Overly large signs with garish text? Check.
Pin the tail on the pony poster with blindfold and tail? Yeah, it's definitely there.
Cake shaped like a pie which has a diameter of approximately 3.14159 feet and total height of around 2.71828 feet including figure placed at exact center of said confectionery/pastry? Check.
Balloons... lots and lots and lots... *ahem* A large quantity of Balloons filled with eight parts helium two parts standard air, specifically containing balloons in the ratio of two light blue for every one banana yellow per group, specifically suspended so that the banana yellow balloons are centralized in every group of balloons? Check.
Elements of harmony artifacts placed in centralized viewing pedestal in a circular pattern with the element of magic's tiara on centralized portion of pedestal encircled by other element artifacts? Che.. Bugger.
I sighed inwardly as the pedestal, minus the element of laughter, mocked me with their lack of cooperation. However, the possible culprits responsible for the missing artifact were easy enough to deduce, it was either:
A) Discord, the 'reformed' Draconequus who still caused enough chaos in the form of 'harmless' pranks to keep the guards of Canterlot Palace on their hooves at all times, lest the spirit causes some mischievous tragedy to befall any of the Palace's residents.
or
B) Princess Twilight Sparkle. One of the more recent princesses, if ninety five years could be counted as recent. She has recently taken a full-time position among the royalty, as per agreement with her mentor-now-coworker Princess Celestia. The exact details of the agreement were unknown to those outside of the royal family but it was easy enough for anypony observant to see that it had something to do with the other element of harmony bearers.
Specifically, after the last Element of Harmony passed away.
It was a grim day for Canterlot five years ago when the Element of Generosity, Rarity, passed in the Canterlot memorial hospital. Many tears were shed for unarguably Canterlot's most influential pony. The funeral was a private affair, with only Rarity's close friends and the royal family attending. The royal guard were also present for security purposes, although they were not able to observe the ceremony. I was a fresh recruit at that point, my first guard duty was to stand post outside one of the various outer gates of the Palace where the ceremony was being held.
This would also be the first time I 'officially' met Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Attractive would be a word that easily described her. Not that I was infatuated with her or anything! It's easy to compliment a nice looking mare, especially if you're constantly surrounded by idiotic stallions all day with little to no female company... And usually the female company were tougher than the males anyway. She had a black dress on, one obviously designed for a more morose occasion such as a funeral. It was obviously designed by Rarity herself absolutely spilling over with elegance and grace, even though there was a very limited color palette to work with: Black, sort of black, blacky grey, dark grey, very dark grey, I'm pretty sure this is black grey and charcoal (my personal favorite). The dress had been the final gift the fashionista would ever give Princess Twilight, rumor has it that the ever-stubborn mare had demanded that the Princess would wear her creation to her funeral on her deathbed lest she haunt the Princess for the rest of eternity.
She slowly trotted past me, her eyes were stained red from crying yet she still held a small but peaceful smile. Now usually guard duty consisted of you just standing there at 'attention' looking like the textbook definition of Justice and Responsibility. It did not say anywhere on how to respond to a high ranking member of society when they ask more... personal questions. Not to mention it wasn't just any high ranking member of society like Duchess Blueblood (apparently her ancestor used to be a prince, but the title was revoked due to some... embarrassing circumstances involving Rarity herself), but the top of the food chain! One of the Royal Princesses!
"What does it feel like, to be normal?"
The first thing to come to mind was: "Why couldn't you ask: 'what does it feel like to be asked awkward questions by somepony who could easily control the entirety of your future with a mere word?' because I could easily answer that right now!"
Let it be known that I hate awkward questions. Especially from royalty.
Keeping my expression as flat as possible (or at least, trying to not look like a cornered mouse), I slowly turned away from the Princess whom at this point had a rather curious expression, probably wondering what the strange guard was doing.
And ran the buck away.
I wasn't thinking at the time (obviously) and my nerves quickly overcame me causing my panicked fleeing. There was a reason I was guarding that specific gate, it was widely known among the guard as "dead colt's crossing" mainly because any guard posted there had a large chance of dying a slow and agonizing death. Caused by boredom. Rarely anyone ever used that entrance and it had been speculated among the guard that even the princesses did not know of that gate. But since it was officially a gate the job description for the Royal Guard officially stated that a guard has to guard it (or at least look like they were guarding it, lest a curious bystander wanders past and sees an unponied gate). Most ponies to guard this gate were usually guards who wanted to take a break from all the tourists coming up to the castle and wanted to sleep, or complete screw-ups who barely managed to get into the guard.
