“Let go of the throne, Princess, so I can bludgeon you to death with it!”
“I am not being killed by my own throne!”
With a grunt, Celestia managed to wrest her throne out of Somnambula's control. She levitated it back into place and started to summon a fireball.
Sonnambula rolled her eyes. “Terms accepted.” She snapped her fingers and Luna's smaller throne rose up to sail straight at Celestia. This time Celestia wasn't quite fast enough. The blow nearly knocked her down before she was able to knock the throne away. “Just give this up. You're at your weakest and I'm at my strongest.”
Celestia scowled. “I still have the strength to defend my own castle.”
Her horn gave a bright flash. Instantly, all shattered glass rose up back into the windows, piecing itself together. Nopony would ever be able to tell they'd been broken.
Somnambula tapped her chin, looking bored. “Is that all y—”
Celestia's horn flashed again, and every one of the windows flew out of their frames to crash together in the center of the room. A whirlwind of multicolored shards began to form.
Somnambula raised her eyebrows. “Oh.”
With a snarl, Celestia launched the blast at Somnambula. The Witch of All Ages crouched, folding her fingers together—
BOING
Celestia stared in disbelief. Boing?
The cloud of glass had stopped right before hitting Somnambula and melted together into a massive rainbow-colored sphere. It was now bouncing up and down in front of the bewildered-looking witch like a giant rubber bouncy ball.
Somnambula looked at the ball. “Is that supposed to be some sort of joke.” She looked too confused to even lilt her tone enough to make it a question.
“If it is, it's a poor one.” Celestia scowled. “This duel had barely started and already you had to defile it with humor on par with Discord's idea of comedy.”
Somnambula looked offended. “I did this? I was about to turn it into an earth elemental, for your information.”
“Really?” Celestia was impressed despite herself.
“Yes. It would have been magnificent.”
“It would have been quite interesting, I admit.” Celestia pointed at the ball with disgust. “So why did the spell produce that?”
“It didn't.” Somnambula snorted. “As if my magic would do something so asinine.”
“You know, all this is remarkably hurtful.”
Celestia jumped. So did Somnambula. The painfully familiar voice had come from thin air, it seemed.
Slowly, the ball stopped bouncing and rolled over to reveal two yellow red-pupiled eyes—each complimented with a fluffy white eyebrow.
Discord the Superball glared at them both. “I have feelings, too, you know. I thought it was quite hilarious.”
Somnambula took a step back, looking alarmed. “Discord!”
Discord gave Celestia a knowing wink, then spun around to face Somnambula. “The one and only! Say, didn't I turn you into a singing rabbi—gyagh!”
Somnambula had materialized a huge rubber mallet and swung it, launching Discord straight at Celestia.
Discord seemed to fly at Celestia in slow motion. “Noooooooo—”
Celestia realized he was flying in slow motion. She frowned up at him as he continued. “—oooooo—”
Just as he was about to hit her, a giant racket appeared and hit him, launching him right back at Somnambula. He gave a manic grin. “This is fun!”
Somnambula leaped out of the way just in time as he crashed through the double doors. “I could do this all nigh—oh, hello, Fluttershy.” The last part of the sentence sounded guilty, as if he'd been caught in the act.
“Discord,” Celestia heard Fluttershy say, “are you toying with Celestia and Somnambula?”
“Ho ho! Well punned, Fluttershy! I'll make a villain of you yet!” The doors swung open and Discord and Fluttershy entered.
Celestia frowned. “What is the meaning of this, Discord?”
Discord looked at Fluttershy. “Do I have to?”
Fluttershy nodded, beaming mutely.
Discord pretended to gag. “Fine.” He turned, crossing his mismatched arms. He snapped his talons and an ill-fitting Mare-Do-Well costume appeared on him. “I'm here to save the day.”
“Louder! Make sure she knows you mean it!”
“This is demeaning. It's abuse!”
“Discord—”
Celestia raised a hoof. “It's alright, Discord.” She rolled her eyes. “The effort is appreciated, Fluttershy, but I can understand his intents with or without the melodrama. I'd much rather his energy be spent preventing Somnambula's escape.”
“Thank goodness!” Discord's costume vanished with a flash.
A cardboard box with a stick propping it up appeared right over the window Somnambula sought to exit through. Not noticing it, Somnambula accidentally knocked the stick away, causing the box to fall and 'trap' her.
Instantly the cardboard box turned into a padlocked iron chest. A muted curse could be heard from within.
“Discord,” Fluttershy said warningly. “Air holes!”
“You're already making me save my so-called nemesis's flank.” Discord stomped his foot like a petulant child.
“'So-called'?” Celestia was affronted. “And I did not need my 'flank' saved, for your information!”
“Can't I at least play Schrödinger? She might survive in there, there's a fifty-fifty chance!” Discord grinned hopefully.
“How can there be a 'fifty-fifty chance' with no air holes, Discord?”
“Oh, fine.” Discord waved his lion's paw and two air holes appeared at the top. “There. Happy?”
