The thing about being dragged against your will down a marble corridor, especially with hooves, is that you can't really do much to the offender without trying something stupid.
I don't think Princess Twilight would enjoy stupid.
Resigned to whatever fate beheld me in the future I decided just to try ride it out, I didn't really have to do anything although pain was an ever constant reminder of how sharp the edges of my armor is. The collar was pressed against my neck in such a fashion that there was bound to be an indented line on my coat once the offending piece of metal released it's vice like grip on my neck. It would probably help if Princess Twilight released her own vice like grip on my collar.
All I could do at this point was just sigh and accept my fate. I couldn't do anything to Twilight, even if I wanted to she was powerful enough to teleport me to the sun and back just for a little bit of fun. Although thinking about it, that wouldn't be terribly fun or funny for me at all: 'Oh yeah just got teleported to the sun and back, it was a lot of fun even though I pretty much disintegrated the microsecond I arrived at the sun'
...This is a really long corridor...
Seriously, where are we now? I never recalled the palace having a corridor this long, the Princess had never deviated from the straight path she was taking and at the speeds we were travelling we should have reached the other end of Canterlot by now. Strange looking portraits too, they seem to be getting more and more chaotic as we go on...
...Oh... Discord's place.
The Draconequus' private quarters, it wasn't that anypony was forbidden from entering this particular section of the palace. Just that, if you wanted to willingly enter you had to either be stupid or mad. The corridors seemed to be sentient, moving and changing routes when you weren't paying attention, or so legend states, and the paintings seemed to be alive and stare at any passerby with malicious eyes. Even if you had a detailed map of the corridor features seem to change almost daily so it was almost impossible to have any sense of direction.
That being said, it has become an induction challenge for any new recruits to try break into the chambers. None have succeeded, ever. Luckily the corridors carry sound well or nopony would have heard the distressed wailing's of lost guardsmen and the occasional servant.
Decoration upon decoration flitted past my vision as the Princess started galloping towards an empty bookshelf at the apparent end of the corridor. I felt my eyes nearly pop out of my sockets when I realized she wasn't going to stop and that she lowered me in front of her to use as a pseudo battering ram, feet first luckily. Screaming in terror I braced for what was probably be a very painful experience. I wouldn't say my demise since I'm pretty sure Princess Twilight wouldn't intentionally try killing one of her subjects.
Right?
Regardless, I felt the bookshelf impact my legs and surprisingly it gave way without effort, as if it was a secret door of some kind. Actually, a door made a lot of sense considering the corridor ended with the bookshelf and nothing else. No wonder no one could find the exit to this crazy place.
"Ah, Twilight Sparkle, just the pony I wasn't expecting to bust through my door" said Discord, his tone was a mixture of fake mockery and confusion. The room was surprisingly simple for a spirit of chaos, the floor and walls were just a plain white and in the center of the room where Discord sat was a white pedestal, something similar to what you'd find in the royal gardens. "What are you doing here? And what are you doing to that guard?" Thank you for noticing! Now help me please!
"Oh come on Discord, you know why I'm here!" Twilight said, her tone still happy from when she foal-napped me. Discord stared at her with an ever growing perplexed expression, it was a novel thing to observe the embodiment of chaos become confused, unfortunately that also meant he either did not notice my silent plea for help or chose to ignore it. "Think! What day is it today?" Twilight continued, raising my struggling figure above the floor a bit more so I couldn't try running off again.
Discord's perplexed expression quickly changed to one of concern, apparently today was something important to the both of them. Whatever the reason, I really didn't see why the Princess had to drag me here instead of a rational alternative. Like I dunno, asking me?
But Enough was enough! I am a stallion! A stallion of the guard! I would not be held down like a prisoner for no good reason! I will be brave! Yes! I will break out of Princess Twilight, bearer of Magic's magical grasp and... Actually, I don't think I stand a chance against Princess Twilight no matter the circumstances... Oh well, may as well give up all hope then for my safe departure from this land of pandemonium.
"Why am I even here?" I whimpered, I could barely feel my neck anymore at this point. I could not really care less as to why I was here at this point, the rumors of the royal family being full of loons was quickly becoming far more credible than I first thought... Don't tell Princess Luna that, she might take offence at the term 'loon'.
That's when everything went all weird. The Princess suddenly drops me on the spot causing a small squeaking noise (I swear on my pride as a stallion that it wasn't me) and takes off the Element of Laughter and quickly places the artifact around my neck. "To be the next Element of Laughter of course!" She states simply. My jaw drops at her proclamation, the rumors are definitely true, the country of Equestria is being run by madponies. Goodbye sanity, I will miss the times where you made everything make sense.
