Reformed 101: Triscord
by Prane
Chapter 1
Enough is enough!
Princess Celestia was a wise, benevolent, and above all, patient co-ruler of Equestria. However, none of these virtues mattered upon breaching a small motel room with the efficiency of a professional Nightguard squad. The wooden doors opened with a violent slam, waking half the Canterlot up and scaring the other half to death.
“This ends now!” she commanded, fully convinced that her imperious hoof was pointing at something that could threaten her subjects and the magical balance of the land.
‘This’ actually referred to an innocent pair of ponies, a mare and a stallion, sitting side by side on a soft bed, tenderly leaning their muzzles towards one another. Whatever they were up to, Celestia’s brutal entry had thrown them completely off balance, causing a considerable stir which called for immediate retribution.
It came in the form of that lovely, yet vexed made, the azure coated one with a near-white mane, known to the whole wide world by her stage name of The Great and Powerful Trixie. She straightened up, looked at the princess, no, she looked daggers at the princess and exploded with outrage.
“Trixie demands privacy!” she shouted. “Who do you think you are!?”
Shock and awe! Addressing royalty in such a blunt manner was more than good enough reason to have that mare cast into a dark, cold dungeon beneath the Canterlot Castle – and that would be Celestia’s swift and immediate reaction if she hadn’t realize that the insolent, furiously red on her face mare was not addressing her, but rather her pink-maned disguise of a pegasus called Sunny Skies.
Although Trixie was not able to see through it, the stallion, whose head popped out from behind her back, did recognize Sunny’s true form with ease.
And Celestia recognized his. But not without a substantial dose of astonishment.
They had known each other for many centuries now – long enough not to be fooled by a simple camouflage – although she had to admit that her former adversary had really outdone himself this time.
The stallion sprung out of bed, standing between the mares.
“Sorry for my ex-marefriend, dear,” he said to Trixie, wearing a legitimate regret and shame on his face, then he turned to Celestia with glimpses of mockery shooting from his eyes. She saw them many times before, and although it was all clear now, the stallion-not-stallion wasn’t going to miss such opportunity to play on her. “I told you, it would never work out between the two of us!” he raised his hooves in an overly dramatic gesture. “Why, or why are you ruining my life!”
Celestia raised a single eyebrow. It was getting ridiculous now!
For anyone not tracking recent events, the entirety of this situation would resemble a pivotal scene from a poorly-written school play – as soap operas weren’t invented in Equestria yet – which would soon come to a predictable conclusion.
However, predictability wasn’t a case here.
Out of the blue, a window opened and a mysterious, hooded figure blasted onto the stage, bringing along the cold winter air from the streets of Canterlot. It chilled everypony in the room but Trixie, as the stallion’s timely reaction got her covered with a warm blanket.
The newcomer, apparently a mare, rolled across the floor and stood up. She was formidable in size and tense in posture, which made her look rather fearsome – especially with the bat-black hood covering the top part of her face – but a compelling smile that soon appeared would quickly shatter that impression.
“Hath no fear, Trixie!” she shouted, her voice booming with a slightly archaic undertone. She shook off her hood, revealing a long, cobalt blue mane made of iridescent night, matching the deep sapphire coat and emphasizing her cyan eyes. She gave a wide smile, dazzling everyone with the brilliance of perfectly white teeth.
“Princess Luna!?” Trixie replied in surprise, too astonished to even consider a proper bow or to notice that the stallion rolled his eyes.
“It would seem that my here present sister,” Luna walked towards the pink-maned pegasus with a frown on her face, “could not stand the bitterness of defeat, and followed the path of cheating that led her to this very place!”
“Trixie does not understand!?” she had a really hard time catching on what was happening, especially why on earth would Princess of the Night referred to that nasty intruder of a pegasus as her sister!
“No, I didn’t!” Celestia stomped her front hooves in a gesture of protest, then immediately covered her mouth in embarrassment written all over her face. She quite overdid with the disguise this time – she wasn’t used to high-pitched tones of Sunny Skies, so a little crack that appeared in her voice made her appear just childish.
Celestia concentrated for a while, cleared her throat and spoke in a deep, royal voice.
“It is time for you to end this charade,” she addressed the stallion, who was apparently having a great time watching all this chaos ensuing around. “Discord.”
Off all the ponies inside the small motel room, Trixie was definitely the most uniformed one, and she felt really uncomfortable with that, as the new pieces of information were coming faster than she could process those she already had. She looked at the stallion questioningly.
“Disco-”
“Oh, all right, all right!” the stallion turned his sight away from Trixie and took a book from a nearby table. He opened it on a page with a large, colorful picture of himself, not in his pony disguise, but in his true, draconequus form. “But don’t blame me. I did everything… by the book.”