“Very!” Fluttershy smiled. She turned to Celestia. “Are you okay, Princess Celestia?”
“Hmph.” Celestia shrugged, giving a half-smile. “Only my pride is hurt, Fluttershy. All we need do now is—”
“Ahem. Princess.” The three of them turned, Celestia groaning inwardly. Fancypants stood in the doorway again. “Flying monkeys have locked the guards in our own jail and Darkheart is sending portions of the Royal Canterlot Menagerie to alternate dimensions.”
“Ooh!” Discord raised his claw. “Mine!”
“Nothing too dangerous,” Fluttershy said. “Just lock them up.”
Discord pouted. “Oh, fine.” He leaped into the air and vanished.
Fluttershy turned to Celestia as Fancypants ran off. “Okay, so we just need to intercept Grogar at Tambelon so we can—”
“What?” Celestia's jaw dropped. “The—Grogar got the key?”
“Where have you been, lady?” she heard Pinkie snap as she climbed into the throne room.
“Wait, when did Pinkie get here?” Fluttershy asked.
“When did Grogar get the key?”
“Hey!” Pinkie looked around, frowning. “Where'd Hidden Ball Number Fifty-Eight get to?”
“Sun and moon,” said a voice inside the chest, “but you're idiots...”
In her hut in the Everfree Forest sat a zebra whose heart became more filled with dread by the minute. The source of her fear was a puddle of water.
When Zecora had built her hut, she'd been very careful to tilt the floor very slightly to the west. This was due to an old rhyme in her books which her people had always followed by heart.
The water not following laws of gravity
Advises you not to sleep without your eyes ajar
Moreover, if it goes against the sun's tedious plummet
Bar your doors, it is an omen that the shadow comes.
Well, it rhymed in her native tongue, anyways. The Equestrian translation tended to mangle it. The point was that the tilt of her house was a very common custom among her people.
And now the water was going the wrong way; pooling in the eastern corner.
Zecora got up and made her way to the window. Swallowing, she looked out.
What she saw made even the wise herbalist fall back in shock.
“The shadow is near,” she whispered, “and I feel fear. Bar my doors indeed, quite fast, for my luck in being ignored won't last.”
Outside she had glimpsed not the familiar forest she'd come to call home. She had seen black bricks. A great gate far off in the distance. Buildings everywhere made of what seemed to be shadow itself. And a towering wall encircling it all.
Though her books had never given this place a distinct name, Zecora knew what the ponies called it.
Tambelon.
“Grogar, stop!”
Ignoring Luna, Grogar held the Element of Kindness on his hoof and slowly raised it towards the great city's iron portcullis.
“Stop!” Luna knew she wasn't going to reach him in time.
The Element began to glow pink. Then shadow began to encircle it as the magics placed upon it took effect.
Luna came to a halt as the portcullis began to rise. There was a great screech, and the necklace leaped into the air of its own accord. It began spinning around Grogar's head, remolding itself like fresh clay.
It lowered onto his head. Grogar now wore what resembled a black tiara with a pink gem at its center.
He turned, looking back at Luna with an irritated expression. He gestured at the tiara. “This was your idea, I expect. You always were the less mature one.”
“That's because I was younger, Grogar. And no, it wasn't.”
Grogar laughed. “Well, it matters not!” For the first time since his arrival, Grogar seemed genuinely happy. “My city is mine. And for your idiocy Equestria will be first to fall! This tiresome forest is only the beginning!” His red eyes shone with gleeful malevolence. “First, the forest. Tomorrow, all of Equestria!”
Luna crouched, preparing to charge. She knew she couldn't beat Grogar, but perhaps she could trick him into meeting her charge. If he fell for it, she could perhaps teleport behind him and... “You shall never get away with this!” she snarled.
Oh, good gods. Did she really use that line?
“Embarrassing.”
Luna and Grogar both looked around, but there was no-one to be seen. Grogar snarled. “Reveal!”
His bell gave a chime. Two forms slowly became visible—a large red mantis and a black-furred centaur brandishing a cudgel. Luna looked at them, heart soaring. “Echechak! Tirek!”
Tirek gave a grim smile. “We could hardly allow you to inflict your agonizing cliches upon our good friend Grogar, now, could we?”
Grogar growled. “Fools.”
“Surrender now, Grogar!” Luna shouted, unable to keep from grinning. “We have you surrounded!”
“No...” Grogar's bell began ringing shrilly. His voice went to a roar. “I've got you surrounded!”
There was a moment of silence.
No, you don't. You're foolish and that comeback is foolish.
“Indeed,” Luna said. “It didn't make sense the first time, why—”
The stars winked out.
Luna looked up, mind racing. What trick is this?
As she looked she became aware of something else: the shadows around them were moving. Including her own.
Dark mist began to circle around the four of them. Indecipherable whispers could be heard. The mist sped up, spinning faster and faster until it was a blur of pitch black.
Then it stopped. Several dozen three-dimensional equine shadows hovered in the air around them, eyes a dull, malicious red.
