"Online," I said, "is a place where humans exchange information. If you'll listen to what I say, you too will be able to read human."
"Pony, too?" Opal asked. "I have always wanted to know why they look at a paper of scribbles and laugh. It made no sense to me."
"Then watch and learn."
Before even touching my phone, I found myself a host plug away from the common use areas. I managed to fanagle a way to shove the plug into the socket. Afterwards, I connected the wire to the plug and the phone to the wire. I then put the phone down in front of me and poked the power button. The Samsung logo stirred upon the screen, followed by the brand mark. The lock screen emerged. I swiped my access password over my daughter's newborn face (they are so blessed adorable at that age!! *squee*) and promptly stomped on the Internet icon.
I could feel Opal's eyes grow wide.
"So that is what us cats miss without human eyes!?" She gasped. "It... it is like... catnip! And fresh meat! A-as one dish!" She smiled. "You will teach me what these things say?"
"To the best of my ability," I promised. "For now, let me work my magic and try to find news sources pertaining to our current situation."
She went quietly amazed as I manipulated the phone nearly as easily as I did with human fingers. I have to say, for being so small a cat paw is a lot like a human hand, minus the thumb and some flexibility around the finger areas. They can fold their paw up and grip some small objects, should they choose to.
I braced my phone against a wall and began tapping. Soon the address bar was filled with a search query: humans turning into ponies.
"What does that say?" Opal asked. After I read the phrase to her, she scoffed. "Why would anyone want to turn into a large servant animal? I would much rather think that they would be better transformed Iinto a cat."
"I don't know, really," I admitted. "Call it a hunch."
So I hit the search button. All I came up with was insults for bad fan fiction. There was nothing about anyone turnng into ponies, nothing about anyone even remotely having an experience close to mine, nothing even about... what??
There was a trollface on my Galaxy!
"Dammit, Discord! Stop toying with me!"
We looked at each other in our mind's eye when we realized we had said the same line together.
We looked back at the phone. The trollface began to speak with the voice of Discord.
"Thank you for the practice run. I have to get the rest of my plans in order. Until then, let them think I'm still a statue, and enjoy your stay in Hotel British Columbia, Opalescence!"
As the trollface disappeared, I got a sinking feeling in my gut. I shook my head and dared to hope I was wrong. My problem was that I had a pretty good accuracy rate when it came to these things, and if I was correct, that meant I would be stuck in this body, homeless, without my family, and would have to live like a cat. Not only that, but at some point in the future, others would turn out just like myself until we or they were able to beat Discord.
"What's more," Opal continued, sharing my thoughtstream, "even though I was the first, I would be inclined to bet some of my luxurious catnip at home that we will not be the ones to beat him." She growled with intensity. "Sweet Luna... this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"
I agreed. It appeared at this point we would not and could not do anything.
Thunder rolled and lightning struck as the gravity of our situation threatened to send us to the ditch Iin the back of the property.
In one night, my family had been taken away. My homes, my Rarity, my wife and kid, my catnip, my orchard... it had all been snatched away. Even worse, the bastard that did this to us was now back home, plotting the rest of his scheme, no doubt with the intent to lure the Elements of Harmony into this same situation I was in.
I moved over to my Facebook app and made a new page on a whim, calling it "Mancat Zytharropal". I hoped beyond hope that someone would find it and sympathize with me. Us. We.
Opal and I.
Dammit, I and I think we are losing it...
I... uh... Opal... ah... we w-w-...w-uh uh...
Blackness.