The picture somehow came to life and stood up, leaving a blank page! It was as thin as paper, but looked surprisingly real nevertheless. Then it snapped its little fingers, as the room full of equines he was more than capable to do so – despite being just a piece of animated ink.
With a white flash, every single performer of that poorly-written school play disappeared. The paper projection of Discord jumped back into the book, which fell on the floor and closed, revealing its title.
REFORMED 101: TRISCORD
* * *
Few days earlier
Although nopony would sing about the life in Equestria as shimmering or shining just yet, the day was equally pleasant. Not because of the mighty sun, now concealed behind a layer of downy clouds, but rather due to a thick blanket of glimmering snow covering Canterlot this time of year. Still, it was a pretty day, and Princess Celestia was sitting on her throne.
No, not only sitting. Contrary to popular (but unspoken) opinion, she was actually working hard throughout the day, in addition to performing the monumental task of raising and setting the sun over and over again. Perhaps her contribution to national security wasn’t as spectacular – not spectacular enough to make a show of it, at least – as using the Elements of Harmony to avert every crisis every six months on average, but on the other hoof, how exciting it was to sign documents, issue decrees and host her advice-seeking subjects?
Quite a bit, considering that her current petitioner wasn’t a pony at all.
“How many times did you use your magic for the benefit of others?” she asked firmly, looking down at the bored draconequus.
“Mhm… about zero,” Discord replied, his words oozing with palpable sneer and scoff. “How terrible!”
He went back to playing with an exquisite, decorative crystal hourglass, a gift from Celestia’s niece ruling the Crystal Empire.
“And how many ponies did you help?” she pressed on.
“Close to none, unacceptable!” he gazed at Celestia through the hourglass’ top bulb, now emptied of tiny grains of silvery sand.
“And how many ponies did you befriend?”
A glimpse of mischief shined in Discord’s yellow-red eyes. He livened up and threw the priceless hourglass in the air, emanating with apparent triumph.
“Ha! This is where I have you, Princess!” he gloated. “Because I did…”
“NOT counting Fluttershy of Ponyville!”
“Oh,” Discord’s face became gloomy as he stared at a magenta carpet leading across the chamber. He was visibly crestfallen, almost as fallen as the hourglass which would shatter on the throne room’s floor if it weren’t for Celestia and her watchful, gold in color magic.
She carefully put the miniature hourglass on a marble-carved stand.
“Now,” she began, “you will either go out there and join the upcoming school trip around the sculpture garden…”
As she was speaking, Discord’s appearance morphed into a draconequus wearing a flashy, floral shirt, a fishing hat with layers of square patches covering one another, a camera with ridiculously oversized lens and glasses with thick frames. He seemed dedicated to join the sightseeing trips, but Celestia quickly dosed his enthusiasm.
“…as a tour guide for them,” she continued, to which the camera disappeared, sucked into nothingness, “and two others coming today,” the floral shirt disappeared, revealing Discord’s brown fur, “as well as those coming tomorrow,” the hat exploded into colorful confetti, “or you will make some friends for the sake of Equestria’s safety!”
Discord took off the glasses, his only remaining accessory and when he did, a flat picture of his eyes remained attached to them. Although his actual eyeballs were now blank, it didn’t scare Celestia at all. She was getting used to that.
“I really can’t see how does me making friends can help you in protecting Equestria?”
Celestia’s face took a serious look. It obviously wasn’t for her penetrating eyes, but the glasses happened to crack just at the exact moment she gazed into Discord’s eyes.
“Oh, all right, if that’ll make you happy!” he put the glasses on, attaching the irises back to his eyeballs. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Princess,” he conjured a silver plate with a substantial slice of deliciously looking cake and presented it to Celestia with a slight bow. “I have some friendship to do...”
And then he vanished with a bright flash of white light.
Celestia breathed with relief. Discord was disobedient troublemaker, but at least he was not using his chaotic magic to wreak havoc like he did almost year and a half ago. And he left her favorite cake!
She lifted the dessert with her magic and inspected it closely. Between the two first layers of sponge cake there were round slices of banana, guarding numerous strawberries imprisoned in a reddish jelly. Then there were grapes drowned in a dreamy white whipped cream, covered with another layer of sponge cake, this time kept in balance thanks to pieces of pineapple. A little higher, rivers of solidified chocolate were coming down akin to waterfalls, strengthening the structure of this multi-storey caloric bomb. It was truly miraculous that it didn’t fall apart.