Ten points to whoever can guess which category I managed to fit into.
My cutiemark was a constant reminder to my limited success in the guard, a spear with an obviously blunt point. The rest of the guard mocked me for my cutiemark on a regular basis, although this wasn't a segregation issue, more of a: 'We really have nothing better to do so we're going to find anything funny looking about each other and absolutely pester the knobs out of each other until we drive each other batty'.
That expression became far more humorous when the Night Guard became officially reinstated.
The rest of the guards started calling me Blunt after seeing my mark even though it's not my real name, although it may as well be now since even my family calls me that now. My cutiemark story is less than impressive: my little sister and I were strolling through the Whitetail woods when a baby manticore suddenly jumped out of a bush and 'attacked' my sister viciously with its tongue. I, being the older brother and therefore far more brave, screamed like a little filly, grabbed a small stick and proceeded to retaliate by poking the manticore repetitively while my sister giggled under the vile beast while her face was being slobbered in saliva.
Long story short, I got my cutiemark while my sister got the coolest demon-spawn pet at school.
Back to Twilight though, after running a good twenty feet from Princess Twilight, I was reminded that Alicorns had magic and that Twilight in particular was especially adept in the arcane arts. A sudden 'pop' was heard directly to my right, as I turned to investigate I was surprised to find that Twilight had recovered from her initial shock of my escape and was staring at me with a slightly amused expression as she easily kept up with me in my frantic escape.
"You know, running away from me like this won't really work terribly well you know?" She smiled sweetly afterwards, although the small pulsating nerve on her temple suggested her current mood was far from sweet. That was when I had an epiphany, an ultimatum, the revelation.
'She was just at her friend's funeral you nitwit'
This was quickly followed by another, very obvious, thought.
'I am so bucked.'
Fear exponentially grew inside of me, I had probably just pissed off one of the most powerful entities known to pony kind just because I did not want to answer an awkward question. But I wasn't going to give up without a fight, no way! Even if the Princess could outrun me (which was impressive considering she was in a dress and not breaking a sweat) she couldn't possibly catch me if I just flew away!
Being a pegasus has it's perks.
Jumping into the air, I gleefully took off while savoring my sweet, sweet freedom. I'd have to fly far from Equestria, but at least I'll still be alive and free! There was no way I would just let myself be imprisoned, or banished, or imprisoned to wherever I'm banished to!... Actually that sounds like extreme overkill thinking about it now. But who cares! I was free! No more guards with an annoying sense of humor! No more aggravating nobles! No more members of royalty who ask awkward questions! I was a free pegasus and there was nothing anypony could do to stop me! Bye bye Canterlot, forever~
My bout of musings was interrupted by a stern cough right beside me, I slowly turned to find the, now annoyed, face of Princess Twilight right in front of me.
Apparently a feather-brained pegasus can forget that Alicorns have wings too. Go figure.
Seizing me in her magical aura, I barely had time to gasp in surprise as I heard another *pop*. Suddenly I was back to where I started, in front of Dead Colt's gate... With a now irritated Princess Twilight... Cowering before her, I placed my hooves over my eyes and waited for my inevitable demise. It was a long tense moment as I waited for the bolt of lightning, or stream of absolute undiluted power to smite my quivering form.
Instead all I heard was a soft giggle from the Princess, who just looked at me in wry amusement. "Well that little chase certainly helped me from my slump, don't worry there won't be any punishment but remember, you do owe me now!" Her voice was more cheerful than before, which definitely was a good sign in my favor, but the reminder of a debt gave a sense of foreboding that did not suit her suddenly cheerful demeanor.
That was five years ago now, no favors had been called since then nor did she ever come to collect any debt of any kind, that is, until she suddenly requested me specifically to set up a rather elaborate party in the palace. Why she requested me, a guard, instead of a party planner or one of the senior servants to prepare it was beyond me, but her instructions were very specific and listed down in a rather extensive checklist. The preparations were all complete, except for the element of laughter. I knew little of the history of that particular element, the bearer had died some fifteen years ago now and the Royal Guard didn't exactly require much knowledge in history to join.
Sighing a little as I realized my workload had suddenly increased I began walking over to the door to go to the Element's containment chamber, one of the various servants probably carelessly left it in there.
I was shocked when a very familiar magical aura grabbed me by the collar of my armor and started dragging me down the corridor at very, VERY fast speeds. Princess Twilight Sparkle, the pony currently wearing the missing Element of Laughter, was foal-napping me.
"This place is boring! Let's go find something interesting!"