Sunlight filtering through smokey windows while dust hangs in the air, recently disturbed.
Air reeks of distress and/or failure with the hint of muskiness, most likely from a drunk individual who was feeling particularly frisky.
Clattering of unsteady hooves along with groans of possible agony along with what possibly could be described as legible Equestrian.
Spilled contents of what could be presumed as Cider, one or two bowls of peanuts which had been left relatively undisturbed.
Solid wood bench made of fine mahogany, area of import unknown.
Head placed on said bench, large headache causing thought patterns to emulate Mr. Downeigh Junior's performance of Sherclop Pones.
Conclusion: I must be in a bar.
Ah yes, a bar, specifically the 'Shady Trough', an establishment in which the Canterlot Royal Guards frequent. It was one of the few places where sorrows can be forgotten without being disturbed, mainly because Cider has an infamous history of causing short-term amnesia and nopony wanted to try dealing with drunk guards.
To my left I see around three other fellow guardsmen. The task of identifying each of them at the moment seems nigh impossible due to the obnoxious hammering my brain is receiving which is apparently the body's natural reaction after receiving too much alcohol in one night.
Bar's tended to be good, or at least average, places for celebration. The particular event which was supposedly being celebrated? My apparent conscription into Princess Twilight's services, the first ever guard she has ever personally commissioned to completing a task for her. A dragon by the name of Lord Spike used to do these odd jobs for her beforehand which is why there was a lack of job requests from Princess Twilight for the guard. But due to dragon biology, Lord Spike had to undergo hibernation for around five years. The only reason it wasn't any longer was due to his Pony upbringing and his apparently recent introduction into adolescence in terms of a dragon's lifespan.
I've only seen Lord Spike once, he was wise for an adolescent dragon, very mature too... That is, when he's sober. It was at the Shady Trough where I met him oddly enough. It was around five years ago the week after the Element of Generosity's funeral. He caused quite a ruckus when he plodded into the bar, absolutely terrified the bar-pony as well. I didn't get to talk to him though, I've seen him around the castle once or twice but never actually got to speak with him then either. The ensuing mess he caused by drinking just a little too much would go down in bar history, luckily all the publicity the bar received from getting trashed by a pseudo member of royalty managed to get the establishment up and running again in no time.
Anyways, it seems that my 'services' were required by royalty and therefore I had to comply. Discord's reaction after Princess Twilight's announcement was... humorous to say the least. His jaw had unhinged completely and fell to the floor, the rather disturbing sight was accompanied by his eyes going completely bug-eyed while he processed exactly what the princess had just said. The exact assignment was rather vague but promised to take up a very large amount of time.
"Remember: Laughter, Honesty, Generosity, Loyalty and Kindness! You need to find ponies who excel at these traits and invite them to Canterlot castle!
To be honest, it just sounded like Princess Twilight was being rather lazy in the PR department.
Becoming zoned out in my thoughts certainly helps my fight against the foul beast that is a vicious hangover. However, being pulled from my stool by my ear and silently (By the puller that is, I'm pretty sure I was shouting at how painful the entire experience is) guided to the backdoor of the bar snapped me out of my thoughts very quickly. I didn't really put much of a fight up at this point, mainly because it was too painful to do anything when in a hangover. All I know is that it was a unicorn dragging me, the telltale glow of a magical aura surrounding my ear.
I was rudely dumped outside the door, the culprit responsible for my removal from the bar trotted in front of me as I curled up into a ball on the ground. It must have been the back alley of the bar since there was little amount of noise and light, plus the place smelt like absolute manure.
"Don't hurt me! I can't do anything with a hangover!" I groaned, the harsh treatment caused my head pains to flare even more and now I barely was able to keep coher... artacula... manageable thoughts. She rolled her eyes at my less than heroic attempt at self-defense. Nevertheless, I suddenly felt a wave of magic pass over my head, dulling the thumping sensation of my headache.
This is the second time I've been foal-napped this week, but at least the treatment could be considered 'better' in this instance.
'No more hangover! Yeah!'
As I looked up I suddenly see the mystery pony who was dragging me, the pony was an adult mare, quite attractive as well. She had a pure white coat with a dark aqua mane and eyes, in a way her color scheme was simple yet still drew attention.
"Listen well" the mystery pony suddenly says, by the way she presented herself I could easily tell that she was used to being in a position of authority.
"It has come to our attention that you have been selected by Twilight Sparkle to... obtain new bearers for the Elements of Harmony" she says ominously, her voice was the definition of foreboding.
"Woah, hold up, how in Equestria do you know that?" I ask. Seriously, is this unicorn part of some serial stalker group or something? No one besides the guards in the bar knew, and they took me out as soon as they heard from me about what happened. In short, there was no way that this mare should be able to know about my job with Princess Twilight... Unless I blurted it out in the bar last night... This assignment wasn't supposed to be a national secret was it?
The fact that she said 'our' instead of 'my' also intrigued me, that meant that there were others who also knew. Depending on who these 'others' are I might just decide to run away instead of following through with Princess Twilight's task, it might be safer in the long run.