And at the top of it, a small marzipan figurine resembling Celestia herself, covered with royal icing, and surrounded by letters made of colorful sprinkles forming the words BEST PRINCESS EVER.
Celestia licked up, ready to immerse herself in pure delight. She conjured a silver fork to match the plate, lifted it up…
“Greetings, sister!”
…and put it back down. From behind the well-earned dessert she didn’t notice Luna coming in.
“I heard Discord,” the Princess of the Night said. “How did it go?”
“I sent him on a quest to make some more friends. Proverbial piece of cake, my sister,” she giggled and levitated the plate in between them. “You want some?”
“I must decline your offer,” Luna raised her hoof, then lisped. “My dentist at Ponyville said I should cut back on sweets,” she was apparently moving her tongue along her freshly washed teeth. Then she looked seriously at Celestia. “And you should, too!”
Luna climbed onto the throne platform and leaned towards Celestia, almost conspiratorially. As she was getting closer, the air got saturated with a slight scent of her minty fresh breath. “Cavities!” she whispered.
Celestia rolled her eyes, and made the plate hover back towards her. She wasn’t going to listen to her sister’s advice! What did she know, anyway? The fork got lifted again.
“I believe that Discord has a good chance on making friends this time,” Luna stated, as she was stepping down the platform, seemingly casual. But Celestia knew better: despite her general carefree attitude, there was nothing casual in this one. She put the plate away… again. Her cake was going to wait just a minute longer.
“Don’t be ridiculous, my sister,” she took up. “I am afraid that ponies of Canterlot are too focused on keeping up appearances and protecting their social careers to accept a newcomer like Discord. You’ll see, he’ll be back within an hour to touring colts and fillies around the Castle.”
“Thou do not seem to put much faith in him,” Luna stated coldly, engaging in a quick exchange of words.
“And you do?” Celestia countered.
“I am.”
“He won’t.”
“Certain?”
“Yes.”
“Are thou willing to bet?”
Celestia opened her mouth, but hesitated. She took a nervous look at the cake, then captured a grin on Luna’s face. Now back to the cake. She wanted it so badly! However, Luna raised an interesting point. Perhaps she could get even for the last time!
“Same stake as usual?”
“Same stake as usual, sister of mine.”
“Then it’s settled,” the mares shook hooves, causing a loud clang with their gold and silver hoofshoes. The bet was now sealed. The bet which Celestia was going to win, naturally.
She took up the plate with her cake again. There would be no visits now, no paperwork, no impending crisis over Equestria to avert. Just she, the golden-eyed alicorn staring deeply at the view-obscuring mountain of delight in front of her.
Luna looked at Celestia from behind the opposite slope of Mount Pleasure. She slowly lurked up from behind the silver plate and the layers of sponge cake. Celestia observed her, but did not move, as she didn’t want to provoke any unnecessary attention that would endanger her precious dessert. Choosing her words with extreme caution was a must now.
“I am still going to eat it.”
“CAAAVITIES!”
“Go away, Luna!”
Princess Luna giggled on her way out. Teasing Celestia from time to time was her second favorite activity at the castle. And just when she thought she was safe, it turned out she wasn’t, as Celestia’s melodious voice made her realize.
“Oh, and Lunaaa!” Celestia grinned, preparing a swift comeback. “Since you have so much faith in Discord, it’s now your turn to lead the touring!”
Luna lowered her head and went outside the throne room. Touché.
Celestia giggled, glad to pin a needle in her unruly sister’s flank. She took the plate and lifted the fork – finally! – and began the celebration. And just when the fork touched the cake…
Kaboom!
Although Luna was already outside, she knew exactly what happened. Celestia should have known by now that you usually cannot put a trust in Discord’s gifts. It’s amazing that she fell for it!
She was about to go away, but she couldn’t deny herself the sight. On her tip-hooves, she went back and peeked inside the throne room from behind the corner.
Princess Celestia, the mighty sun-raising alicorn was fully covered with layers of cake she was going to eat. She had a beard made of whipped cream and two strawberries placed just over her eyes. Dark lines of chocolate were surrounding them as a poorly placed eye shade, and her pointy horn was covered in what remained from banana slices. Also, her ears were apparently filled with earring-like grapes.
“Priceless! Priceless!” Luna heard Discord’s voice, and only then did she realize that the draconequus was peeking inside the throne room as well. He was hanging from the ceiling, wrapping his tail around a decorative chandelier. “Victory in the next National Dessert Competition is as good as mine!”
Luna and Discord burst out with laughter when a vivid, golden aura appeared in the middle of Montez de la Céleste Plaisir composition.
And then the throne room doors shut with an excessive force.