Robin caught on.

"Hey... are you alright?" he asked, lowering two, concerned eyebrows.

She glanced away from him, gritting her teeth. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Robin asked, gulping slightly. "Look - I know this whole pony thing has been hard to adjust to for all of us... but I know it must be tough losing your powers, too." He then smiled. "But there's no shame in it, really. They'll come back eventually, and if anyone could teach you how to use magic again, it'd be Twilight. In the meantime, you might as well learn a few of my kind of moves."

She grunted, gazing at him again. "Robin - I appreciate you teaching me some of what you've learned, but I'm not you. I'm not as agile nor as strong as you are, and you've been training all of your life."

"Maybe, but you're a much quicker learner than me," Robin said.

Suddenly, there was a clamor of armored hooves coming from outside the bank.

"Yo Robin - guard's here!" Cyborg called. "Come on, let's go get the paperwork done - I have a few new blueprints to show the tower construction crew!"

"Alright, be right there!" Robin called.

Cyborg nodded as him, a joyful looking Starfire, and the green changeling made their way out.

"Duuuude! Is it the swimming pool?!" Beast Boy asked.

Cyborg gave a grunt. "We are not having a swimming pool, BB, seriously! We're spoiled enough with them building this thing for us already!"

He frowned. "I bet if I asked Princess Celestia..."

"Come on man, don't abuse your number one fangirl, seriously!"

He stuck his tongue out. "You're just jealous that you're not her favorite!"

"Pffft - no, I just don't wanna waste money on a swimming pool when I could be installing a friggin' giant magitek cannon on the roof! Ain't nobody - pony, whatever, screwing with the tower this time!" He chuckled. "I mean seriously, for a land of peace, they sure know how to weaponise magic..."

And they were gone.

Robin chuckled slightly, shaking his head. "The more things change..."

"Mph..."

He raised an eyebrow.. "Raven... I didn't mean to cut this off - we can talk about it later, if you want..."

Raven merely sighed, and turned to the door. "Maybe - I don't know. I'll be in the Everfree Forest meditating if you need me."

...

"A-Alright..."

And as a very-much concerned Robin looked on, Raven sauntered out of the bank and towards the foreboding forest of old.

Robin furrowed his brow. "There's got to be somepony who can help her get her magic back..."


The Everfree Forest
Ten Minutes Later
Dusk

"Azarath... Metrion... Zinthos..."

Among a group of lonely shadows produced by ancient trees, Raven sat on the forest floor. She had become familiar with these woods the last two months, much like she had become familiar with Twilight Sparkle's library. Both the inner and outer woods were peaceful... save for the occasional angry visit from Wrath. Luckily, he stayed away from the outer woods - leaving her in peace.

She shifted in the moss, grunting.

... Or something close to it.

"Azarath... Metrion.... Zinthos..."

"Azarath... Metrion.... Zinthos..."

"Azarath... Metrion.... Zinthos..."

Each time, she grew more and more frustrated, before finally...

"Azarath... Metrion...."

She gave a terrific groan of defeat.

"Zinthos..." she sighed, opening her eyes.

She shook her head. "It's no use..." she whispered. "I don't know why I keep trying to live in the past. It's long gone. My powers may have been drawn by emotion, but whatever that place was it came from: be it Azarath or something else... it's no longer with me."

She winced. "Still - it doesn't explain why I can't learn arcane magic... do I just not have the right horn for it? Did I come out of the artifact... wrong?"

...

Suddenly, she froze, as a deep, though menacing voice echoed from the woods:

"No, silly - you just need to wait a little longer..."

"..."

Raven didn't move a muscle.

It gave an annoyed grunt. "Oh come on, this isn't some cliche horror show! I'm not going to hurt you..."

Raven then raised an eyebrow, glancing towards it direction - however, it didn't take long to see its origin. There was a light sound of sweeping air as a strange, smoke-like being glided out of the deep, its only visible feature two, green eyes - with strange wisps of purple energy crawling out of their sides.

"Who are you?" Raven said softly, as if she were talking to a regular ole' person. "Some sort of ghost? Another manifestation of the forest like Wrath?"

"Pfffft," he chuckled. "Please - Wrath has nothing on me... neither do any of the other 'Everfree Guardians'."

Raven continued to glance at him suspiciously. "Your eyes... they're close to how Requiem's were described..."

"Heh - oh, them? That's just the um... cus of um... being a spirit and stuff! Woooooo...." it coughed.

"You use dark magic don't you," Raven said blankly. "And you've transformed yourself into a being of smoke."

"Errr - something like that," it grunted. "More like 'was transformed against my will just because I wanted to make um... something I cared about prosperous..."

Raven slowly nodded. "Alright... assuming you aren't a very poor liar and want to make me your apprentice or something... what do you want?"

"To make you my apprentice, of course!" it chirped.

"..."

"Hey, at least I'm honest," it sighed. "And honesty - heh - you don't really need me... to an extent. I believe your magic will come back in time..."

"Then why do you want me as your apprentice?" Raven said.

The figure began circling around her, saying in a sing-song tone: "It's simple really: your magic will come back, but when it does, it won't be nearly as powerful as you were used to. From what I've studied, I've theorized it's a different type of magic then what is known in this world. I'll go ahead and call it 'black magic'. Your body, and more importantly, your horn, are not suited for it at the moment. However, it seems the artifact tried to make it so... but only got half way. Ever notice how your horn is a bit... crooked? Smoother than the rest of the unicorns..."

"I don't know, but I'll make due," Raven grunted. "I don't make deals with ghosts in the pale moonlight. That's just asking for trouble." She then cracked her neck, closing her eyes again. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't just meditate for power control. It's relaxing for me..."

"Mmmm, thought we'd have a few trust issues," the shadow grunted.

Raven gave a low groan. "I'll be a little less polite: please leave me alone."

The shadow chuckled lightly, before floating towards her ear and whispering. "You'll never get what you want alone. I saw you fight today. Honestly, you have very good friends. They would have you fighting among your side even if your powers never returned. You're family to them..."

"What are you getting at?" she muttered.

"I'm just reiterating what you've probably already realized," he whispered. "Something that's been tossing and turning in your head since you first learned you weren't exactly your old self..."

"And that is...?"

"Something that I'd be thinking right now..." He continued. "That while your teammates will always accept you, there will come a point where you will no longer deem it acceptable to be among them - at least to fight them, because of your diminished power. Oooooh sure, they'll definitely let you live with them, still - hang out with them, but you'll always just feel like dead weight." The shadow's voice began to drop. "And then... the guilt will force you to leave them... and being near them will just remind you of what you once had. So... you'll go off alone - somewhere far away. And you will stay that way - alone. Why? Because you're the type who has a very hard time growing close to people, or perhaps even an impossible time... save for a friendship forged in fire, that is."

"Ugh - just go away!" Raven suddenly cried. She wanted with all her might to teleport away, but her horn said otherwise.

"Very well," he chuckled. "I may go away, but the thoughts will remain, you know... and don't blame me for 'placing them in your head' or whatever, they were there before I even said a word. I'm very good at reading people, Raven - maybe not the best at interacting, but I know that for all your talk of loving solitude, every once and awhile you enjoy having company... I'm the same in a way. How about we do each other a favor?"

"I don't even know your name!" she snapped. "Who you are!?"

"Spoilers," he smirked, before narrowing his eyes. "Let's just say I come from a much...

... Colder place."