"What! I can't be an Element! Definitely not the Element of Laughter!" I shouted, the level of crazy was getting ridiculous although I had a feeling no matter how far I run I would never escape from this asylum. Plus, the Element of laughter was a mare's necklace, and I certainly wasn't going to go around wearing female clothing/accessories no matter what the consequences.
"Well you do look pretty funny" Discord stated simply, the way he offhandedly commented caused the insult to go by unnoticed until I finally processed exactly what he said.
"Hey!"
Discord suddenly turns to the Princess, ignoring my outburst completely. "You know that this won't work Twilight, what are you possibly trying to gain from this?" I felt a sudden change in atmosphere around the Princess, whatever Discord was talking about it certainly has struck a nerve.
There was a bout of silence, Twilight seemed to have the energy drained from her and her facial features were obscured by her hair as she looked at the floor.
"It's been fifteen years now Disc" Twilight stated simply, I had no idea what she was talking about but apparently Discord did as he sagely nodded. "It certainly has been a long fifteen years that is for sure" he replied. Now I was completely lost and sitting between this serious exchange between the two, maybe they wouldn't notice if I sneaked out...
I've never really been a tactful pony, but why does everything have to be so serious suddenly? It was all silly a couple of minutes ago with the whole 'being dragged down a never ending corridor by a princess' but now everything is so dramatic and I can't take drama! Stupid dramatic tension.
"Pinkie was such a good friend, one of the best" Discord continued on. "But what you're doing right now won't change anything, you know that!"
"Yeah I know that! That's why I want to find other ponies who could bear the elements! That way I might find ponies who are at least similar to them!" Twilight suddenly cried out. Her tone wasn't sad, more convicted. "Anyways, do you know how boring it has been without them?" She suddenly said, she had a slightly irritated expression now and her twitchy eye and disheveled hair gave a manic look that worried me. A lot. "I mean, yeah it's sad that they're gone now but now all I can think of is how much I miss being around ponies like them! Thinking about it rationally: I'm going to live forever, just like Tia and Luna! I may as well keep making friends instead of being around those boring nobles all the time!"
Bye bye dramatic tension, you shan't be missed.
Discord looked absolutely speechless, I wish I had a camera since I don't think anypony has ever seen an expression quite like his before. After a brief pause in which Discord managed to recollect himself, he slowly studied Twilight in what seemed to be an attempt to gauge her reactions. "You seem to be taking the passing of your friends quite well" he slowly stated, he was approaching this slowly and carefully.
Quite weird considering he was the spirit of chaos.
"Well of course" said Princess Twilight "They were my best friends! It's hard for me to be sad when I think about them!"
Wait, shouldn't you be sad if you're thinking about your deceased friends?
"Yeah I'll miss them, but I managed to spend the entire duration of their lives with them! No regrets! We did everything together!" She ranted on.
Define 'everything'?... My male mind is going to get me killed someday.
As the princess continued with her tirade, I sat with my back against the door lest I needed a quick escape. But for now this was far too interesting an opportunity to pass up. Discord sat on his pedestal with a curious expression, it appeared that even he could not expect such a reaction from the Princess.
"But what does he have to do with any of this?" Discord asked while pointing a talon towards me. No! Bad! No attention! Less attention means less trouble! The princess quickly turned and regarded me with a curious expression.
Oh bugger, attention has been received. Abort. Abort. Retreat. Do something to get rid of attention.
"Well... He looked interesting I guess" She stated simply. Oh thanks, 'looks interesting' is a great way to describe someone.
"That's it? That's the only reason you chose him among the whole guard to drag into this?" Discord deadpanned, apparently he was looking for a far more interesting reason. I would've like one too at this point, I don't think my pride could take any more damage after what has happened today.
"Well, yeah that's about it really" the princess simply concluded. I felt my pride shatter into a million pieces at that, it wasn't a great loss though considering I had very little to be proud about at that point.
I was quickly starting to lose interest now that attention had been directed towards me, I knew enough about myself already I didn't need anypony else examining me as well! Finding that boredom was quickly encroaching upon my mood I started to zone out the conversation between Discord and the princess since all they were doing was describing me in comparison to the rest of the guard. Considering that our coats were bleached white and we all wore blue contact lenses to look the same there wasn't really that much to compare.
I started to fiddle with the element around my neck a little, it was an impressive piece of jewelry that was for certain. Unfortunately due to me being distracted I missed out on most of the important details of the conversation. That is, until I heard what I was conscripted into.
"...And that's why he'll help me find the new element bearers!"
Oh. Joy.