"That is none of your concern" She replies disdainfully. She must be a noble judging by the way she's acting, all high and mighty, treating ponies of the 'lower class' like dirt. I snort in disgust, I had to keep the peace in Equestria, it doesn't say anywhere that I have to be polite or cooperative, especially to an individual who had just abducted me.
"Someone's a bit full of themselves aren't they?" I'm just trying to annoy her now, maybe she'll go away if I annoy her enough.
"Enough you Foal!" She snapped suddenly, I think I ran through her temper far faster than I thought I could manage. The mare suddenly went from being an annoyance to a complete nightmare. There are many things that fear can do to a pony, including making gulps sound ten times louder than they should.
She sneered at my very obvious fear as she pressed on with a new found advantage. "It's just like you mortals to always fear an obviously more powerful being"
...Say what?
"Mortals?" I was completely bewildered and my voice started cracking with nervousness. This whole situation was starting to become bizarre. Well, more bizarre than randomly being forced out of a bar by an unknown mare. "More Powerful being?"
"You may call me... Laughter" The mystery mare said while performing a mocking bow. Laughter? Was this just some joke?
"Laughter... As in the Element? Miss, you sure you didn't hit your head on something?" I snark back, my fear had been deflated by the mare's ridiculous statement, it resurfaced quickly however when she glared at me.
"You will be wise to heed my words mortal" She spat, magic arced from her horn suddenly and the world seemed to suddenly distort. It was a raw display of power, whatever she was doing it most certainly was not an illusion. "I may be an Element of Harmony, but that does not mean I have limitless patience". The world around me was still distorted and the mare's visage suddenly seemed to become far more threatening.
Nodding numbly, I decided that maybe I should listen to her first... Just in case she turns out to actually be an all powerful being able to smite me down faster than I could blink.
Seeing my compliance, the mare stood in front of me menacingly. "What does Twilight plan to do with the new bearers?" her tone was still quite menacing.
"She just wants to be friends with them!" I squeak, it was quite a dignified squeak! The mare was scary! "Why is this so important for you anyways?" I manage to ask, my curiosity was becoming larger and larger from the peculiar set of circumstances I suddenly found myself wedged into.
"The Elements serve Equestria as a whole, but Twilight Sparkle still possesses the Element of Magic. If she were to fall, then so shall all the other elements." she replied seriously, I couldn't hear a trace of humor or joviality in her voice despite her being the Element of Laughter. There was a pregnant pause as the white mare seemed to contemplate the information she had been given. "Very well then. We shall fulfill her request, she wants friends that are similar to the previous bearers? Then she shall receive these friends, all for the stability of Equestria."
"But then, you aren't here to be friends with her... You're only here to fill an obligation! You will be just like the nobles she meets everyday who try and curry her favor! You will not be the type of friends she needs!" I shout out, the way she seemed to regard Princess Twilight was quickly becoming very concerning.
"Then what do you suggest, mortal?" The element inquired, her voice straining against her diminishing patience.
"I'll go and find her true friends" I said, I wasn't really thinking about the consequences of what I was saying at that point but I was on a roll! "Friends whom her majesty deserves, not false acquaintances attaching themselves to her due to circumstance!" It felt oddly dramatic when I finished speaking, I was never one for drama but I think I managed to pull it off quite well.
"Okey-dokey then!" The element suddenly stated, her sudden change in demeanor definitely took me off guard. "Now say the Pinkie Promise!" She said, she was practically bouncing on the spot in excitement now and her previously white coat was developing a slight shade of pink. This would be worrying enough to begin with but when I noticed her horn receding into her skull and her hair poofing out while changing from dark aqua to dark pink I nearly freaked out, luckily I managed to retain my composure.
"DEAR CELESTIA! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOUR HEAD!" I screamed out with what could be described as an unnaturally high tone for a stallion my age. Hey, mutating ghost unicorns are freaky!
The mare started to giggle as she finished her transition from a white unicorn to a pink earth pony. Now I wasn't sure if this was all real or just some messed up hallucination... actually that makes a lot more sense than being confronted by the living embodiment of an Element of Harmony.
Suddenly the pink mare giggled "No silly, this is just a convenient point in the story-line where I can get some screen time! And there's nothing wrong with my head!" She huffs.
What. Wait, did she just read my mind? What did she mean by screentime? Story line? Since when did my roller-coaster of drama take a turn into crazy town?
"Now Pinkie Promise! Stop trying to delay it!"
This was so messed up... "What do you mean 'Pinkie Promise'? What in Equestria is a pinkie anyways?" I ask, somepony must have slipped a drug into my drink...
Before she can respond, the whole world starts to shake violently. I look at the pink mare who starts beginning to panic and looks at me with dilated pupils.
"Oh no! We've run out of time! Don't think you've gotten out of that Pinkie Promise just yet buster! I'll talk to you later!" She shouts at me as the whole world suddenly starts fading away.
I suddenly wake up on the table counter, my fellow guards still beside me passed out. Evidence of our late night drinking still sprawled around us. I must have dosed back off to sleep when I was thinking about yesterday.
Sitting up straight, I recalled exactly what happened in my dream. "What. The. Buck."
Oddly enough I don't have a hangover.