Grogar gave a smirk. “Tambelon has been locked in the Shadow World for a long, long time. As First Warden, did it not occur to you I might have a bit more control over that dimension?”
He turned and galloped off, the shadows parting to let him pass before closing the circle again. Luna, Echechak and Tirek were surrounded.
“Princess,” Tirek said, grasping his cudgel tightly, “pursue Grogar. We will hold them here.”
“I shall not leave you.”
Princess, dealing with gods means I understand a lot of their irritating habits. Echechak sprang up onto Tirek's back, adopting a fighting pose. Refusing to let their defenders stand and fight is one of the habits I loathe.
“But—”
“Go, Luna!” Tirek shouted as he fired a blast of crimson energy from his hands. Echechak leaped off his back into the mist of the creatures, slicing through shadowstuff like old parchment.
Luna hesitated a moment more. Then she jumped into the air and, with three wingbeats, soared over the mighty walls of Tambelon.
She landed right behind the parapet and jumped off again, landing on the nearest building. She paused just a moment to look around, but Grogar was nowhere to be seen. She leaped onto the next building, kept running, leaped again, and kept this up until—
Her hooves touched something that was not stone. With a cry, she tumbled down through what felt like thatched straw, crashing into a small room.
Immediately she was on her hooves again. What was this? Some insidious trap of Grogar's?
No. It was the home of a cross-looking zebra.
“Though I am honored at this visit,” the zebra said, “I think I would have rather missed it.”
Luna looked around. She had essentially destroyed the zebra's roof. “Why are you not in the shadow realm?” she asked, still wary. Perhaps Grogar had finally puzzled out illusions.
“In the forest, I feared harm.” The zebra—who Luna determined was probably Twilight's friend Zecora—pointed to several odd knick-knacks hanging on the wall. “So I assembled many charms.”
“So you did,” someone called.
Luna looked up in time to get hit by a vertically charging ram.
Grogar rammed her through Zecora's dirt floor, then soared back up and landed right beside an alarmed Zecora. “I had suspected you would follow. So willing is the Princess of the Night to abandon her allies.”
“And where...” Luna struggled to pull herself out of the hole Grogar had trapped her in. “...is Bray?”
“Bray?” Grogar waved a hoof dismissively. “A manticore carried him off an hour or so ago, I believe. Why?”
Luna rolled her eyes, getting up again. “It is time for the second round, Grogar.”
“Hah!” Grogar shook his head. “You can barely stay awake, let alone fight. I do not need to sleep, but you do. Like I said—too close to mortals for your own good.”
Luna knew he was right. And in his own city, he had every advantage.
She glared fiercely. “Then ram me again, but I promise your horns will break before I do.” She stomped her hooves on the earthen floor. “Mine is not a last stand—the time I buy is time for others to use. You will not win easily, sheep.”
The air suddenly felt a bit chillier. The room suddenly looked a bit darker. And Grogar...Grogar suddenly sounded very, very angry. “What did you just call me?”
Luna recalled the many times she had hurriedly backpedaled on this over the last few days, feeling a twinge of savage glee. She held her head high. “A sheep.”
For ten long seconds, nobody spoke.
Then Grogar cocked his head. “I'm not a sheep.”
Luna had expected to be burned to a cinder. She had expected her own shadow to show up to choke her to death. She had perhaps expected her eardrums to be shattered by the force of Grogar's shouting. She had not expected that.
“Um, yes, you are,” she said.
“No.” He scowled. “I am not. I do not know why everything keeps calling me that!”
“Because you are one!”
“I am not!” Grogar straightened, sticking out his chest proudly. “I am a goat.”
Luna stared at him.
“Actually...” Zecora raised a hoof. “...if I am not very much mistaken, I do not think this ram is...fakin'.” She pursed her lips as if frustrated, then quickly went on. “Goats are known for their long beards. A bearded sheep would be quite weird.”
“Wait.” Luna cocked her head as Grogar had just done. “Do you mean to tell me he actually isn't a sheep?”
“I should think not,” Grogar muttered.
“Oh.” Luna made a mental note to inform the Canterlot Royal Librarians. Then she remembered she was possibly about to die and decided it was just as well that the revisions would be Grogar's problem.
Grogar took a deep breath. “Well, then, Princess.” He cleared his throat. “It seems the time has come, and not a moment too soon.” His red eyes blazed. “It is high time for the end.”
“I couldn't agree more, Grogar.”
With a great explosion of fire and light as bright as the sun, a pink-maned alicorn landed in the middle of the hut. The walls shuddered, then flew outwards, along with a door that had been living on borrowed time, anyways.
Celestia looked a bit the worse for wear—her mane was messy, anyway, and Luna knew her sister well enough to know that this was to Celestia an affront just below high treason in severity. But despite that, she was still able to hold herself as the mighty demigod she was. That talent was half the reason Luna had always somewhat resented her.
Ignoring Zecora's stream of extremely offensive zebra profanity, Celestia eyed Grogar with pure, righteous fury. “Grogar,” she snapped. “You've got your shadow city in my shadow forest.”