"What?" the sorceress asked in disbelief. She looked at me like I had just said the most inconceivable thing on the face of the planet. Who knows, maybe I had? "Run that by me again, I think I may have misheard you."
"You're going to need a new basement," I repeated sheepishly. "I kinda broke it."
The act of face meeting hoof seems to happen a lot around me. "You broke my basement?" I nodded, seems like she's following me now. "You broke my basement?"
"Uh, yeah," I tried to give her the "you're a moron" look I always receive, but I don't think I'm very good at it. "I just said that... twice."
I don't think she heard me, she looked too distracted by the twitching of her eye to hear anything I said. "I leave you alone for..." she glanced at a clock, "seventeen seconds and you manage to break the magically fortified bunker I had designed to withstand everything up to -and including- a Celestia-tier magical blast."
I thought about it. The room had looked rather sturdy, but it fell apart like a house of cards. Maybe whoever built the thing messed up? "Something like that."
"I swear, you're more trouble than you're worth." Ouch, that's mean sorceress. I have feelings you know?
"Hey, I think you should leave before she blows up or something." Look at you Fphant, being the voice of reason.
"If anything blows up around me it's going to be him," the sorceress grumbled, but she seemed to agree with Fphant in that I should go. Well, that was the impression I got from the flash of magical light and tingly, teleporty sensation followed by finding myself at the foot of the tower.
"Hey Schmoopy," I greeted the overlarge poodle when I noticed her curled up on the tower's welcome mat. Schmoopy didn't reply.
Of course she didn't reply. She's a bucking dog, for Pete's sake! Why did I expect a dog to talk to me? And who the hay is Pete and why should I do things for his sake?
Instead Schmoopy just lay there, panting, and gave me a look which plainly stated, "come over here and pet me or I'll bite your legs off." I, being the reasonable pony I was, complied with the non-verbal command and scratched the dog behind her ears.
"You know Schmoopy," I said, talking to myself more than the dog, "your master sure is weird sometimes." Schmoopy cocked his head to the side. Not sure if giving curious look, or asking to be scratched behind other ear. I decided to err on the side of caution and scratch behind Schmoopy's other ear.
Of course, that didn't stop me from talking some more anyways. "One minute she tells me to practice my new abilities, which she gave me, I might add, in her basement, and the next she's threatening to blow me up when my lasers prove too much for her basement to take. Make up your mind, dammit!"
Fluffy, seeing the attention I was giving to Schmoopy and probably getting all doggy-jealous, walked over and plopped down on my other side. I obliged the unspoken request and scratched behind her ears as well.
"I just don't know how to deal with that," I sighed. "I guess that's why I act like I do all the time. If people think I don't know what's up, or if I annoy them enough that they don't want to be around me, then they won't try to hide their intentions because they'll be too focused on being confused or annoyed. They won't put on a facade designed to mislead a person into thinking they're something other than they really are." Like a politician trying to earn a vote, or a sleazy businessman trying to make a "friend" only to stab you in the back.
I paused my scratching as I realized something. "Heh, I guess that makes me a pretty big hypocrite," I told the dogs, resuming my scratching before they bit my face off. "I put on a mask of idiocy so people feel safe enough around me to remove their own masks.
"But I don't know what to do when what's beneath the mask changes so swiftly." I ceased my scratching and contented myself with laying between the two large dogs, hearing their hot breaths and feeling their tails wag.
"You could try accepting that the sorceress is a unique pony who handles stress in her own unique way," someone said. I started, glancing briefly around before settling my gaze on Schmoopy. "She's just upset that her home has been damaged so heavily."
"You can talk, Schmoopy?"
Someone chuckled behind me, wait, I know that chuckle. "No, you moron, that was me," Unique said.
Oh, I feel stupid. "How long have you been listening?" I asked.
"Long enough." Unique chuckled again, but I felt no malice behind his laugh, or his earlier comment.
Guess I've been caught in my own ploy. I felt safe enough around the dogs to take my mask off, and Unique happened to hear. Honestly I was glad it was Unique and not Fphant. "Didn't know you moonlighted as a therapist," I commented.
"I work as a bartender, it comes with the job." Makes sense, considering all the cliches about people drowning their sorrows while pouring their hearts out.
"Come on," Unique said after a short pause, offering a hoof to help me up. "Sorceress sent me to go let the mason in town that she's in need of repairs. You want to come with?"
I smiled, a genuine smile, not my usual madpony grin. "Sure, I could use a walk." The dogs' ears perked at the word "walk". "You mind if we have company?" I asked Unique.
"Not at all," he said, returning my smile. "In fact, the more the merrier."
What did I do to deserve a friend like him?
"Come on puppies, let's go thataway!"